Truly loving someone enough to let them go VS using them

[Cocochai]

I was having a conversation with my coworker and he believes that if a MM truly loved his OW... He would not be able to go weeks/months with NC and try to resume the A after. In other words if he's capable of doing that, he's only using her.

 

I honestly don't know what goes on in a MM's mind during the NC phases (for those who keep repeating the cycle).

 

1) is he working on his M?

2) is he "pretending" to work on his M

3) He's selfish so as long as you as the OW allows him NOT to come back, he'll eventually find a new AP.

 

I know we as the OW shouldn't be thinking about that, rather then just move on but still.... Sometimes I can't help myself.

 

If you had to choose which one would it be in your case and... What have you been doing during your NC period?

 

In my case, it's #3 (rolling eyes).

What I've been doing is concentrating on my happiness, and slowly getting over my emotions for XMM.. Even been talking off/on to a new guy but he lives far away tho in the process of selling my home so that's also keeping me busy.

Edited April 17, 2014 by Cocochai

[Gunthar]

Coworker would be wrong about me...

 

I love my xAP. I tell myself everything I can to maintain NC, because she asked me to. GOD I don't want to, though.

 

I do what work I do on my M because I have to. It's a car that is broken down, will always be broken down, but it needs to be maintained. There are people in the car who have to get somewhere and it's their only sure ride. (ok, analogy is breaking down)

 

Not a day goes by that I don't think of xAP, want her, to simply chit chat even (over a year and a half now). But she's the opposite now/still toward me/us. Despite this, I believe in her. Because I know I know her; what we said we wanted from each other; we weren't lying to each other and weren't making promises we couldn't keep. ANYONE else is (and would be) a counterfeit of her, and she is irreplaceable. Yes, sucks for me these days.

 

But when it comes to hanging in there, I'd guess I'm rare? idk. I am certainly dumbfounded by all the people who dehumanize themselves and their xAPs to go simply replace them. I don't understand that. At. all. I don't mind saying I'm weird.

 

G

Edited April 17, 2014 by Gunthar

[Cocochai]

I'd like to believe my XMM is working on his M but because he's reached out and his behavior towards my needs shows he's basically a cake eater.

 

Not saying he never had feelings but once you get close to almost losing your family (which in his case almost happend), the A isn't the same anymore.

 

I'm glad you decided to stay at working on your M!

[Gunthar]

Maybe he knows he can't be with you and his W without being short with (mean toward) W? The days when I 'realize' there's no way I should be with my W and think about qualities I need (and many of which are in my xAP), I know I come home and am impatient.

 

Also, my xAP is a MOW. (sorry for any confusion)

[forbidden_love]

My mm and i are LC after seeing each other every day it is very hard. I don't know what this will become but i know we love each other. And whilst we love each other and see each other, I cannot see that he is working on his M but maybe BS is convinced it is over and therefore the trauma will subside. I can see that he is burying his head in work though so as a period of rest from all the crazyness we had after d day six months ago. I think of him every minute of the day and I am sure he does me. The difference between living and existing. When we were together properly we were so very happy and now we just get on with it. Life is black and white and not colour until I see him. Like I said, don't know how long either will last. I don't know why I cannot just walk away

[Cocochai]

My mm and i are LC after seeing each other every day it is very hard. I don't know what this will become but i know we love each other. And whilst we love each other and see each other, I cannot see that he is working on his M but maybe BS is convinced it is over and therefore the trauma will subside. I can see that he is burying his head in work though so as a period of rest from all the crazyness we had after d day six months ago. I think of him every minute of the day and I am sure he does me. The difference between living and existing. When we were together properly we were so very happy and now we just get on with it. Life is black and white and not colour until I see him. Like I said, don't know how long either will last. I don't know why I cannot just walk away

 

What are you doing to keep yourself happy and going with moving on?

[gettingstronger]

OP- you and I battle back and forth lots, but I have to say that this post in particular shows your strength and growth which is really what we all want for each other on here no matter what our role in the triangle-being able to see things for what they are, not what "he" says, not what you wish is one of the hardest things I have been working on-its hard not to look back and lament but its necessary-hope you continue to grow and find someone worthy of you!

[Mickey1982]

I was having a conversation with my coworker and he believes that if a MM truly loved his OW... He would not be able to go weeks/months with NC and try to resume the A after. In other words if he's capable of doing that, he's only using her.

 

I honestly don't know what goes on in a MM's mind during the NC phases (for those who keep repeating the cycle).

 

1) is he working on his M?

