Sticki Posted February 5, 2001 Share Posted February 5, 2001 OK this is kinda long: I was seeing this guy. Only since new years, when we went out together. Ever since then he and I talk everyday, and spent almost everyday together. We get along awesome, he always tells me im the perfect girl. We never really talked about the BF/GF thing....i kinda thought it was too soon. But when we went out once he was introducing me to people as his girlfriend....... Anyways, about two weeks ago, he was acting kinda wierd and didnt call me back when he was supposed to. The next day we hung out and he said that he was scared because he hasnt had a GF in 2 years and he doesnt know what to do/say. After he told me all of this he gave me this stuffed monkey that says "I think I love you" on it. After that night things were soooooo good between us. He was so affectionate with me.....I actually thought things were the best they ever were. Well, that lasted a total of FOUR days. He gave me the monkey on a sunday, and by thursday he was being wierd again. He didnt call when he was supposed to. I didnt see him all weekend except for when I ran into him at a nightclub. I gave him a week, to see if things change.....but they didnt. So yesterday I called him and asked him what was his deal, if he just wanted to be friends. He then told me that he just doesnt want a GF and he saw the direction things were going so he had to take a step back. I got a little mad because in all honesty, I was happy with the way things were. I didnt need a title. Dammit, he was the one who introduces me as his GF and buys me a stupid monkey. I went out last night and saw him. We have all the same friends, so its inevitable. I HATED seeing him there and not being able to touch him, kiss him, dance with him. He would walk by me every once in a while to see what I was doing, but really didnt talk to me unless I came up to HIM. Also...there were a million girls there that were sweating him.....alot of girls want him, hes very good looking. I think maybe thats why he doesnt want a committment, because he doesnt wanna give up his "player" status. So my question is: How could he give me this monkey, and then less than a week later wanna be "friends?" Maybe it meant nothing to him but it meant alot to me. Also, do you think he is just scared, or just doesnt like me anymore and is trying to be nice about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 5, 2001 Share Posted February 5, 2001 I think he is a player for now. He really does like you but like all players, once he knows a gal really thinks he's keen there's no more challenge for him. Your best bet if you really want to try to tame him is not to even show up at the clubs he frequents, not to return his calls for a while, and let him go out of his mind wondering who you're with. I don't think this guy is anywhere near ready for a committment. By nature, a player is fearful of committment...not because of the intense emotional investment...but because he'll be put out of service. A player is basically addicted to new people, addicted to the high of meeting ladies and not knowing which way things will go. Now that he knows you're fond of him, his need to play you is over. And now that he's starting to have feelings for you, he's going to back off because he's not about to give up his player role. Hey, you ought to feel good. The monkey's off your back now. You can go find somebody who can be serious with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sticki Posted February 5, 2001 Share Posted February 5, 2001 I think he is a player for now. He really does like you but like all players, once he knows a gal really thinks he's keen there's no more challenge for him. Your best bet if you really want to try to tame him is not to even show up at the clubs he frequents, not to return his calls for a while, and let him go out of his mind wondering who you're with. I don't think this guy is anywhere near ready for a committment. By nature, a player is fearful of committment...not because of the intense emotional investment...but because he'll be put out of service. A player is basically addicted to new people, addicted to the high of meeting ladies and not knowing which way things will go. Now that he knows you're fond of him, his need to play you is over. And now that he's starting to have feelings for you, he's going to back off because he's not about to give up his player role. Hey, you ought to feel good. The monkey's off your back now. You can go find somebody who can be serious with you. Any idea what would possess him to buy me this monkey if his feelings were the opposite? He told me this was the first thing he has bought a girl in 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
fishbulb Posted February 5, 2001 Share Posted February 5, 2001 OK this is kinda long: I was seeing this guy. Only since new years, when we went out together. Ever since then he and I talk everyday, and spent almost everyday together. We get along awesome, he always tells me im the perfect girl. We never really talked about the BF/GF thing....i kinda thought it was too soon. But when we went out once he was introducing me to people as his girlfriend....... Anyways, about two weeks ago, he was acting kinda wierd and didnt call me back when he was supposed to. The next day we hung out and he said that he was scared because he hasnt had a GF in 2 years and he doesnt know what to do/say. After he told me all of this he gave me this stuffed monkey that says "I think I love you" on it. After that night things were soooooo good between us. He was so affectionate with me.....I actually thought things were