Men- When did you know you wanted to propose?

[Kingston100]

Hello all!

 

Just a survey really. I've been getting little hints from my boyfriend that he is ready to settle down. I am not expecting a proposal any day now (probably still months, if not a year away)... but he talks about not wanting to date someone for years without an engagement again, he says he "wouldn't waste his time with me" if he wasn't serious (often citing his age).... things like that.

 

Just curious...

 

When did you know you wanted to propose? Did you always know she was the one and you just needed to wait an appropriate amount of time before asking... or did you date for a long time and then wake up one day with it dawning on you?

[carhill]

When did you know you wanted to propose?

 

After about six-seven months of dating and having a few disagreements.

 

Did you always know she was the one and you just needed to wait an appropriate amount of time before asking... or did you date for a long time and then wake up one day with it dawning on you?

 

No, didn't 'always know', nor did I 'wake up one day' and decide. It sort of flowed from getting to know to serious dating to being a couple to viewing marriage as the ultimate conclusion. That probably reflects my own style more than anything else, having never really considered another path of relationship. I can't speak for her, but she had been married twice before, taking up the majority of her adult life, so presumed marriage was a preferred relationship path for her as well.

 

Disclaimer: We were 'older' so YMMV.

[MuscleCarFan]

Hmmm, it's hard to say. I honestly don't remember when I considered proposing, lol.

[MissBee]

I'm not a man.

 

I'm seeing someone, it's still new, but both of us were of the mind that we wouldn't enter an exclusive relationship with anyone with whom we didn't see the potential for a future. While neither of us knows what will ultimately happen, the fact that we're together now means we see that potential and we just need more time together to know for sure if we want to get married or not.

 

That said, I am always puzzled at when people make proposals seem like some big surprise and a one-sided decision. I get the day of him asking may be a surprise, but I don't understand how two adults can plan to marry but not talk about it or informally agree to it before a proposal.

 

I am genuinely always bewildered by the idea that a proposal is some surprise that you keep waiting for and your man springs on you with NO warning besides vague hints. I know should my bf propose, while the day and how he does it might be a surprise, it most likely won't be a surprise that we want to marry each other, as even now in the early stages we both talk about the future, wanting marriage ultimately and what that might look like. So as we get more serious I can only imagine if he is thinking of proposing it will be as a result of us both informally deciding we want to marry each other.

 

Have you guys discussed marriage with each other in any concrete ways?

Edited April 22, 2014 by MissBee

[Kingston100]

Have you guys discussed marriage with each other in any concrete ways?

 

We have. I don't have this idea in my head that a proposal is going to come out of nowhere and completely blow me away.

 

Because our relationship is still relatively new, when we talk about marraige it is still rather abstract (when you get married, rather than when WE get married type questions).

 

We've just been talking about it a lot more lately and he has asked me things like how long I would want to wait, would I want a house first... etc.

 

I think that when it comes, it won't be completely out of left field.

 

Just had me thinking about proposals in general.

[newmoon]

Mine asked me the first day he saw me - I wasn't impressed with that and didn't take him seriously. He tried again 2 months later and I said no, and he kept trying every few months after that, even though I was saying no. Finally I said "if you are serious then you need to get me the ring" and he came by 3 weeks later with a ring. He let me know from that first moment that he was marriage-ready and marriage-ready for me. He started talking about marriage and us, and us being married and etc. very fast. I think it a guy is serious, you'll know very soon and there won't be games.

[Candy_Pants]

My man was hinting at it, so I asked him!! With a very serious look on his face he said, "No. You don't get to ask. That's my job..............will you be my wife?"

 

I was just joking but it was perfect!!

[littleplanet]

It was completely unplanned.

There was no agenda.

 

Then one day (after about a year together) we had a long discussion that afternoon....sitting on the back basement steps.

I looked at her.

She looked at me.

(and we both just kinda knew, you know?)

 

So I got down on one knee.

She giggled. (cutest giggle in the world)

 

I spoke two words.

She spoke one.

 

And it was a done deal.

 

Since that time (a long time ago) I've always been rather amazed -

at drama, speeches, quizzes, hiccups, uncertainties, sweaty palms, suspected and unsuspected notions....and endless variations on this theme.

 

Did I miss out on any fun?

Nope.

[Shepp]

hmmm...

 

....I guess i always knew since i met her in the way a 15 year old boy imagines his future....in the way I knew she was the girl i wanted to marry and that i wanted to drive a jeep and that i'd score the winning goal at Wembley in the 2014 world cup (guess 2 out of 3 aint bad - damn Roy Hodgson ).

