lauri Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 My birthday passed a few days ago and I accidentally saw my ex while I was out shopping for some clothes in the mall. My heart dropped - I quickly ran away and didn't allow for her to notice me (or at least I think so). She didn't message me on my birthday which is a pretty good indication that she has officially given up, which is good news and makes me proud of how well I have kept up NC. I'm a bit off lately because my ex girlfriend looked 10/10. Like drop dead gorgeous. It is almost like she keeps getting better looking every year. She is by far the best looking girl I have been with, the most compatible I have EVER had and the girl that just fit into everything I wanted. Maybe she looks so good to me b/c I may still love her deep down inside. Even though I would never get back with her, I'm still hurt by what she did to me and I'm having the most difficulty getting over that someone would hurt me the way that she did...but I feel since seeing her on my birthday in the mall I am back to square one. So stupid...I have such bad luck. Just needed to vent - I hope this will pass and it is temporary..,with time and persistence it'll happen for me but I'm pissed off right now. JUST NOT FAIR THAT I RAN INTO HER. ARG. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 My ex did send me a birthday card. Didn't make me feel good. Lucky you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
movingonnow1 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 My ex did send me a birthday card. Didn't make me feel good. Lucky you. Man...that sucks. I feel for you, how are you holding up? Has your ex tried to contact you numerous times? OP...honestly man, I know how you are feeling. Really...I do... I saw a photo of my ex girlfriend lately and she looks absolutely stunning. It made me really sad that I ignored all of her msgs to me...mainly because maybe she was just waiting for a chance to speak and say what she had to say. Whatever you do, stay strong man!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dwerli Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I do think it is tough when those exes look so damn good. It does not seem fair. I feel for you. Just seeing an ex can set things off. But you should be proud of keeping up NC. That is how you keep your pride intact. You did not go running to her or have an awkward conversation that would have made you feel even worse. Keep your head held up high. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 My ex did send me a birthday card. Didn't make me feel good. Lucky you. I am really sorry that you had that happen to you. I am lucky in that sense for sure - it didn't make me wonder anything and I know that it is done. I do think it is tough when those exes look so damn good. It does not seem fair. I feel for you. Just seeing an ex can set things off. But you should be proud of keeping up NC. That is how you keep your pride intact. You did not go running to her or have an awkward conversation that would have made you feel even worse. Keep your head held up high. Thanks a lot for the kind words. I will keep my head high...I guess my problem is I really have a hard time finding someone I REALLY like and want to commit my time and energy on. It really does not feel fair at all...you know what is the worst? Is that this happened to me on my BIRTHDAY. I honestly don't know what I did to deserve all this stupidity. I'm scared I am going to be single for another 2-3 years...but she will be worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Man...that sucks. I feel for you, how are you holding up? Has your ex tried to contact you numerous times? OP...honestly man, I know how you are feeling. Really...I do... I saw a photo of my ex girlfriend lately and she looks absolutely stunning. It made me really sad that I ignored all of her msgs to me...mainly because maybe she was just waiting for a chance to speak and say what she had to say. Whatever you do, stay strong man!!! I'm ok. He will never change. BPD/NPD is unavoidable and unrewarding..it's impossible to date someone who isn't addressing their problems. I pity him. He wants me but he wants things his way. That makes me sad but I'm moving on. I will DEFINITELY miss his family though. My mom died a long time ago and his mom was really kind to me. I'm sad to lose her, and his siblings and nephews and stuff. His mom sent me a card and I did contact her to thank her. I wish I could keep his family..he takes them for granted. I deserve them more than he does! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dwerli Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I'm scared I am going to be single for another 2-3 years...but she will be worth it. I think this is what we all worry/think. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 It seems like you were expecting a birthday card or something... If I may, NC by itself is like taking vitamins without exercising, living with optimism, eating healthy, etc... You have to see life in a different way, as a unique chance to do great things, to love and take care of yourself, a big opportunity to feel the peace and happiness we all want to have, a day more to stop and smell the flowers besides the road... A break up is a great motive to grow up and see life under a better perspective... Just saying... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 It seems like you were expecting a birthday card or something... If I may, NC by itself is like taking vitamins without exercising, living with optimism, eating healthy, etc... You have to see life in a different way, as a unique chance to do great things, to love and take care of yourself, a big opportunity to feel the peace and happiness we all want to have, a day more to stop and smell the flowers besides the road... A break up is a great motive to grow up and see life under a better perspective... Just saying... I fully agree with you regarding this - but this doesn't take away from the fact I saw her and I feel the way I feel right now. If I did get a birthday card it wouldn't have meant anything or done anything for me - it would have probably hurt me more than made me feel good. I am glad she hasn't contacted me - honestly! I was feeling amazing before this point...why do I feel like I'm at square 1 now?