2) is he "pretending" to work on his M

3) He's selfish so as long as you as the OW allows him NOT to come back, he'll eventually find a new AP.

 

I know we as the OW shouldn't be thinking about that, rather then just move on but still.... Sometimes I can't help myself.

 

If you had to choose which one would it be in your case and... What have you been doing during your NC period?

 

In my case, it's #3 (rolling eyes).

What I've been doing is concentrating on my happiness, and slowly getting over my emotions for XMM.. Even been talking off/on to a new guy but he lives far away tho in the process of selling my home so that's also keeping me busy.

 

 

Cocochai, in my situation, it was the d-day that made all the difference. I truly believe that as others have said, once a d-day happens, things can never be the same. So, whether or not he is working on his marraige or pretending or back in love with his wife, a d-day changes everything no matter which AP experiences it. WE just fell into a NC after d-day without even formally agreeing to it. After some texts, e-mails and phone calls, it just happened that both of us stopped contacting each other. Two weeks ago, I sent an e-mail to 'our' account not knowing if he ever even got it. So, I am faced with wondering did he get it? did he not respond? did he close the account? The list goes on and on.....and, it was the worst thing I would have done after almost 3 months of NC. I WILL NOT do it again. Bottom line is that a d-day makes coming back a risk for losing his family. Even if the dusts settles and he ever reaches out, it will NEVER be the same.

[Cocochai]

Cocochai, in my situation, it was the d-day that made all the difference. I truly believe that as others have said, once a d-day happens, things can never be the same. So, whether or not he is working on his marraige or pretending or back in love with his wife, a d-day changes everything no matter which AP experiences it. WE just fell into a NC after d-day without even formally agreeing to it. After some texts, e-mails and phone calls, it just happened that both of us stopped contacting each other. Two weeks ago, I sent an e-mail to 'our' account not knowing if he ever even got it. So, I am faced with wondering did he get it? did he not respond? did he close the account? The list goes on and on.....and, it was the worst thing I would have done after almost 3 months of NC. I WILL NOT do it again. Bottom line is that a d-day makes coming back a risk for losing his family. Even if the dusts settles and he ever reaches out, it will NEVER be the same.

 

Ive followed your story Mickey and with every post, it seems like your accepting what happend, letting go and moving on.

 

Remember each day/week/month gets better with time. I can see it already.

[FoolishOW]

I was having a conversation with my coworker and he believes that if a MM truly loved his OW... He would not be able to go weeks/months with NC and try to resume the A after. In other words if he's capable of doing that, he's only using her.

 

I honestly don't know what goes on in a MM's mind during the NC phases (for those who keep repeating the cycle).

 

1) is he working on his M?

2) is he "pretending" to work on his M

3) He's selfish so as long as you as the OW allows him NOT to come back, he'll eventually find a new AP.

 

I know we as the OW shouldn't be thinking about that, rather then just move on but still.... Sometimes I can't help myself.

 

If you had to choose which one would it be in your case and... What have you been doing during your NC period?

 

In my case, it's #3 (rolling eyes).

What I've been doing is concentrating on my happiness, and slowly getting over my emotions for XMM.. Even been talking off/on to a new guy but he lives far away tho in the process of selling my home so that's also keeping me busy.

 

 

Seems to me (and JUST MY opinion) that NC (hate that term, btw...) has a mental component to it that many either don't realize, or simply don't engage in. I understand how difficult it is to mentally break away from a relationship, and another human being, but NC isn't enough if all it means is that you aren't "communicating" with each other. Maybe that's why I don't like the term. It reminds me of my days in college when girls would proudly declare they were still virgins, only to later learn they'd performed every sexual act under the sun (yikes!), other than intercourse. Sure... I suppose technically they were still "virgins", at least in their own eyes.

 

 

People often say, "We've been NC for 'fill in the blank' number of weeks, or months", yet virtually every moment of the day and night are spent dissecting every minute detail of what this or that means for you (general you), or for him/her. If you're still allowing yourself to be consumed by... what are their thoughts, how do they feel today, what cryptic message did their latest activity send, why was that picture posted, what does everyone else think, how have others handled this, and what are the possible outcomes I can expect, then, in my view, NC will never accomplish the actual goal, assuming 'getting over someone in a healthy way' IS the goal.

