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Wishing His Wife Knew

QuakerOats

By QuakerOats,
in The Other Man / Woman

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QuakerOats

QuakerOats

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Still NC and not telling her, but I'm in a foul mood today and wishing he was as alone as I am. His wife doesn't know about his affair, of this i'm pretty certain. Some days I wish she knew so his life wasn't so cozy. Oh well.

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RickFox

RickFox

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Still NC and not telling her, but I'm in a foul mood today and wishing he was as alone as I am. His wife doesn't know about his affair, of this i'm pretty certain. Some days I wish she knew so his life wasn't so cozy. Oh well.

 

Perfectly natural. Been there many times myself

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Cocochai

Cocochai

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Still NC and not telling her, but I'm in a foul mood today and wishing he was as alone as I am. His wife doesn't know about his affair, of this i'm pretty certain. Some days I wish she knew so his life wasn't so cozy. Oh well.

 

Your doing it out of spite and it could actually make their M more bonded then anything if they are able to over come that.

 

You two haven't been in contact for awhile right? Keep going NC so you can move on.

 

Trust me, I have my moments but in my case... I think the BS already knows his behavior being that she's caught him eveidence in their M and before their M of him cheating.... She already knows it's just not in her face.

 

The best revenge is moving on... Remember, nobody held a gun to your head to join the A.

 

But I understand your anger... Tomorrow will be another day and hopefully you'll feel a lot better.

Edited by Cocochai
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goodyblue

goodyblue

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You'd like her to punish him for you?

 

That isn't what was said by OP. I can certainly understand why she would want him to suffer as she is/has. Not uncommon. If you can't understand it I can't help you.

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IfWishesWereHorses

IfWishesWereHorses

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I get that she wants him to suffer, I don't understand the part about involving the wife in it.

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goodyblue

goodyblue

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I get that she wants him to suffer, I don't understand the part about involving the wife in it.

 

You're telling me that you can't understand why she would want the wife to know so that he wasn't at home being treated well when he is a ****?

 

Also, she said she wasn't going to tell, just that she was having a bad day. So there's that.

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QuakerOats

QuakerOats

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Why don't I tell? Well, because it is just part of a temporary revenge fantasy. I don't think it would really help with my healing, in fact, it could prolong the misery.

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SunshineToday

SunshineToday

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Honestly. As a former cheater and betrayed spouse, I feel the BS should know. Not out of spite or wanting to punish the cheating spouse, but just because people deserve to be in control of their own lives. And if 2 people have conspired to hide something from you, you are not in control of your own life.

 

That being said, I think it would put you back to contact his wife. But maybe one day when you are past this you could let her know anonymously. Just my opinion! Good luck Quaker.

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gettingstronger

gettingstronger

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Quaker, best answer ever. Cheers to a better you that can understand what you are feeling is temporary and will pass. I honestly didn't know how you would answer so I left it open ended without imparting my bias.

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Spark1111

Spark1111

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Maybe having to keep that secret with make him extremely guilty and miserable.

 

OH, how I wish it were true....That those who have lied and betrayed not one, but two women, would see error of their ways, walk the straight and narrow, and never hurt anyone ever again.

 

Only seems to happen in Hollywood movies.

 

Statistically, un confessed, uncaught cheaters that have found a new past time that fills the void they personally lack the courage to fix and fill, go on to cheat, and cheat and cheat again.

 

THAT is why so many experts advise DISCLOSURE.....NOT to shame or punish, but to enact consequences of seeing the pain their fun dalliances have caused others.

 

It can cause a moral and emotional rock bottom, and as we know of addicts, it is the ONLY catalyst for self-change.

 

tell her. Why not? I do not care of your motives.

 

Wouldn't YOU want to know if you were NOT his ONLY OW? While he is professing his love and devotion to you, he was leaving your arms, your bed, to say the same things to one or two other OW who thought he was exclusive with them and them alone?

 

Of course you would.....

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Spark1111

Spark1111

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I disclosed. Best thing I ever did. She got the truth, I got a guarantee that he'd never come back, and he got to face the reality of what he really did to his wife, himself, and me.

 

It's not about revenge. Revenge is self serving. Disclosure is about giving the only person in the dark a choice.

 

I, for one, applaud your courage. I personally do not care if revenge, for some, IS the motive.

 

Disclosure, no matter what the motive, winds up being the right thing to do.

