love2004 Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 My boyfriend/fiance' of 1 1/2 years has a 12 1/2 year special needs daughter. She is delayed mentally and emotionally from a stroke when she was a baby. She is socially around 5 years old in most areas and closer to 8 years old in others. Anyhow, she will probably be getting her first period soon and my boyfriend expects that I will be taking care of that aspect of her personal care for him. I do not feel comfortable at all and said no. She has no modesty and gets obsessions and such, many many quirks and ticks. I recommened he mention to the mom (who he shares custody with) to start having her practice wearing pads, but he thows up his and and doesn't want to hear anything about it. The mother is adiment that it is her job to discuss this with her daughter her way. He said "how many dads have to get involve with their childs periods" to which I replied many who have a handicapped child. Bad word. He lashed at me that she is not handicapped and end of the discussion. My five year old has a better basic understanding of a period than his own child. I raise my child full-time without her bio-father. Am I being to selfish in not wanting to be her pad changer? I can't do it. Period. (no pun intended) Any words of wisdom from someone who may have been down this road. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Why does he have such a problem with the biological mother talking to her about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Ditto. Most girls get their first information from their mom . . . except me, of course. LOL This may be the tip of the iceberg . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Author love2004 Posted February 4, 2005 Author Share Posted February 4, 2005 He doesn't have any problem with her mother talking with her. He hopes she has. Everyone is assuming and no one is instructing. I guess I answered my own question. If they aren't doing her parenting, I sure as heck not. They will need to deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 It sure seems to me that if he can discuss it with you, he should be able to simply ask the girl's mother what the plan of action is. But, I agree, it's their daughter, they need to take care of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Karen75 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 "Pad Changer" I am still laughing about that one. Sorry, but that is hysterical!! He is getting upset because he is embarrassed. He wants to pretend it will never happen and if it does, he wants you to deal with it so he doesn't have to be the 'pad changer'. (HAHAHAHA) Just tell him your not going to do it and let him find a way. She has 2 parents that can teach her this stuff. It's not your job. My BF wants me to let his daughter watch me on the toilet so she can learn. I say "Nope." She will come in and STARE at my junk and it makes me unconfortable. She has parents to teach her to pee on the toilet.. Good luck! K Link to post Share on other sites
Beth Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 This is your boyfriends daughter, not your step-child. Does she go to school? She should have some type of social skills and rehab training by a professional and this will included personal hygiene. If that is the case you might want to contact the school and ask for their advice on this topic. You could tell them that you are concerned that the girls parents may not be properly prepared for this. The school may give you some general information, but being as you are not related or have any type of legal rights or responsibilities, they won't give you details. If she is not enrolled in any special school or rehab, find one in the area or check with your county social services and let them know that you have some concerns. This is different from child protective services -- you are not concerned about the girls health and well-being, right? Only about how her parents will handle the girls menstrual cycles, and that your bf is trying to bring you into the responsibility loop. Chances are the girl's mother is already prepared or preparing for this and its only your bf who is uncomfortable. Are you on comfortable terms with the girl's mother? She would be the prime person to contact about her daughter. Don't talk about her father, just tell her that while you are involved with her daughter's father you want to make sure that you don't hurt their daughter in any way. You could even request (or demand) that the girl not visit her father (& you) during her cycle (not sure if you live together); or you can stay away from her during her cycle. If I were in a situation where another woman was around my child - in a mothering role, I would want to talk to the woman and would appreciate her concern, but I might get my hackles up if the woman approached me or the topic in any way other than with a "I appreciate some information" or "how can I help?" attitude. No, I certainly do not think you are being selfish, or unreasonable in this matter. I think your bf is being a bit childish and cavalier with his expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts