After 5 years she (the dumper) says she still loves me.

[livingnightmare]

Lots of questions needing lots of answers.

 

Ask yourself, if she didn't start this up recently then would you have ever considered it yourself and if not why? If you answer this then maybe you can find answers to the whole situation.

 

She might be able to forgive you, but can you forgive her? It doesn't matter what she forgives you for, if you can't get past what she did to you then its not going to work from the start. You either start a clean slate or don't start at all.

 

If you split up and she rebounded to someone else, then that happens, it might not be great, it might not be what you would do, but people do it. I wouldn't like it myself but if you're split up then what she does is her business? especially if there was no chance of you getting back together.

 

Are you considering it for your family or yourself? You say you could have your family back together but what you need to focus on is what is best for you? It seems you're doing fine child wise between you and her so no need to rock the boat unless for your own benefit. As you say, further upset could do more harm than good in your relationship with each other where your daughter is concerned.

 

Maybe you need to hear the full facts of what went on and decide if you believe what you're being told, can you truly get over them, if not then its going nowhere, if you can then you have to stick to that thought and never raise it in future in frustration etc.

 

If you do explore getting back with her, I advise taking it extremely slowly... extremely...

 

I'm no expert, perhaps someone else has some opinions, I'm just giving you mine.

 

Its always been in the back of my mind somewhere that I would consider it.

 

I don't know if I can and recognise this is a stumbling block, really trying to find out if this is possible or if I should or want to.

 

This rebound really bothers me, that I could be forgotten about so quick, that 6 years and a child together meant so little (even if I believe her reasons I go back to this), did she do things for him that she wouldnt do for me emotionally and sexualy etc (she says she never and didnt mean to compare me just wanted to hurt me for the texts and the position she was in and what she felt at the time) my mind goes back to this also.

 

I still feel the hurt from this to this day it ran very deep when this happened, for the first time in my life wanted to just have someone take my life from me, I wish it didn't hurt like this still, I wish I knew how to get over this or her fully. I have tried everything.

 

This makes me want to just disappear and not have any contact at all untill I am fully healed when I think hard about it. Then see if I want to make a start at real conciliation, or move on, but then run the risk of finding out I want to be with her and she has really moved on, if anything now is the time to reconcile I feel as the chance does seem very much on the cards and may be the closest it ever will be.

 

When I say family I mean My daughter, My ex and myself a family unit, you are right though, I need to find out what is best for me and I really don't know, my mind is in a violent game of tug of war. Under no circumstances do I want to bring any unhappiness into my daughters life, she is 2 years ahead in her school work, very intelligent, kind loving and caring, there is no way I would risk her happiness and well being in any form over this.

 

I want to hear the full facts, I have some understanding, but not all. For all I know she could still be friends with this rebound. I don't know when or how I should bring any of this up or if I should wait for her to talk about things if she does, what to say, how not to say things, so I don't push her and make her shut off. I guess this will be part of taking things slowly if she ever talks about it, for all I know she could have had many relationships after me and to be honest that would be a big no.

 

In my eyes she should be very understanding of why I feel this way and should be willing to help me get over this by proving herself through actions to me not just her words, but maybe she hasnt had chance yet, its only been a week and contact has been light so far, but then if that was me I would be contacting every day trying to put things right unless she asked me not to.

[livingnightmare]

Haven't read the whole thread...

 

Questions:

 

1. Is how you are behaving / talking / acting how you attracted her when you first met?

 

2. Is how she is behaving / talking / acting how she attracted you when you first met?

 

Every reconciliation I was part of or knew that were successful they were like two teenagers, lots and laughter, happiness, excitement, good times and nothing like what I have read in this thread.

 

Whatever you or she is doing... This is not how it should go.

 

1. No.

 

2. Yes. From the only meet up we had towards the end. We never comunicated by text a lot when we first got together as she had no credit so nothing new there.