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 I can't get my mind off of her now. I recently checked her Facebook and saw that she went with a guy, her friends brother, to some museum alone. I'm so stupid for looking and I honestly feel like I am back at square one now. I'm starting to regret ignoring her reach out to me at the end of March...I wish I responded to hear what she had to say. Part of me wants to reach out to her...I'm at work right now...I wish I didn't feel so low... Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I can't get my mind off of her now. I recently checked her Facebook and You have to stay strong buddy! Do not fall into the temptations of checking her page because more likely than not (and pretty much all the time) you find out something that will hurt you or at the very least give you no benefit. Try to resist doing that again and if you get the urge another time, immediately dismiss the thought and occupy yourself so you don't. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Stay strong! I hope your day gets better. Happy belated birthday by the way. When was it? Mine was on April 17th. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Stay strong! I hope your day gets better. Happy belated birthday by the way. When was it? Mine was on April 17th. Funny lol same date. Happy belated to you as well. Honestly, I want to reach out to her so bad now...Ive been NC since January and before that NC from August till November. I've been avoiding her contacting me so many times now I'm trufully wondering if I made a mistake not responding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
movingonnow1 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Funny lol same date. Happy belated to you as well. Honestly, I want to reach out to her so bad now...Ive been NC since January and before that NC from August till November. I've been avoiding her contacting me so many times now I'm trufully wondering if I made a mistake not responding. WHATEVER YOU DO, do NOT contact her. It will only make you look weak and you will probably not like what you will hear from her - she did reach out to you recently but it was probably to see if you will still bite. Did she even say anything of value? Probably not! She probably left you with a weak breadcrumb. I do feel for you OP b/c you have come a long long way...but you can't let this effect you negatively and let you go down in a spiral. I'm sure other people on LS will be able to give you much better advice then myself...but stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 WHATEVER YOU DO, do NOT contact her. It will only make you look weak and you will probably not like what you will hear from her - she did reach out to you recently but it was probably to see if you will still bite. Did she even say anything of value? Probably not! She probably left you with a weak breadcrumb. I do feel for you OP b/c you have come a long long way...but you can't let this effect you negatively and let you go down in a spiral. I'm sure other people on LS will be able to give you much better advice then myself...but stay strong. Thanks...I'm feeling really sad right now. 1) She looked great 2) She may potentially be seeing a new guy. 3) Less then 3 weeks ago she was reaching out to me and I ignored Seriously guys, do you think it would be a really bad idea at this point to reach out to her? I miss having her in my life a lot - maybe I shouldn't have been so cold and avoided her as much as I did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Thanks...I'm feeling really sad right now. 1) She looked great 2) She may potentially be seeing a new guy. 3) Less then 3 weeks ago she was reaching out to me and I ignored Seriously guys, do you think it would be a really bad idea at this point to reach out to her? I miss having her in my life a lot - maybe I shouldn't have been so cold and avoided her as much as I did. If you reach out, she will just play games again. Don't talk yourself into it. We know she isn't serious about being with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I can't get my mind off of her now. I recently checked her Facebook and saw that she went with a guy, her friends brother, to some museum alone. I'm so stupid for looking and I honestly feel like I am back at square one now. I'm starting to regret ignoring her reach out to me at the end of March...I wish I responded to hear what she had to say. Part of me wants to reach out to her...I'm at work right now...I wish I didn't feel so low... And you just broke No Contact by doing this. Block her Facebook and stay strong. You already know where this road leads -- you need to resist the temptation of doing it -- again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 And you just broke No Contact by doing this. Block her Facebook and stay strong. You already know where this road leads -- you need to resist the temptation of doing it -- again. You are right I did. I felt like I broke NC by seeing her in person by accident in the mall...all it did was erupt a whole bunch of emotions inside of me. There is no excuse for looking at her fb profile at all...I am very logical...I keep wondering why she reached out to me then blocked me immediately after, only to unblock me again 2-3 days later. All I know is I have too much pride to admit I still have feelings for her to her face...I feel like I would look stupid...sadly, part of me believes she is the same way. I guess because this whole situation was long distance I feel that things could have maybe been salvaged between us in the future...I know she would have loved me unconditionally if I never left... Arg, I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 You are right I did. I felt like I broke NC by seeing her in person by accident in the mall...all it did was erupt a whole bunch of emotions inside of me. There is no excuse for looking at her fb profile at all...I am very logical...I keep wondering why she reached out to me then blocked me immediately after, only to unblock me again 2-3 days later. All I know is I have too much pride to admit I still have feelings for her to her face...I feel like I would look stupid...sadly, part of me believes she is the same way. I guess because this whole situation was long distance I feel that things could have maybe been salvaged between us in the future...I know she would have loved me unconditionally if I never left... Arg, I don't know. Dude, stop this now. You've already gone down this road multiple times. You know where it leads. Stop. