You just can't win.

[Ninja Extordinare]

Hey everybody, hope everybody is getting along nicely. My most recent situation is baffling as hell. I just don't understand girls sometimes. I met this girl last October through a friend at work, and she seemed to be very genuine. My friend from work told me that she was always meeting the wrong kind of guys, and that we should meet. Well, we met and hit it off and things were fine until yesterday. She decided to end things between us because she said she wasn't ready for "me". Now let me explain a few things. Some of the things she brought up (this was done over the phone, which is really dis-respectful and I'm still pissed bout that.) didn't make sense to me. She lives a good distance away, but she knew this before we started dating. She brought it up that she dreaded the drive to see me and then the drive home. I never asked her to drive all the way to my house, and I offered many times that I could take the bus to meet her downtown, which is in kind of the middle. But she said she didn't want me to do that. (??????????????????What???????????)

 

Next, I met her friends as time went by, and her best friend is the most disrespectful, ungrateful and self-centered person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. I would buy pizza when they would be over at my place and she would eat most of the pizza and I would only get one piece. Then she would be sitting next to my girlfriend and when I took her seat she swore and had a pissy fit. My gf knew that I didn't like her and even when her friend would do such things she wouldn't say a word to her, but she knew that she was being rude, and out of respect to my gf, I didn't tell her off or return the dis-respect she dished out to me. Plus, my gf is fluently french and when I would be around her and her friends they would all speak french to eachother even though they could of well spoke english.

 

So, in the end, I treated her a**h*** friends with respect, I NEVER screwed around on her, and treated her as best I could.

 

Now, how could it be that a girl who was getting hurt by every guy she had feelings for, want something good and pass it up because she couldn't handle it...

 

I never asked her to marry me.

 

I never thought ahead and thought that we might be together for years.

 

And she wanted somebody to treat her good, and I did, and she decided to pass it up.

 

I could understand that she might not be ready for a commitment and usually people are petrified of that word because they think that means A VERY LONG TIME, but SHE was the one who asked me out....

 

Nothing is forever. I know that.

 

I just don't get it...I'm not that hurt, just kind of pissed that the girls who "Can't find the nice guy" find one, and they get all scared and run...It's too bad they don't know that no matter what, they will get hurt eventually. Getting hurt is a fact of life. I guess Im more secure than most because I KNOW I will get hurt more than once....

 

SO, thanks for letting me vent, and if you want to add something or say something feel free, and just a note to girls who want a genuine nice guy and get one....think really hard if that is what you are REALLY looking for. It's funny that once you get what you want, you don't want it anymore? How the hell do marriages succeed?

 

Peace.

[Tony T]

What the ladies are looking for is not necessarily a genuinely nice guy but the right genuinely nice guy at the right time in their lives. You see, there's a how lot more to it that just finding a nice guy.

 

You were a nice guy but not the right one and not the right time in this lady's life.

 

Actually you were too nice, way too nice. This girl was wanting a MAN who would put his foot down, not allow her girlfriends to dump all over him. She probably wanted a MAN who would insist that he be treated with honor and respect. When she saw that you would allow other people to crap on you, she lost a lot of respect for you.

 

So part of being a nice guy is being nice, not giving anybody grief but not taking any either.

 

If I have a girlfriend who speaks to all of her friends around me in French and leaves me out of the picture totally, I tell her to switch to English real fast or hit the road. Talking in another language around someone who can't understand is just plain RUDE.

 

Now, if I have a girlfriend who has friends as rude as yours did, I'm going to think real hard about her ability to select friends. I think you can tell a lot about a person by the friends they have.

 

All this too far to drive crap and she isn't ready for a guy like "you" now is all a bunch of crap.

 

Basically, what she was conveying is she wants to go around talking French with her classless girlfriend sluts on Saturday nights while they look for some "bad" guys to get down with.

 

She won't be ready for a nice guy for a long time...but there are many who are.

 

You ask how do marriages succeed. Though a very good question, I don't see how it's relevant to your situation.

 

But anyway, not very many marriages succeed even though roughly half the people who go through the ceremony continue to live together for a pretty long time.

 

Of the marriages that are out there that last, the one's that succeed do so because they are devoid of unrealistic demands and expectations. The partners believe in caring, committment, communication and they have those in good measure. They have shared goals, shared views about children, finances and respect for each other's religious beliefs. They are open minded, forgiving, considerate, generous, compromising, thoughful, mannerly. They have great admiration and respect for each other.

 

So you see, it's not all that hard to have a great marriage, it really doesn't take much as you can plainly see, so I really wonder why there aren't so many great ones. Go figure?!?!?!

[ashesmum]

Tony did a good job of explaining things. I add this... I think you should find a nice girl and say bubbye to this chick. She doesn't have alot of respect for people obviously and neither do her friends. Why be around that? It wouldn't work just for that reason alone. She obviously is pretty young if she's not looking for a nice guy in her life. She's in a stupid, crushy stage where she wants a hunk with bad qualities. Not sayin you're not a hunk of course! Find a real woman and be happy instead of stressing over her. There are all types of women out there and she's one of those types. Find a better one! Good luck.

Hey everybody, hope everybody is getting along nicely. My most recent situation is baffling as hell. I just don't understand girls sometimes. I met this girl last October through a friend at work, and she seemed to be very genuine. My friend from work told me that she was always meeting the wrong kind of guys, and that we should meet. Well, we met and hit it off and things were fine until yesterday. She decided to end things between us because she said she wasn't ready for "me". Now let me explain a few things. Some of the things she brought up (this was done over the phone, which is really dis-respectful and I'm still pissed bout that.) didn't make sense to me. She lives a good distance away, but she knew this before we started dating. She brought it up that she dreaded the drive to see me and then the drive home. I never asked her to drive all the way to my house, and I offered many times that I could take the bus to meet her downtown, which is in kind of the middle. But she said she didn't want me to do that. (??????????????????What???????????)

 

Next, I met her friends as time went by, and her best friend is the most disrespectful, ungrateful and self-centered person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. I would buy pizza when they would be over at my place and she would eat most of the pizza and I would only get one piece. Then she would be sitting next to my girlfriend and when I took her seat she swore and had a pissy fit. My gf knew that I didn't like her and even when her friend would do such things she wouldn't say a word to her, but she knew that she was being rude, and out of respect to my gf, I didn't tell her off or return the dis-respect she dished out to me. Plus, my gf is fluently french and when I would be around her and her friends they would all speak french to eachother even though they could of well spoke english. So, in the end, I treated her a**h*** friends with respect, I NEVER screwed around on her, and treated her as best I could. Now, how could it be that a girl who was getting hurt by every guy she had feelings for, want something good and pass it up because she couldn't handle it... I never asked her to marry me. I never thought ahead and thought that we might be together for years. And she wanted somebody to treat her good, and I did, and she decided to pass it up. I could understand that she might not be ready for a commitment and usually people are petrified of that word because they think that means A VERY LONG TIME, but SHE was the one who asked me out.... Nothing is forever. I know that. I just don't get it...I'm not that hurt, just kind of pissed that the girls who "Can't find the nice guy" find one, and they get all scared and run...It's too bad they don't know that no matter what, they will get hurt eventually. Getting hurt is a fact of life. I guess Im more secure than most because I KNOW I will get hurt more than once.... SO, thanks for letting me vent, and if you want to add something or say something feel free, and just a note to girls who want a genuine nice guy and get one....think really hard if that is what you are REALLY looking for. It's funny that once you get what you want, you don't want it anymore? How the hell do marriages succeed? Peace.

[Nic]

hey ninja,

 

i got what i wanted and he didn't want me anymore!!! so yeah, i'm in the same boat as you and it really does piss you off, but what can you do eh? just get angry and move on and know that you'll find someone who appreciates you for everything you are. sometimes you have to play the game a few times - *then you will win*.

 

i know how you feel!!!!

 

good luck :-)

Hey everybody, hope everybody is getting along nicely. My most recent situation is baffling as hell. I just don't understand girls sometimes. I met this girl last October through a friend at work, and she seemed to be very genuine. My friend from work told me that she was always meeting the wrong kind of guys, and that we should meet. Well, we met and hit it off and things were fine until yesterday. She decided to end things between us because she said she wasn't ready for "me". Now let me explain a few things. Some of the things she brought up (this was done over the phone, which is really dis-respectful and I'm still pissed bout that.) didn't make sense to me. She lives a good distance away, but she knew this before we started dating. She brought it up that she dreaded the drive to see me and then the drive home. I never asked her to drive all the way to my house, and I offered many times that I could take the bus to meet her downtown, which is in kind of the middle. But she said she didn't want me to do that. (??????????????????What???????????)

 

Next, I met her friends as time went by, and her best friend is the most disrespectful, ungrateful and self-centered person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. I would buy pizza when they would be over at my place and she would eat most of the pizza and I would only get one piece. Then she would be sitting next to my girlfriend and when I took her seat she swore and had a pissy fit. My gf knew that I didn't like her and even when her friend would do such things she wouldn't say a word to her, but she knew that she was being rude, and out of respect to my gf, I didn't tell her off or return the dis-respect she dished out to me. Plus, my gf is fluently french and when I would be around her and her friends they would all speak french to eachother even though they could of well spoke english. So, in the end, I treated her a**h*** friends with respect, I NEVER screwed around on her, and treated her as best I could. Now, how could it be that a girl who was getting hurt by every guy she had feelings for, want something good and pass it up because she couldn't handle it... I never asked her to marry me. I never thought ahead and thought that we might be together for years. And she wanted somebody to treat her good, and I did, and she decided to pass it up. I could understand that she might not be ready for a commitment and usually people are petrified of that word because they think that means A VERY LONG TIME, but SHE was the one who asked me out.... Nothing is forever. I know that. I just don't get it...I'm not that hurt, just kind of pissed that the girls who "Can't find the nice guy" find one, and they get all scared and run...It's too bad they don't know that no matter what, they will get hurt eventually. Getting hurt is a fact of life. I guess Im more secure than most because I KNOW I will get hurt more than once.... SO, thanks for letting me vent, and if you want to add something or say something feel free, and just a note to girls who want a genuine nice guy and get one....think really hard if that is what you are REALLY looking for. It's funny that once you get what you want, you don't want it anymore? How the hell do marriages succeed? Peace.

[Ninja Extrodinare]

What the ladies are looking for is not necessarily a genuinely nice guy but the right genuinely nice guy at the right time in their lives. You see, there's a how lot more to it that just finding a nice guy. You were a nice guy but not the right one and not the right time in this lady's life. Actually you were too nice, way too nice. This girl was wanting a MAN who would put his foot down, not allow her girlfriends to dump all over him. She probably wanted a MAN who would insist that he be treated with honor and respect. When she saw that you would allow other people to crap on you, she lost a lot of respect for you. So part of being a nice guy is being nice, not giving anybody grief but not taking any either.

 

If I have a girlfriend who speaks to all of her friends around me in French and leaves me out of the picture totally, I tell her to switch to English real fast or hit the road. Talking in another language around someone who can't understand is just plain RUDE. Now, if I have a girlfriend who has friends as rude as yours did, I'm going to think real hard about her ability to select friends. I think you can tell a lot about a person by the friends they have. All this too far to drive crap and she isn't ready for a guy like "you" now is all a bunch of crap. Basically, what she was conveying is she wants to go around talking French with her classless girlfriend sluts on Saturday nights while they look for some "bad" guys to get down with. She won't be ready for a nice guy for a long time...but there are many who are. You ask how do marriages succeed. Though a very good question, I don't see how it's relevant to your situation. But anyway, not very many marriages succeed even though roughly half the people who go through the ceremony continue to live together for a pretty long time. Of the marriages that are out there that last, the one's that succeed do so because they are devoid of unrealistic demands and expectations. The partners believe in caring, committment, communication and they have those in good measure. They have shared goals, shared views about children, finances and respect for each other's religious beliefs. They are open minded, forgiving, considerate, generous, compromising, thoughful, mannerly. They have great admiration and respect for each other.