 

Well the first meet up after the discussions on the past that she wanted to talk about and I diverted and wish I never now, were full of flirty behaviour conversation and general happiness and smiles for both of us, she was obviously happy to be around me a while and said she wants us to get to know each other slowly. I think that was my chance to ask things but I couldnt think straight as meeting her and her contacting me like that was a shock.

 

Thats why I want to know if this relationship is salvagable or am I just caught up in a wreck of a broken relationship and having trouble letting go and need to? How to forget the past if she realy is sorry and how to get rid of the hurt I feel (maybe if she proved herself and her love and that she wants to only be with me and becomes open to me wanting to understand her side of things I could heal? But then from all my reading on loveshack I guess I need to heal from within myself not through any one else.

 

I know you are right, and I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle because of it, this contact all happened because I unblocked her phone numbers, apps, fb etc as a friend asked what she looked like, I never got round to blocking her again. I know its been a long time since we split, but having a child together has made contact every now and again and goings on in her life through my daughter and mother has never allowed me to have full out of sight out of mind control no matter what I have done. Just when I was focused on moving forward and felt I had the moving on nailed this time, here she is again in this never ending scenario.

[livingnightmare]

Thanks for responding.

 

I just think you have the wrong concept, approach and mindset.

 

Its 5 years you two should be laughing about a lot of the dumb crap you said in did when it comes up (this early it shouldn't be often). You seem like you are coming from a place where you are broken still, have no confidence or "mojo" and a dark cloud is over you two.

 

You need to get that back and LEAD the conversations away from crap that is bad. Focus on the positives and make it a pleasureable experience for both of you. Show her a good time and how fun you are like when you first met her. The serious conversations about the past / issues can be dealt with in time. Neither forgot what those are and you will get to them.

 

Bottom line, if this isn't a new relationship for both of you (in your mind and soul)... You two have no chance.

 

No need to thank me, I thank you for your input.

 

I wish I could come at things from that angle, but I just don't know how to get my mind to that position. To be honest I do feel broken to a degree and my confidence, mojo has never recovered from the final days of the relationship, it got to my core and soul. This is what I struggle to let go off. After over 5 years of being blamed, having the hurtful words play over and over in my head from after the break up, I struggle to heal.

 

I really don't know how to get that with so much uncertainty looming over me, I feel like I need a big talk with her where we can discuss the problems we had in full, but how do I get to that talk without pushing her away again?

 

I know deep down the bottom line makes sense to me, I just don't know how to get to that posistion.

[mousse]

Hi Livingnightmare,

 

I agree with a lot of what has been said before.

 

The way i see it is that i think you should be 100 per cent cured before you consider a reconciliation. You should be fully happy as a single guy and fully independent. I also think that you should let her prove her love to you by actions and not just words (and do the same for her) and that you should go extra slowly as others have said.

 

During your 'healing phase', take the time to learn (and put into practice) how to build positive relationships, how to be assertive, and how to communicate positively and maybe consider seeing a counselor or therapist to help you heal your wounds and forgive.

[redbaron005]

I have been having a good thought this evening and I think the biggest obsticle is If I can forgive her, she forgives me for everything, but the one thing that goes over and over in my mind is who she rebounded with so soon after the relationship, the way she told me, the words she said.

 

I know if I can not forgive her for this

 

You do not truly love her if you are not open to complete forgiveness. You are capable of forgiving her, but you have now shown your cards. I would have loved to see it work out between you too, however you are the one who is not ready. Develop a greater sense of worthiness and trust before (if ever) you can go into this one.

[FredJones80]

You do not truly love her if you are not open to complete forgiveness.

 

Err, not sure I follow this one.

 

You're saying if you truly love someone you should forgive cheating?

 

Hmm, I can truly love someone, but if they cheat, I know I'm better off without them.

 

Otherwise they could constantly cheat and you would constantly forgive them?

 

Perhaps I read you wrong.

[redbaron005]

Err, not sure I follow this one.

