flutterby Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 hi erm i've not done this before. i was sexually abused as a child and am getting counselling for this among other things and in the past six months or so i've been unable to feel anything at all. i was just wondering whether anybody else feels like that. i just wish i could feel something, even if i was feeling really sad it would be better than feeling nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 That's happened to me once in a while. I figure it's like an emotional 'fuse' that blows and leaves you numb for a while until you recover your emotional strength. Link to post Share on other sites
duckrodgers Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 hello I felt nothing as a child and learnd to hide my feelings so well. I did not care about my life and wanted him just to kill me. Today, sometimes I feel ghost woundering around in the street or where ever I am. Even when I speak It feels like no one can hear me in conmversations I have. Sometimes people don't understand me because I feel nothing at times. Now I am starting to step back and analyze my emotions and look how I can change them. To make them better for me......if that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flutterby Posted February 5, 2005 Author Share Posted February 5, 2005 yeh it dus make sense. if you are rite then hopefully this will go away soon but i feel so bad not being able to feel anything i just dont knw how to stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
li'l bunny Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Flutterby, would you mind if I asked you a question? If you don't want to answer it don't worry about it. I was sexually abused too as a child but have never talked to a counsellor about this. I tried once but he just kept staring at me, waiting for me to talk and I just sat there crying so I quickly gave up. Anyway, I am extremely angry with myself for being so stupid, for letting it happen. I keep thinking it must be me because I was abused by four different people (they were all friends) - maybe I was flirting with them? I was eight at the time. I keep thinking I should've been able to say no, stop. Why couldn't I do that?? Well, I was wondering if these feelings of anger are normal? I don't trust anyone and feel very protective of my children. I am trying to put it all behind me but i feel so...desperate, sometimes. I thought you might understand as I can't find anyone who does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flutterby Posted February 6, 2005 Author Share Posted February 6, 2005 yeh i feel like that a lot. i self harmed a lot because i was angry at myself for letting it happen. i still blame myself even tho i think nobody else should blame themselves for it happening to them. also i feel like i encouraged it because i wanted him to like me and so i did the stuff he wanted and at 8 i was wearing short skirts and stuff because i thought he would like me more, kind of thing and nobody else really like me but the guy that did it to me was a neighbour and it was only one guy so it must be really hard being more people. i have kind of been different i spend all my time trying to make people like me and trust them straight away hoping for something different thats not abuse. and i am protective of my little girl too. so yes i wud say i have felt very angry and still do tho at the moment as i said the feeing nothing is more how i feel and im very protective of my little girl so i think it is normal and i guess we deserve the right to be angry after what has been done to us. and i do feel desperrate like i cant keep on doing this any more and just want to curl up and never have to think about it again. Link to post Share on other sites
li'l bunny Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Thank you so much for replying. That is very like how I feel. I used to lead guys on when I was a teenager, I would get drunk and kiss them 'n' stuff and keep going until pretty much the last minute and I would say 'stop'. I got this much out with the counsellor and he said I was trying to make up for not saying no when I was a child. It was very difficult for me. My parents didn't know till I was in my twenties because I thought they wouldn't love me anymore, it makes me cry even now thinking about it. I feel those feelings so strongly. I was so scared, I remember, one of the guys told me that what we were doing was how you make a baby....I thought for weeks that I could be pregnant, I didn't even know about periods at the time. I thought if anyone found out they would hate me. I thought these feelings would go away but they haven't. Would you recommend talking to someone? Do you think it helps?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flutterby Posted February 7, 2005 Author Share Posted February 7, 2005 its really hard isnt it? my parents found out when i was about 16 because i just needed to talk to some one about it and when i spoke to my youth worker he said my parents had to know because i was under 18. i didnt want my parent to know because part of me could pretend it wasnt real when they didnt know and also i thought they would hate me and they had always told me to stay out of the neighbours house and i hadnt listened. i used to feel awful all the time about it and it made me cry and stuff but now i have kept pushing it to the back of my mind and pretending it hadnt happened that now im kind of numb about it. i think it's good to talk to someone. first i went to these christian counsellors who really didnt help and then i went to this counsellor who just kept on asking me 'how do you FEEL about that?' and leaving long silences for me to say somethingn when i didnt have anything to say, wich annoyed me but now im seeing this psychologist who is better and does exercises to help me talk about stuff, wich is helping me......i think. also i write a lot of peoms and draw pictures to get my emotions out. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 I'm so sorry you're experiencing that empty, "numb" feeling. I know how lonely and painful it is. Has the numbness started since counselling? Have you told your counselor about the numbness and asked for help? Have you been evaluated for clinical depression? Be careful about the temptation to go out there and DO something that will make you feel again - even if it's only pain. You know, drugs, trouble with the law, hurtful sexual relations, risktaking, etc. You might benefit from a physical challenge like mountain climbing, endurance biking, whatever. Something where you will have to push your body until it hurts, without the risk of lasting harm. I assure you if you choose the right activity you will feel something. You were mistreated in your past. I would never minimize that pain, so now is the time to decide what your FUTURE will be like. What do you want in life? What are your dreams? Can you dream, even if it seems unrealistic? You need to let your mind be open to the possibility of GOOD things and GOOD people in your life. They are out there. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by SoleMate I'm so sorry you're experiencing that empty, "numb" feeling. I know how lonely and painful it is. I am sorry you feel bad too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flutterby Posted February 8, 2005 Author Share Posted February 8, 2005 thank you solemate and alphamale for your replies and yes i have told my psychologist about feeling nothing and she hasnt said anything about it, just tried to get me to explain my feelings wich of course i dont have because i cant feel. i have thought a lot about doing stuff to make myself feel real and have given in to cutting myself a few times i do teach trampolining and have a right good bounce but feeling something emotionally just doent seem to be happening unless i feel terrible wich even that isnt often. thanks for ur replies Link to post Share on other sites
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