Popsicle Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Do/did you ladies ever wonder with the excuses your MM gave why he still engaged in the affair? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy's sister Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 my AP didnt give excuses or hasnt given excuses...i never asked him to leave wife, or asked him why he wouldnt. Only once a few momths ago did it come up in comversation whether he could imagine a life with me...his answer ' yes , every day'. but i did only ask if he could imagine it, not if he was going to do anything about it. I guess the others...well easy sex, adoring woman, attention, ego boost, intimacy, support...all the things whihc are maybe missing from marriage which sends people looking for it else where ... Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Good question. Anything of some substance, I suppose. "I don't love you in that way," "We are not compatible." Anything. I just felt that reason, although I'm sure a valid one, seemed lame with all he has said to me about how much he loves me and wishes we could be together. It made me feel unvalued and easily disregarded. Over 2 dogs that won't live forever and who are middle-aged. Just like when I told him "If you don't want me in a real R, you might lose me," he replied it was a risk that came with our R. It just doesn't sound the excuses are from someone who said they loved me. So I told him he could live and die unhappy by his principles, and feel free to do so if that's what he wants. I wish love was selective and that I could turn it off. Daisy -- gently -- as one xWS to another ... you are holding yourself back by being mired in both LC with a MM and in a bad (by your definition) marriage. You have told MM for months (years?) he might lose you. But he never does because you don't leave. I wouldn't get hung up on the dogs comment. That was probably tongue in cheek, a decoy "excuse." You frequently ponder (including on this particular thread) how he can say ILY but do this or not do that. As I learned from another LS poster, MM say ILY early and often because no follow-up is required. A single guy says it and he's gotta back it up with action. But this guy? Nada, you know he's married. Bam! He's covered. As to your comments about going dark but him "finding" you .... I don't recall your ever saying you changed your number or blocked him. I don't think he has to work too hard to find you. Your "friendship" is keeping you stuck, girl. You are letting life happen to you. You seem like a sweet, smart woman. Time to take action. End your unhappy M, cut Deacon Asshat loose and find yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Actually, it was probably pretty honest. I just happened to read an article this morning about "Deal-breaker" questions, from a blogger who has a set of questions she would ask someone before starting a relationship... I think that everyone should have their own set of deal-breaker questions that they at least consider from time to time, especially when they are in a new relationship. These are like the alarm bells of time wasting in relationships—a way to see whether you’re in it for the long haul or will you be unwilling to get past these things once the honeymoon phase is over. My absolute #1 deal breaker question: Does the person like/want to have pets? Animals are quite literally one of the most important things in my existence so it’s safe to say they will always be around. If he doesn’t like animals and wouldn’t consider changing his mind, I’d say long-term that might be a deal breaker. Totally agree! His first "excuse" was beyond ridiculous. As if anyone who truly loved another would walk away from something as significant as marriage because of a pet. SMH. What a colossal dork! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daisy2013 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Do/did you ladies ever wonder with the excuses your MM gave why he still engaged in the affair? Oh that's easy. You're irresistible, I'm selfish...I know I'm hurting you, you are good for my ego, I love you and don't want to stop seeing you. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Oh that's easy. You're irresistible, I'm selfish...I know I'm hurting you, you are good for my ego, I love you and don't want to stop seeing you. 10 characters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daisy2013 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) The best excuse for staying is "you are sweet and deserve so much more, and I just want to make you feel good. You don't have to do anything (sexual) to me." I.e., he likes to look at me and touch certain parts of me, but doesn't need me to return the favor. He gets excited at the way my body responds to him. Edited April 21, 2014 by Daisy2013 spelling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Regarding the kids: Sometimes I look at pictures of MM's kids that they've posted. They are so cute. I know he must love them to DEATH and could never hurt them. I imagine it must feel like hell to him to think of having to choose between your kids and a woman you love. Obviously, the kids are going to win if he has any sense of selflessness about him. I have kids and would never want to be in this position. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 My xMM had a hell of an excuse, which was actually for once something that was really true. See, he mixed up lies with truth and this way spinned me a web I got caught in. The eldest daughter of my xMM and his wife is severaly disabled. As in: is in a wheelchair, is deaf, mentally retarded. This child has been so often used as the excuse why a divorce would be hard and would take long, blablabla. He even once was talking on the phone with me, with his daughter next to me who asked who he was talking to (she can speak a bit, not very clearly but the family understands her and she lipreads). He told her my first name. Me in heave of course, was that not a sign of us being together in the future. Afterwards you realise that the poor kid most probably not have gotten a clue what my name was and would in any case never have been able to tell her mother that her dad had been talking to "PinkInTheLimo" on the phone. Shortly before we broke up it became clear to me that he uses his daughter often as an excuse, also in his professional life. Totally disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Shortly before we broke up it became clear to me that he uses his daughter often as an excuse, also in his professional life. I can believe this. Link to post Share on other sites
ZMM Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 He said "I can see us dating, but not married because you have dogs." (big dogs). He hates and is afraid of dogs. Sorry, but I don't think I like this guy. JK 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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