I literally can't stand dating anymore, I wish I was a girl...

[somedude81]

They might have to have sex with a "whale" or a woman who is only a "2." Oh the horror! Not to mention they could just pay for it, which is also beneath them because screwing a hooker doesn't garner bragging rights.

 

But yet if a woman rejects a man because she's not attracted, let the insults fly...

When men settle, it's for whales or hookers.

 

When women settle, it's for guys that don't look like Chris Hemsworth.

 

No I'm not being completely serious, but men are expected to settle for a lot more than women are.

[hasaquestion]

When men settle, it's for whales or hookers.

 

When women settle, it's for guys that don't look like Chris Hemsworth.

 

No I'm not being completely serious, but men are expected to settle for a lot more than women are.

 

The men who are the best catch generally pair up with the women who are the best catch, second best catch to second best, etc. And it trickles down. That's how it goes for the most part.

 

Not a PC thing to say. But its true. if you want to be with the most in-demand girl in the room you probably have to be the most in-demand guy in the room.

 

Personally I think the way you talk about "settling" is funny. If you're a 10 you get a 10. If you're a 5 you get a 5. That's not settling that's getting yours. Big deal.

[somedude81]

The men who are the best catch generally pair up with the women who are the best catch, second best catch to second best, etc. And it trickles down. That's how it goes for the most part.

 

Not a PC thing to say. But its true. if you want to be with the most in-demand girl in the room you probably have to be the most in-demand guy in the room.

 

Personally I think the way you talk about "settling" is funny. If you're a 10 you get a 10. If you're a 5 you get a 5. That's not settling that's getting yours. Big deal.

Sure, but I'm not a 2. And I'm sure very few men that hotpotato are talking about are 2's either, and yes she thinks that men should settle for women that are.

[hotpotato]

The men who are the best catch generally pair up with the women who are the best catch, second best catch to second best, etc. And it trickles down. That's how it goes for the most part.

 

Not a PC thing to say. But its true. if you want to be with the most in-demand girl in the room you probably have to be the most in-demand guy in the room.

 

Personally I think the way you talk about "settling" is funny. If you're a 10 you get a 10. If you're a 5 you get a 5. That's not settling that's getting yours. Big deal.

 

Exactly! People usually date someone who looks like them and has a lot in common. If you are an unattractive or mildly attractive male you probably wont be dating a model.

[Salvatore85]

They might have to have sex with a "whale" or a woman who is only a "2." Oh the horror! Not to mention they could just pay for it, which is also beneath them because screwing a hooker doesn't garner bragging rights.

 

But yet if a woman rejects a man because she's not attracted, let the insults fly...

 

Except you're acting like this is exclusive to males.

[hasaquestion]

Sure, but I'm not a 2. And I'm sure very few men that hotpotato are talking about are 2's either, and yes she thinks that men should settle for women that are.

 

A "2" isn't just your looks. Looks are a huge part of it for both sexes. But so are your game, your charm/sense of humor, your status, how interesting your professional aspirations and hobbies are, etc.

 

You say you aren't a 2. Where's the proof? That's not up to you to arbitrarily decide, you are what the market thinks you are.

[hotpotato]

Sure, but I'm not a 2. And I'm sure very few men that hotpotato are talking about are 2's either, and yes she thinks that men should settle for women that are.

 

Actually, they did have expectations that they would get a woman out of their league easily. I mean guys who are overweight/obese who wanted model girlfriends. At least one in particular had personality issues (mean, extreme selfish, moody) on top of being mildly attractive at best. Not exactly a catch.

[Phoe]

Then be more selective on who you have sex with...

 

If 100 men are interested in you, then you can filter out the men who just want sex, and only focus on the guys who want a relationship.

 

If 0 women are interested in you, then you can't do sh*t.

 

And what if you are a woman with 0 men interested in you?

 

Or alternately, as a woman, let's say 3 men are interested in you, but not a single one made that known, you are now under the impression that 0 are interested in you.

 

 

So then you have the woman who is in that same position, feeling like she can't do sh*t.

[Phoe]

Also, op, ive rarely had guys ask me out. If I dont do old, I definitely wont get dates.

 

Same here. I don't get asked out. OLD is the only way I can date.

[Phoe]

If you are a woman, its best to be average.

 

I consider myself to be pretty average and I think it did more harm than good. Nothing to make me stand out from all the other average ladies.

[Teraskas]

Well OP if it makes you feel any better, I'm more or less in the same situation, however, with the exception that I've had two relationships in the past.

 

Been single for over 2 years now, and constantly getting rejected by women.

