M30USA Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) Believe me, I get it. I've lived it. I've just chosen to not continue living a life where my feelings don't matter. (And yes I do care for and provide for my children.) Edited April 23, 2014 by M30USA Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 See what paperwork you can file on your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinam13 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Even when I had my children literally 50% of the time and there was no primary caregiver (during temporary hearing period), my ex still expected money and everything from me. My point is that women assume the man has all the responsibility while they themselves don't. She even criticized me in court for not handing over most of the household items to her. Why should I? She left and moved back with mommy and daddy. I will remind you again that, regardless of your view that your husband should do such and such "in the best interest of the children", there is a double standard against men and he is probably doing this for legal reasons. No matter what your ex does here, he is screwed. Men cannot do right during divorce. Do you understand? You can keep saying its about the children, but women always say that when they want their own way. Well it sounds to me like you are putting a double standard on ALL women because of what yours did to you. When I know in my case that is not what I am trying to do at all. Your situation obviosly sounds different than mine, you were sharing responsibility and getting screwed so to say, me not the same. I am and have been the primary caregiver. Maybe 90/20 at best. And asked nothing from him when he left me the way he did except to spend time with his kids and help support them because he literally left out of nowhere for me to take care of everything. I absolutly do not assume that the men have all the responsibility, so wheres that 50/50 you keep speaking of? That is all I am asking. And in MY case that is not what has been give. Not by far! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinam13 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Totally hating the mindset that women don't want what's best for their children. Ideally they'd have a husband who didn't lump them all together because he dislikes women so fiercely :/ Every time I have to pick up the slack because my exH chooses not to it only puts undue pressure on me. Sometimes I have to tell them no to things that would enhance the quality of their lives simply because it's up to me and me alone to see that their needs are met. Ugh...some men just don't get it :/ Could NOT have said it better myself!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Again...what is "right"? What is she "entitled" to? Is her STBX entitled to anything? What about the children? Aren't they "entitled" to see their father half the time? They are, afterall, exactly 50% his DNA. ..if he's anything like my ex then it's lightly he doesn't want the children 50/50! Some ex's just want to walk away from their responsibilities. Tina, my ex doesn't pay child support either... Not sure how things work where you are but allow the child support agency and a lawyer handle money. Don't listen to his threats cause it's all BS... He is just trying to frighten you. Ask the kids what they want and know your rights. SS x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinam13 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 ..if he's anything like my ex then it's lightly he doesn't want the children 50/50! Some ex's just want to walk away from their responsibilities. Tina, my ex doesn't pay child support either... Not sure how things work where you are but allow the child support agency and a lawyer handle money. Don't listen to his threats cause it's all BS... He is just trying to frighten you. Ask the kids what they want and know your rights. SS x Hi Shocked Suzie, I recocnized your name right away. I was coming on here right after he left me and I was a mess and so many people helped, you included! Its been almost a year now and I cannot believe how far I have come from then. I didnt even think I could get off the couch and survive at the shock of what happened, but I did and so very strong today, for me and my children. Ive had to be when I saw what he was doing to them. Heartbreaking. Hope all is well with you. Thanks. Im currently trying to fing a lawyer that will help. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Hi Shocked Suzie, I recocnized your name right away. I was coming on here right after he left me and I was a mess and so many people helped, you included! Its been almost a year now and I cannot believe how far I have come from then. I didnt even think I could get off the couch and survive at the shock of what happened, but I did and so very strong today, for me and my children. Ive had to be when I saw what he was doing to them. Heartbreaking. Hope all is well with you. Thanks. Im currently trying to fing a lawyer that will help. thought it was you ... Yes time does fly! I'm glad you are in a better place nowadays. Your situation reminded me of mine, my ex is so far off with regards to the children it's a joke. Sadly (here) there is little I can so with regards to CS, there is a loophole when people are self employed and collection is difficult. I've just stopped thinking about his lack of financial and emotional support regarding the children... Will just manage without! Get the right advice and help for sure, just don't let it consume your time/life with your children. If they think it's ok...then on their conscience it can lay! SS x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Even when I had my children literally 50% of the time and there was no primary caregiver (during temporary hearing period), my ex still expected money and everything from me. My point is that women assume the man has all the responsibility while they themselves don't. She even criticized me in court for not handing over most of the household items to her. Why should I? She left and moved back with mommy and daddy. I will remind you again that, regardless of your view that your husband should do such and such "in the best interest of the children", there is a double standard against men and he is probably doing this for legal reasons. No matter what your ex does here, he is screwed. Men cannot do right during divorce. Do you understand? You can keep saying its about the children, but women always say that when they