Should I stop???

[DianneBetsy]

Hello everyone, I wrote awhileaback about me and this guy I'm dating online. We've been together for roughly about 6 months. We really like each other so much and his family likes me a lot aswell. A month ago we have been slowly drifting apart, we've veen arguing a lot and most I have been under confusion because of the things going on with him. First of, I really hate how he drinks and smoke weed. We broke up so many times because of his vises that I couldnt deal with but we always get back together. And the fact that he's been on jails three times since we started talking really kills me off. After our last break up he started to change he stopped drinking and smoking weed(dats what he tells me) and promised me that he will be clean and will even show me his drugtest result. I trusted him a lot and I really saw some imrpovement from him. He gpt laid off and didnt have a job until recently and I have always been worried about him because his old warrants and tickets is not yet paid in full and he can get arrested anytime. Last friday morning he was so excited to tell me that he will get paid the next morning and will be able to pay the tickets in full after he gets his cheque so I dont have to worry about anything anymore. Unluckily, friday night he and his mom got pulled over and he was arrested and put into jail once again. It turned me off big time and I just felt like it keeps happening all the time and see no future with this kind of lifestyle they have. His mom and stepfad argues a lot and both are alchoholic addict. Fights everytime and his stepdad goes to jail so often too. Its like the life they have there is a whole mess. And if i want a future with him i dpmt wanna be in that kind of situation they are in. So it really adds to my confusion aswell. Altho he always tells me our life will not be anywhere near to what his mom and dad has right now.

 

We didn't talk for almost 24hours since he was behind bars. The next morning he called and felt so sorry about what happened. He said the tickets are paid in full already so no more worries about going back to jail again. I was glad he was finally out but it doesnt felt right anymore to me. Everything is such a turn off. Also, we planned to meet Aug. This year but my job can only allow me to go back home(Philippines) on July where we are supposed to meet. He said he wont make it on July and can only come Aug. I work in Hong Kong and plans to cross over to Canada. He said we wont be meeting anymore then and that really hurt me and added more to my frustrations. I was cold as ice to him, he felt it and said "Dont be like this, you know I was gonna pay it but I got caught right before I had the money. I changed for you and I love you." Although is sounded so good to my ears i just dont feel the same.. We then continued to argue until the next morning. Sunday(Easter) I told him about what i feel. Told him im sick and tired of whats going on to him and everything. Told him our relationship is u healthy and that we just keep going back and forth. I even had the guts to tell him I started to care less. He didnt respond to that.

 

Before the day ended, I sent him impulsively a breakup letter as I felt as though its the right thing to do. He responded and said he will do what will make me happy so he finally said goodbye and blocked me on facebook where we met and where we talk. I ended deactivating my account too as it hurts me to go back there and read our messages nearly about 50thousand. I couldnt delete them so i chose to closed the entire account. He was so mad at me as he also felt Id rather be in Canada than be with him in the US. Two days have passed and I still havent heard anything from him, like I said weve been thru this several times but normally he wud text me the day after but now is different. Ive got nothing at all. I deleted his phone number that day so I wont be able to call him. I just need some help on how to get over this. I love him so.much but weve been on an u healthy cycle that i also want to end. I still hope tho that sometime in the future(probly not in the near future) we wud still get back together prpvided that he's already a better person with better tracks in life. He's only 18 and Im 24 so I know theres still a lot in store for both of us altho I really really miss him and Ive been crying a lot.. Please tell me whats the best thing to do at this point.

Edited April 22, 2014 by DianneBetsy

[soccerrprp]

DianneBetsy,

 

With all the break-ups, turmoil, drama, you are heading for MAJOR disappointment and further pain with this guy. I just don't understand you ladies. In the face of OBVIOUS chaos , why would you consider staying with someone like this (him).

[d0nnivain]

Since he has been in jail, he may not be allowed in Canada. They have very strict immigration policies. If he can't come to Canada & you won't go to the US what's the long term plan?

 

 

He's an 18 year old child. What he sees at home is bad decision making (step dad in jail all the time) so he has no example.

 

With this many problems so early in his young life, I don't see meaningful long term employment possibilities.

 

 

You can do so much better.

[Zahara]

You had sufficient advice in your last thread about this guy. We can all give you advice, repeat it over and over again, but if you're choosing and wanting to stay in this situation, then I'm not sure what you're looking for. No one is going to tell you this is ideal and that you should stay. No one is going to be able to magic wand this and make it right for you.

 

The only thing to do is to leave. There is no alternative. The situation isn't changing. He isn't changing. You have to feel the pain and buckle down and move forward. It will get better but you have to want that for yourself.

[DianneBetsy]

I dont even know why I held on that long. I have always been ing myself I have no future with him like this but my hopes are always telling me things will get better in time. He has been calling me this morning but I chose not to answer anymore coz I know once I heard him talk and beg I would probly end up giving in. I spent so much time talking to him in the last couple of months. It is so hard to let go. I miss him so much already, i saw his phone number on skype but I played strong and blocked him there aswell and keep telling myself not to call under any circumstances. Im trying really really hard but I swear it hurts a lot now.

[DianneBetsy]

I've been on an online dating with this guy who lives in Texas. He's 18 and I'm 24. Im im Hong Kong but soon to cross to Canada. We've been on this LDR thing for almost 5 months. Recently we have been constantly fighting over the same kind of things. Mostly on his end like vises and everything and to break the record he's got into jail for like three times since we started talking. He's out now tho and that was one of the major causes why we broke up recently, he got arreated because of his unpaid tickets. I just couldnt stand whats happening to him anymore.

 

There's just so much to deal with. We've been thru this on and off thing several times but we always get back together. This recent break up tho, I decided to closed down my facebook account where he contacts me, its been off four almost five days now and I have no.plan of reactivating is so far. For some reason I just dont feel like going back there eventho im missing him and dying to talk to him. I also closed my skype account so he cant contact me, this is hard but I'm trying to go no contact to him at all. I have his phone number but I told myself not to call under any circumstaces. We havent been talking since Friday. This morning tho he finally sent me a text asking if Im okay and said he misses me a lot and that he loves me and that he would never want this to end. I cried a little to see the text but I responded and said this is whats best for us. I do miss him a lot and I do love him too just the things going on really turns me off. I just dont know anymore whether its still worth going back after all thats going on to him.

 

Im not sure whether Im doing the right thing or not. Weve been thru this sooo many times and I feel as tho Im not as affected as before anymore. I dont feel as bad as the previous breakups altho i feel that I miss him a lot sometimes but I can get thru it not like before. I dont know what to do, Should I stop talking to him for good or should I give it a little time and let him be on his own and so as have myself some ME time and go back and give him another chance? Normally I just let things pass and forgive him then get back together but this time Im not sure whether I have to do that after a while Or should I not go back anymore at all?

 

I feel the sincerity in his words when he tells me he loves me and I swear feel the same. I love him too. Im so confused right now.. We have so many dreams together. We really made great memories in the recent months. Please help!!! What should I do this time???

 

Should I throw our promises and dreams away now? Or should I.let him fix himself and comeback later on?

Edited April 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[FitChick]

Yes, throw away your dreams because this is a dream. It's a fantasy. It's not real. You've never met. Do you think you aren't pretty enough to attract a better guy? That is the only reason I can think of for wanting an immature "jailbird."