Both via OLD and real life.

 

My cousin got married a week ago, and at this point I'm just so ridiculously tired of being single. Despite the fact that I'm 22 and she's 26. (Granted, she got married to a 39 year old guy whom she absolutely adores, but still.)

Heck, even my mother got married at 23 when she finished college.

Sadly, I'll never even be able to match that.

 

It's not that I have insanely high standards, quite the opposite tbh.

Personal experience has shown that time and again, women have the majority (if not all) the power if they want to progress things: ranging from giving a telephone number, to first date, to second date, to relationship stage, to accepting the guy, rejecting the guy, etc.

[somedude81]

Actually, they did have expectations that they would get a woman out of their league easily. I mean guys who are overweight/obese who wanted model girlfriends. At least one in particular had personality issues (mean, extreme selfish, moody) on top of being mildly attractive at best. Not exactly a catch.

Those guys are obviouslly out of their minds. Guys who are significantly below average shouldn't expect women that are far above average.

 

I think I look normal, and I just want a normal girl. I've got a picture in my profile album. Do I look like a 2?

 

I also don't have any personality issues, aside from being depressed because I'm lonely, which doesn't show when I'm around people.

[somedude81]

And what if you are a woman with 0 men interested in you?

 

Or alternately, as a woman, let's say 3 men are interested in you, but not a single one made that known, you are now under the impression that 0 are interested in you.

 

 

So then you have the woman who is in that same position, feeling like she can't do sh*t.

If a woman actually finds herself in that situation, which I still have trouble accepting, then she seriously needs to look at her circumstances and try to figure out why she's getting so little attention.

 

There are only a couple of reasons I can think of as to why a woman wouldn't have a bunch of men interested in her.

[KungFuJoe]

Those guys are obviouslly out of their minds. Guys who are significantly below average shouldn't expect women that are far above average.

 

I think I look normal, and I just want a normal girl. I've got a picture in my profile album. Do I look like a 2?

 

See...I don't like statements like these when you're talking specifically about looks.

 

I know guys and girls that, imo, are dating someone subjectively much better or much worse looking than themselves.

 

People are going to want what they want. Some people put higher emphasis on looks...others on personality, social life, money, etc.

[somedude81]

Same here. I don't get asked out. OLD is the only way I can date.

 

I consider myself to be pretty average and I think it did more harm than good. Nothing to make me stand out from all the other average ladies.

That's just because we never met in real life.

 

If you went to my college, I'd be on this forum making threads about all the crazy things my GF is doing and how she's driving me insane

[somedude81]

See...I don't like statements like these when you're talking specifically about looks.

 

I know guys and girls that, imo, are dating someone subjectively much better or much worse looking than themselves.

 

People are going to want what they want. Some people put higher emphasis on looks...others on personality, social life, money, etc.

Looks are my primary focus, that should be obvious.

 

Good looks will open doors. Then personality gets you through it. If a woman isn't attracted to a guy, then he's simply not going to get anywhere with her.

 

I also believe that my looks are my strongest hindrance, but for some reason they are holding me back more than they should. If I looked exactly the same, but was 5'10, I'd do so much better with women.

 

Generally people do date people are on a similar level of looks as them. My ex was really cute, but I don't think she was that much better looking than I am.

[KungFuJoe]

Looks are my primary focus, that should be obvious.

 

Good looks will open doors. Then personality gets you through it. If a woman isn't attracted to a guy, then he's simply not going to get anywhere with her.

 

I also believe that my looks are my strongest hindrance, but for some reason they are holding me back more than they should. If I looked exactly the same, but was 5'10, I'd do so much better with women.

 

Generally people do date people are on a similar level of looks as them. My ex was really cute, but I don't think she was that much better looking than I am.

 

One of the challenges you have is that, because looks are so important to YOU, you automatically assume they are that important to everyone else.

 

Trust me...they are not. Yes, it helps to be good looking. But it also helps to have a good personality. Or be funny. Or be generous. Or a bunch of other things.

 

You place too much "worth" in looks. And yet, looks are THE most subjective thing about people. Look at how many people argue about women like Kate Upton (who I think is a 10). Or what about someone like Sarah Jessica Parker? Most people think she's ugly...but she's on TV, doing modeling...not so bad for an "ugly" chick, right?

 

Stop worrying so much about looks, looks, looks.

 

I've always said that as long as you don't look like a burn victim (sorry to any burn victims out there) you're already IN the game. Now you just gotta work on your personality, your maturity, the way you carry yourself, etc...and finding someone should NOT be impossible. There are too many people out there.

