MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Hi. Been separated for two weeks only. The kids live with each of us 50% of the time. I mentioned to my daughter (8) that I was going to call the school and let them know and that I might need to talk to her teachers. She really didn't want me to do this. She didn't through a fit, it was more like mild pleading, and I got the impression that it might embarass her. My son (10) is easy going and couldn't care less who I tell - he just goes with the flow. I want to talk to my daughter this weekend but not sure how to get her to open up. Any suggestions? Normally she gets all shy and goofy and her reason will just be "because". Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Well My little person was younger than yours when me and her Dad split up.. however she was in school (kindergarten) while I did talk to her about her Dad and myself not being together any longer, I didn't talk with her a lot about my plans to let her school and teacher know.. I wrote her teacher a letter and explained that My Daughters Dad and I had split up and that I had spoke with my Daughter about it, so she needed to be aware that my girl might be having some emotional moments at school.. I asked her to let me know if there was any changes with her school work or behaviour in school.. IMO it is important for your kids teachers to know whats going on.. because often "problems" or emotional issues will show themselves in your kiddo's school performance.. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 my kids were 8 and 11 when we split up and for all the reasons Merin mentioned we let their teachers know. i have no doubt that my son (the older of the two) was embarrassed by it but we made it pretty clear that while we understood and would keep things as brief as possible, that the teachers and the school district HAD to know. not just to watch for behavioral/emotional issues (which there were ablsolutely none of!!) but we're required to keep contact info. for both parents up-to-date. we split 50% of the time too and explained to the kids that because of that the teachers and the district had to know how to get in touch with us we needed to let everyone know. i somehow think that's easier for them. sometimes they try to grasp at the logistical / practical parts of the divorce since the rest is all so confusing to them. so i don't know if trying to explain that to her may be easier than letting her know the teachers will be watching out for her? i don't know how you're handling school issues with a 50/50 split but mine is that who ever's day it is, picks up sick kids from school if necessary. it's been three years and i don't think the kids think twice about telling the nurse which parent they need to call, but i bet the first time it happened they were a little uncomfortable. i'm sure it would have been worse if the school didn't already know. good luck. it really will all work out and although i don't remember whether you're hoping to still work things out or not, in time it will get soooooo much easier!!!!! all the little details are a pain to get straightened out... friends of mine split a few weeks ago, too, and i've been watching them go through some of the stuff that you're no doubt going through, logistically and emotionally. it's only been 3 years for me but it feels like a lifetime ago! as far as getting them to open up about it... it may be difficult. my daughter has talked about it freely and openly. my son will only talk about things if he's pushed (but he's 13 now and i'm entering the don't talk to your parent stage anyway). i think in the three years we've only had a handful of conversations about it, and others have tried to get him to talk about it as well. when he gets upset or frustrated he'll talk about it but otherwise he doesn't want to. i worried about it at first and watched for any signs of trouble because he was keeping it all in, but i saw no problems, and still don't see any. he's a well rounded incredibly intelligent kid with lots of friends. i am on the watch again since their dad is getting married in a few months and i do see the frustrations building a little. i'm hoping that no time bombs explode this time around either! take care! izzy Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 I agree with the other posters, I didn't tell my children I did this. I just wrote notes to them and let them know what was going on. My son is 8 and hasn't opened up yet about his feelings. I'm trying not to push although it's killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Share Posted February 3, 2005 I did tell her that the school needed to know for contact reasons. I called the school and they said they would give a note to the teachers and if the teachers noticed anything, they would contact me as they have counselling available for this. I sometimes bring up stuff like this to see if I can get the kids to talk about it - to see if I can get a clue as to how they are feeling cuz if I outright ask them, they won't tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 MWC- Do you think your daughter may know about the OM? I wonder if part of why she's embarrassed could stem from that, if she knows or figured it out. Kids are pretty smart most times, it's hard to hide that kind of thing from them for long. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 I'd just write a letter. And ask them to contact you if there's any changes in behavior/grades, etc. You're not the first that's had to do it, and won't be the last. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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