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Not an overreaction, right?

RamiTia

By RamiTia,
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RamiTia

RamiTia

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So, went on a date with a guy Friday night. We had an okay time, he seemed like a really sweet guy, and we ended up making out for the last 1 hour of the date. I thought the physical chemistry was A+, and the guy a B-.

 

But, chemistry sometimes makes up for an underwhelming first date, am I right?

 

I didn't hear from him all Saturday, but broke down and sent a "I had a good time" text Sunday because... Well, I hadn't said it. He responded immediately, but when I tried to continue the convo, he didn't get back to me until he was drunk at almost 2 am. He asked me to come over. I declined.

 

Last night, I received another text at almost 1 am asking me to come over. I declined. Small talk. We made plans for a date on Friday. Again, asked me to come over. I repeated my "no." Then I got a bunch of nonsensical things, with the most insulting text of all: "I think I love you." What the ever-loving hell? The last "come over" I didn't even respond to.

 

Cut to this afternoon when he texted and said he'd sent the "love" text to several people. (Wow, thanks, guy. Also, *totally* thought you *actually* loved me. Not.) I joked a bit, but told him that behavior was unacceptable and he shouldn't treat me like a booty call. He needs to ask on a date if he wants to see me. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect you! I was just really drunk."

 

I'm glad I stood up for myself, but one of my guy friends said that stuff like this just happens sometimes when a guy is drunk; they're just idiots. He did say I did the right thing about sticking up for myself.

 

I was right thinking this guy has no respect for me, yes? I didn't overreact? And, I'm assuming Friday night should be a complete wash—right?

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pickflicker

pickflicker

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Of course you did the right thing.

 

Don't do anything about Friday, and don't initiate any further contact. This kind of behaviour turns me off, but if he stepped up and made an effort to make a good date happen, I would give him another chance.

 

Unless a firm plan is made by him for another date, don't give him anything else.

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RamiTia

RamiTia

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Don't do anything about Friday, and don't initiate any further contact. This kind of behaviour turns me off, but if he stepped up and made an effort to make a good date happen, I would give him another chance.

 

Thanks. I do feel like I should give him the (very, very small) benefit of the doubt. MAYBE he was being super stupid. I would let him attempt to make it up to me.

 

Even though I'm pretty sure he's just an ass hat.

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LustAppeal

LustAppeal

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You did good! Sounds like the type of guy I'd stay away from if I was into dudes. He's lucky, if I was in that position... A "That's unacceptable" text would be the least of his worries =P

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lollipopspot

lollipopspot

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Did you overreact? If anything, you underreacted. He did the late night booty call twice, and then sent a really weird text. Lots of women would have been finished with him before this.

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RamiTia

RamiTia

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Did you overreact? If anything, you underreacted. He did the late night booty call twice, and then sent a really weird text. Lots of women would have been finished with him before this.

 

...better late than never? lol

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lollipopspot

lollipopspot

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...better late than never? lol

 

Yeah. But although he might have some good qualities, I almost think that because he's done this with you, it should be over no matter how he approaches you next. You may need to be the person from whom he learns how to approach a date, so he can go on and be decent to the next woman. I think if you let him back in in any capacity, you're kind of showing him that his behavior was not so bad.

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RamiTia

RamiTia

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You may need to be the person from whom he learns how to approach a date, so he can go on and be decent to the next woman.

 

Guy is 31. I'm sure he needs to be taught that lesson.

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lollipopspot

lollipopspot

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Guy is 31. I'm sure he needs to be taught that lesson.

 

Wow, way too old to be calling your new date at 2am for a booty call and sending out dip**** texts. That's something a 19 year old should learn.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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Guy is 31. I'm sure he needs to be taught that lesson.

 

Good god. He is far too old to be behaving like that. I wouldn't be interested in seeing him again. Red flags all over.

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Arieswoman

Arieswoman

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RamiTia,

 

I was right thinking this guy has no respect for me, yes?

 

I think that's about it.

 

I don't get all this "making out" business? Maybe it's because I'm Enlish or maybe it's because I'm a BOF, but getting hot & heavy with a guy on a first date gives out all the wrong signals IMO.

 

If you want a guy to take you seriously as a person, leave out the heavy physical stuff until you've had a couple of dates at least.

 

Just my 6penneth ;)

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GemmaUK

GemmaUK

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Hmmm..well...to be quite honest I wouldn't have got into the make out session for an hour if I wanted to be treated respectfully.

 

I'm not really surprised this with the texts happened to be fair to you both.

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Leigh 87

Leigh 87

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I didn't hear from him all Saturday, but broke down and sent a "I had a good time" text Sunday because... Well, I hadn't said it. He responded immediately, but when I tried to continue the convo, he didn't get back to me until he was drunk at almost 2 am. He asked me to come over. I declined.

 

 

^^^ he is just not into you.

 

A guy who is smitten by you and truly respects you doesn't give you a 2am booty call.

 

Plus he is a sleaze for assuming you would put out after meeting him once.

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Emilia

Emilia

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I was right thinking this guy has no respect for me, yes? I didn't overreact? And, I'm assuming Friday night should be a complete wash—right?

Hard to tell. You had a heavy make out session with him on your first date. I certainly won't judge you for it, I do worse on first dates. However, the sexual undertone is to be expected as a result. Especially when a guy is drunk. If you are this concerned, keep your hands to yourself during the first month of dating. Or deal with the consequences. Don't start handing out the goods if you are offended when he then tries to take you up on the offer.

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martaldn

martaldn

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its clear you dont want the same thing so you should just drop it.

if you kissed for 1 hour he probably thought he could go forward.. when people is drunk make weird things so i wouldnt judge him too hard because of the booty calls.

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Grumpybutfun

Grumpybutfun

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This is unacceptable behavior. What you accept is what you will be given. Expect more. You told him his behavior was unacceptable, now ask him not to contact you again as you don't play games with 31 year olds who act like teenagers. Guys like this aren't looking for relationships, just sex. Trust me on this.

G

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RamiTia

RamiTia

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I understand people who are saying: You kissed for an hour, you set the tone.

 

But, I don't agree with that. I've known the guy through friends for about a year and have seen him on several occasions. I would never do this with someone I didn't know at all.

 

And when we made out, I clearly set boundaries that we wouldn't cross, which were a long way from sex!

 

I didn't send him any "mixed signals"—I was clear with what I was comfortable with, and that did not include sex at the moment. Did I anticipate there would eventually be sex? Of course! But that's dating.

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Emilia

Emilia

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I understand people who are saying: You kissed for an hour, you set the tone.

But, I don't agree with that. I've known the guy through friends for about a year and have seen him on several occasions. I would never do this with someone I didn't know at all.

 

And when we made out, I clearly set boundaries that we wouldn't cross, which were a long way from sex!

 

I didn't send him any "mixed signals"—I was clear with what I was comfortable with, and that did not include sex at the moment. Did I anticipate there would eventually be sex? Of course! But that's dating.

You may not agree with it but men have a penis and this is how it works. So in the future be smarter when it comes to setting expectations. It's usually the woman's responsibility.

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RamiTia

RamiTia

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You may not agree with it but men have a penis and this is how it works. So in the future be smarter when it comes to setting expectations. It's usually the woman's responsibility.

 

I don't think having a penis gives you a free pass to be an a**hole when the girl just made out with you.

 

If he liked me or was going to like me, it wouldn't make a difference what I did. He had his expectations and hopes from the get-go.

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