My story... (long)

[silenoz]

Since last September I've been trying to make things work between my ex and myself and now she's finally decided to give up.

 

It all started last May when she dumped me, and brought my whole life crashing down. We were together for over a year and a half at that stage and I was madly in love with her. She decided that things were getting stale in the relationship and she didn't want to work things out. So she left me. For a few weeks we still hung around but then she decided that she needed to get away from me completely. She told me to go away and get on with my life, but I couldn't leave her. We had never been with anyone else before.

When she told me to keep away from her, she started seeing other guys while I was left in torment. I tried to get through the summer by going home and staying with my family. It was torture; she just completely shut me out.

At the end of July I got out of the country and ended up meeting a nice girl who was also on holiday. Things blossomed from the conversations we shared during and after that night. I ended up visiting her in August and she visited me at the start September. My life was getting better and I was starting to move on from my ex. She went to another country to work.

Then she contacted me again and told me she had made so many mistakes during the summer and wanted to get back with me. I knew it was a bad idea... Then she told me she had slept with two guys. This nearly killed me.

But over time we talked and I thought we could work things out, she kept convincing me that she would do whatever it took. After many emails, phone calls, text messages etc… I told her that I wanted to see her again, so she agreed to fly over to see me again.

So by December she was back here and we were back together. For the first few days when she was over everything was amazing, it was like the way we were before last summer. Then I started to realise that she just didn’t seem too interested in me. Anytime I tried to have a conversation or give her any attention she just seemed to be somewhere else, thinking about everything except me.

After all the constant reassurances that she would give me so much attention and love me more than ever… Her heart didn’t seem to be in it.

After Xmas and into the New Year we just started feeling miserable, constantly bringing each other down. It started to really hurt because I knew I was going to lose her… And yet she kept up her constant reassurances that we would be together forever. She didn’t want anyone else but me.

So about a month ago she had to fly back to work, we talked again but not as much as usual, she started to become distant. She told me that she might have to give up if we kept bringing each other down. We kept in contact, at least 2-3 texts a day. Then a few days ago she stopped doing that. I asked her if she was okay, and she told me she had to sort her head out, things weren’t working between us. I told her about how I felt, that she didn’t seem interested in me. Her reply was to say that she couldn’t give me what I wanted; she was too busy to have a boyfriend. So she said it was for the best that we separated again.

After all the time I’ve given her, after all I’ve gone through she’s decided (again) that she doesn’t feel as strong about me, so now I’m hurt all over again.

She made me feel so amazing; I know I made her feel the same. I was always there for her when she needed me. And I loved her so much, and I know I still do. But no matter what I do for her she always ends up hurting me. She told me that this was our last chance, so I might never see her or hear from her again.

I would have spent the rest of my life with her; I can’t stop thinking about how great we were together. All the things we did together and went through together. All that’s left is memories and painful love. I can’t love anyone else, I’ve tried to make things work with other girls but it’s not the same. I feel I can never have what I had before, and right now life seems so pointless.

Ever since I’ve met that girl nearly two and a half years ago I’ve being thinking about her constantly every day. I don’t know if I could get her out of my head even if I wanted to. Why does life and love have to be so cruel? I’ve lost the love of my life, and it’s killing me. And I know that it’s only a matter of time before she finds someone again, she’ll be happy, and I’ll still be in pain.

Why do I always end up losing? All I’ve ever done to her is love her…

 

[sandra parker]

Hi,

 

Listen, none of us have the answers for you. We share or have shared your pain. I for one know just how you feel. You do need to understand that you can't change how she feels or what has happened.

The only thing we can change is ourselves. There are no magic answers. I have looked for them myself. Sometimes we just have toride the storm out and somewhere along the line we find the acceptance that it just was not meant to be.

I know that this is not what you want to hear but it is just the reality of these situations. Rejetion is awful as is the mourning of lost hopes and dreams.

You have to find it in yourself somehow to move on with your life. You maybe need to consider comparing your ex with a drug you can't be tempted with. Meaning start NC with her. Talking to her or seeing her will only make you long for what might have been. You gave it your all and it was not enough.

Think of her as being toxic material and stay away, Sandra

[bluechocolate]

We had never been with anyone else before.

 

Ask around - you'll discover that only a very tiny percentage of people end up staying with their "first real love", so this statement

 

I can’t love anyone else,

 

is utter garbage.

 

I feel I can never have what I had before,

 

With her - no - you can't. But you can't extrapolate that to the rest of the female population & for the rest of your life.

 

I don’t know if I could get her out of my head even if I wanted to.

 

Clearly if you don't want to stop thinking about her then you won't.

 

As Ms Parker said:

The only thing we can change is ourselves.

Accept that it's over & give yourself the time & permission to grieve.

[WantanS4]

How does one do that... when every now and then (roughly 2 months)... she manages to somehow magically call your mother to ask her how things are and let her know what she's doing???

 

I am upset with her..... there are days I hate her... there are days I don't understand why I'm even in this position...... and there are days that I don't even remember what she looked like.