XWS, answer this

[snappytomcat]

ok so it will be a year in june that we had our dday,and my husband cant even bring himself to say the XOW,name his body has a jerk reaction when I even say her name,he says his skin crawls,her name is a common popular name,actually a very nice name,and even when he hears this name on tv,he has a reaction,ive asked him about this,and he says this name brings back horrible memories,and I tell him to get over it,since its a very popular name,but I also read that some ws,don't like bs even mentioning the om/ow name.

[compulsivedancer]

My OW has a common name. I hate it because I frequently interact with guys with that name. It is a little ping every time I hear it. The name is not so common that I've gotten used to it. It's also frustrating because we know enough people with his name that I find myself just avoiding talking about those people, because I am afraid I'm triggering H every time it comes up.

[anne1707]

The exOM has a common name so it is a name my husband and I have to use when talking about others. It did make me feel uncomfortable especially in the first year but that has eased with time. As for the exOM, I still work with him and as I will talk about work with my husband and I am not going to hide my interactions with the exOM, we have given him his own "special" name that we can use.

[veryhappy]

There must be a person in your life who when he/she was a child was forced to eat or drink something and threw up violently? And they can't have that item to the day?

 

It's the same thing. The OW became a symbol and a trigger of all that pain to your h.

 

I'm on the other end and the end of my a still makes me nauseaous. Even if I wanted to resume the a, I simply can't. My body is screaming no automatically just for the sheer pain and agony it has endured.

[frogss29]

BS here.....but I think it is just pure guilt.

If a FWS has chosen to R - REALLY R, then memories of that person must make them feel sick with shame and guilt for what they have done to the person who they promised never to hurt.

A FWS must still have fond/lustful/secret memories of their time with the AP. And that must make them feel sick to their stomach.

[anne1707]

BS here.....but I think it is just pure guilt.

If a WS has chosen to R - REALLY R, then memories of that person must make them feel sick with shame and guilt for what they have done to the person who they promised never to hurt.

A WS must still have fond/lustful/secret memories of their time with the AP. And that must make them feel sick to their stomach.

 

I promise you as a fWS that the memories that are causing you to feel sick are not necessarily based on lustful, fond thoughts. How about remembering the pain you have caused your BS? How you have hurt the person who matters most to you? It was those thoughts that made me feel sick.

[frogss29]

I promise you as a fWS that the memories that are causing you to feel sick are not necessarily based on lustful, fond thoughts. How about remembering the pain you have caused your BS? How you have hurt the person who matters most to you? It was those thoughts that made me feel sick.

 

 

Well, I am happy for your husband Hope all FWS feel that way. I suppose looking into the eyes of a destroyed partner would go a good way in destroying any lingering memories.

Anne, sounds like you made it through those tough times.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

I mentioned this on the other thread, so I'll chime in.

 

In our dealing with her affair (verbal and writing) my wife does not mention OM by name. I believe it is it out of shame. I believe that once the affair was over and the OM left the company, that my wife started trying to forget the A and the OM. (She was a master rug sweeper!) She once told me that she doesn't think about the OM out of respect for me. I don't have any reason not to believe her. Being this far out from the affair, I believe that she doesn't see any "good" from the affair. She sees it for what it really was = destructive.

 

As for me, the name is not very common. It's not uncommon either. Like "Barry" or "Keith". You hear it from time to time, but it is not heard or read on a regular basis. I cringe whenever I hear that name. I doubt I could be buddy-buddy with any guy with that name. Not now, anyways.

[KaliLove]

My exH's OW has a name that was very popular among California cheerleaders in the 80's. Every time I hear it I automatically remove the last syllable and add the word sl*t, but I think I did that before I met her. I can't help it..it just happens! My bad...