Eivuwan Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 anyone? ... nc is so hard but i want to get over her... That's how I felt about my first love and it took me a long time of being together and him treating me poorly to get over him. It's hard to get over your first love but most people have done it. Focus on yourself and fill your days with activities. When I found my second love (who also didn't work out) I learned that there are actually other people out there who I can love. Most people who do not have arranged marriages end up in several relationships before finding someone to spend their lives with. That's just the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted July 15, 2014 Author Share Posted July 15, 2014 damn guys ... i just feel bad again. I was doing hardcore NC but i needed to bring facebook up because i needed it for university. I had deleted her from everywhere... but i haven't delete her friend. A friend of mine told me that they had checked in a few days ago near where i live but i just asked him please don't talk to me about her again . Today i saw that she went to acropolis museum ... all i had asked her is to go there together because it was something we haven't done before she left for england. It just sucks so much ... she went there on purpose and uploaded the pictures from her friend for me to see. I just ****ing hate this bitch ... no matter what i do she will find a way to hurt me.She knew damn well how much i wanted to go there with her before she left . I also deleted her friend too now ... it just ****ing sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 Im on vacation atm and will be back in a month ...i have time to relax and focus on my uni exams now. The day before i left for vacation i run on her friend ... we talked for a bit but i didnt mention anything about my ex cause i knew she would tell her... she was fishing for infodmation but i didnt give any ... anyway it set me back in my healing progress... i just want to stop thinking but nc is hard ... I would also like to add somethings that i havent told you .When she came in february and we had sex she started saying i love etc after she left we were skypeing everyday and i asked to buy me a souvenir for my keys from paris that she went for one week. The last day before she left paris i asked her if she had bought it and she said she didnt have money (2-3 euros which is a lie) 3 days later while we were skyping she showed me a souvenir for her keys that a friend of hers bought her from holland ... just trying to rub it in my face... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 (edited) Stop dwelling and obsessing about this. You are on vacation and still nitpicking about a keychain. At least try to stop being so obsessive. It's over. It's done. Everytime you start thinking about it, stop your thoughts and say to yourself, "it's over, there's nothing more I can say, do or think about that's going to change this." Then go and do something to distract yourself. You're on vacation -- put LS aside, go and explore and experience your new surroundings. Edited July 20, 2014 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Women don't leave their bad men because they think they don't deserve better. Men don't leave toxic women cause they believe they can't get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 Stop dwelling and obsessing about this. You are on vacation and still nitpicking about a keychain. At least try to stop being so obsessive. It's over. It's done. Everytime you start thinking about it, stop your thoughts and say to yourself, "it's over, there's nothing more I can say, do or think about that's going to change this." Then go and do something to distract yourself. You're on vacation -- put LS aside, go and explore and experience your new surroundings. You think its easy to get over my first love ? She wanted to stay in country cause of me and the time she set her foot in england she broke up with me . She forgot everything i have done for her. When she was breaking up with me she said you have done all those things for me and i can never pay you back .... i feel betrayed heartbroken and in pain... and what did she do? She was playing with my mind and uploading pictures of guys with the camera i bought her as present... you tell me that i should stop obssesing over a keychain but how whould that make you feel ? That you are not even worth 2 or 3 dollars after all that had done for your ex ... and that she was sending me snapchats of guys... how the **** can i trust again a woman after this transformation i have seen in such a little time from a girl that loved me so much to saying me **** you 2 times on skype when i told hrr that she should look after her diet Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 You think its easy to get over my first love ? She wanted to stay in country cause of me and the time she set her foot in england she broke up with me . She forgot everything i have done for her. When she was breaking up with me she said you have done all those things for me and i can never pay you back .... i feel betrayed heartbroken and in pain... and what did she do? She was playing with my mind and uploading pictures of guys with the camera i bought her as present... you tell me that i should stop obssesing over a keychain but how whould that make you feel ? That you are not even worth 2 or 3 dollars after all that had done for your ex ... and that she was sending me snapchats of guys... how the **** can i trust again a woman after this transformation i have seen in such a little time from a girl that loved me so much to saying me **** you 2 times on skype when i told hrr that she should look after her diet You think you are the only one who feels this way? Thats how relationships are sometimes, learn from the experience, be grateful that it happened and move on, find another girl love again....life doesn't end at your first love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 I just that i was treated like trash and she wanted to hurt me on purpose ... if we had broken up 6 months or 1 year after long distance i could understand but this? Couldnt she just respect me and if we are ever again close to each other we could try again...no she was just a heartless bitch but i should have understanded this cause she had no friends and was abused in her family Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I just that i was treated like trash and she wanted to hurt me on purpose ... if we had broken up 6 months or 1 year after long distance i could understand but