passion_flower Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I grew up as an only child so did not exactly have that worry but I do remember growing up feeling quite distant to my mum at times, e.g feeling that she resented me although I do remember some good times. I guess I have always felt closer to my dad as even when we haven't gotten along like he's been angry at me, I've always felt it was for genuine reasons and that there was consistency there - if that makes sense? I remember having some photos that I really loved where me and mum look really happy together but my mum gave them to my aunt so she could make copies of them some years ago and we never got them back as she lost them, which I was and still am very disappointed about. When I was about 18 my 40 something year old cousin who lives about 60 miles away and who I'd never really met before started visiting and since then I've always had an underlying feeling that mums always preferred her to me. She is quite different to me in that she is more sociable and chatty which I used to have hang ups about but now have just accepted that I'm introverted. I don't think she likes me as I pick up on little looks she gives although she does make an effort to talk to me but I don't really feel a great connection to her. I also think my mum talks about me to her which sometimes I can brush off but does hurt me deep down. It's hard to give examples, it's just a vibe I get. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 My parents haven't really played favorites, although sometimes they egg on my brother when he antagonizes me....he has ADHD. I don't find it cute, but they seem to, yet they get upset when he pulls this behavior on them. It's very frustrating. He's done this all his life, yet we were both always punished for it and I was expected to take 50% of the blame. He's almost 30 years old and still antagonizes me in group situations. I feel ganged up on. As a result, I've learned to stay away from large family functions as much as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Mothers and daughters can have difficult relations at times. Are you sure you aren't projecting feeling less liked because of this cousin who visits your mom? Are you upset at your mom because so some else lost photos??? That wouldn't be fair. Why not suggest to your mom that you would like to have more pictures taken of you and her? Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Sorry... Forgot to answer the question...I do not feel as if my parents favor one of their kids over the other. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I love watching the scenes in Game of Thrones between Tyrion and his father because his father is just so honest about how much he can't stand having him as his child. It's a pretty common but never discussed feeling among parents. Including mine to answer your question. Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Don't forget that your cousin is closer in age to your mother, than you. If they share generations and personality types, is it so surprising that the two might hit it off better? That they might be able to socialize better, doesn't change that your mother will always love you, beyond anything that anyone who's not a mother, can possibly understand. She'd probably take a bullet for you. When it comes to favourites, I'm my father's little princess. In personality, we're the closest. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 My mother's favourite is herself. My dad has long been closer with my sister than my brother and I. She was older than us when my parents split and I think she and my dad really bonded then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I'm my mom's favorite. (But she's actually her own favorite, so it doesn't mean much). And my dad tried to make up for my mom playing favorites and ended up appearing to favor my sister so she wouldn't feel bad. But he and I are much closer than they are. Especially now. He was and is a great man and I wanted to be just like him. Link to post Share on other sites
jonsnuh Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Is it just an unproven theory that fathers connect better with their daughters? The Elektra complex comes to mind, but I'm not a psychologist by any standard. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I am my mum's favorite while my brother is my dad's. It's just because I have more similar personality to my mum. I know my dad loves me though, it's just that it's difficult to be emotionally close to him since he is not comfortable with displaying emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I am my mum's favorite while my brother is my dad's. It's just because I have more similar personality to my mum. I know my dad loves me though, it's just that it's difficult to be emotionally close to him since he is not comfortable with displaying emotions. You basically described my family as well!! I was never close to my dad. Never a daddy's girl, at all! He loves me and all, but we just never really bonded that much! In fact, it's only since I moved countries that I even notice how much he loves and is proud of me! Him and my brother though, as peas in a pod. I get along GREAT with my mom! So yeah... even though they always tried to hide it, my parents had favourites! My brother and I have come to terms with it a long time ago... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 You basically described my family as well!! I was never close to my dad. Never a daddy's girl, at all! He loves me and all, but we just never really bonded that much! In fact, it's only since I moved countries that I even notice how much he loves and is proud of me! Him and my brother though, as peas in a pod. I get along GREAT with my mom! So yeah... even though they always tried to hide it, my parents had favourites! My brother and I have come to terms with it a long time ago... My brother and me have long since come to terms with it but we are both aware of it. I was surprised to notice that my dad teared up when I told him I am moving 5 hours away for work! So he cares, we are just not that close. It would suck if both parents favorited our brother though :/ Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 My brother and me have long since come to terms with it but we are both aware of it. I was surprised to notice that my dad teared up when I told him I am moving 5 hours away for work! So he cares, we are just not that close. It would suck if both parents favorited our brother though :/ Oh yeah! That would be horrible! It was hard enough growing up knowing one parent favoured the other sibling! I always felt underappreciated! My dad and brother would team up to make fun of me. I'm sure my dad thought it was just good fun, but their mocking actually affected me deeply and I had terrible self confidence issues growing up. Luckily, when I started working and realised I was VERY good at my job, those issues disappeared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author passion_flower Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Mothers and daughters can have difficult relations at times. Are you sure you aren't projecting feeling less liked because of this cousin who visits your mom? Are you upset at your mom because so some else lost photos??? That wouldn't be fair. Why not suggest to your mom that you would like to have more pictures taken of you and her? Maybe. Even growing up I felt that she wished some of my friends were her daughter instead of me though. I think mum has always wished she was more outgoing/less shy and I've picked up on that but I'm ok being an introvert and have no interest in going out every night getting wrecked like a lot of girls my age. I'm not upset at mum for losing the photos, I guess I'm a bit annoyed that my aunt lost them but I don't hold it against her or anything. We have had plenty of photos taken together since but those photos were taken when I was about 3 years old and was the happiest I've seen her look with me when I was a kid and I won't get them back. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I don't know about other parents, but this is something I always have to be mindful of. Of all my kids, my 19 year old son is the most like me: interests, temperment, and especially sense of humor. I have to be aware of not showing favoritism, even though I have to admit I enjoy spending time with him most of all, and treating all of the kids the same. Of one thing there's no doubt: I'd give my life for any of them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 As a mom, my favorite child is the one I am with at that moment. I have felt that way about each one of my children. I think my children all believe that they are the favorite child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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