 

 

There is definitely value in LS, and it serves a great purpose in allowing people to see that they are not alone, and that others have shared their difficult experiences and can offer helpful support and viewpoints. But LS, or ANY similar board, can also completely block any ability you have to move forward if used in such a way that it perpetuates every feeling you're attempting to get past. AGAIN, it provides a great place to relate to others, and either find or give emotional support and words of wisdom, but... I think it's wise to truly identify the purpose it serves for YOU, and your ability to reach your end goal. For the record, my thoughts are truly NOT directed at any one poster. I'm writing it "here" simply because this is where the thought hit me.

 

 

If, the minute you log on, you find yourself in exactly the same place you were yesterday (emotionally speaking), and you're perusing responses to either give you further hope, or confirm that he/she probably did really love you, or to ask, "If I do "this", would 15 people expect "that" to happen"?, or any other consistent stream of similar thoughts or threads, can there really be any question as to why, weeks or months down the road, you find you've made so little progress?

 

 

It's true, especially in this category (OW/OM) that often much of what occurs in these relationships (specifically), tends to be based largely on 'interpretation' by both parties. I say that because often there is less available time and communication than in, say... a marriage, simply due to logistics and geography. I suppose this isn't always the case, but those in these relationships inherently spend more (or at least equal) mental time in the relationship than physical time, just by virtue of the fact that they are not the primary party involved. (Hope that makes sense... it's not a knock on anyone.) That said, the mental portion of the relationship sometimes seems to continue on, almost uninterrupted, when the LS audience becomes a replacement for the missing party (partner).

 

 

All I'm really trying to say (in about a million words), is that when you want to move forward from someone, or disengage from the way they continue to overpower your every thought, NC is a great place to start, but you also have to give yourself time and space TO ACTUALLY STOP coming back to the same place in your head/heart. YOU are the only one who can REFOCUS yourself, no one else on here can take that step for you.

 

 

I understand why this forum exists, and all of the help/good that it does for many, many people, but I caution some to take a break from time to time, just to stop the constant cycle of recycled thoughts. Get outside, breath in the fresh air, appreciate ALL the good going on in your life, and let that help to cleanse you. WE ARE, AND REMAIN, AS STUCK/HURT/POWERLESS/VICTIMIZED/HOPELESS, AS WE ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE. Give yourself a break from all of it every now and then. Give some real happiness a fighting chance in your brain. It's great medicine for what ails you. Happy Easter everyone!

[Mickey1982]

Ive followed your story Mickey and with every post, it seems like your accepting what happend, letting go and moving on.

 

Remember each day/week/month gets better with time. I can see it already.

 

 

Cocochai, I just don't believe there is anything I can do at this point to change anything. Do I still love him? YES. Do I miss him? YES. Do I hope that someday he is back in my life? YES. But, I can't make him and I was so angry with myself after that last e-mail, that I WILL NOT contact him again. He knows how to find me. I still feel the pain and hurt, but honestly, what I can do to change things? Nada......

[Mickey1982]

Coworker would be wrong about me...

 

I love my xAP. I tell myself everything I can to maintain NC, because she asked me to. GOD I don't want to, though.

 

I do what work I do on my M because I have to. It's a car that is broken down, will always be broken down, but it needs to be maintained. There are people in the car who have to get somewhere and it's their only sure ride. (ok, analogy is breaking down)

 

Not a day goes by that I don't think of xAP, want her, to simply chit chat even (over a year and a half now). But she's the opposite now/still toward me/us. Despite this, I believe in her. Because I know I know her; what we said we wanted from each other; we weren't lying to each other and weren't making promises we couldn't keep. ANYONE else is (and would be) a counterfeit of her, and she is irreplaceable. Yes, sucks for me these days.

 

But when it comes to hanging in there, I'd guess I'm rare? idk. I am certainly dumbfounded by all the people who dehumanize themselves and their xAPs to go simply replace them. I don't understand that. At. all. I don't mind saying I'm weird.

 

G

 

 

Gunther, it is comforting to know that some exMM still love their AP even after having a d-day.

 

It is something that eats away at me all the time, and even though deep down I know he loved me, when d-day happens and they walk away, you question EVERYTHING.

 

Thank you for sharing this from a male's perspective who had a d-day.

[forbidden_love]

What are you doing to keep yourself happy and going with moving on?

Not happy just existing. Today I met him and for the first time, I didn't feel like slapping his face in an emotional frenzy. I just thought he seemed a bit weak for the first time. He was really a pussy. When I made him see the truth, he says in a pathetic voice'' leave him alone , leave me alone '' like he is going to bang his head somewhere. I should, I know, but we always bump into each other constantly and it is hard to let go. We are meeting once a week and I do not know if that is better than NC.