 

I reiterate: WHICH OW would NOT want to know that lying MM was NOT being exclusive with them?

 

Virtually all, I would venture.

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Furious

Furious

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Still NC and not telling her, but I'm in a foul mood today and wishing he was as alone as I am. His wife doesn't know about his affair, of this i'm pretty certain. Some days I wish she knew so his life wasn't so cozy. Oh well.

 

So, true....it's a win win for a WS, they control both the OW and betrayed spouse in different ways. They can continue their marriage and family life if the affair ends or restart it, knowing the OW's silence in disclosing the affair suggests she still wants him and wouldn't risk giving the truth as that would put the nail on the coffin to the hope she may have that they may end up together.

 

 

In a way both women in their lives are muzzled.

 

Affairs suck....

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tornado

tornado

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Truth is above everything. Shadows and lies are not good at all.

 

I really got fed up with the MM because of this aspect of the affair. Secrecy can be exciting at first, but then, you start to realize that you don't want this kind of life forever. The MM can have the best of both lives, and you are there, hiding like a marginal. I felt like a "callgirl" in the end, without being paid! And what's more, he got jealous, suspecting me to see other men. Ridiculously unfair.

 

This affair hurt me a lot...

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eye of the storm

eye of the storm

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Quaker, I had a lot of revenge fantasies (as a BS) and most (all) of them would have resulted in jail time (or a needle). So to me yours are pretty tame and healthy. To a point.

 

Write the note to her, then burn it. Write the long email detailing everything, then delete it.

 

You already got involved in their marriage, you don't need to reinsert yourself now that you are out of it. You got out, it doesn't mater how, you are out. Don't put yourself back there.

 

The only thing this will accomplish is causing more pain, and because you started it, you will be dealing with the back lash. From her, him, or just yourself.

 

Wanting to cause him and her pain, I totally get that. Actually doing it will hurt you too. (experience talking here) Let go of the anger. Stop worrying about their lives. And go find a great one for yourself.

 

You are doing amazing, keep moving forward. The further you go the less you will care about them because they will be so far behind you as to be irrelevant.

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forbidden_love

forbidden_love

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Honestly. As a former cheater and betrayed spouse, I feel the BS should know. Not out of spite or wanting to punish the cheating spouse, but just because people deserve to be in control of their own lives. And if 2 people have conspired to hide something from you, you are not in control of your own life.

 

That being said, I think it would put you back to contact his wife. But maybe one day when you are past this you could let her know anonymously. Just my opinion! Good luck Quaker.

Anonymous does not work, I told BS and someone else sent her an email (do not know who that was). She told me she thought it was a hoax and she thought I had sent both of them as I was desperate to split her and her H up. Actually I just wanted the truth to be out :o. Just read on here to find out how many say oh they are just doing it out of jealously it is all lies etc. No one believes it. You just get to be some crazy stalking nutter.:bunny::bunny::bunny: Anger is all part of the grieving process. I have sent MM some awful text messages after d day which no doubt he has shown BS to convince her it was all over He won't be showing her the others though and neither will I. Leave them to it. It will come out in the wash.

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Cocochai

Cocochai

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Quackery I'm guessing there wasn't a Dday correct? I'm sure he'll get caught sooner or later and trust me... Woman in general all have that intuition of whether or not something or someone is occupying their mates times

 

Every time it seemed like my XMM and I would get back together, he would go more out of his way to please the spouse out of guilt on his part. So when we stop, he probably does less and creates more drama... Which is why he reaches back out yo me. I know because I saw it on FB. He'd be with me over the weekend and when she's back in town, she'll make a status on how much her hubby missed her because he cleaned/cooked for her.... Yeah okay.,

 

It was hard for me to see that at the time but I realized... I wasn't happy being with him... Just excited to resume the A like its a drug.

 

If you tell be ready for the consecousences.

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darkmoon

darkmoon

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the marriage might fail anyway, he was half out the door once he started being unfaithful, alert her and she will work out why he was slipping away, and might improve herself to be more attractive, do not take a risk, wait instead for them to get bored all over again - I mean what spouse (him) goes out without their partner unless they are avoiding them? he has history of being half out of the door already, bored, see, my two cents is wait

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gettingstronger

gettingstronger

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and might improve herself to be more attractive, do not take a risk,

 

 

Wait, what- the reason not to tell is because she may work on herself and her marriage and then it will survive? Is that what this means?

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