I wonder if I'm jaded

[KaliLove]

Hayley, have you ever considered the possibility that you might have a cluster b personality disorder? That is not meant to be an insult..it's a serious question. It would explain a lot of your behavior and your lack of empathy and boundaries.

 

Again..not meant as an insult. I know the word disorder has a lot of stigmas attached to it but these are treatable afflictions as long as you are aware and willing to put in the work.

[hayleym]

You understand because it benefits you, IMO. "Who am I to judge?" is a cop out. Given everything, I still think you're capable of having limits.

 

It does benefit me.

I'm capable of having limits. I was faithful for years and made a conscious choice to do this. I admit it.

[hayleym]

Hayley, have you ever considered the possibility that you might have a cluster b personality disorder? That is not meant to be an insult..it's a serious question. It would explain a lot of your behavior and your lack of empathy and boundaries.

 

Again..not meant as an insult. I know the word disorder has a lot of stigmas attached to it but these are treatable afflictions as long as you are aware and willing to put in the work.

 

Doesn't offend me at all.

I've been to different people and attempted counselling because it's been suggested after things have happened in my life. Last one was pretty convinced I am Histrionic, it's considered a disorder but I don't mind how I am. I'm curious about it, I wouldn't mind knowing what's up in my head just so I can understand other people better but I don't feel a need to change. I like my life for the most part. My lows are very low but the highs are worth those.

 

I come across cold here but in real life not at all. I don't really have a middle ground. I'm either unfeeling or I feel way to much.

Edited April 17, 2014 by hayleym

[Sub]

...but I don't feel a need to change. I like my life for the most part.

 

If I might ask, then, why are you here? What are you looking to gain from these threads?

[hayleym]

If I might ask, then, why are you here? What are you looking to gain from these threads?

 

I dont post often. I mostly read.

I'm intrigued by people with similar stories and I do still feel the need to discuss things whether I'm for the most part happy or not, I can't be the only person who feels that way. Me and him are the only ones who know about the affair so I only have him to talk to about it. That's not always ideal. Especially if I'm wondering or curious about her side, since we very very rarely discuss my husband or his wife, we just don't do that.

[Striver]

If my husband behaved the way hers did I feel I would know he was having an affair, but my other mans wife seems clueless that could be the issue.

 

She knows something's up, has said a few times that he never puts effort into sex with her, while admitting she doesn't want it anyway. And she describes his mood swings and distance. It's like she's put the possibility of an affair way off the table. She blames anything he does in any excuse she can think of.

 

I guess I'm jaded because I'm untrusting. But I would suspect something big time if a man with as high a sex drive as this man stopped wanting sex.

 

Red flags are flying around all over the place but she refuses to see or is too trusting? Thing is I know she doesn't fully trust him since she knows he's cheated in the past but doesn't think he ever would again.

 

A real friend would tell her how wrong she is, which is how I clued in, I'm in this for him for real and not her. I do love her but it's obvious where my loyalties lie.

 

My husband may suspect mood swings but I've kept almost everything else as balanced as I can. I am sure every one thinks that though.

 

I just keep thinking, if some of the situations that happen to his wife were to happen to me I would know what was up. Just an observation.

 

Is this just because I know what he's capable of?

 

Some honest possibilities:

 

She forgave him once and will feel like a fool if she admits it's happening again?

 

She'll be forced to be humiliated by staying in a marriage with a serial cheater, or forced to divorce him for an uncertain future? Just because she might like to divorce him doesn't mean she won't face a heavy personal and perhaps financial price.

 

She's already being lied to by two people for years on end. She's under stress. People under stress make bad decisions. I wonder why her friends are putting her under stress if they're her friends.

 

What's the plan the two of you have if she makes a verbal accusation without physical evidence? Outright denial? Gaslighting? I'm sure the two of you have one. If you're not going to confess when asked point blank, what good is it going to do if she hasn't hired a PI or other extreme measures?

 

Do you want this to happen? Do you still have visions of being "friends" with her if she finds out?

[KaliLove]

Doesn't offend me at all.

I've been to different people and attempted counselling because it's been suggested after things have happened in my life. Last one was pretty convinced I am Histrionic, it's considered a disorder but I don't mind how I am. I'm curious about it, I wouldn't mind knowing what's up in my head just so I can understand other people better but I don't feel a need to change. I like my life for the most part. My lows are very low but the highs are worth those.

 

I come across cold here but in real life not at all. I don't really have a middle ground. I'm either unfeeling or I feel way to much.

 

You don't mind how you are..but do you mind how your actions affect the people you love?

[violet1]

I can't speak for the OP, but I noticed a trend with people who engaged in LTA's on the wayward forums. In time some cheaters find a way to accept their cheating ways. They justify it to the point that living the double life seems okay. It's easier than to divorce or face your problems head on.

 

OP, I also became jaded too when I was in my A. Sometimes I wondered why my H didn't notice the huge red flags waving in his face. On D Day, my H said he suspected but he trusted me and didn't like to think that I would do such a thing. I'm willing to bet she suspects but is in denial.