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 You are right I did. I felt like I broke NC by seeing her in person by accident in the mall...all it did was erupt a whole bunch of emotions inside of me. There is no excuse for looking at her fb profile at all...I am very logical...I keep wondering why she reached out to me then blocked me immediately after, only to unblock me again 2-3 days later. All I know is I have too much pride to admit I still have feelings for her to her face...I feel like I would look stupid...sadly, part of me believes she is the same way. I guess because this whole situation was long distance I feel that things could have maybe been salvaged between us in the future...I know she would have loved me unconditionally if I never left... Arg, I don't know. This woman has proven herself to be untrustworthy. That's just the bottom line. Don't make this harder than it is. She has shown you exactly who she is time and time again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 Thanks guys...I think I realize what my major problem is. I am sitting here going through this...and I realize that I shouldn't be so hard on myself for not being over this. I was mad earlier realizing that my feeling are still there...I'm not going to reach out to her but I'm also not going to ignore that I will think about her everyday and that I won't probably get over this until I meet someone new. I hate that I had feelings and I hate that after NC for so long I broke it....I'm so disappointed in myself but I'm going to stop running from how I feel and accept this is the reality. I went through many emotions because I bottled them up...when I saw her it all exploded at once. I think my high is gone and I'm starting to think more sensible now.... Be honest guys, 9 months of this...is this bad? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Thanks guys...I think I realize what my major problem is. I am sitting here going through this...and I realize that I shouldn't be so hard on myself for not being over this. I was mad earlier realizing that my feeling are still there...I'm not going to reach out to her but I'm also not going to ignore that I will think about her everyday and that I won't probably get over this until I meet someone new. I hate that I had feelings and I hate that after NC for so long I broke it....I'm so disappointed in myself but I'm going to stop running from how I feel and accept this is the reality. I went through many emotions because I bottled them up...when I saw her it all exploded at once. I think my high is gone and I'm starting to think more sensible now.... Be honest guys, 9 months of this...is this bad? It's nine months because you repeatedly caved and cut corners. Everytime you do that, you might as well reset it to zero if you do it before healed. Now what happened the other day (running into her) wasn't your fault, that's just bad luck. But you continuing to try to use it as some excuse to reset the clock again turns it from a freak occurence to another clock resetting. It was bad luck, you made it through alive, stop obsessing and harping on it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Be honest guys, 9 months of this...is this bad? I'm at one year post breakup but only 5 months NC. I'm not completely healed because like Simon said, I kept cutting corners. I stayed in LC, broke NC once after I started it, and, in general, resisted moving on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with anything you are feeling. You can't control how you feel. The problem comes when you don't try to work your way through the feelings or funnel them into something more positive. The problem comes when you wallow in your feelings and break NC. You looked at the facebook page. Move on from it. You have to chip away at this one day at a time, and everyone is going to be different with how quickly they can move through the grief. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Mhm, just like BC I am one year post-BU but around 3-4 months NC since I broke NC late last year. In my opinion and like BC said, it's completely natural and everyone heals at their own pace. I am sure you have heard it before but it does in fact get better over time. If I look back about 6 months, I was in a much worse state than I am now. You will slowly perform less unhealthy habits such as checking an ex's Facebook/etc. as you heal and it feels great to see progress in yourself. Stay strong and forget about this incident of you running into her at the mall. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
movingonnow1 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I'm at one year post breakup but only 5 months NC. I'm not completely healed because like Simon said, I kept cutting corners. I stayed in LC, broke NC once after I started it, and, in general, resisted moving on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with anything you are feeling. You can't control how you feel. The problem comes when you don't try to work your way through the feelings or funnel them into something more positive. The problem comes when you wallow in your feelings and break NC. You looked at the facebook page. Move on from it. You have to chip away at this one day at a time, and everyone is going to be different with how quickly they can move through the grief. I second this. There is nothing wrong with you. I think you need to accept who you are and stop being so frustrated with yourself that you still have feelings. Yes, she did some pretty horrible things and screwed you over. That doesn't mean you need to continue to torture yourself and continue going into this vicious cycle... I get why you posted in the first place because your emotions just exploded and you felt like you couldn't control yourself. It sucks...I have been there and I am sure a lot of other people have too. I am hoping you are feeling a lot better today and moving forward - don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts