Aciano Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 This has to be long because the situation is so complicated, but I’m sorry for the length. There's a tl;dr at the bottom if you'd like. I'm a college freshman and I live in the dorms. We've all become very close in my hall, but only two people are relevant here and I will call them Jacob [18m] and Nicole [19f]. Jacob and Nicole were very close from the start and I kind of came in later. We all became good friends quickly and everything seemed relatively normal, though I believe the bond between them has continued to be slightly stronger than what they have with me. A couple months ago, I realized I had developed a little crush on Jacob. I chalked it up to our constant physical and emotional closeness and ignored it. In addition, Jacob and I always had a habit of kissing (just pecks) and cuddling/grinding when we drank. Of course, our friends caught on that something was different and began teasing (all friendly) Jacob and me. We brushed it off, my crush disappeared after a week or two, and everything was normal though the jokes continued. Things got really crazy last week. I'm in a sorority, so I went to a party with my sisters while my hall mates (including Jacob and Nicole) drank in the dorms. When I returned, Jacob was the only one awake and he was drunk, as was I. We were hanging out in his room and ended up making out and eventually having sex. Since then, my crush on him has come back and worse than before. We acted like normal friends the next morning but briefly discussed it. We agreed that it was fun, but we'd never do it again because we were supposed to be friends. Then a few days later, I told my best friend/roommate, who freaked out. Turns out, Nicole told her just the other day that she gave Jacob a blowjob on the same night I slept with him, and she'd done sexual things with him (not actual sex) 2 nights before that. I was pissed and I told Nicole everything. We both confronted him and he apologized profusely, claiming he was drunk and didn't plan on any of that happening at all. He said he used to like each of us at one time and felt that it contributed to what happened. It was really awkward, seemed genuinely sorry, and said he’d understand if we decided we didn't want to be around him anymore. Also, I tend to believe him because before when we were grinding on his bed, he stopped because he said he “didn't want me to get the wrong impression.” After all 3 of us talked, he and I talked alone for several hours. He told me that he never usually had full on sex on the first night (most likely true because he’s always said this) but with me, he did because he still liked me. I confessed that I liked him too. The next day, I asked him if he still liked Nicole. He said he did at one time but not anymore. Our friends seem to back this up. They say they've known for months that something was up between Jacob and I, but only got that vibe from Jacob and Nicole in the beginning and it didn't last long. They did say that Nicole clearly likes him, which I agree with because she always looks noticeably sad when Jacob and I hug/cuddle/anything. Then yesterday he went out with his pledge brothers (he just got into a frat) and took a hit from a bong for the first time. He came back and started having a bad trip. And who does he call? Nicole. He said it was because he thought I would panic and freak him out even more. It’s true that I tend to be dramatic while Nicole always keeps calm, but I have more experience with bad trips than Nicole and he knows that. On the other hand, he left to go home that night and hugged us both goodbye. With her, he did a one-armed “friend” kind of hug. With me, he actually wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me. He also texted me when he got to the airport that night and said good night with a smiley face and a heart. I’m not sure if I’m overanalyzing everything and being ridiculous or not. Help? tl;dr: Had sex with one of my best friends. Found out a few days later that he got a blowjob from another one of my best friends on the same night. He claims he used to like her but doesn't anymore and currently likes me. I like him back and I know she does too. He treats me more "coupley" and our friends say something is up between us, but he still called her first when he had a bad trip. What am I supposed to do? Link to post Share on other sites
The dot Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 We're now seeing clearly what the issue is here, and it's not what you think. The three of you are all too young and immature to be in serious committed relationships. It's that simple. It's natural for people your age to want to experiment with a variety of sexual partners, and that's what you should be doing. But trying to commit to ONE person so early in life is a waste of time. If you don't believe me, look up the divorce rate between people who marry before 21. The way to deal with it is to simply focus on living your life and having a good time -- and letting your friends do the same thing. Just make sure you do it in a responsible way (you know, safe sex and all that). There will be plenty of time for monogamous relationships when you grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Aciano, I am stuck in this strange love triangle with 2 of my best friends No you aren't. You're not stuck in anything. No-one forced you to be in it, you're in it because you want to be in it. You're in college to get an education, not to mess around with sex, drink and drugs. Take responsibility, grow up and do some studying so you can be a productive member of society and support yourself. If you don't you may find yourself stuck on skid row with all the other dropouts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aciano Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 (edited) Aciano, No you aren't. You're not stuck in anything. No-one forced you to be in it, you're in it because you want to be in it. You're in college to get an education, not to mess around with sex, drink and drugs. Take responsibility, grow up and do some studying so you can be a productive member of society and support yourself. If you don't you may find yourself stuck on skid row with all the other dropouts. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what this has to do with the situation I asked about. If you must know, we attend UCLA and all have over 3.0 GPAs. I understand drinking and experimenting isn't for everyone but like it or not, it's part of the college culture and it isn't affecting our studies. I'm taking 17 units, working at a part-time job, a member of a sorority, and do volunteer work on the side. It's rather extreme to assume I might become homeless because I had one drunken hook up with a friend. Edited April 18, 2014 by Aciano Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 It's not 'part of college culture' at all. It's what you make it. If part of college culture was shaving your head and joining a gang which murdered anyone over 60, would you do it? Of course not, that's utterly ridiculous. Simply because you label it 'college culture' doesn't mean you have to participate... And as Arieswoman rightly said, you have a choice; you're not 'stuck'. Tell him that he has to make a choice; an open and public one. Whatever he chooses, go with it, but if he's willing to mess around like this - you really want someone who seriously sounds like a player? Link to post Share on other sites
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