Betrayed wives are the perfect women

[sweet_pea]

I really hope you're wrong about single men becoming clingy.

 

Yeah… I think the whole single men being clingy is just an excuse/justification for dating married guys. As many men (young and old) as there are out there, I can not believe that they are all clingy and want a relationship… I mean, unless she has that much trouble with single guys, I find it hard to believe.

[tbf]

But we are perfect. What's the problem?

[Anela]

 

I choose dating relationships with MM because I do not want a man getting too serious with me. I am not at a point in my life where I need or want the hassle of a committed relationship, and most times a relationship feels that niche. At the same time I wish to be discreet and not have the wife discover the affair, for all parties involved. Thus, I read at 3-4 infidelity sites to keep up with ways to keep us *off the grid* per se. I do not get hurt/anxious/annoyed/feel guilty from reading what I read. I am at peace with my choices and who I am. I am also all about risk management.

 

 

So you screw with other peoples' relationships, and take advantage of a potential bad patch for a couple, because it's convenient for you? You are a party to a man betraying his wife and his family, and you don't feel at all bad about it?

 

To answer your question, the married man and/or the mistress will usually find some sort of excuse to blame the wife. I know several women who were gobsmacked when they found that they were being cheated on, because their marriage seemed fine and healthy - they looked like the perfect couples from the outside, and they thought the same thing until the affair was uncovered.

 

It always amazes me how people can get off on screwing with other people - one woman was most upset at the glee that the husband and mistress shared in hiding everything from their spouses. She found his email he used to communicate with the mistress, and read all about it.

[contact1]

No one who is helping commit adultery can say they care about the person being betrayed, you are just concern with being caught, not in protecting the BS feeling. If you really cared about their feeling, there would be no affair.

 

Back to the subject, I believe both BS and OW/OM say they are perfect just to help with their esteem and feeling, a way to cope.

[RedRobin]

I've had the opportunity to have an affair with a MM many times.

 

 

Pragmatically, it seems like it would be much better than a FWB because odds are pretty good he would either be with me OR the wife... The men who approached me for that arrangement were very busy people... not much time for a 3rd, 4th, or nth partner... That in itself makes it a lot more appealing than a FWB or eff-buddy arrangement with a player.

 

 

Additional other women might be involved here and there... but it seems a lot more straightforward than the run of the mill FWB that ends as soon as someone finds someone else.

 

 

Sounds cold, but I think FWB are almost as cold as an affair. Two people having emotionless, commitmentless sex on a continuous basis.

 

 

I chose not to go along with the affair idea mostly because I suck at lying, seems like too much work, and I'm not keen on being 'second' in anything.... not to mention that I've been the duped one in the past. I'd have to be pretty jaded to turn myself off to the potential pain that would cause... knowing what it feels like first hand.

 

 

oh, I will add that the wives of these guys seemed like very nice women. I liked them. On at least one occasion I jokingly said to the guy, "Lets call so-n-so and see what she thinks... What's a little man sharing between friends??" They weren't too keen on that, so it didn't happen. Plus, I was just kidding... I wanted to see the look on their face mostly... I knew it wasn't going to fly.

 

 

These men had women who were quite devoted. Nothing wrong with the wives at all. Just like there was nothing wrong with me, really, when my ex H cheated on me. Some people are just selfish and compartmentalize easily. Just best to avoid the relationship 'renters', those without empathy, and those who can separate love and sex too easily. Easier said than done these days.

Edited April 19, 2014 by RedRobin

[RonaldS]

In a technical sense, my XW is a BW. What happened certainly happened, and I more than took my lumps for my actions.

 

But she was incredibly abusive, negligent in our relationship, dishonest, untrusting, and entitled way before anything happened on my end. I don't know....maybe she was the outlier.

[janedoe67]

In a technical sense, my XW is a BW. What happened certainly happened, and I more than took my lumps for my actions.

 

But she was incredibly abusive, negligent in our relationship, dishonest, untrusting, and entitled way before anything happened on my end. I don't know....maybe she was the outlier.

 

Actually what happened here were two separate issues. She chose to be abusive, which is all on her.

 

YOU chose to cheat, which is ALL on you.

[RonaldS]

Actually what happened here were two separate issues. She chose to be abusive, which is all on her.

 

YOU chose to cheat, which is ALL on you.

 

I don't disagree. But read the title of the thread.

[waterwoman]

I shouldn't need to be perfect to avoid being betrayed. And I'm not. But of course the issue lay with my h not me.

[peaksandvalleys]

Anybody who believes they are superior to another person, is not. Just as anybody who wishes the *karma bus* on another person only brings bad karma to themselves.

 

 

Think what you need. I am better at NOT lying, hurting, treating people like crap for years. I don't believe in karma but I am their bus.

[peaksandvalleys]

I completely agree with you hobsgirl.

I sometimes like to think of different people as boxes. Keeping certain boxes in your daily life might feel uplifting. While other boxes ruin your self-esteem, no matter how briefly. The best thing to do with these sort of boxes is to ship them away.

People are who they are. It isn't our job to judge them, we cannot change them, we didn't cause them to be this way, and all we may do is determine if their very presence is right for us as individuals. In what way does your selfishness, lies, intrusion into other relationships influence other people? No matter how people react to your behavior doesn't make them better or worse. It only means they value their own happiness and would rather be without you than include you in any meaningfully intimate way - your own affair partner among them.

 

My job was handed to me by them and I judged all the actions they did to me as crap and them as crappy people who still whine about how unfair it was that I exposed them. Our thoughts are different on the matter.