things are different this time.

[momto3boys]

My husband of almost 7 years left me last week. This is literally the 5th time he has left. ive tried to stay as NC as i can considering we have kids. Normally i beg him and cry to work things out. I did this the first day. Then on the day he moved out (day after he told me he was leaving) he told me he regretted marrying me and felt stuck. After that i went as NC as i possibly can. I am just so fed up with being left. I have made alot of mistakes, but the last split we were separated for 6 months and he even got a girlfriend. But we obviously reconciled and i changed alot. This time i felt like i tried. I am starting to feel like i am never going to make him happy no matter how much i change. Am i the only one who has someone contentiously leave them??

[STM206]

My husband of almost 7 years left me last week. This is literally the 5th time he has left. ive tried to stay as NC as i can considering we have kids. Normally i beg him and cry to work things out. I did this the first day. Then on the day he moved out (day after he told me he was leaving) he told me he regretted marrying me and felt stuck. After that i went as NC as i possibly can. I am just so fed up with being left. I have made alot of mistakes, but the last split we were separated for 6 months and he even got a girlfriend. But we obviously reconciled and i changed alot. This time i felt like i tried. I am starting to feel like i am never going to make him happy no matter how much i change. Am i the only one who has someone contentiously leave them??

 

I'm sorry you're going through this but him leaving you once, shame on him, him leaving you twice shame on you. This isn't to make you feel bad but you deserve so much better than the stress this man continues to put you through.

 

He needs to grow a pair and either a.) stick by your side like a loving husband should or b.) leave and let you finally have the chance to find someone who will give you the respect you deserve. He's taken full advantage of the fact that he knows you'll be waiting for him to return - don't let him have that power over you anymore.

 

I know you love him, but your love is deserving to be received by someone who can give you the same in return. <3

[No Limit]

You shouldn't have let him return after the 2nd time (usually I'd say don't let them back after the 1st time, but with children it's different of course). 5 times is far too often. You're his safety net and for some reason keep allow him to use you as such.

 

Leave him. For your sake and that of your kids.

[momto3boys]

You both are right. He blames me for everything. Normally I am devistated but haven't been that upset. I really just want him to leave me alone because I'm sick of being left. I can't even feel comfortable in my marriage because I know at anytime he's gonna just leave again. He's a mamas boy and she often interferes and that's a big issue in the marriage.. He also isn't taking our kids that long and I have a feeling it's so I have no time to go out and do anythin fun. It's really annoying. I love him an want my marriage to work but I can't do his anymore.

[hoping2heal]

I'm sorry but what do you expect? How does 5 leaves happen? I mean I can justify leaving once and letting him back but he gets 2, then, 3, then 4?!

 

Must come home when he wants to use you for something or his other prospects don't work out. FWIW, no you aren't the only one. My sister has been through the same thing with her husband, though he's technically had affairs and left 4 times, not 5 but I'm sure time number 5 isn't far off.

 

Every time she's crushed and can't believe it. I can never understand it but she's been so warped by the mind ****ing he's done to her that I don't think she can tell her knee from her elbow. I can only assume similar has happened with you.

 

He has already said he doesn't want to be married to you. Pretty clear from his actions he means that. You are probably going to take that as you not being good enough but that's just sad. I mean, what dick head does this to the mother of his children? So he isn't all that stand up of a guy, either.

 

Have you sought counseling to understand your decisions?

[momto3boys]

I can easily tell you why he left te first 4 times. He has PTSD from being in the war. He got into drugs really bad when he first got home from Afghanistan. There's slot to the story. Slot of the issues are issues wih his mom. I really think he needs some sort of help with how he is with his kom. It is more than being a mamas boy. There's no other women. This is a cycle. We are fine, something will happen with his mom (which something did 2 weeks sgo). She was all over my son with sensory issues and he got pissed and left. Last time he left it was an issue with his mom. Time before that I left because of the drugs. The other time was right before he deployed and he turned nuts.

[momto3boys]

Sorry for the typos. Also, I'm not going back this time. He can only do this so many times before I got fed and that time is now. I am always to blame. His mom never sees he kids often and he blames me for thy. Has Ben said I make sure my mom sees them but not his mom. It's his mom, he can so that it's not all my responsibility. I took him back because I love him and obviously want things to work out for my kids but I cant do this anymore. No matte wha I do I can't make him happy a I give up.

[No Limit]

It needs 2 people to work on a relationship to fix it. He's far from that.

I'm afraid he's no longer your husband, or rather the husband/man you once knew. Who knows, maybe that guy really died in Afghanistan. Either way, time to move on, as hard as it may be.