elliX Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 My ex bf of 3 years and I broke up 2 years ago and had no contact since the breakup. We ended up badly, he broke my heart but I am still not over him. He texted me out of the blue a month ago that he misses me, he needed too much courage to text me but he felt that he had no choice but contact me. I answered something like "What´s going on?". He replied back that nothing is going on and repeated that he misses me and wants to hear about me. His answer frustrated me deeply ( I expected that he would have apologized in the First place) and, driven by anger, I told him that I didn´t want any contact with him. I am very confused. Why is he contacting me after 2 years? Does he want me back? Or is it an ego-boost movement? Moreover, I regret the way I replied, I was mean I just wanted to hurt him too but I realise that now all the doors are closed. Is there anything I can say to make him contact me again, despite the fact that I told him that I want no contact? Any help is much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 he felt that he had no choice but contact me He replied back that nothing is going on He hasn't had a girl in a while and now checks for old ones if there are some willing among them. Go back to NC, it's pointless because it's just a message. No actions coming from his side and more importantly no apology; this is just a waste of time for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 "I miss you" does not mean "I want to get back with you". It means he's having a fit of nostalgia which likely will pass. If it's more than that, he'll be more forthcoming. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliX Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 Any ideas about how can I withdraw those mean words I texted back? Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 You could just apologize and say that his text took you by surprise. I agree that no ex is going to jump right in and say they want you back. That would be bizarre. You'll never know what he wants unless you ask. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I'm surprised that he kept your number for 2 years. I have no real advice.. but I'd be curious to know what he wants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliX Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 That´s true, this is why I am so confused about his purposes. And I will never figure out them, unless he contacts again, which seems sooooo unlikely after my sharp answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliX Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 An Ex that contacts you years later who might be interested / open to a second chance isn't going to contact you and state right out of the gate that they were wrong, made a mistake and beg for a second chance. They will do exactly what your Ex did. Contact and say "Hi", "I miss you", "How have you been", Etc. A part of me agrees with this, BUT I could not continue a conversation with the person who broke my heart showing no signs of regret. I know it has been a long time since the breakup but each single day of the last two years I kept thinking about how he could have done this to me and never regret. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 That´s true, this is why I am so confused about his purposes. And I will never figure out them, unless he contacts again, which seems sooooo unlikely after my sharp answer. There's no need to figure them out. If they mean anything substantial, he'll be more forthcoming. But trying to figure out what another person is thinking is one of the biggest wastes of time on the planet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliX Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 There's no need to figure them out. If they mean anything substantial, he'll be more forthcoming. But trying to figure out what another person is thinking is one of the biggest wastes of time on the planet. I cut him off, he will never be more forthcoming even if he is willing to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliX Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 What is wrong with someone breaking up? I have broke up with plenty of people and I am not a evil. I no longer felt the same about them and did what was best for both of us and ended it. Maybe there is more to the story of how things ended but if he didn't cheat or something bad like that... I don't see why he should regret anything. I obviously did not explain myself well. Nothing is wrong with someone breaking up. It was the way he did it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliX Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 What happened? It´s too complicated... To make a long story short, I initially broke up with him because of distance. I changed my mind over a month and called him to say that I declined a job offer in a distant place in order to be with him. I changed my whole life for him and he never replied back. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I cut him off, he will never be more forthcoming even if he is willing to. Oh well then. If he's willing to he won't care if you cut him off. He'll keep talking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I echo the advice of the above. If he really is someone you're open to - see who he's become over the past years and be cautious. He's not going to jump you out of the blue. Make a new relationship if you want it - as friends and then who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 So..he didn't break up with you. You broke up with him. Did he ask you to turn down the job and be with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Valen Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 It´s too complicated... To make a long story short, I initially broke up with him because of distance. I changed my mind over a month and called him to say that I declined a job offer in a distant place in order to be with him. I changed my whole life for him and he never replied back. So you dump him and change your mind a month later, and he didn't reply back til now, 2 yrs later? If that's how it went, I have some respect for the fella. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 So..he didn't break up with you. You broke up with him. Did he ask you to turn down the job and be with him? It posted before I could finish. If he did not ask you to do that, then you have absolutely no right to be angry at him. You dumped him and changed your mind and then you were angry to find out that he didn't want you back a month after you broke his heart. You took a leap, you made a grand gesture before you consulted him about it..it's not his fault that you turned that job down. Being mad at him in this case would put you VERY MUCH in the wrong, not him. If he did ask you to turn the job down and then stopped replying then yeah, he's a jerk. But if you don't want him back then why are you bothering with any of this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author elliX Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Oops. So he's not the dumper. You are. Not exactly. Let me explain. We had ons and offs during the 3 year relationship because HE dumped me, always for MINOR reasons ( eg I told him that he was snoring and he was offended). It was the only time I wanted space to make decisions which affected my whole life. I called to announce him that I finally declined the job and he didnt even say "dont count on me to your future plans" Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Yeah, it wasn't his responsibility to answer you and it wasn't his fault that you turned down the job. You still have no right to be angry at him for that. He sounds like a temperamental SOB though. If you do want to try again with him (which, honestly, I would not recommend at all because he sounds nuts) I would take it EXTREMELY slow and make sure he's made some major changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Raid Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 (edited) Oh well then. If he's willing to he won't care if you cut him off. He'll keep talking. Not sure why you guys keep expecting that after so long its the dumper who has to do ALL the work. I can understand if its <6 months but after so many years I think it has to be a duel-sided effort. I am going though this with my own ex (Together for 4 broken up for 5 years) where I was the dumper. We met up, talked, etc. didn't bring up our past relationship. Have been texting very low amounts over the past few weeks. I am at the stage were I have no idea if she is A. Not interested B. EXPECTING me to do all the work C. Playing games with me. She was the one who initiated the contact AND asked to meet up but never initiates conversation and basically deflects everything.. Edited April 19, 2014 by Raid Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Not sure why you guys keep expecting that after so long its the dumper who has to do ALL the work. I can understand if its <6 months but after so many years I think it has to be a duel-sided effort. I am going though this with my own ex (Together for 4 broken up for 5 years) where I was the dumper. We met up, talked, etc. didn't bring up our past relationship. Have been texting very low amounts over the past few weeks. I am at the stage were I have no idea if she is A. Not interested B. EXPECTING me to do all the work C. Playing games with me. She was the one who initiated the contact AND asked to meet up but never initiates conversation and basically deflects everything.. Meh, the dumper still should do the vast majority of the work. You don't get off the hook just because it's been a few years. And how much do you want your ex? She might be screwing with you, but by breaking up with her, that's kind of what you signed on to when you repursued, no matter who initiated it. If you don't want to deal with it, don't and just go back to not talking. If you don't care and you really want to repursue, then keep going. No one is forcing you to put up with it, but yeah, when you break up with someone and want to reunite or at least get back on speaking terms, you might have to deal with an ex who doesn't exactly trust you. Either deal with it or don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Raid Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Meh, the dumper still should do the vast majority of the work. You don't get off the hook just because it's been a few years. And how much do you want your ex? She might be screwing with you, but by breaking up with her, that's kind of what you signed on to when you repursued, no matter who initiated it. If you don't want to deal with it, don't and just go back to not talking. If you don't care and you really want to repursue, then keep going. No one is forcing you to put up with it, but yeah, when you break up with someone and want to reunite or at least get back on speaking terms, you might have to deal with an ex who doesn't exactly trust you. Either deal with it or don't. I want her back more than anything but I'm wary of just bleating my feelings out. I would rather try and meet a few times and work up to it naturally which has been difficult to say the least. She is usually the one to end conversations and stop replying to messages etc. It's getting to the stage where I'm going to have to tell her it's abnormal for ex's to speak like we do and ask what her intentions are.. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 If you look at her thread in the Break Up section you will see that she admitted that she was the dumper, not him. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 If you look at her thread in the Break Up section you will see that she admitted that she was the dumper, not him. Well then, that changes things from her perspective then. I didn't read that thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I want her back more than anything but I'm wary of just bleating my feelings out. I would rather try and meet a few times and work up to it naturally which has been difficult to say the least. She is usually the one to end conversations and stop replying to messages etc. It's getting to the stage where I'm going to have to tell her it's abnormal for ex's to speak like we do and ask what her intentions are.. It's up to you to tell her your intentions, you are the dumper. I'm sorry, there's a good chance that she doesn't trust you at all. Part of being a dumper is putting yourself out there if you really want the dumpee back. It's up to you to declare your intentions, not her. I'm not saying you are wrong for dumping, but if you dump and want to reconsider, it's on you to come clean, not her. Link to post Share on other sites
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