Chi townD Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 Can anyone reply? What do you want us to say? We tell you what you should be doing and you do the COMPLETE opposite. We tell you to maintain NC and the next thing your writing us is to tell us that you slept with her! Not exactly NC now is it.... So, what do you want us to say? Actually, I want to ask are you ready to actually start NC? Are you ready to start taking advice so you can take back the power you gave her over you? Are you ready to take advice on how to take back your life and get the tools to help you heal from this and have an incredible life? Because, if you're not, there's nothing that I can say that will help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 Are you NOW ready to take advice from us and get back your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Smarty Pants Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 Ok I have a snap chat question. I removed my ex from my contacts a few months ago. Today I noticed that she is able to see my posts still when I send it to all my contacts (even though she isn't one of them?). Anybody know how to change this? She doesn't deserve to keep up with my life Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted June 26, 2014 Author Share Posted June 26, 2014 Are you NOW ready to take advice from us and get back your life? it's just that i was in pain while i was with her... while we had sex and we hanged out ... and one day i exploded ... i took her back a present i bought her then we got out again... she told me that she is sorry for what she did to me and we ended up kissing ... i couldn't understand what she wanted from me... then one day she told me it was over for good and when she said thats its time for her to look for herself and that she has done so many things from me i exploded and called her idiot... i just feel a bad person ... i really couldn't believe i've taken a present back and called a girl i loved deeply an idiot ... she had done alot worse things since she left but i feel bad for what happened. I want to heal but now i'm feeling guilty ... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 (edited) @ smarty pants How do you know that she can see your posts if you're unable to see hers? Well, regardless....what's most important is that YOU can't see hers. And if she's able to see yours; well, that might not seem so bad IF you fill it with things to show the positive changes that you're making in your life. Be kind of cool if she got curious one day and logged on to see the things you've been doing and she says to herself, "DAMN! He looks good! Dressed sharp! What's this pic? Is he running in a half marathon? and this one....is he in Vegas? Oh, this one looks like he's in the Bahamas! Is that Big Ben? He went to London? Is he doing a mud run in this picture? Who's that blonde that has her arm around him? Is he at a music festival in this pic? Damn, why couldn't WE done this stuff when we were together? How is it that he becomes so interesting AFTER we broke up!" You know what? HER LOSS!!! Edited June 26, 2014 by Chi townD 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 it's just that i was in pain while i was with her... while we had sex and we hanged out ... and one day i exploded ... i took her back a present i bought her then we got out again... she told me that she is sorry for what she did to me and we ended up kissing ... i couldn't understand what she wanted from me... then one day she told me it was over for good and when she said thats its time for her to look for herself and that she has done so many things from me i exploded and called her idiot... i just feel a bad person ... i really couldn't believe i've taken a present back and called a girl i loved deeply an idiot ... she had done alot worse things since she left but i feel bad for what happened. I want to heal but now i'm feeling guilty ... She's not feeling guilt or bad for anything that she has done. And she's done a lot worse to your emotion and mental state. Partly your fault as well. You need to deal with the guilt you feel and let it pass, and in time those feelings will phase out. It's done. She understands that you were reacting from a place of hurt and pain so let it go. You're not a bad person. You're confused and in pain. Start NC. Block her from everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Smarty Pants Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 It's stupid. I can see what usernames have looked at my picture that day. Not a big deal but if I can block that (insert harsh word) I will. As for the above. Get over being guilty. I had the same feeling for awhile. I called my ex a lying cheating bitch. And I felt horrible. But you know what? That's exactly what she is. And I am way better off without her. You will be better off when you get some distance between her and yourself. We don't reply to you because we like to read what we type. It's for YOUR BENEFIT so you don't feel hurt anymore. But you keep doing it to yourself. Block her number so even if she tried to get in touch, you wouldn't know. Simple solution that seems so difficult for you to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Smarty Pants Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 @ smarty pants How do you know that she can see your posts if you're unable to see hers? Well, regardless....what's most important is that YOU can't see hers. And if she's able to see yours; well, that might not seem so bad IF you fill it with things to show the positive changes that you're making in your life. Be kind of cool if she got curious one day and logged on to see the things you've been doing and she says to herself, "DAMN! He looks good! Dressed sharp! What's this pic? Is he running in a half marathon? and this one....is he in Vegas? Oh, this one looks like he's in the Bahamas! Is that Big Ben? He went to London? Is he doing a mud run in this picture? Who's that blonde that has her arm around him? Is he at a music festival in this pic? Damn, why couldn't WE done this stuff when we were together? How is it that he becomes so interesting AFTER we broke up!" You know what? HER LOSS!!! ^^^^LOL thanks bra Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted June 26, 2014 Author Share Posted June 26, 2014 In my opinion gigs thread should come down... it gives false hope to people and make them doormats... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 In my opinion gigs thread should come down... it gives false hope to people and make them doormats... No, you are the only one that makes you a doormat. Not a thread about a syndrome on a forum. This is all you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 Dude, she did you wrong and you continue to let her string you along. So, one day you snapped, you told her off. I think you had a right to feel that way at that particular time. So, you called her a name. You called her an idiot. There are worse crimes in the universe. And you called it like you saw it. Now, if you feel guilty about that, then you just need to forgive yourself and how you conducted yourself. You don't owe her anything! After you called her and idiot, do you think she got all butt hurt over it? Do you think she still cries herself to sleep at night thinking that you think she's an idiot? Do you think that stops her from partying and sleeping with other men? No! She doesn't give a damn! So, why should you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Ok but she said she was mean so i can move on but once she was here she messaged me... i dont know what to believe... i think she just loves having a good looking guy and a good person running behind her ... i mean i love her but once she was here she was hanging out with another guy.. and when i told her she is never going to see me again cause she was choosing him over me even when there was no distance she said that she loved me...and i believed her that they were just hanging out as friends Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Its just that i feel bad for myself that i went so low just for one girl... i was a doormat but the only thing i wanted to give is love and support and the only thing i got in return was pain and photos of guys ... she didnt even want to spend 2 euros for something i asked her for...