Apparently I cheated...

[Cpt]

You're not going to believe what I have been accused of by my girlfriend!

 

I have come to find out that she is a long time LS lurker. I don't know how this happened but...

 

She found me

Read my posts

Feels betrayed

 

Claims that I had an EA with... loveshack.

 

Please guys will you do me a favour and explain to my gf that LS is not a place where people have EA's by "talking about their relationship problems". Does that mean everyone on LS who has posted about their relationship problems is an emotional cheater? Or does it mean people have EA's in their IC's? I tried to reason against her logic with these questions but she won't have it, maybe you guys can do a better job explaining to her (she will read your posts).

 

She is actually very upset with me right now that I have been posting on LS about some of the issues I/we faced. Is her anger justified?

 

Sorry babe, but I personally think this is a little childish on your part. I will not apologize for this, you can keep ignoring me but I warn you one of these days I will not be chasing you anymore...

[Art_Critic]

of course LS is nothing more than a sounding board and doesn't amount to cheating.

 

My guess.. she saw something in your posts that miffed her, maybe the way something was described and she felt that she didn't have a chance to defend herself.

 

Honestly.. you should be able to see her side of feeling left out.. if that is what she was feeling but also she should see your side that LoveShack is just a bunch of people seeking and giving advice to issues that people, people like yourself when they have run into a roadblock and need an uninterested 3rd party to pose their issue with.

 

My wife knows I post here.. I posted before I met my wife.

I think at times she might feel I spend too much time here but has never had an issue with anything I have posted about, that being said.. I did change what I post about after we married and am always respectful about what I post regarding things that might be considered her privacy.

 

I think your GF needs to cut you a break, and you need to hug your GF and tell her you love her..

[gaius]

At best 80 posts is a mild flirtation. Nowhere near any kind of affair, emotional or otherwise.

[Chocolat]

I think that seeing your posting here as cheating is OTT, but I do get that she may feel that her trust has been betrayed if you shared personal details from your R here. Even though you are anonymous, she may feel that, on some level, her privacy has been invaded.

 

She may also feel hurt if you've said disparaging things about her, or if you have shared here issues that you have not shared with her (or shared them more emphatically than you shared them with her). As someone else pointed out, she is in the eerie position of reading about herself without the ability to present her side.

 

Perhaps you two can talk out what the boundaries of the R are and see if you can get on the same page. If you want to keep the R with your gf, this is the only thing to do. She's not going to be persuaded based on a vote of LSers's any more than I suspect you would be. I definitely don't advocate the silent treatment (her) or warnings (you).

 

ETA: That you came here to talk through this issue is not a good sign, imo. Get off LS and talk to her.

[Chi townD]

HI GIRLFRIEND!!!

 

 

You're coming to a site where people can talk or vent or get advice on their own relationship. Yeah, sometimes some of the stuff discussed on here can be very personal. But, considering that no one know each other at all, then identities are pretty safe around here.

 

 

Plus, if you look at other sub-forums here, you see some that have people asking for advice on how to make their relationships stronger as well as some sub forums that help someone get over a break up.

 

 

Nothing more than that. We don't meet up with each other. There's no LS summer picnic parties happening. And you'll find people from all over the world coming here.

 

 

I think you're getting upset over something you don't have a clear picture on. If you would like, why don't you register and ask us about it. We'd be more than happy to talk with you.

[Els]

Your girlfriend got mad at you for posting your problems on LS, and to solve this problem with her, you.... post on LS? How on earth do you think this will help?

 

I obviously don't equate posting on LS with having an affair, but seriously, geesh. Resolve this conflict yourselves or break things off, don't expect us to be the middlemen. LS is an advice site, not a 'talk to my partner so I don't need to do the dirty work' site...

[ThatMan]

It might be a really good idea to sit down with her sometime and talk about what's up. You had an emotional affair with a support group? What does that even mean? Is she embarrassed by bringing up the relationship, or what? You cannot determine anything by talking with any of us at this point. Don't look for third parties to choose sides in your relationship.

 

Keep in mind that emotions do not need to be justified. It must be very invalidating for her if you need to seek out justifications for her feelings. Never think as though the situation needs to be severe enough to warrant some kind of emotional response. What matters are her willing choices in reacting to those emotions. There's a lot of terrible things people choose to do while angry...

 

So with that said, if you, your girlfriend, or family members feel as though they cannot behave a certain way in the open, then they probably have no business behaving this way behind closed doors. One of the most simple ways to manage anger is through the idea that if you couldn't treat a coworker or boss a certain way, then don't treat a spouse or family member that way. Hopefully none of this is relevant to whatever motivations she has for possibly wanting you to cut off this kind of internet use. It is important that you do not allow yourself to become isolated, and if you stop using the internet, consider therapy instead.

[Chocolat]

Your girlfriend got mad at you for posting your problems on LS, and to solve this problem with her, you.... post on LS? How on earth do you think this will help?

 

I LOL'd when I read this. Spot on!

[Zahara]

Sorry babe, but I personally think this is a little childish on your part. I will not apologize for this, you can keep ignoring me but I warn you one of these days I will not be chasing you anymore...

 

:laugh: Communication in a relationship has taken itself to a whole different level!

Edited April 22, 2014 by Zahara

[Spectre]

Umm, this is weird. If she registers she can view EVERY post you have made and see if you are truly cheating. Sounds like she is either looking for a reason to fight or she is cheating herself. Also, why was she lurking? If she feels coming here is cheating..what was SHE doing here?

Edited April 22, 2014 by Spectre

[mrs rubble]

I know how she feels my man is having an affair with Candy Crush Saga, he even brings her into our bed!!