the best they ever were. Well, that lasted a total of FOUR days. He gave me the monkey on a sunday, and by thursday he was being wierd again. He didnt call when he was supposed to. I didnt see him all weekend except for when I ran into him at a nightclub. I gave him a week, to see if things change.....but they didnt. So yesterday I called him and asked him what was his deal, if he just wanted to be friends. He then told me that he just doesnt want a GF and he saw the direction things were going so he had to take a step back. I got a little mad because in all honesty, I was happy with the way things were. I didnt need a title. Dammit, he was the one who introduces me as his GF and buys me a stupid monkey. I went out last night and saw him. We have all the same friends, so its inevitable. I HATED seeing him there and not being able to touch him, kiss him, dance with him. He would walk by me every once in a while to see what I was doing, but really didnt talk to me unless I came up to HIM. Also...there were a million girls there that were sweating him.....alot of girls want him, hes very good looking. I think maybe thats why he doesnt want a committment, because he doesnt wanna give up his "player" status. So my question is: How could he give me this monkey, and then less than a week later wanna be "friends?" Maybe it meant nothing to him but it meant alot to me. Also, do you think he is just scared, or just doesnt like me anymore and is trying to be nice about it? Fishbulb here. I think the key words here are "player status". It's also pretty good sign if you're always running into him at bars. He's there to slut himself like everyone else. It sounds like it was just a long one-night-stand to me. Look for somebody that appreciates a cool breeze over a hurricane, and the boat goes a lot farther... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 5, 2001 Share Posted February 5, 2001 The gift was very sincere. He really did develop feelings for you...but that was the problem. Many dogs chase cars, but if one ever got ahold of the car and stopped it, they would have no idea what to do with it. So he chased you and fell in love with you, caught you so to speak, and he now has no idea what to do from here. There is no doubt that his feelings were exactly as he said but he can still be in love with you and move on. Many fishermen toss the biggest and most beautiful fish back into the lake. It's catching them that's their fun, not keeping them. The guy is obviously inexperienced at love. I mean anybody who would tell a girl he loves her by buying her a stuffed monkey hasn't been there too often. It could take me a long time to explain the concept of a player to you...but suffice it to say, no matter how they feel about someone they will continue to play until they are absolutely ready to settle down. In this guy's case in could be in a month, a decade, or a lifetime. No way of telling. Link to post Share on other sites
Sticki Posted February 5, 2001 Share Posted February 5, 2001 The gift was very sincere. He really did develop feelings for you...but that was the problem. Many dogs chase cars, but if one ever got ahold of the car and stopped it, they would have no idea what to do with it. So he chased you and fell in love with you, caught you so to speak, and he now has no idea what to do from here. There is no doubt that his feelings were exactly as he said but he can still be in love with you and move on. Many fishermen toss the biggest and most beautiful fish back into the lake. It's catching them that's their fun, not keeping them. The guy is obviously inexperienced at love. I mean anybody who would tell a girl he loves her by buying her a stuffed monkey hasn't been there too often. It could take me a long time to explain the concept of a player to you...but suffice it to say, no matter how they feel about someone they will continue to play until they are absolutely ready to settle down. In this guy's case in could be in a month, a decade, or a lifetime. No way of telling. I know what youre saying.....I agree that the monkey was a half assed way of expressing himself.....but also he isnt really the type to open up. When i brought up the "are we just friends" talk he even said that he is so bad with this kinda stuff, he didnt know what to say...... It just hurts, because I liked him alot. He is 30 freaking years old and his best friend is 25 (and his best friend is what influences him to go out and party) I think he needs to grow up and start acting 30.....instead of 3. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 5, 2001 Share Posted February 5, 2001 YOU WRITE: "I think he needs to grow up and start acting 30.....instead of 3." I couldn't agree with you more. You said it much better than I did. But it could take him many years to mature emotionally. I am really sorry this happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
MIMI Posted February 5, 2001 Share Posted February 5, 2001 YOU WRITE: "I think he needs to grow up and start acting 30.....instead of 3." I couldn't agree with you more. You said it much better than I did. But it could take him many years to mature emotionally. I am really sorry this happened to you. My husband is 34 and is still not mature and he still thinks he is a player, he plays with womens emotions until he gets them to have feelings for him and then ends it the second they do , I think some guys just can't grow up I call it the peter pan syndrome don't waste any time on this guy, you'll only be hurt more , because he will never change. It's all a game to them. Link to post Share on other sites
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