 

You're saying if you truly love someone you should forgive cheating?

 

Hmm, I can truly love someone, but if they cheat, I know I'm better off without them.

 

Otherwise they could constantly cheat and you would constantly forgive them?

 

Perhaps I read you wrong.

 

You are not reading wrong FJ.

 

If they cheat, and you are not able to forgive them you do not truly love them. That does not mean, however, that you did not love them in the past. Note that forgiveness (and love) does not require you to be in a relationship with them; if they cheat on you its probably time to let them go. By doing so, you are respecting their wishes to love someone else, and acting on the fact that you are 'better off without them.'

[livingnightmare]

Hi Livingnightmare,

 

I agree with a lot of what has been said before.

 

The way i see it is that i think you should be 100 per cent cured before you consider a reconciliation. You should be fully happy as a single guy and fully independent. I also think that you should let her prove her love to you by actions and not just words (and do the same for her) and that you should go extra slowly as others have said.

 

During your 'healing phase', take the time to learn (and put into practice) how to build positive relationships, how to be assertive, and how to communicate positively and maybe consider seeing a counselor or therapist to help you heal your wounds and forgive.

 

I know I could forget this rebound if we were able to communicate each others fears, insecurities and show each other that we have changed.

 

If I got clarity from her what exactly she wants, I believe this would clear my mind somewhat and allow me to focus.

 

I am seeing a councilor for depresion and anxiety at the moment.

 

Its the words said after the rebound that hurt more than the rebound itself, I know if she could reasure me she never meant it (she has said so and given her reasons for it) I know I could move on from it, I just need that reasurance.

[livingnightmare]

You do not truly love her if you are not open to complete forgiveness. You are capable of forgiving her, but you have now shown your cards. I would have loved to see it work out between you too, however you are the one who is not ready. Develop a greater sense of worthiness and trust before (if ever) you can go into this one.

 

I have told her I forgive her that I understand how we both played our part and I am as much to blame as her, that we both share responsibilty for the way things ended. She forgave me when I apologized for all the things I done and didnt do in the relationship.

 

I feel I have forgave her or I wouldnt have communication with her but I feel I need her to show me she really wants that forgiveness through actions, as this is early days and I'm still sort of in shock that she has made an effort to apologize. Has showing my cards made things worse? if so how?

 

I do trust her and what she is telling me, she had no reason to be open about this, as time has gone by I do understand more how her life and what me and her went through effected the way she handled things in the relationship. I wish no badness on her in anyway I just want her to be open and honest with me and I will do like wise, I do have faith and hope we could make this work, but at this moment untill she contacts me and or I see her I don't know how to make this grow into something.

[livingnightmare]

I ask myself If I have fully forgiven then why do I hurt still? How does a person forgive 100%?

 

I feel that this contact has brought back hurt in me I haven't felt in a long while and I had forgotten what it felt like. It makes me feel unwell physically as well as in the mind.

 

I just wish she had maybe left me alone a while longer or I should have not unblocked her till I was ready. I can't help but feel I'm spiraling back to a place I realy do not want to go, and a place I dont think I could survive again.

 

My gut tells me this is unhealthy, my heart wants to get back with her, but feels hurt still, and my mind is torn between understanding, accepting, forgiveness (I have said it to her, but do not know how to fully embrace forgiveness so I can let go of everything negative) and then it switches to wanting to give up and block her with no contact.

 

The one thing I do know is this is having a negative effect on me, if she could just be clear on what she is after I could maybe focus better, but the unknown is tearing my mind up.

[livingnightmare]

Yeah dude... This is a no go for launch.

 

Not to dismiss the pain you went through and feeling now but you aren't going to get to a place where a reconciliation is possible. Not now, not next month, not next year and probably forever.

 

Can't say I blame you. Being cheated on is not something a lot of people can get over. I'm one of those.

