Heartbroken and confused, but still want her back

[Universe]

start with NC and don't look back.

 

You're lucky. You know why? You don't have to worry about it anymore. Now you can start fresh on a new life and start looking for a new girl.

 

All the best.

[mixwell]

hey i dont know if i would take that voicemail seriously.. sounds like the guy is just trying to be an a**h***..but that is messed up.. i think you should just do NC like everyone said but still i wouldnt let that voicemail hit you too hard... I know if that happened to me i would be soo fúcken pist off.. I know how you must have felt when that happened.. i know exactly how you felt. sorry to hear about that but just be strong and forget about her.. just cool out and try to have fun and improve yourself..

 

Peace

[demonfall]

Thank you everyone.

 

I've already started NC as of Saturday night, the last time I talked to her. I swore to myself and friends that I would not contact her in any way no matter what. It's just too painful, and nothing I say or do matters to her anyway.

 

Mix - yes I was rather pissed off. If that's really the way that she wants to live her life - Get drunk all the time and sleep around with whoever and multiple partners - then I can't sit by even as a friend like she wants and watch her spiral downward. I just hope someone steps in before she ruins her life. But I doubt that. She doesn't ever tell her parents or grandparents anything, and her friends are no help. They're part of the problem.

 

Universe - Thanks, I've already started looking. I'm not ready for much of a relationship yet, but need to try.

[SoleMate]

Do be aware, the drunken voice mail may not have been sincere or accurate - someone may be trying to play her and/or you.

 

The rest of my advice still stands, however.

[demonfall]

I called her today. It's her birthday.

 

We actually had a normal conversation, and I ended up going to see her and her son. I didn't bring up the relationship (much, I think) in the hour that I spent with them. It just felt good to be with them for a while. She still seems to genuinely care for me, but did not initiate any physical contact. I hugged her a few times, and she didn't shy away. I honestly don't know where we stand right now, but I guess I am OK with it. I didn't break down and cry at all, and actually held back from telling her any feelings or saying that I loved her as I left. I know she's not seeing anyone else right now, and hasn't been going out at all too much. I'm willing to let her come to me if she wants to. I'm still very much in love with her, but I think I can handle being friends and not push for anything. I let her know that I had found another job and am looking for a house. I gave her some things to think about this time I believe. I still hope for the best, but expecting the worst isn't so bad right now.

 

Well, off to work.

[Universe]

ok. birthday.

 

now go back to NC.

[demonfall]

I am going back to NC, or at least trying to. I have a hard time not sending small text messages now that I have her new cell phone number. So far I've only sent one, and it was a few hours after I left her house.

 

I've been reading a few other threads here and found the ones about commitment phobes interesting. I know she's young-she just turned 20 yesterday-but I still think she is a CP. It would explain a few things. She got scared and found a way out of the relationship. I don't know if she really meant to hurt me or not.

 

She has a lot of other issues she needs to work out too, but I don't think she will anytime soon. She cuts herself, and has since she was like 12 or something. I've tried to talk to her about it but it never did much good. She's been drinking quite a bit, and smokes a lot more now that she moved back into a house she can do that in. She smokes a lot more pot now too. She's also been wanting more tattoos. I'm not sure if she wants them just for the pain experience or what.

 

I'm really torn right now as to what I want though. I still love her deeply, and she knows it. I know that if I were to start a new relationship right now it wouldn't be fair to them, cause she's always on my mind. I don't want to wait around though. So, I'm stuck in limbo. I've been trying to go out, and I am attracted to other women. It's just going to take some time, and I guess I just need to try to force the thoughts of her out. I've never been in a situation like this before. I've been infatuated with quite a few women, but never felt this strongly about anyone else.

 

I'm going to try not to think about her for a while. I'm going to a bachelor party on the 12th, and I start a new job on the 15th. So I do have some things to keep me busy. I did let her know that I would like to see more of her though, and left that up to her. She knows how to get ahold of me, and I'm going to try not to contact her and see what she does now that we actually have been talking normally.

 

OK, enough of my jumbled ramblings from a confused mind. Tell me I'm being stupid or something.

[Universe]

You're not being stupid. Trust me. I know. What you're going through is hell. Just assume every thing she says is a complete lie. That's one thing I've noticed in the behavior of female exes. They lie to no end to keep you from leaving and getting over them. I know some of you girls will disagree. But I'm not saying all women lie. I'm saying all women who dump their boyfriends will lie to keep him from being gone forever. I'm not just talking from my own experience. Every story I know of where a girl dumps a guy and then he tries to get her back is like this. My ex was the most honest person I've ever met. So when we broke up, I didn't believe she would lie to me. But here we are six months later and every word out of her mouth has been a lie with the sole intent of keeping me on a string. There are many other stories like this. They blame you for why things went wrong in the relationship. Then they dump you but leave with the hope of getting back together. Then they propagate that lie as much as they can until you finally get so frustrated that you have no choice but to forget about them.

Demonfall, her actions have meaning. Her actions are what she means. She's not with you because she doesn't want you, she doesn't love you, and she never wants to get back together. That's what her actions say. It doesn't matter what she says. If this weren't the case, then she'd be with you...or at least she wouldn't be sleeping around and tearing your heart into pieces. Once you've moved on and are truly over her (and you wil be someday, I promise) she will almost definitely be back on your doorstep with her heart in her hand. But you won't want it. You will have realized how pitiful and pathetic she is and how worthless her love is. You will have realized that you can have almost any girl you want. You just have to want them and not be afraid. So get out there and get started. Go slow. Don't lie to anyone. Be strong. And learn from what's happened. No one in a relationship is blameless. You certainly did some things wrong. But so did she. So just be honest with yourself and do your best to try and learn from it. There's a lot to learn and you will be so much better for it...and more attractive to women.

 

Good luck, my friend. You'll be ok. Just weather the storm. Stay calm. Take the high road. You owe her nothing. If she needs an explanation, she'll come asking for one. Don't call her. Just get to work on getting over it.

 

All the best.

[demonfall]

I spent the night with her last night. I slept beside her and held her in my arms, but did not have sex. She sent me a text after I got off work last night and I called her. She said she couldn't sleep, and was watching her friend's house while out of town. She said I could come down and hang out, so of course I did. I honestly thought she was changing her mind, showing some interest again. I was wrong.

 

We fell asleep on the couch, her head on my chest and my arms around her. We moved to the bed later. I didn't try to have sex with her, but wanted to. I told her in the morning that I wanted to, and asked her if she would have stopped me. She said she probably would have. I don't know if I would feel worse right now if I had sex with her or not.

 

I left at about 1:30pm and came home. All she can say to me is that she's sorry if I was expecting more. She says there's no second chance for us, that we're friends. I told her I loved her and probably always will. I know this is probably the real end of us, other than just friends, and had been holding out for that chance she might change her mind. I asked her if she missed "US" and she said yes, but still won't give it another shot.

 

I know I need to try to let go and move on, but this is the hardest thing I've ever had to attempt.

 

Damn I love her and this hurts so much.