I finally told my husband. Now what...

[coaster19]

Here's my story. Been married just over 11 years. We have 9 year old twin daughters and husband has a 26 year old son from a previous relationship. I am my stepson's mom and his my son. He's a wonderful kid and he does not have a relationship with his biological mom by his choice. My husband gained full legal custody of him when he was 6.

 

Shortly after we were married I found my husband searching online for on call dating. I called him on it and it happened again a few months later. Then things calmed down.

 

 

He yelled a lot at his son, Nick. A lot. He's a hot head and rather than talking through things he flies off the handle. And when he doesn't like where a conversation is going he leaves the house. He has always stated that this is what his parents did and that's what he knows. He says he is not there to be a child's best friend but a parent. I explained on many occasions that my parents never yelled at me and were not my best friends and I turned out just fine.

 

 

About four years ago he became physical with his son. This was after Nick had come home from basic training in the Army. Nick stood up to him for yelling at the girls and he told Nick he had no place interfering and gave him several strong punches to the head. Nick did not hit back. I put him out of the house at that point. And wouldn't let him back until he started counseling.

 

 

Now he yells at the girls. Last Mother's day was my last straw. One girl accidently let a play bow and arrow (arrow had rubber suction cup thing on end) go and it hit him on the side of the head. He came at her with rage, yelling and screaming. I stepped in front of her as did his mom and sister and put him out of the house.

 

 

The girls have had years of yelling. When I try to talk to him about it he says he's not yelling just talking sternly. Then accuses me of letting them get their way. I don't. But I certainly don't believe in the anger and yelling.

 

 

We went through months of counseling. I think he said and did what the counselor wanted to hear but didn't believe in what he was doing.

 

 

He doesn't get it. He just doesn't. His behavior is unacceptable and detrimental to both daughters health. One day my daughter was upset because the rainbow loom bracelet she was making didn't turn out right. I tried to explain to her that it's ok for things not to work out. That's how we learn. She didn't want to hear what I had to say and what she said next sticks in my head. "What do you expect? You marry a guy that's always stressed out you're gonna get a kid that's stressed out!" That lead into a long conversation with her. We both cried. She said that she doesn't like her dad and that she doesn't love him.

 

 

He's yelled at me more times than I care to remember. I'm done. As my mom used to say, "Take care of those babies." I need to take care of their health and mine. My son has since moved out of state. I miss him like crazy and so do the girls.

 

 

So a week ago Saturday I told him that I wanted a divorce. I didn't get into the blame game just stated my intentions and that I wasn't changing my decision. He cried and cried. Since then he has been as sweet at pie. I know that pie is sour in the middle though. I'm waiting on my paperwork that I ordered so that I can file with the county. But I think he's in denial right now. He didn't tell his family. His family supports me and knows what has been going on. My parents and two of my four brothers are deceased so I don't have a lot of family to support me.

 

 

I think writing this was good therapy for me. Looking back on a few things that made me come to this tough decision let's me know that I'm doing the right thing.

[2sunny]

Yes, his behavior is completely unacceptable.

 

Why have you allowed it by staying?

 

I urge you to leave today and never go back to the abuse again.

[EverySunset]

I have been there.

 

Don't bother wondering " am I making the right choice? Will he change?" because I can assure you, he WILL change.

 

He'll get worse.

 

And you will consider every minute you spent from this moment until the last moment you keep giving him chances as wasted time. I'm not giving you a flippant answer on a forum that sounds barely thought out. I see so many woman trapped in these situations because nobody who had been there let them know to get off the ride now before it gets truly ugly. Or sad.

 

Start now, start your life over for you and your daughters.

 

You can do this.

Edited April 15, 2014 by EverySunset