 

At this point if you two try to get back together... It wouldn't be fair to you or her. She is going to pay for crime for a long, long, long, long, long time and make her suffer. You will be going through the 7 levels of hell for years and year (probably forever).

 

Why wouldnt it be possible ever?

 

I am fully over the cheating along time ago, the cheating incident happened when we first got together, but I didnt find out till 3 years later. I understand now how she was young, had come from an abusive background and did not know I was for real at the time. I forgive her absolute for that.

 

What I struggle with is after she left she had a rebound fling within weeks and because of the tension built up and arguements at the time and her feeling like **** for the rebound she blamed me and rubbed it in my face saying I made her do it and turned her into that, I got abusive and she compared me to him in every way in detail this is what hurts me the most. If I was reasured what she said was not true It may make all the difference, but to this day I carry those words in my head and when I think of them I hurt like I can not describe. I still hear the words, the emotion like yesterday when I think of it hard. If I could somehow communicate about this and what she wants I know with her assurance I could get over this. I feel I need to discuss this very painfull ending to the old relationship of why she said that to me as closure and that it wasnt true it was out of anger.

 

I wouldnt want to make her pay for anything, I want her to reasure me she has changed, I want us to be able to discuss any concerns openly and honestly without backing off and deal with them together maturely without fighting then put it all behind us, but she has come back into my life giving me mixed messages and hope and I do think I deserve to know her true intentions, if I new this it would be a start, the longer I'm not knowing the more this is bringing out negativity, once I know her intentions I can start grounding my thoughts and what I need to do. Right now I'm in limbo and feel helpless.

 

It is a massive shock to have her say these things to me after 5 years after thinking I had lost her for good and going through much inner turmoil, mourning her death ,then now to be just kept hanging on not having a clue what is really going on. This is what is building up all the thoughts.

[FredJones80]

I think you need to speak to here matey. See what she wants from all this. Perhaps she could never forgive herself and this is going nowhere.

 

Only one way to find out...

[livingnightmare]

I think you need to speak to here matey. See what she wants from all this. Perhaps she could never forgive herself and this is going nowhere.

 

Only one way to find out...

 

This is what I want to do, but I want her to initiate talking about these things. As I don't want to bring up anything negative.

 

She has said things that do make me think she has issues with how she treated me.

[livingnightmare]

I wouldn't want to date you based on what you write / how you think and all the serious / deep conversations you two have. You probably don't think it but a lot of what you think / say here comes out.

 

I have had reconciliations and none of them sounded or went like yours is.

 

We ran into each or someone reached out, there was a spark, we went and had fun, lots of laughter, went on dates, went on vacations, acted like teenagers, etc.

 

Not this crap. We didn't compare notes, talk about problems, work through issues, have to think things over, talk with friends, ponder, wonder, harp on the past, rub each others faces in s.hit, bring up every injustice, struggle, debate, argue, question, debate, etc.

 

It literally was like a brand new relationship and we were thrilled / overjoyed we finally met this awesome person. Yes, after a while and many many dates down the road we discuss what we right, wrong, what has changed so it doesn't happen again, where we could improve, etc. but even those we upbeat and fun conversations.

 

Yours is NOTHING like that and if I was her I would rather go the easy route and find someone new than go through that crap.

 

We have only met once since the start of communication and it was a positive engagement we both enjoyed it and there was chemistry there, I was the one who took the chats away from the past, she iniciated the communication and wanted to talk about it, I should have mentioned these things then, but stupidly agreed to meet to soon and couldn't think of these things at the time.

 

She is also the one who has messaged me twice to bring up apologies from the past since contact began. I have messaged an apology in responce to hers and how I treated her. Apart from that its been how r u's, how is our daughter and can I speak to my daughter, yes I messed up and told her I miss her and still love her, but the stuff I talk of here I have'nt talked of to her.

 

Most of what I am typing is just getting it off my chest and looking for guidance.

