Online dating-how the rules are played..

[Clair108]

So I met this guy on eharmony a month ago, he wanted to meet quickly, gave me his telephone and everything. Before we met, he moved quite fast and I was so new to the online thing (I just signed up out of curiosity) I guess I was very cultured shocked by the whole "process".

 

 

Anyways long story short, we finally met, and I felt that we both didn't have enough attraction to each other because he abruptly stood up after 3hrs in a coffee shop and said he had a "friends' event" to attend in a few hours (it was the weekend) which I felt offended by. I thought I was never going to hear from him again, but ironically he texted me the next day to meet the end of the week. I thought I'd give him a chance cause I wasn't totally not interested in getting to know him and since he offered why not? We went on a couple more dates, and I told him my take on relationship how im just a very down to earth and a committed individual. Funny thing is he tried to kiss me 3rd date in and I was sort of taken aback, because hey we're not "gf/bf" yet and I'm not the type to just kiss anyone just for fun. so I told him and I thought he understood but he continued to attempt at it on the next few dates. I got frustrated and tried to have the "talk" with him to see how much he "understood" what I meant when I said I wasn't ready.

 

 

at the end, I didn't know what he was thinking in his mind (and his constant non-committal responses but controversial actions) e.g. he says we should just "go casually with the flow" & take it slow" but tries to kiss me saying even platonic friends can do that, frustrated, I called it quits, cause it just felt like there was a lack of patience/respect from him and he didn't seem to care enough though he keeps apologizing the day after about his behavior/what he said etc. we went out for a month and he told me that a good relationship should encompass 70% on physicality and 1/3 of the relationship on emotional connection (*eye roll) and how it's natural to engage in intimacy (beyond kissing) after 3 months in the relationship. I've had a serious relationship with someone before and I know my gut tells me all this b.s. he's talking about isn't true.

 

 

it's been 2 weeks since we talked already, im pretty sure he's already found a new target to pursue..

 

 

 

 

I'm just confused, is this how dating people online is? is there only non- serious/fun seeking individuals that are looking for just sex/flings on there? what are the rules to this so called dating game? I thought eharmony holds a more serious tone to relationships but now I have my doubts, I closed my account and am pretty disappointed because of this experience.

 

 

p.s. he looks like a neat , intellectual guy and has a good career, education etc. so tbh I'm pretty shocked.

[HappyLove]

"I'm just confused, is this how dating people online is?"

 

 

Ummmm, this is how dating in general is. Everyone has their beliefs but after the third date a kiss is pretty common. No one can say you are wrong for wanting to wait several months to kiss but seems you need to find a like minded individual maybe a church going man who practices the same beliefs?

 

Honestly a man who was willing to wait that long to kiss I can almost guarantee you will not find that again with a man online especially. Online dating is usually much worse than that as far as intimacy. So it's most likely not for you.

 

I'll be the first to admit that online dating is a HUGE waste of time but you may want to tell a man you're dating that you don't intend to kiss for a year or however long because kissing is very basic in dating period.

[pyramid]

3 hours is a very long first date.

 

3 hours in a coffee shop is a very long time in general... I don't even think I could do that with my BFF. The awkward exit was just him not seeing any natural way to end the date.

 

Kissing <> sex. In the past two years I have dated probably 20 people, and only twice has it gone past the second date without a kiss.

 

How old are you?

[shet]

You feel comfortable going the speed you were going, that's fine. You do you. Just be aware, as you apparently now are, that OLD users go faster - it goes with the territory. Very likely, this one was seeing others during this period as well.

[Spectre]

See I think if you are going to try to meet someone online then you should get to know them before you meet in person. If you are there seeking a serious relationship, then get to know someone. Strangely enough, in some ways it can be easier to express oneself online. Getting to know each other this way you will be familiar with each other when you do meet in person. Sometimes it is a bit easier for a person to initially open up if it is done that way.

 

Though I do also have to mirror another poster and ask how old you are? Just because..you've gone on several dates with this guy and you get mad he tries to kiss you? It sounds like there are mixed signals being sent. Why go on dates with him if you really don't even want to do something as simple as a kiss? I don't even understand how you can date someone for a month and be so apprehensive about kissing them.

[Disco Lemonade]

I am a guy who is pretty new to OLD also, and I think expectations for both genders in any kind of dating is that a kiss is pretty expected by that point (if not sooner). If I don't try to kiss a woman I see on the second date, I will sometimes get some blowback for it, to be honest. He is probably shocked that you want a drawn out courtship. Maybe you should highlight that in your profile if you want to do OLD dating again. There are probably some men out there that would see that as a welcome change. I don't always feel "right" about it that early on dates, but if I have any interest I usually feel like I have to "go for it" whether I want to or not