**** that mess ... she is responsible for what happened ... i was only trying to be with her and she just loved the attention while she was ****ing with other guys ... this is just sick personality i would never do this to a person i loved... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Ok but she said she was mean so i can move on but once she was here she messaged me... i dont know what to believe... i think she just loves having a good looking guy and a good person running behind her ... i mean i love her but once she was here she was hanging out with another guy.. and when i told her she is never going to see me again cause she was choosing him over me even when there was no distance she said that she loved me...and i believed her that they were just hanging out as friends Ok, enough of she said, she said, she did, she did., she was, she was. You can keep regurgitating all this 100 times over, it doesn't change the fact that this has to stop now. It's done. It's over. It's time to grieve and move on. Block her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Its just that i feel bad for myself that i went so low just for one girl... i was a doormat but the only thing i wanted to give is love and support and the only thing i got in return was pain and photos of guys ... she didnt even want to spend 2 euros for something i asked her for...**** that mess ... she is responsible for what happened ... i was only trying to be with her and she just loved the attention while she was ****ing with other guys ... this is just sick personality i would never do this to a person i loved... You're still a doormat and you will continue to remain one until you block and remove this person from your life. I would have think you'd have learned by now, but I guess some people really can't hear the train until it's two feet away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 She is blocked from everything and she is leaving the country in a few days...i dont know when she will return and i dont want to... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Good. You've made the first step and it's an important one. We know you are hurting but you must now try to focus on healing from this. There is no more going back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Good. You've made the first step and it's an important one. We know you are hurting but you must now try to focus on healing from this. There is no more going back. yes i know i wanted to heal but i wanted to end on good terms so maybe in the future when there is no distance we can be together again after along time has passed... i don't know if she will judge me by this behavior or by how i was in the relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 yes i know i wanted to heal but i wanted to end on good terms so maybe in the future when there is no distance we can be together again after along time has passed... i don't know if she will judge me by this behavior or by how i was in the relationship Break-ups don't end in good terms. It's a hope but it never turns out that way because good terms don't equal hurt, pain, anger, confusion, rejection, etc. And you can't end on good terms when someone is emotionally manipulating you. It doesn't matter how she is going to judge you. That's not in your control. The only control you have is to be determined and disciplined with NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 i just feel the urge to ask sorry and move on ... but i don't know ... probably my message will go on deafs ears Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 i just feel the urge to ask sorry and move on ... but i don't know ... probably my message will go on deafs ears Stop. Enough of this. Let time mend that. Dumpees are quick to apologize because they need to appear perfect in the dumpers eyes -- so afraid that any wrongdoing may lessen their chances for the dumper ever wanting them back. This isn't about an apology. She'll live without your apology. She's not emotional enough where she's hurting and needing an apology. She's done so much to you over and over again, hurting you constanty -- you think she is sorry? No. Let this go. There is nothing that you did that none of us haven't somewhat done when feeling hurt and pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted June 29, 2014 Author Share Posted June 29, 2014 Stop. Enough of this. Let time mend that. Dumpees are quick to apologize because they need to appear perfect in the dumpers eyes -- so afraid that any wrongdoing may lessen their chances for the dumper ever wanting them back. This isn't about an apology. She'll live without your apology. She's not emotional enough where she's hurting and needing an apology. She's done so much to you over and over again, hurting you constanty -- you think she is sorry? No. Let this go. There is nothing that you did that none of us haven't somewhat done when feeling hurt and pain. should i ever reconcile with her after many years when she is more mature or i will end up hurting again? I was her first serious boyfriend and the first guy she had sex with for 1.5 year... she was my first in everything... Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted June 29, 2014 Share Posted June 29, 2014 should i ever reconcile with her after many years when she is more mature or i will end up hurting again? I was her first serious boyfriend and the first guy she had sex with for 1.5 year... she was my first in everything... I don't mean this to be rude, but so what? This is an opportunity for you to gain more experience and learn about yourself, your needs and what you are capable of. I understand how hard it is to move on from this but you need to stop torturing yourself. You have zero chance of getting back with a girl if you are constantly hoping they will come running back into your arms. You need to move on, become a much better person. All these qualities your ex broke up with you about are still in her mind and they are implanted there forever. She is never going to forget her true reason for breaking up with you and the sad thing is part of it you'll never know no matter what. Don't waste your time trying to find out because it won't do you any good. The only thing you can do moving forward is become that person your ex once fell in love with but 10x better. You need to take care of yourself and stop worrying about "what ifs" and "we were so perfect". Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 guys i deleted everything ... i removed all photos of us from my bedroom ...i blocked her from everywhere... i don't have facebook anymore ... still it hurts... i'm still thinking if i had gone nc earlier i wouldn't have taken back the dslr camera i bought her... i wouldn't have called her a ****ing idiot... and i would have a better chance for future reconciliation ... zahara can you please advise me? Can a person be so cruel to you just because they want you to get over them by hating them? Because that's what she claims for doing all this...Maybe she did love me and didn't want me to completely go so she kept struggling me even though she didn't understand what she was doing to me ... I know i will never become a doormat again ... i'm not going to be anyone's second option but what should i do if she ever comes back? Should i take back after all this?The point is she is my first everything... first kiss first date first sex first ltr first love... I think no matter how much no contact i will have i will still care about her... i'm still thinking everyday a girl i had fall in love with 7 years later (5 years nc) even though we have never done something... Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 anyone? ... nc is so hard but i want to get over her... Link to post Share on other sites
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