 

Romantic love is a selfish love. It wants, what it wants

Edited April 18, 2014 by forbidden_love

[lollipopspot]

I was having a conversation with my coworker and he believes that if a MM truly loved his OW... He would not be able to go weeks/months with NC and try to resume the A after.

 

Well of course that's not true. Someone would "be able" to go no contact despite the relationship. Some people just have more self control than others.

[Cocochai]

Seems to me (and JUST MY opinion) that NC (hate that term, btw...) has a mental component to it that many either don't realize, or simply don't engage in. I understand how difficult it is to mentally break away from a relationship, and another human being, but NC isn't enough if all it means is that you aren't "communicating" with each other. Maybe that's why I don't like the term. It reminds me of my days in college when girls would proudly declare they were still virgins, only to later learn they'd performed every sexual act under the sun (yikes!), other than intercourse. Sure... I suppose technically they were still "virgins", at least in their own eyes.

 

 

People often say, "We've been NC for 'fill in the blank' number of weeks, or months", yet virtually every moment of the day and night are spent dissecting every minute detail of what this or that means for you (general you), or for him/her. If you're still allowing yourself to be consumed by... what are their thoughts, how do they feel today, what cryptic message did their latest activity send, why was that picture posted, what does everyone else think, how have others handled this, and what are the possible outcomes I can expect, then, in my view, NC will never accomplish the actual goal, assuming 'getting over someone in a healthy way' IS the goal.

 

 

There is definitely value in LS, and it serves a great purpose in allowing people to see that they are not alone, and that others have shared their difficult experiences and can offer helpful support and viewpoints. But LS, or ANY similar board, can also completely block any ability you have to move forward if used in such a way that it perpetuates every feeling you're attempting to get past. AGAIN, it provides a great place to relate to others, and either find or give emotional support and words of wisdom, but... I think it's wise to truly identify the purpose it serves for YOU, and your ability to reach your end goal. For the record, my thoughts are truly NOT directed at any one poster. I'm writing it "here" simply because this is where the thought hit me.

 

 

If, the minute you log on, you find yourself in exactly the same place you were yesterday (emotionally speaking), and you're perusing responses to either give you further hope, or confirm that he/she probably did really love you, or to ask, "If I do "this", would 15 people expect "that" to happen"?, or any other consistent stream of similar thoughts or threads, can there really be any question as to why, weeks or months down the road, you find you've made so little progress?

 

 

It's true, especially in this category (OW/OM) that often much of what occurs in these relationships (specifically), tends to be based largely on 'interpretation' by both parties. I say that because often there is less available time and communication than in, say... a marriage, simply due to logistics and geography. I suppose this isn't always the case, but those in these relationships inherently spend more (or at least equal) mental time in the relationship than physical time, just by virtue of the fact that they are not the primary party involved. (Hope that makes sense... it's not a knock on anyone.) That said, the mental portion of the relationship sometimes seems to continue on, almost uninterrupted, when the LS audience becomes a replacement for the missing party (partner).

 

 

All I'm really trying to say (in about a million words), is that when you want to move forward from someone, or disengage from the way they continue to overpower your every thought, NC is a great place to start, but you also have to give yourself time and space TO ACTUALLY STOP coming back to the same place in your head/heart. YOU are the only one who can REFOCUS yourself, no one else on here can take that step for you.

 

I understand why this forum exists, and all of the help/good that it does for many, many people, but I caution some to take a break from time to time, just to stop the constant cycle of recycled thoughts. Get outside, breath in the fresh air, appreciate ALL the good going on in your life, and let that help to cleanse you. WE ARE, AND REMAIN, AS STUCK/HURT/POWERLESS/VICTIMIZED/HOPELESS, AS WE ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE. Give yourself a break from all of it every now and then. Give some real happiness a fighting chance in your brain. It's great medicine for what ails you. Happy Easter everyone!

 

I agree! Especially the bolded... Sometimes I do need to take a break because I read similar situations and it takes me back to my XMM.

 

I also have a hard time breaking because I love giving advise. I loved your reply!

[P1nginLOVE]

Seems to me (and JUST MY opinion) that NC (hate that term, btw...) has a mental component to it that many either don't realize, or simply don't engage in. I understand how difficult it is to mentally break away from a relationship, and another human being, but NC isn't enough if all it means is that you aren't "communicating" with each other. Maybe that's why I don't like the term. It reminds me of my days in college when girls would proudly declare they were still virgins, only to later learn they'd performed every sexual act under the sun (yikes!), other than intercourse. Sure... I suppose technically they were still "virgins", at least in their own eyes.