 

Am I not bound to have some issues over the end and the hurt we both caused each other over the past 5 years and more? Dont we both deserve reassurance that we would never put each other through what we did to each other again? We have a child together, I can't help but think these things. She wasnt just my girlfriend she is my daughters mother.

 

Surely if she does want me back in her life she would want to discuss any issues we once had and make sure they are rid off before venturing into something new?

 

Fair enough if you would go that route, that is how this mess happened in the first place because in my exs own words she was a coward and instead of facing things she ran....... If she feels like that she should never have come back into my life and tell me she still loves me and hurts when she thinks of future kids, imo that is unfair to come back like this and then just run because I dont follow how she wants it played out.... I haven't even been given the courtesy to know what this is even about with clarity. What am I suppose to think and do with so many mixed messages?

 

This is why I'm asking for advice on how to aproach this and also get things off my chest without messaging and bugging her.

Edited May 1, 2014 by livingnightmare

[livingnightmare]

Be a man... Call her on the phone, ask her out and go show her a good time where you two ARE NOT talking about anything serious.

 

In fact, I would pick something where you two can't really talk all that much or around people and can't be serious.

 

Go to a Wine Tasting, Car / Boat / Home Show, Charity Event, Show / Musical, etc.

 

She has invited me for dinner but the date and time are unknown yet, I was thinking on that day if things go well to invite her and my daughter to watch a kids movie together.

[livingnightmare]

I have decided because of all the uncertainty I am going to wait untill Sunday to see if she initiates contact again.

 

If I don't hear by then, I will send a quick message explaining that I have been as clear as I can on where I stand, but her coming into my life asking for forgiveness saying she loves me etc is giving me confusing signals, I will tell her how far I have come this 5 years and the uncertainty feels like it is pulling me back to a place I do not want to go because I know it is unhealthy for me, her and our child. I will ask for contact only to be about my daughter and I will tell her I am going to get back on my path of moving forward. I will say that my door is open for communication if she decides she wants to give it another go, but I will not be waiting, only moving forward.

 

I do feel like I don't need her in my life and I do feel like I can go on without her to be honest, (not saying I don't want her in my life if she has changed for the better) in fact when I rationalize and look how far I have come I know this to be a fact,but its the suspence and unkown that is making my thoughts go haywire. Surely she must know she is not being clear at all? I find this kind of selfish. Its like shes unsure what she wants and I must just hang on in here. I can't do that to myself, she must be transparant with me even if that just means she is exploring the possibility or I must put a stop to it and go very very low contact.

 

Came back for a quick edit and release........ The urge to contact her is bad, I wont, but damn I really feel like it.

 

I think I feel like this more now because even though her behaviour was far from perfect in the relationship, I think I really did push her away, I should have been the one to not argue back and end the viscious circle what got us here. Life is full of what if's, but Im sure things would have got better If I had been more patient and understood her life better and the effect it had on her, and not said the things I did.

 

Maybe the biggest hurt in all this is I've carried is guilt towards myself from how I treated her. Yes she treated me bad to, but it doesnt make what I done right. I have been fooling myself justifying my actions in responce to hers, but it doesnt make it right and only makes things worse.

 

I have worked on myself, my life in general, but I never seem to move past a certain point, I have always felt some guilt for my part, but I am only seeing it for what it really is now. Maybe I need to forgive myself? I don't think I have ever thought of this or tried it?

Edited May 2, 2014 by livingnightmare

[Youngy952]

I feel for you mate, I've definitely been in your situation before. If she is anything like my ex, she would be thriving on the thought of you being confused and feeling like this. I could be wrong, as everybody is different.

 

I genuinely think you should talk to her. Tell her what you want or hope for and if she is still indecisive and can't give you a definitive answer, let her go. Make it clear you won't be hanging around. You can't do this to yourself. This could go on for weeks, months even years. And the longer it goes on the more you slip back to how it was just after the initial break up.