[No Limit]

Oh honey, rawr, of course it's an EA. Each message here has a secret message to it, you gotta read between the lines...

[Cpt]

Your girlfriend got mad at you for posting your problems on LS, and to solve this problem with her, you.... post on LS? How on earth do you think this will help?

 

I obviously don't equate posting on LS with having an affair, but seriously, geesh. Resolve this conflict yourselves or break things off, don't expect us to be the middlemen. LS is an advice site, not a 'talk to my partner so I don't need to do the dirty work' site...

 

lol at the your first paragraph.

 

In regards to your second paragraph, I wasn't asking LS to be the middlemen for this issue, I just wanted you guys to give your thoughts on why posting on LS does not equate to emotionally cheating, because maybe the way I explained it to her didn't make sense.

 

Thanks to all the other posters for trying to explain to her. I ended up speaking with her very briefly and unfortunately all your reasoning fell on deff ears. She does partly agree with art critic and chocolat though.

 

I can't believe this is actually happening. As soon as she finished talking, she hung up on me and I didn't get to ask anything and have a proper discussion with her.

 

Babe please speak with me, we've been together for nearly a year now we can work through this if you just pick up your phone and have a proper discussion with me. I miss you already... love stud muffin

[Cpt]

I think your GF needs to cut you a break, and you need to hug your GF and tell her you love her..

 

I would love to, but how can I when she is ignoring me....

[hoping2heal]

I don't think LS is emotionally cheating at all...err how could it be?

 

I guess I can't understand that part, TBH.

 

Maybe she feels betrayed that you shared intimate details with "strangers on the net" ?

 

In which case, I would say she has her right to be mad about it but..it's her issue so she doesn't have a right to take it out on you. I don't think talking about or asking for advice constitutes to doing one wrong in a RS, though some people may have a problem with it.

 

Now that you know it bothers her I wouldn't be sharing any more details, though.

[tlegend]

I would love to, but how can I when she is ignoring me....

 

I didn't look through your posts.

 

Maybe she feels that problems in your relationship need to be discussed privately, and not in a public forum.

 

If you truly love her, and she won't reason with you, then make a compromise somehow. Or...simply stop posting on LS about your personal life. Talk about other people's personal life.

 

LS isn't going to discriminate against you. It doesn't matter what your personal life is....LS will be here.

 

But it DOES matter to your personal life if you are on LS. And to me, if you love her, it's an easy decision. Which would you rather have? Her, or LS?

 

Personally I think the whole situation is ridiculous, but then again, I'm not in either of your shoes so I'm not here to judge. I'm simply here to give you a solution.

 

My 2 cents.

[veggirl]

That's completely ridiculous. The ONLY thing I think that would justify this is if you were talking about like huge issues in the R that you DIDN'T talk to her about.

 

If that's not the case, she is being a huge drama queen and needs to get over it. She should be happy you care enough to seek help, ffs!

 

tlegend, I really don't think seeking advice/help on LS is talking about their problems in public. This is an ANONYMOUS forum. I'd understand her anger if he was going to all their friends and airing dirty laundry but an anon forum?! C'mon. Ridiculous.

[ja123]

Uhmmm This is a weird situation.

 

 

I would feel violated in some way if an SO was lurking to read my posts on LS.

[Cpt]

Just to clarify, she was not lurking to find my posts. She found me by accident through one of my threads because the story was exactly similar to ours and she confronted me, thats when all hell broke loose...

 

I hope it doesn't come to the point where I have to choose between LS or her.

[gaius]

Does she have more posts than you? Maybe she feels like you're infringing on her territory.

[Art_Critic]

Sounds like it's time to start a thread on how great your GF is and how the sex is the best you have ever had

 

Hopefully she won't make you choose.

 

If she had an account here did she post or just lurk ? so she must have been reading the advice being given by the posters here ? so she was using LS too ???

 

Maybe this issue would be better if you stop posting in this thread, give it time.. I don't think you did anything wrong but she has feelings too..

 

Give her time...

[tlegend]

tlegend, I really don't think seeking advice/help on LS is talking about their problems in public. This is an ANONYMOUS forum. I'd understand her anger if he was going to all their friends and airing dirty laundry but an anon forum?! C'mon. Ridiculous.

 

However right you may be, we must not discount her feelings. As you think it's ridiculous, and I do as well, she does not.

 

And I don't know about you, but I'm not dating Cpt. She is.

 

Therefore, her feelings about her problems in a relationship with someone else being typed into a public forum is very obviously causing problems because of how she feels about it.

 

This isn't a battle of right or wrong. This is a battle of how it makes the person you love feel, and what you're going to do about that.

 

If she doesn't like it, then I suggest you make your story a bit more ...anonymous... as obviously it wasn't hard to figure out it was you, or find someone who isn't going to make you choose between her, or a website.

[Cpt]

Jen we're done...

 

That's right, i'm breaking up with you through this board. I told you from day one that I would not tolerate being ignored like this for no good reason. Thanks for wasting nearly one year of my life. I loved you so much and still do. This is difficult for me but its neccessary.

 

I have blocked your #

Don't call me

Don't text me

Don't email me

 

That means we can't talk "as friends", so this is goodbye. Maybe someday i'll see you at a table in a restaurant in France. Perphaps we will both be with our future families. We'd smile and wave but go our separate ways... Please, have a good life.

[Cpt]

Thanks everyone for taking your time to respond to this thread.

[gaius]

Good job not tolerating bad behavior. I'm always mystified when a poster makes a thread about some whacky demand his girlfriend has made and a lot of the women say he should give in.....