 

 

People often say, "We've been NC for 'fill in the blank' number of weeks, or months", yet virtually every moment of the day and night are spent dissecting every minute detail of what this or that means for you (general you), or for him/her. If you're still allowing yourself to be consumed by... what are their thoughts, how do they feel today, what cryptic message did their latest activity send, why was that picture posted, what does everyone else think, how have others handled this, and what are the possible outcomes I can expect, then, in my view, NC will never accomplish the actual goal, assuming 'getting over someone in a healthy way' IS the goal.

 

 

There is definitely value in LS, and it serves a great purpose in allowing people to see that they are not alone, and that others have shared their difficult experiences and can offer helpful support and viewpoints. But LS, or ANY similar board, can also completely block any ability you have to move forward if used in such a way that it perpetuates every feeling you're attempting to get past. AGAIN, it provides a great place to relate to others, and either find or give emotional support and words of wisdom, but... I think it's wise to truly identify the purpose it serves for YOU, and your ability to reach your end goal. For the record, my thoughts are truly NOT directed at any one poster. I'm writing it "here" simply because this is where the thought hit me.

 

 

If, the minute you log on, you find yourself in exactly the same place you were yesterday (emotionally speaking), and you're perusing responses to either give you further hope, or confirm that he/she probably did really love you, or to ask, "If I do "this", would 15 people expect "that" to happen"?, or any other consistent stream of similar thoughts or threads, can there really be any question as to why, weeks or months down the road, you find you've made so little progress?

 

 

It's true, especially in this category (OW/OM) that often much of what occurs in these relationships (specifically), tends to be based largely on 'interpretation' by both parties. I say that because often there is less available time and communication than in, say... a marriage, simply due to logistics and geography. I suppose this isn't always the case, but those in these relationships inherently spend more (or at least equal) mental time in the relationship than physical time, just by virtue of the fact that they are not the primary party involved. (Hope that makes sense... it's not a knock on anyone.) That said, the mental portion of the relationship sometimes seems to continue on, almost uninterrupted, when the LS audience becomes a replacement for the missing party (partner).

 

 

All I'm really trying to say (in about a million words), is that when you want to move forward from someone, or disengage from the way they continue to overpower your every thought, NC is a great place to start, but you also have to give yourself time and space TO ACTUALLY STOP coming back to the same place in your head/heart. YOU are the only one who can REFOCUS yourself, no one else on here can take that step for you.

 

 

I understand why this forum exists, and all of the help/good that it does for many, many people, but I caution some to take a break from time to time, just to stop the constant cycle of recycled thoughts. Get outside, breath in the fresh air, appreciate ALL the good going on in your life, and let that help to cleanse you. WE ARE, AND REMAIN, AS STUCK/HURT/POWERLESS/VICTIMIZED/HOPELESS, AS WE ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE. Give yourself a break from all of it every now and then. Give some real happiness a fighting chance in your brain. It's great medicine for what ails you. Happy Easter everyone!

 

 

 

So truly agree....n after doing NC 3x..... I get to the point that actually I NEVER actually did it because his image keeps consuming my mind.

Now we're LC, as I decided I am not strong enough to maintain NC.

We meet only once a week and don't exchange emails on weekends or holiday.

I guess it will never finally over unless he's the one who goes NC.

 

Thank you for sharing your opinion!

[P1nginLOVE]

Not happy just existing. Today I met him and for the first time, I didn't feel like slapping his face in an emotional frenzy. I just thought he seemed a bit weak for the first time. He was really a pussy. When I made him see the truth, he says in a pathetic voice'' leave him alone , leave me alone '' like he is going to bang his head somewhere. I should, I know, but we always bump into each other constantly and it is hard to let go. We are meeting once a week and I do not know if that is better than NC.

 

Romantic love is a selfish love. It wants, what it wants

 

 

I can relate to your story...except for emotionally wanting to slap my MMs face.

We're LC now though he actually wants to see me often, but he accepts me just wanting to see him 1x a week. I guess the last NC, where we didn't meet for 2 months, made him realize that I could disappear and he wants to spend more time with me now before I initiate NC again.

He knows very well the conflicts of guilt that I have within so...he's expecting I will repeat this pattern.

We had quite intense communication before...and after the first, second, and the last NC....we now just exchange brief emails during weekdays.

 

I know I'm hurting his W, who has asked me to leave him, but...as you said....

Romantic love is selfish!

