Darren Steez Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Cheating is never a "mistake". FFS that just p*sses me off when I hear that. Cheating is/are informed choices one makes to betray their partner. There are always moments when the person can say no I'm not going to do this but they don't, they go ahead and do it. Not a mistake but a choice that is acted upon. Cheating gets instant hammer down and immediate smiting of relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Cheating is never a "mistake". FFS that just p*sses me off when I hear that. Cheating is/are informed choices one makes to betray their partner. There are always moments when the person can say no I'm not going to do this but they don't, they go ahead and do it. Not a mistake but a choice that is acted upon. Cheating gets instant hammer down and immediate smiting of relationship. And that's why you will never be truly over them. 2010 and you're still angry. Link to post Share on other sites
jalfy Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 I think what OP is saying that while cheating is hurtful, it is forgivable and does not warrant condemnation towards the cheater. I was once cheated as well. Went into depression and suicidal and all. But eventually I forgave that person and managed to have a normal conversation with him without any negative feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickjd Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 A little while later and after NC and a nervous breakdown. She is now talking to me again. Granted, I have to most of the time initiate the contact, but then we talk for hours on skype. Anyway, she's been crying her eyes out because she wants me back after seeing a guy and being involved with his family for 3 months now. She says he's not the person she thought he was at all and has been using him as an emotional release of getting over me leaving the country and our life together. Now she wants to get married, have kids, and be back to normal with me (on friday)... but on sunday says she's afraid she will mess it up again due to her own demons. Her parents broke up at a young age, fear of being alone etc. She has been telling me she is suicidal about it all. She says she doesn't want to hurt the guy she's led on now. She stated about 10 times in spoken word she wanted me back and wanted to end it with the new guy and she has made her decision she wants me back. All I can think she's absolutely mentally disturbed. She's developed a bad cough and her hair has gone frizzy and has been falling out, so she says. I offered to come home, but now she says she wants time to herself away from everyone and the relationship. My translation - she still wants to see what else is out there. I said it sounded like a gentle let down and she stated no, she wants to get back together and make it work but doesn't want to keep me hanging on. ****ing hell, this girl is a mad one. A lot of people said she just wants control back. Link to post Share on other sites
Trep Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 A little while later and after NC and a nervous breakdown. She is now talking to me again. Granted, I have to most of the time initiate the contact, but then we talk for hours on skype. Anyway, she's been crying her eyes out because she wants me back after seeing a guy and being involved with his family for 3 months now. She says he's not the person she thought he was at all and has been using him as an emotional release of getting over me leaving the country and our life together. Now she wants to get married, have kids, and be back to normal with me (on friday)... but on sunday says she's afraid she will mess it up again due to her own demons. Her parents broke up at a young age, fear of being alone etc. She has been telling me she is suicidal about it all. She says she doesn't want to hurt the guy she's led on now. She stated about 10 times in spoken word she wanted me back and wanted to end it with the new guy and she has made her decision she wants me back. All I can think she's absolutely mentally disturbed. She's developed a bad cough and her hair has gone frizzy and has been falling out, so she says. I offered to come home, but now she says she wants time to herself away from everyone and the relationship. My translation - she still wants to see what else is out there. I said it sounded like a gentle let down and she stated no, she wants to get back together and make it work but doesn't want to keep me hanging on. ****ing hell, this girl is a mad one. A lot of people said she just wants control back. This is what happens when you break NC. Some people really have to learn the hard way...smh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickjd Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 it's gut wrenching, she has regrets. She made her bed I guess. She begged to me on thursday she would do anything to get my trust back, on sunday a different person. I suspect her new BF got wind that I wanted to get back together, so he poured his heart out to her. Now she says she feels like the bad guy because she wants me back and wants me to be happy but she doesn't want to break the new losers heart and doesn't want me to feel I have to hang on. Apparently he does nothing other than watch porn and doesn't work, goes to his mums to get his washing done and has no direction = gargantuan baby. She is crying on skype because she said he's not the person she thought he was at all and is trying to turn him into me to be happy. I feel she is playing us against each other. I feel I should stop feeding her ego and just go NC, but at the same time I do want her back after all this **** because in my deep heart I cry most days that we got into this mess. Yes, I'm a softie 12000 miles away from 'home'. She tells me she is afraid of being alone. Her friends have told her to stay alone and seek help about her self esteem. She's told me she wants to get married and have children, but is afraid she will mess things up because of her issues again. Strong BPD in this one. I've been seeing a councilor and she agreed it was unfair he's a obvious manipulator / user by crying his eyes out and not respecting her decision for him to leave even though he admitted he would leave her alone. Jesus. Link to post Share on other sites
Trep Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Everyone's already given you advice and said what you need to do. It's your choice to keep ignoring that and prolonging your own misery. Just go NC and move on from this unstable, toxic, sad excuse of a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Maybe it's her that's the obvious manipulator. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 It sounds like this girl is pulling everything out of the manipulation hat to keep you on a leash. Cheating can be a mistake - but it's a concious choice always and a choice that comes with concequences. Sometimes those concequences are separation, sometimes it's simply the need for a lot of work in the relationship to repair the damage. OP, I feel both angry and sorry for you at the same time. Everyone on this thread has pretty much categorically called this girl as a total mess...because she damn well is and you still persist. I understand where you're coming from - my ex screwed me over and left for someone else. Even today I still wish her back. Courage is what you have to believe in now. You must forge your own meaning in this event - perhaps this break teaches you something about yourself (your capacity to love, maybe?) or teaches you to be more careful about people in the future....something. In all things, I'd tell you to find the courage in your own heart to know that you do not deserve to be in a place where your partern doesn't even know what they want with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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