 

Remember - she came back into your life. She has to do the work. If you make it clear that you're done with all of this s**t, I wouldn't be surprised to see her up her game in a few weeks time. Call her bluff.

[livingnightmare]

I feel for you mate, I've definitely been in your situation before. If she is anything like my ex, she would be thriving on the thought of you being confused and feeling like this. I could be wrong, as everybody is different.

 

I genuinely think you should talk to her. Tell her what you want or hope for and if she is still indecisive and can't give you a definitive answer, let her go. Make it clear you won't be hanging around. You can't do this to yourself. This could go on for weeks, months even years. And the longer it goes on the more you slip back to how it was just after the initial break up.

 

Remember - she came back into your life. She has to do the work. If you make it clear that you're done with all of this s**t, I wouldn't be surprised to see her up her game in a few weeks time. Call her bluff.

 

How did you deal with situation and how did it pan out? I really don't think she is thriving on it to be honest, her apologies were very genuine as I wouldnt accept them first and she was pleading with me to accept them and how she needs me to heal and trust again.

 

Ive put my cards on the table already, but she still hasnt shown hers yet, she says she still loves me, but says she can't say shes in love with me (unsure? Bad wording?). Says she hurts every time she thinks of our future home, kids etc, but she wasnt hoping for it as she says she destroyed this, then tells me I was a perfect angel to her, and she was destroying me, says I was to good for her and she will never love anyone again because they have to compare to me, and she ruined it all. She says she wants to get to know each other slowly again, invited me for dinner with no date, wants to be friends but can not guarentee we can be more than friends. Im confused by this and more.

 

I'm not going to initiate any contact untill I get it in me to end the hope and tell her that the recent contact and messages are confusing and I had got my hopes up of us reconciling, and if reconciliation is in mind in any form she needs to say so now and take things very slowly or I will have to move on this time with no contact what so ever as it would hurt to much to have her just as a friend and not more in my life living with false hope.

 

I have been down the path of torturing myself endlessly with repetitive thoughts and they tormented me deeply for what seemed an endless amount of time, I know I will end up in the same position again as you said back to the break up stages if this carrys on, I need to ask her what she wants soon and stick to my word on my actions giving up hope, knowing for sure this is the final path to recovery ( I just dropped of this path) from this totaly exhausting experience in life. Maybe it will up her game, but If I get no responce I will block her, untill I am fully healed and ready to just be friends.

[livingnightmare]

That is a mistake and if given the opportunity again you should tell her "you don't know." Then say "but what I do know is you are hot (or pretty not the most beautiful women on the planet) and heck of a lot of fun. When are you going to take me out and show me a good time?"

 

If laying your cards on table repeals women this early on when meeting them, why do you expect it to work now?

 

How could you possibly know anything at the point to put cards down?

 

You have the attitude and mindset of "What Is In It For Me?" Meaning... You talk, hang out, date, get to know each other, have fun together, see what's better over 5 years, etc.

 

 

 

She also has the same attitude and mindset of "What Is In It For Me?"

 

She doesn't know the answer to that question. Just like you don't know what is in it for you yet either.

 

The fact you two were together before doesn't matter. It's been 5 years and neither is certain or could possibly know if something can / will happen and what the outcome is.

 

 

 

"Let's discuss that over dinner. Which works better for you Thursday at 7 or Friday at 9?"

 

Note: DO NOT discuss that when you take her dinner. Show her a good time instead!

 

 

 

HELLO!?!?!?!? You should take her word on it.

 

Instead you are laying your cards on the table which to her is pressure and probably wondering if something is off with you since you do not listen.

 

 

 

STOP RIGHT THERE.

 

Next time she says that I want to tell her this.

 

"I was your BF, I was never your friend nor am I ever going to be one. If you decide you are interested in more than friendship, you know how to find me."

 

<CLICK>

 

Being her friend is your biggest problem right now. She is in total control of the situation and you have demonstrated no man qualities of a resemblance of the guy you were when she first met you.