want their own way. How is Tina's and my ex screwed when we are not getting "ANY" financial support?? I mean ZERO! I have two jobs and two children FULL time... All not out of choice, it's because their father only sees them on his terms, for minimal hours and offers NO emotional of financial support... What has been legally calculated by the csa to look after two growing children is a joke and with that my ex "as he is self employed" can doctor his outgoings and reduce that amount. Not everyone is like your ex, not everyone's situation is the same as yours... Some people want just what is fair, so we each can get on with each others lives.... For myself, Tina and some others that's not happening for us either... Not sure you understand?!? Your not the only one that's getting "screwed" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 FACT... People avoid, do not pay, never pay child support... That's also being screwed! Because the only ones that are effected there is the children Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 FACT... People avoid, do not pay, never pay child support... That's also being screwed! Because the only ones that are effected there is the children What you are saying MIGHT be true were it not for the fact that 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Who REALLY are the abandoners of families? Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 What you are saying MIGHT be true were it not for the fact that 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Who REALLY are the abandoners of families? As far as the original poster is concerned, her situation is nothing like yours so stop comparing and being so negative. S!@t happens, law is law and we all just have to deal with it, with hopefully the best outcome for the kids. Your getting screwed so are we ...You will never move forward with such anger and aggression 3 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 As far as the original poster is concerned, her situation is nothing like yours so stop comparing and being so negative. S!@t happens, law is law and we all just have to deal with it, with hopefully the best outcome for the kids. Your getting screwed so are we ...You will never move forward with such anger and aggression Lol, I'm not angry. I'm blunt and sometimes I don't tailor my words for sensitivity. But I'm in a happy place right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Yes it shows SS x Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinam13 Posted April 25, 2014 Author Share Posted April 25, 2014 How is Tina's and my ex screwed when we are not getting "ANY" financial support?? I mean ZERO! I have two jobs and two children FULL time... All not out of choice, it's because their father only sees them on his terms, for minimal hours and offers NO emotional of financial support... What has been legally calculated by the csa to look after two growing children is a joke and with that my ex "as he is self employed" can doctor his outgoings and reduce that amount. Not everyone is like your ex, not everyone's situation is the same as yours... Some people want just what is fair, so we each can get on with each others lives.... For myself, Tina and some others that's not happening for us either... Not sure you understand?!? Your not the only one that's getting "screwed" Exactly. Same here. I have 2 jobs, 3 kids supporting them completely on my own when their father also decided to claim them on the taxes when he hasnt he been living with them at all the whole year and he got a nice chunky refund and I got nothing, buying brand new car and big screen tv but cant help with his children even a little. And when he does take them he spends time with his gf two kids at the same time. They feel completely abandoned. I still hope he steps up if not finanacially but to see them before its to late! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinam13 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 I found a lawyer I go see Wednesday. Just for a consultation she is charging $200. But maybe I can at least ask some questions to see which way to turn first. Its way past time. Me and my children need to start to move on! He for sure has! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I found a lawyer I go see Wednesday. Just for a consultation she is charging $200. But maybe I can at least ask some questions to see which way to turn first. Its way past time. Me and my children need to start to move on! He for sure has! It will be the best $200 you have ever spent... Write everything down, including joint money, earnings any and questions... Take someone with you so you can remember what is said and make notes. Good luck SS x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 What you are saying MIGHT be true were it not for the fact that 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Who REALLY are the abandoners of families? The guy who chose to walk away from his kids. Just because you divorce your spouse doesn't mean you walk away from your children. My ex (we were never married) Walked away. He owes me 35 grand in child support. i never once kept him from his child. he hasn't seen her in 15 years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Drop the kids off at his place. He can do equal time providing for them at his apartment. He can get them food and all that while they're there. Don't do his part of the work. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 How did it go Tina?? X Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Exactly. Same here. I have 2 jobs, 3 kids supporting them completely on my own when their father also decided to claim them on the taxes when he hasnt he been living with them at all the whole year and he got a nice chunky refund and I got nothing, buying brand new car and big screen tv but cant help with his children even a little. And when he does take them he spends time with his gf two kids at the same time. They feel completely abandoned. I still hope he steps up if not finanacially but to see them before its to late! Wow. Did you let him get away with this? Per IRS rules if you are filing separately, the custodial parent gets the deduction. You could have claimed them. If both parents claim the kids, the returns get flagged for review. He might have owed a lot of back tax and penalties. See a tax person and verify if you can file an amended return and claim the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
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