[forbidden_love]

I can relate to your story...except for emotionally wanting to slap my MMs face.

We're LC now though he actually wants to see me often, but he accepts me just wanting to see him 1x a week. I guess the last NC, where we didn't meet for 2 months, made him realize that I could disappear and he wants to spend more time with me now before I initiate NC again.

He knows very well the conflicts of guilt that I have within so...he's expecting I will repeat this pattern.

We had quite intense communication before...and after the first, second, and the last NC....we now just exchange brief emails during weekdays.

 

I know I'm hurting his W, who has asked me to leave him, but...as you said....

Romantic love is selfish!

 

I don't get why she would ask you, why does she not ask him? It is okay him being there in body, but what about in his head? You should never guilt trip someone into staying. When you love someone like this sometimes there is this almighty pull to see them and nothing can stop you.

 

Are you married? I must read your story.

[Attachment issues]

FoolishOW, thank you for saying how I feel about all this talk of NC. I am divorced 3 times and NC just happens in life. I have not hit a DD yet in this A I am in, but I am prepared to move on in life if I need to. I get that these As have an obsessive side to them especially when you are single (I was married when this started) and waiting for those texts from MM. I think better to have positive activities to move on than a discipline concept NC, that makes you focus on what you can't have.

 

OP, I know my MM would be open to a new AP if I go away. Many people here have "weak" boundaries and he wants love and sex. That's how this started.

[FoolishOW]

FoolishOW, thank you for saying how I feel about all this talk of NC. I am divorced 3 times and NC just happens in life. I have not hit a DD yet in this A I am in, but I am prepared to move on in life if I need to. I get that these As have an obsessive side to them especially when you are single (I was married when this started) and waiting for those texts from MM. I think better to have positive activities to move on than a discipline concept NC, that makes you focus on what you can't have.

 

OP, I know my MM would be open to a new AP if I go away. Many people here have "weak" boundaries and he wants love and sex. That's how this started.

 

 

I'm not here to judge how or why people handle things the way they do, as that serves no purpose whatsoever, for me or anyone, but when I needed a place to relate to (almost a year ago), this is where I came. I realized, pretty quickly, that the moment I logged on, I began thinking of what I DIDN'T want to think about, or was trying desperately to get beyond. It was at that point that I closed the top of my laptop, rather dramatically I might add, lol, and thought, this is the most counterproductive activity in the world right now for me.

 

 

For me, I had to gain some well needed distance from my situation, and constantly reading here (didn't post much) kept me in "Groundhog Day" mode. I'm now in a great place, my "before" place, if you will, so hanging around on LS no longer bothers me at all. That's what compelled me to write what I wrote. It really was experience talking. Hopefully it might give others an idea to consider. Thanks to those who commented!

[forbidden_love]

I get upset just writing this but right now i am really suffering. I miss having him at the end of the phone every day and it is the holidays so I know that he is surrounded by most of HER family. The NC sucks as just a call would alleviate this pain but he will not do that as he thinks 'he is doing the right thing'. And it is so weird because the moment I do see him (in two days) the pain will just disappear and i will forget how hard it was.

[Poppy's sister]

forbidden love...are you me ????? )

 

in very similar situation, having endless dramatic conversations in my head with him, know that come seeing him in 2 days time...i will feel ok again...

 

bloody hell...when does it get to the point of being too hard ?

I think i am there every day and then fall back into it all over again.

[P1nginLOVE]

I don't get why she would ask you, why does she not ask him? It is okay him being there in body, but what about in his head? You should never guilt trip someone into staying. When you love someone like this sometimes there is this almighty pull to see them and nothing can stop you.

 

Are you married? I must read your story.

 

 

My MM is practically a selfish king. He doesn't care of his W's happiness.

She admitted to me that she has suffered severe psychological harassment from him, which I believe he's able to do, but he hasn't showed me that character though I offended him at times, but he's been gentle to me up to this moment.

I imagine they fight everyday...

 

He divorced his 1st W, for this woman 11 years ago.

She's been unhappy for years, but she stays for her son.

I don't want him to leave her... I don't want to be his next W...

But I do love him.

 

I broke our 3rd NC, went LC, and recently we resumed our A by his request...but I refused to have sex...we only kiss n hold hands.

He said the connection he felt for me was more than physical attraction, so I asked him to prove that. We've dated 4x in the last 3 weeks and no sex..

In a way, it helped me to detach myself from him and reduce my feelings for him...and honestly I'm thinking of finding a single straight guy...but haven't found one and afraid that eventually the new guy is a bad choice too.