[normal person]

It's not that I have insanely high standards, quite the opposite tbh.

Personal experience has shown that time and again, women have the majority (if not all) the power if they want to progress things: ranging from giving a telephone number, to first date, to second date, to relationship stage, to accepting the guy, rejecting the guy, etc.

 

Women have power in these situations because they have something you want. I know it's not the simplest solution, but you need to think about what you have that they want, and if you don't have it, get it. You're still young, there's plenty of time. I don't think it's too hard to figure out what's attractive to women, you can get some great answers from the girls on this forum, even. Combine that with the stuff that makes anyone attractive: Success, humor, intelligence, etc and the tables will turn... the women will be chasing you.

 

I get that guys thinking that they might not be that appealing "as is" might be sort of a downer, but if you want to play the game that bad, you've got play by the rules that've been set out. The world won't adapt to you, you need to adapt to it. That's the tricky part as it's not simply an overnight process.

[topaMAXX]

My dating life was never a big succes but during the last 10 years it got more difficult to meet someone available and decent. This said it is also a fact that the older I get the less inclined I am to put up with crap. Plus I don't doubt myself as much as I used to so I have toughened up which I guess makes me less approachable and "sweet". I have many qualities but I am not a flirt and I am not superficial.

 

My Myers Briggs type is INTJ , I am highly sensitive and I am gifted so I am not your average and sweet girl. Probably come across as rather intellectual although I am very sensitive and romantic at heart (as in the kind of person who wants to cuddle babies and puppies - yes really).

 

Funny you say that. I'm an INTJ too. I'm 20+ years younger than you (but a guy) and I've come to the same conclusions as you have.

 

It's the reason why I don't date anymore. Too much BS.

[NYC-BigKat]

Ok hello LS members, I am a athletic 23 y/o male who has never had a girlfriend and has never had sex in his life. Talk about suck...

 

Although the past 2+ years or so I have gotten way more confident about approaching women, confidence doesn't necessarily help or beget results. I will admit that I have been absurdly unlucky in pursuit of a partner which would imply I'm not all at fault. (Born-again Lesbian, 2 forever ghosts, 2 flakes, and 3 'lets just be friends (LOL after you buy me 1+ dinners))

 

I just can't take it anymore. I can't take getting my confidence obliterated or dishing out money for dates. Note I dont mean I shell out 200+ and expect sex, but being 23 y/o with student loans and a modest salary I literally can't repeatedly feed girls. I just can't. Only once in my life has a girl ever even offered to pay for a date, and I've been on plenty.

 

I guess this is more of a rant, but I really don't mean to put all women into one category, I'm smarter than that.

 

Just I don't know what to do anymore and the loneliness and desperation builds. I try, I embarrass myself plenty at bars or grocery stores, but every rejection hurts.

 

When you've never had even a casual gf (never brought anyone home to the parents), and you're younger cousin gets married, and without warning, you're mom kisses you on the forehead and tells you 'don''t worry its not a race, some lovely lady will love you..' you want to go 1000 miles away and puke repeatedly. That was not fun,

 

So any advice? I guess this is a vague scenario, but the longer this lasts the more frustrated and hopeless I feel....

 

Umm...the only advice I can give u is that you'r not alone so don't feel so so bad about it okay? I probably got just as many rejections as u & the best to do is to not let it stop u from living .

[topaMAXX]

Women have power in these situations because they have something you want. I know it's not the simplest solution, but you need to think about what you have that they want, and if you don't have it, get it. You're still young, there's plenty of time. I don't think it's too hard to figure out what's attractive to women, you can get some great answers from the girls on this forum, even. Combine that with the stuff that makes anyone attractive: Success, humor, intelligence, etc and the tables will turn... the women will be chasing you.

 

I get that guys thinking that they might not be that appealing "as is" might be sort of a downer, but if you want to play the game that bad, you've got play by the rules that've been set out. The world won't adapt to you, you need to adapt to it. That's the tricky part as it's not simply an overnight process.

 

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw

 

The thing that I find ALWAYS leads to success (in any aspect of life) more than anything is resourceful and a sense of self.

 

In everything that I've done, I've always absolutely refused to adapt myself to the world. This has worked for me well.

 

As long as you are resourceful, you do not need to change yourself to be successful.

[Teraskas]

Women have power in these situations because they have something you want. I know it's not the simplest solution, but you need to think about what you have that they want, and if you don't have it, get it. You're still young, there's plenty of time. I don't think it's too hard to figure out what's attractive to women, you can get some great answers from the girls on this forum, even. Combine that with the stuff that makes anyone attractive: Success, humor, intelligence, etc and the tables will turn... the women will be chasing you.

