Am I a jerk for telling my husband he should lose weight?

[SD1000]

I was a college athlete and still very active throughout my 20s. About 12 years ago, I had become a bit lazy and became thin and not very active. The lady I was in a relationship with at the time commented that some young guys playing basketball looked very strong. I don't remember her words, but she alluded that I did not look very strong.

 

 

My automatic defense system made me feel a bit angry and kind of hurt. However after about a week, I became determined to get in great shape and stronger than ever before. Her words drove me to work hard even though she probably forgot about them a day later.

 

 

My point is that perhaps your husband needs to first feel bad for a few days to get himself motivated to show you how much he can change himself. I would not backtrack and tell him that you didn't mean what you said and pretend that he does not look too out of shape for you. Sometimes people need pressure to change.

[VeronicaRoss]

Your husband's drug use, sudden weight gain and not taking care of basic hygiene sounds very much like he's suffering from clinical depression or something else. The pot was probably him trying to self-medicate.

 

The dude needs to go to a psychiatrist or psych nurse practitioner and get diagnosed or cleared. Maybe he just needs therapy, but he's not OK right now and that's going to be his responsibility to want to take care of.

 

If he goes to a GP, that sounds like a good idea too, but they aren't adequately trained in psychiatry and frequently call something depression when it isn't so ask for a referral if they agree there is something else going on. My husband makes a great living re-diagnosing the inaccurate diagnosis of GPs. And he usually won't medicate patients that aren't seeing a therapist too because medication is only part of the solution.