The Singer Wants to Date Me

[coaster]

I have been with my boyfriend for more than 6 years. We were high school sweethearts and have broken up a few times, but have gone back together after a few months. For the last 2 and a half years, we've been together straight and our relationship has been very stable.

 

I am very satisfied with Eric and know that he is too. We are both turning 24 this year and are talking about serious things like getting engaged and buying a house together.

 

Okay, so now you're wondering, what is this girl's problem?

 

Well, in my line of work, I deal with many good looking, young musicians. These guys are generally my age and like to ask me out on dates or some kind of social event, which I always turn down. Although Eric has voiced his insecurity about this, I have told him and know that nothing will come of it. Until now.

 

There is this one guy, "Bruce," who has asked me out several times and has told many people that he is attracted to me. Now, just to put this into perspective, Bruce is in a band that has a music video on MTV, so he is pretty popular. I always tell him no, but I always wish I could say yes. Not because he is popular, or good looking (because, yes he is both of those) but because he is different from Eric, in a way that I like. I haven't told Bruce that I am practically married, which I always do when I get approached. I guess it's because I like his attention and hope to get it whenever I see him. And there is some flirting back on my end.

 

Anyway, I feel horrible. I feel like I'm cheating on Eric. If the tables were turned, I would be so furious. But I never seem to do the right thing around Bruce. And I want to so bad! I know that if I get involved with Bruce that I would inevitably hurt Eric, so I try to keep Bruce out of my life (and head).

 

What I really want myself to do is to tell Bruce that I am not available and to cease from responding to his attention. I hope someone out there could give me some advice on how. I would like to be friends with Bruce still. I don't know. Any words of wisdom would be great. Please don't tell me how stupid or how much of a harlot I am. I feel bad enough. Thanks.

[moimeme]

It is all up to you. You have to keep telling yourself 'no'. Don't look at him except rarely. Absolutely don't gaze at his cute self. Don't smile at him much. Be cool and civil but not friendly. Maybe even be cooler than you are to other people. Don't daydream about him. This is entirely within your control but you have to take the above steps and you have to force yourself to do so. And don't worry about him. If he's that popular, he won't be lonely at all for lack of dating you.

[morrigan]

It's fine to be friends with guys you meet, but it is not a bad idea to distance yourself from this guy. Your company may have a policy against staff fraternizing with clients as well. Don't ask co-workers about him. Stop daydreaming about him, and don't go out of your way to see or talk to him, unless it's business. Snap a rubber band against your wrist if you have to!

 

Just realize that you don't know this guy very well. This guy may like you, but he may like various other attractive women as well. You probably know by now that you will always meet some guys from bands who are big flirts or players.

[fiatflux]

Well...you've never had problems telling other guys that you have a boyfriend ... so you know how. You just don't want to. The problem is that there is just no halfway point unless you want to cheat on Eric without his knowledge. You must either tell Eric you want to date other people, or tell Bruce that you're taken. You know this; you are just not wanting to destroy the Bruce fantasy because it's such a thrill. Well, I guess there is another option. Just keep on doing what you're doing, which is not really cheating, but it is leading Bruce on and that may or may not one day come to a 'head' ... no pun intended.