 

 

 

You really need to grab yourself by your nuts and make stuff happen.

 

You want her to promise you all the stuff, I want you, I will never hurt you, this is going to work out, we are going to live happily ever after.

 

You are not going to get that and you shouldn't care.

 

Be a Man and make it happen. Quit worrying about the what-ifs or if it doesn't work out or if your feelings are going to hurt.

 

Think of something fun to do and invite her and show her a good time. Keep doing that until she says no and makes it clear that she isn't interested. No you thinking she isn't interested I mean her saying flat out... I can't do this any more.

 

 

 

THAT IS THE LAST THING YOU SHOULD DO.

 

As far as you are concerned you are going to make her want you and can't be without you.

 

Thanks I needed to read that and I see what you are saying is right, I've decided to just hang back and carry on as normal, feeling not so stressed about it today, I have survived long enough to know for a fact I don't need her so I will not be going out my way to communicate with her.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if she was thinking of reconciliation but playing my cards has scared her off a little, we had a brief text chat this mo when she asked to speak to our daughter, just casual but plenty of loling so there was no hint of the past only positive stuff be as small as it was. But I'm letting go of my hope and need to. She has to do the work not me.

 

If the chance ever arises I will tell her I got carried away and I don't know where this could go as well as her but we were a family lovers/ partners if you are serious about seeing if things could work again you know where I am we have to much history to be just friends so I can concentrate on moving forward.

 

But that depends on when she gives me the time and day for the dinner she invited me to if at all. When / if this happens and there is a spark I will see if she wants to come out and do something fun, all 3 of us.

 

But I'm not planning ahead anymore at the moment, as I said just going to carry on as normal as possible. As Im realizing I am letting this take me over.

[FredJones80]

Thanks I needed to read that

 

livingnightmare one thing you need to consider massively is your partners past, it plays a huge role in your past relationship and also any possible future.

 

I know from first hand experience and it is really a mind f**k.

 

Perhaps you might like to speak in private somehow, I might have some insights or similarities which might help you see more clearly how much this can effect things.

[livingnightmare]

livingnightmare one thing you need to consider massively is your partners past, it plays a huge role in your past relationship and also any possible future.

 

I know from first hand experience and it is really a mind f**k.

 

Perhaps you might like to speak in private somehow, I might have some insights or similarities which might help you see more clearly how much this can effect things.

 

I think it played a big part in it somewhere, Thanks for the offer I will send you a PM.

 

Edit: It wont let me send a pm to you.

Edited May 3, 2014 by livingnightmare

[FredJones80]

I think it played a big part in it somewhere, Thanks for the offer I will send you a PM.

 

Edit: It wont let me send a pm to you.

 

How many posts do you need for PM access :/

[livingnightmare]

How many posts do you need for PM access :/

 

I'm not sure, just tried to send a pm again, it said you need to change it in your settings.

[Million.to.1]

sorry.. i replied but missed a few pages...

[Million.to.1]

Fist of all OP, I'm sorry for all this woman has put you through. Your relationship seemed very dysfunctional from what you've described, and both of you have been through alot. She cheated, and you were abusive. Verbally, but still abusive.

 

I think, IMHO, that from what she has said to you, That you should be friends, and that she wants you to meet someone else and trust again, she is only looking to reconnect with you on a friendship level and probably to be better co-parents together for your daughter. Nothing she has said implies she wants to get back into a relationship with you.

You guys have a child together and that means that she will be a part of your life pretty much forever. Maybe she wants to move on from the past and start a new relationship with you as friends and co-parents. And yes, she may still love you... just not in the way you are hoping.

 

This is really dangerous for you as you have fallen right back to where you were 5 years ago. I hope you can take a step back for your own sake and really evaluate whats going on here.

She might have thought that 5 years was long enough for you to "get over her" and was hoping to start afresh, a new way.

 

 

Have you dated or had a relationship with anyone else in the 5 years since you broke up?