this? Couldnt she just respect me and if we are ever again close to each other we could try again...no she was just a heartless bitch but i should have understanded this cause she had no friends and was abused in her family You're not the only one that has had to get over a first love. So don't think your situation is unique to everyone else. You keep harping and idealizing on "first love", some romantic fantasy that you can't let go but my god, take a look at the reality of what it was as well. Why oh why did she treat me like trash? Because this is who she is. Period. You project your emotions and value of this "first love" on her and you idealize her so much, but get a grip, first love or not she was a crap person to you. Pay attention to that. You will come to realize that years from now you'll look back at it as a life experience. You'll probably even laugh at the things you did. We've all moved on from a first love. Mine will stay in my heart forever because he was a kind and loving man. But I don't hurt from it anymore. You will move on. In your case start getting mad at the way she treated you and stop focusing and obsessing on it being your first love like it's supposed to be the greatest love story ever written. You're too consumed with the concept and that's why you can't let go. In your mind you want it to be what you thought it would be but it isn't. Accept it and move on from this. You've spent too much time trying to make this become something that just isn't. Until you accept that, you're going to be caught in your denial. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 And no more coddling. This has been going in since January. She ended with you in January and you kept trying to twist yourself into a pretzel to make her want you back. This last episode with the camera and the sex, this is all you. No more crying, moaning, playing the victim. At this point you're the sole contributor to your own pain. It's not her anymore. She has shown you time and time again who she really is but you kept going back. If you had stuck to strict NC when she broke up with you and you listened to all the advice given, you'd be well on your way to healing and possibly even feeling emotional detachment from her. You chose to do things the way you wanted to and then you cry and bemoan about how cruel she is. Enough is enough. Get f***ing mad and get a grip. It's about time you man up and start holding on to your self-respect instead of letting this woman treat you like a rag doll, emotionally and mentally. She's your first love, understandable but just because she's your first love, don't forget that love shouldn't feel this way and should never have treated you that way. You're consumed with the idea instead of the facts and reality of it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 Thanks for your advise zahara... im broken up since the end of september. Ive lost a semester cause of this. Im studying now for that lost time . I will be on vacation for a month . Im not breaking NC ... ive had enough pain and i dont want to loose anymore time of my life due to this person ... if i had listened to all of you i would be much better now. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Thanks for your advise zahara... im broken up since the end of september. Ive lost a semester cause of this. Im studying now for that lost time . I will be on vacation for a month . Im not breaking NC ... ive had enough pain and i dont want to loose anymore time of my life due to this person ... if i had listened to all of you i would be much better now. So, 10 months of investing emotion, time, effort, pain, confusion -- with ZERO return. It's time to do something different. Block her everywhere and I mean everywhere. If people come up to you and talk about her, tell them you are not interested, excuse yourself and walk away. Get cracking on your stidies. Travel and get involved in activities and passions that make you feel good about yourself. The next time you feel weak, post here or read your threads. It's a shocking reminder of how much control you have lost over this nutty woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 So, 10 months of investing emotion, time, effort, pain, confusion -- with ZERO return. It's time to do something different. Block her everywhere and I mean everywhere. If people come up to you and talk about her, tell them you are not interested, excuse yourself and walk away. Get cracking on your stidies. Travel and get involved in activities and passions that make you feel good about yourself. The next time you feel weak, post here or read your threads. It's a shocking reminder of how much control you have lost over this nutty woman. On my birthday back in november i booked tickets and a hotel to win her back ... she was so cold when i told her. I cancelled the tickets and she sent me a long message that she loved me and she was sad that i cancelled the trip so i booked again cause i couldnt cancel the hotel. Then she told me not to come back . When we were arguing i asked why did you sent me this message and she told me she didnt believe i would book tickets again. So she just sent me this message to keep me on hook. Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 Hi there ... im doing hardcore nc and im still on vacation however a thing that has been bothering me is getting worse ... my ex is the only person that i have spoken to about it but ive never explained to her what was it. She knew from time to time that it bothered me and tried to cheer me up. Now that its getting worse i feel like explaining her what it was. I know i shouldnt break nc for any reason and nothing good would came out of it. Propably she will ignore me or we will end up arguing thats why im posting it here instead ... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Hi there ... im doing hardcore nc and im still on vacation however a thing that has been bothering me is getting worse ... my ex is the only person that i have spoken to about it but ive never explained to her what was it. She knew from time to time that it bothered me and tried to cheer me up. Now that its getting worse i feel like explaining her what it was. I know i shouldnt break nc for any reason and nothing good would came out of it. Propably she will ignore me or we will end up arguing thats why im posting it here instead ... Find another person whether it be a counselor or a close friend to confide in and talk about what's bothering you. She is an ex. She is not invested in you anymore. She cannot support you without hurting you. I think you are finding every excuse in the book to break contact. You cannot keep depending on her to make you feel better. Time to find ways to cope on your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 Im also thinking of returning the camera back to her. Give it in a box to her closest friend and tell her friend to give it to her. I dont want to break nc its just that i feel bad for myself... eventhough i still have marks from her nails a month later while she was trying to stop me. I just picked the camera from her bed and headed for the door and she tried to stop me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Im also thinking of returning the camera back to her. Give it in a box to her closest friend and tell her friend to give it to her. I dont want to break nc its just that i feel bad for myself... eventhough i still have marks from her nails a month later while she was trying to stop me. I just picked the camera from her bed and headed for the door and she tried to stop me. STOP. STOP. STOP. You're finding every excuse in the world to try and make some sort of connection. This is what you're thinking. She's get the camera and maybe she'll say something to me. You took the camera. Use it or trash it. She doesn't deserve anything from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 NO i m not giving her the camera back because i want to talk to her . Im honest about it . I really dont have to lie about this to you zahara. Its just sometimes that i feel guilty Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 (edited) NO i m not giving her the camera back because i want to talk to her . Im honest about it . I really dont have to lie about this to you zahara. Its just sometimes that i feel guilty You need to stop feeling guilty. Do you think she feels guilty about the shytt rollercoaster she's put you on. Do you think she feels guilty for the pain and grief she has caused you? Do you think she feels guilty about the difficulties you have had getting over this? Do you think she feels guilty for toying with your emotions? The camera is the least of your concerns compared to the pain and suffering she has put you through. Keep the camera. I swear to you I want to shake you and shove a backbone in you. And I say that with the utmost care and concern! I want you to get over this and your constant need to validate her feelings. Get mad, get mad, get mad! Edited August 15, 2014 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 Zahara you have helped me a ton . Im thinking about your post that i have to go through the pain once and for all. There were days that i wasnt even thinking about it but now my mood is terrible thats why ive started making this thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 You need to stop feeling guilty. Do you think she feels guilty about the shytt rollercoaster she's put you on. Do you think she feels guilty for the pain and grief she has caused you? Do you think she feels guilty about the difficulties you have had getting over this? Do you think she feels guilty for toying with your emotions? The camera is the least of your concerns compared to the pain and suffering she has put you through. Keep the camera. I swear to you I want to shake you and shove a backbone in you. And I say that with the utmost care and concern! I want you to get over this and your constant need to validate her feelings. Get mad, get mad, get mad! I would also like to add after i had taken back the camera she sent me a text that i had promised her to always make her happy and by taking the camera back i did the exact opposite ...we hanged out one time ... she said she was disgusted by her actions and that she is sorry . The next day i asked her out but she said she couldnt and said propably tommorow then i asked her the next day and sent her... so ? Which she has seen on viber and didnt reply ...an hour and a halph later i sent her... arent you going to answer ? She said on what? If we will hang out i said. And she told me that she had forgoten about it which was a lie and i got mad... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Zahara you have helped me a ton . Im thinking about your post that i have to go through the pain once and for all. There were days that i wasnt even thinking about it but now my mood is terrible thats why ive started making this thoughts. And that's normal. You'll have good days and bad days. Bad days make you doubt yourself, you beat yourself up, cause you to bargain in your head -- but you just have to let it pass. It will. There is no reason or justification to break NC. Keep pushing forward. You can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 And that's normal. You'll have good days and bad days. Bad days make you doubt yourself, you beat yourself up, cause you to bargain in your head -- but you just have to let it pass. It will. There is no reason or justification to break NC. Keep pushing forward. You can do it. When i asked her why do you want us to be friends? Is it because if you dont find someone better you can come back to me? And she said in someway yes.... what a selfish bitch Link to post Share on other sites
Author born Posted August 17, 2014 Author Share Posted August 17, 2014 Im on vacation in the same place as last year . When i went to my friends house in another village i remembered the last phone call i had with my ex before she left for england ... we got in a nasty fight last month which i took back a dslr camera i had bought her as present . We were each other first . After a few days she said we should meet up and she asked me to forgive her for all the bad things she did. Next two days she became cold again and i went to her house . She came dow and said this cant go on and that she must look after herself and that she has done so many things... there i flipped ... i said what have you done for me in the last year since we broke up ****ing idiot and i spit on the ground infront of her ... the pain was so much and i was such a doormat waiting for nearly a year for her to start treating me nice again that i had enough ... she sent me pictures of guys telling me its the first time she has slept in her room .... during the first week of our break up she told me she kissed one guy then three hen five guys the noone ... she was saying its doeant matter what happened it matters what you believe ... so what do you believe ? Seriously playing with my mental state. Im in hardcore nc for over a month blocked her from everything but im so sad right now ... Link to post Share on other sites
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