 

I get that guys thinking that they might not be that appealing "as is" might be sort of a downer, but if you want to play the game that bad, you've got play by the rules that've been set out. The world won't adapt to you, you need to adapt to it. That's the tricky part as it's not simply an overnight process.

 

The ironic thing is that I have those qualities and more.

 

However, it seems that my personal dating life up to this point has been nothing but a combination of: Women who don't know what they want, women who are only in it for the attention they get, the commitmentphobes, only searching for "friends", women who are just out of a relationship and already dating again without having taken the time to heal, etc.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Those guys are obviouslly out of their minds. Guys who are significantly below average shouldn't expect women that are far above average.

 

I think I look normal, and I just want a normal girl. I've got a picture in my profile album. Do I look like a 2?

 

I also don't have any personality issues, aside from being depressed because I'm lonely, which doesn't show when I'm around people.

 

Somedude, for someone who is complaining about being rejected you sure have a very selective view on people/women and their looks. In my view this is the big reason why women reject you. They sense your negativity, your frustrations, the way you compare yourself with others, the way your are judging people as worthy or not worthy to date.

 

If '81 is your year of birth you are a man in your early 30ies. There is absolutely no but really no way that it is difficult for you to find a girlfriend. I've told it elsewhere: I once met a guy who was maybe 1,57m, must have weighted maximum 50 kg (as a matter of fact he looked so light that I felt I could have lift him up and throw over my shoulder - and I am a slim woman), had a high-pitched voice and bad breath. Well guess what: the guy was married!!! So if this guy can get married, every man can get married.

 

Men are a lot more demanding concerning looks and character than women who are much more forgiving.

 

The problem is your negative unpleasant character. On Loveshack you keep harping about your frustrations. You could be together with the most lovely and beautiful woman I am sure you would still harp on about all the times you were rejected.

[PinkInTheLimo]

The ironic thing is that I have those qualities and more.

 

However, it seems that my personal dating life up to this point has been nothing but a combination of: Women who don't know what they want, women who are only in it for the attention they get, the commitmentphobes, only searching for "friends", women who are just out of a relationship and already dating again without having taken the time to heal, etc.

 

And you think that women don't meet this when they are dating?

[somedude81]

Somedude, for someone who is complaining about being rejected you sure have a very selective view on people/women and their looks. In my view this is the big reason why women reject you. They sense your negativity, your frustrations, the way you compare yourself with others, the way your are judging people as worthy or not worthy to date.

Really? If women could sense my negativity, my frustrations, the way I compare myself with others, then women would never get used for sex, abused, cheated on, or anything negative by men at all, because they would have to be psychic.

 

Are women psychic and can perfectly read men? Of course not.

 

No woman in the real world is picking up those things about me. There are other reasons why women are not interested in me.

 

If '81 is your year of birth you are a man in your early 30ies. There is absolutely no but really no way that it is difficult for you to find a girlfriend. I've told it elsewhere: I once met a guy who was maybe 1,57m, must have weighted maximum 50 kg (as a matter of fact he looked so light that I felt I could have lift him up and throw over my shoulder - and I am a slim woman), had a high-pitched voice and bad breath. Well guess what: the guy was married!!! So if this guy can get married, every man can get married.

I'm 32.

 

Yes people can and do get lucky, like the man you talked about. I got lucky as well last year. Unfortunately I wasn't with her long enough to get married. I probably would have proposed to her this year if she didn't dump me in December.

Men are a lot more demanding concerning looks and character than women who are much more forgiving.

I completely disagree with you. If women were more forgiving about looks, and a guy being short (I'm 5'6, or 1.67 meters) I would have dated much more than I have. Very few women give me a chance. I have been on a grand total of four first dates in my entire life. I've been on only one third date.

 

Physically, the only thing I require of a woman is to look normal, and not be obese. That's it.

The problem is your negative unpleasant character. On Loveshack you keep harping about your frustrations. You could be together with the most lovely and beautiful woman I am sure you would still harp on about all the times you were rejected.

Uh no. I had a lovely and beautiful girlfriend for six months, and it was the happiest time of my life. I bascially disappeared off of LS. I come to LS when I want to vent and complain about my life. When I was with her, I had nothing to complain about, my past didn't matter.

 

If you look at my posting history, you'll see a five month period where I didn't make any threads. I was too happy with her to bother with this forum.

 

Now that I'm single, I'm miserable. That is why I'm harping about my frustrations.

Edited April 24, 2014 by somedude81