Nine gagnon Posted April 8, 1999 Share Posted April 8, 1999 Well ive known my fiance for 10 years, we grew up together, then he and his family moved away,2,700 miles away.5 years later he moved back to my town, leaving his daughter back with the ex.We fell in love and got engaged, but I had not met his daughter.But about three weeks ago we went up to see her and he totally ignored me, and took the ex out to pay her bills, they went out for coffee and he moved back there leaving me here.He is expecting me to move up there next month.But he told me he wants to do coffee with the ex once a week so there child can see that they can be civil and not hate each other.But I totally dont agree with that.I dont know if for him to be doing all this is wrong or if im wrong.Someone please give me some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Steve Posted April 8, 1999 Share Posted April 8, 1999 It hurts-- that's what I think I'm hearing (reading). I don't know if you've talked to him yet-- but if you haven't; I would definitely suggest it. Open communication is key in a loving relationship. I'm not sure if this is way off base-- but it almost sounds like you weren't really asked your opinion of whether you wanted to move up there. In any case, I think your fiance has loose ends. He has responsibilities to his daughter and to the family he has left behind. It would be nice to integrate you into his previous family-- Perhaps that is a subject you might want to discuss with him. In any case, I get the impression that you are angry-- that you are angry about being put in second; and you have every right to be angry about that . But, I think maybe that this anger is being focused on an unrelated issue. It sounds like the reality of the situation is that he has a daughter-- that he (hopefully) feels responsible for. I would hope that he loves this little girl and that he wants the best for her. It sounds like meeting the ex for coffee and perhaps talking about this girl-- is something that a father is minimally obligated to do. I think in your heart deep down you know that. (jumping into uncharted territory) You deserve better than second-- and if you feel unhappy about the situation I think a good way to resolve it is to communicate with him. But maybe you're feeling a little jealous because he has feelings for his daughter or ex. These are legitimate fears and concerns-- perhaps one of your fears is that he will decide that he wants to go back to his old family. This is a very real concern-- and you've got to communicate with him...and then trust that he does love you and that he won't do that. Ugh, I'm not sure that this is helping-- let me take a break..I'll write more on this post later on. Sorry..I need to think about this more. Link to post Share on other sites
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