 

So you see, it's not all that hard to have a great marriage, it really doesn't take much as you can plainly see, so I really wonder why there aren't so many great ones. Go figure?!?!?!

Heheheheh...thanks for putting things in perspective, I'm not that great at expressing my anger when I get mad, but I think that is something I shall have remedy I guess. Thanks.

[fishbulb]

Hey everybody, hope everybody is getting

along nicely. My most recent situation is baffling as hell. I just don't understand girls sometimes. I met this girl last October through a friend at work, and she seemed to be very genuine. My friend from work told me that she was always meeting the wrong kind of guys, and that we should meet. Well, we met and hit it off and things were fine until yesterday. She decided to end things between us because she said she wasn't ready for "me". Now let me explain a few things. Some of the things she brought up (this was done over the phone, which is really dis-respectful and I'm still pissed bout that.) didn't make sense to me. She lives a good distance away, but she knew this before we started dating. She brought it up that she dreaded the drive to see me and then the drive home. I never asked her to drive all the way to my house, and I offered many times that I could take the bus to meet her downtown, which is in kind of the middle. But she said she didn't want me to do that. (??????????????????What???????????)

 

Next, I met her friends as time went by, and her best friend is the most disrespectful, ungrateful and self-centered person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. I would buy pizza when they would be over at my place and she would eat most of the pizza and I would only get one piece. Then she would be sitting next to my girlfriend and when I took her seat she swore and had a pissy fit. My gf knew that I didn't like her and even when her friend would do such things she wouldn't say a word to her, but she knew that she was being rude, and out of respect to my gf, I didn't tell her off or return the dis-respect she dished out to me. Plus, my gf is fluently french and when I would be around her and her friends they would all speak french to eachother even though they could of well spoke english. So, in the end, I treated her a**h*** friends with respect, I NEVER screwed around on her, and treated her as best I could. Now, how could it be that a girl who was getting hurt by every guy she had feelings for, want something good and pass it up because she couldn't handle it... I never asked her to marry me. I never thought ahead and thought that we might be together for years. And she wanted somebody to treat her good, and I did, and she decided to pass it up. I could understand that she might not be ready for a commitment and usually people are petrified of that word because they think that means A VERY LONG TIME, but SHE was the one who asked me out.... Nothing is forever. I know that. I just don't get it...I'm not that hurt, just kind of pissed that the girls who "Can't find the nice guy" find one, and they get all scared and run...It's too bad they don't know that no matter what, they will get hurt eventually. Getting hurt is a fact of life. I guess Im more secure than most because I KNOW I will get hurt more than once.... SO, thanks for letting me vent, and if you want to add something or say something feel free, and just a note to girls who want a genuine nice guy and get one....think really hard if that is what you are REALLY looking for. It's funny that once you get what you want, you don't want it anymore? How the hell do marriages succeed? Peace.

 

Fishbulb here. Who are you, Ninja Extrordinaire, and how did you happen to aquire my life? The conclusion that I've reached is we are probably WAY TOO NICE. We try to be respectful, to thier needs, thier boundaries, then they have the b...s to turn our sensitivity against us and call us weak, because we're not thrusting our needs on them, but then when we do, they're largely ignored, and we're called selfish and controlling for even daring having them in the first place! ...rant, rant, rant...my guess is that most marriages succeed because one partner needs a hearing aid and the other is nearly blind...