 

I guess that somewhere along the line between actually starting dating, doing up our house together, sitting by the lake, arguing about how many carrots i needed to cook for Christmas dinner, NICU, her wrecking my whole iracing season in about 10mins, 2AM night feeds and sitting up all night watching friends reruns, it shifted from a kids.. projecting of his future into.. my real life and me as and adult now, knowing that that was where i wanted my life to go.

 

Not like a wake up and sudden change between the two, just a shift.

[Tayla]

Never proposed to, yet was married once.

 

It was a given that my hubby and I would marry, we were high school sweethearts who did everything to disrupt our families. So I was the one to propose to him on Sadie hawkens day (nov 13) and wedded on leap day feb 29th (Three months later). Short engagement that suited us fine. No big wedding, JP and afew friends. No regrets on doing it that way. cuz as it went, I was the one asking for the divorce...we parted amicably , which sent our family into another tailspin. Why families wanted drama was beyond us. We simply wanted to end the misery we imposed upon one another. So as for any surprises or such, we had that covered by surprising our families with our decisions.

 

Actually have respect for guys who take their time...and know what the commitment entails...speaks volumes for character.

[CherryT]

I'm not a man.

 

I'm seeing someone, it's still new, but both of us were of the mind that we wouldn't enter an exclusive relationship with anyone with whom we didn't see the potential for a future. While neither of us knows what will ultimately happen, the fact that we're together now means we see that potential and we just need more time together to know for sure if we want to get married or not.

 

That said, I am always puzzled at when people make proposals seem like some big surprise and a one-sided decision. I get the day of him asking may be a surprise, but I don't understand how two adults can plan to marry but not talk about it or informally agree to it before a proposal.

 

I am genuinely always bewildered by the idea that a proposal is some surprise that you keep waiting for and your man springs on you with NO warning besides vague hints. I know should my bf propose, while the day and how he does it might be a surprise, it most likely won't be a surprise that we want to marry each other, as even now in the early stages we both talk about the future, wanting marriage ultimately and what that might look like. So as we get more serious I can only imagine if he is thinking of proposing it will be as a result of us both informally deciding we want to marry each other.

 

Have you guys discussed marriage with each other in any concrete ways?

 

This.

 

I'm not a man either, but when my fiance proposed, I knew it was going to happen. I just didn't know how.

 

I'm not sure if it was something that I did that made him think to himself "I can't let this woman go" or if it boiled up to the point where he thought "this is the one". But, whenever it happened, he was pretty vocal about it. He was so sure and never played any games, throughout our whole relationship. I felt from day one that I was the one for him... not because of how I felt about him but because of how he treated me made me know exactly how he felt about me.

 

We have. I don't have this idea in my head that a proposal is going to come out of nowhere and completely blow me away.

 

Because our relationship is still relatively new, when we talk about marraige it is still rather abstract (when you get married, rather than when WE get married type questions).

 

We've just been talking about it a lot more lately and he has asked me things like how long I would want to wait, would I want a house first... etc.

 

I think that when it comes, it won't be completely out of left field.

 

Just had me thinking about proposals in general.

 

Our conversations just naturally progressed and neither of us were afraid to let each other know. My fiance talked about things like that too... how we both would want to be engaged and where we see ourselves in our lives when that happens. Our situation was pretty complicated... he lives in the US and I live in Canada. I spend a lot of time where he is because of my job, but even then... we had to figure out the logistics of it all (and immigration). It has not been an easy road for us but when we got to the other side, we realize just what we have endured together. And that, to me, is real partnership.

 

From the point he knew I was the one, we started planning for our future together. We were regularly working towards our shared dreams and one day, he finally 'formally' asked.

 

To me, that made no difference. The commitment was already there, before the big proposal and the ring.

[mattny]

I knew after meeting my ex (lol) that I thought it was meant to be. Things started off light and I wasnt super attracted but over 4 years I grew to really adore her.

 

We had a falling out 3 years in where we didnt speak for a week (due to some pretty hard times and I almost stepped out of the relationship). We made amends and she forgave me for my actions, and right then and there I knew she was it. We had passed our 'test' and I thought we were stronger than ever before. Unconditional love prevailed (or so I thought), but a year later she walked out (had my suspicions about her seeing someone else and I was right).

 

I kept feeding her the 'my job isnt paying me crap' line because I was socking everything away for a ring. I had about $7k put aside for one, my friend was in the process of finishing the final setting when she left...30 days before I was going to propose (lost my deposit on the photographer too lol). We hadnt planned on a big wedding (couldnt afford it...shes filipino and you know how those are...turns into a 300 person headcount really quickly lol).

 

We'll see how the next one goes