Anyone considered really attractive?

[melell]

Title.. and popular with people of both genders as a result? Do you find this isolating, or find that validation you receive due to looks is enough on it's own?

 

Question not personal.

[topaMAXX]

I don't know anyone that's very attractive and popular because of their looks.

 

There is probably one guy that I've ever met that has leading actor type good looks and most people dislike him because he's pretty mean to a lot of people.

 

Generally, though, the really good looking women that I know seem to be popular with both sexes.

[Candy_Pants]

Personally I've never given much of a crap about my looks.

[melell]

sorry should have been clearer with my question.

 

I mean in that sense of feeling like the things you get (opportunities, jobs, partners etc) you got because of how you look, rather than because you genuinely deserved them- like you wouldn't have done well if it weren't for your good looks.

 

I was wondering if anyone in that boat felt as if their validation was 'false' because of it.

 

Not talking about myself.

[gaius]

Wouldn't it be kind of douchey to answer this question in the first person and insinuate you're really good looking?

 

I've heard Rob Lowe and a lot of other "good looking" actors complain that being good looking means you don't get taken seriously, which could be the case. They seem to find it to be more of a hindrance than anything else. I remember how annoyed I got when one doctor I picked turned out to look like a male model.

[Shepp]

I mean in that sense of feeling like the things you get (opportunities, jobs, partners etc) you got because of how you look, rather than because you genuinely deserved them- like you wouldn't have done well if it weren't for your good looks.

 

I was wondering if anyone in that boat felt as if their validation was 'false' because of it.

 

I feel like answering this is a bit like saying "oh yeah I'm super attractive" which I'm not going to do, i'm not David Beckham by any stretch.

 

But I just wanna talk about the question I think your bringing up in general - I really strongly disagree with that I quoted - because ive actually had this thrown at me, more than once from other folk! Once by a guy who I thought was a pretty good mate! That everything comes easy to me, all of it jobs, opportunities, people, and its BS!!!

The only thing, i'll say to anyone who ask that has always given me a leg up and a head start on some folk is have a really great family and for that I'm incredibly grateful!

 

But to make captain of my football team I stayed on the training pitch long after everyone else had gone home! I went through the same interview process as everyone else in the fire service and I work so hard to prove myself there. My friends are my friends because I'm there when they need me to be, I put myself out to be a good mate. And okay I have girls approach me here and there, but the one I wanted I stuck it out 5 years waiting for. And I have two of the best amazing little guys for sons, but only cause I made the decision to sign a birth certificate.

 

and im not super Brad Pitt attractive so when you have another dude stand there and say to your face that you got where you got in life from the way you look, I don't take as a compliment in any form, I think its insulting! Its undermining the effort that I put in to get what I wanted in life.

 

 

I know theres studies to say the better looing folk are the lighter the sentence they get in court and stuff but at its most basic level its just a myth that's been blown out of proportion but folk who want an excuse to not put work into there life and then to blame external factors for not having their life the way they want it!

 

If the dude im talking about wanted to make captain of the football team maybe he should of stuck around after training instead of heading of to the cinema each week with his mate - because he was gone and didn't see it, but I was there! He moans he cant get a gf but he rules girls out over the smallest things, if he thinks my gf didn't screw up or drive me crazy over the 5 years I pursued her then he's wrong!

 

I think in general the people that genuinely believe this are those that expect instant gratification for next to no work on there part!! That's not a reality, not for anyone! That's not how it works.

Even super attractive folk who get into acting, modling presenting whatever, they have to put effort in! Take Cheryl Cole - super attractive, right? And her looks have helped her sure, would she of got so far in whatever singing contest she was in if she wasn't hot - nope! but that doesn't mean she didn't have to work to get in a spot to have that opportunity anyway, singing, giging for free to learn the trade. Opportunities don't ever just come knocking on your door.

[Haydn]

Hi Melell,

 

Hope east Sussex is being looked after?

 

I have got jobs i never deserved because of my overall fashion victim mentality. I guess it was just the whole package. How you put it together. (Hope that does not sound like my head is rather large, its not)

 

Mum always made sure i had clean underwear on in case i got run over.

 

BUT i was soon found wanting in those jobs.

[Shepp]

Mum always made sure i had clean underwear on in case i got run over.

 

hahah because that is the thing to worry about if you get run over!

[iris219]

I think people with charisma get more benefits in life than people who are simply attractive. Having that extra something that draws people to you is invaluable.

 

Now, being good looking and having charisma would be a powerful combo.

[mea_M]

Now this will sound vain. I'm an attractive woman, but I do not feel that validation due to how attractive a person is has much merit. It's what's on the inside that counts the most. And let me tell you this, that is a message I convey to my children weekly! If you have it all on the inside you are golden!

 

Mea :-)

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think people with charisma get more benefits in life than people who are simply attractive. Having that extra something that draws people to you is invaluable.

 

Now, being good looking and having charisma would be a powerful combo.

 

This.

 

Being good looking and really shy/insecure may not open any doors. It's more charisma than looks.

[Emilia]

I think you sometimes develop that charisma/confidence because of your looks. People pay more attention to you, they seek your company.

 

I know my male colleagues liked me first specifically because of my looks. I see how they talk to women that aren't attractive. The fact that we hang out for beer after work is more to do with my personality but it's my looks that got me through the door first, definitely.

 

You still have to work for stuff no doubt but you will get given more chances because of your looks.

[NomiMalone]

Great insight Emilia about good looks opening doors. I remember reading an article about Jennifer Hudson a few years back in which she commented that upon losing weight and becoming more attractive, opportunities became presented to her that she "previously never knew existed".

 

Having said that, I don't believe good looking people are any happier than a person of average looks. In fact, I suspect people who trade primarily off their looks may be more insecure than the rest of us, as 1) they may constantly fear that they'll be replaced by the next pretty face that comes along, and 2) looks will one day fade.

 

And on the other end of the beauty spectrum - I once went on a flight looking (intentionally) as unattractive as possible (long story). Not only was I treated like I was completely invisible, but some people (both women and men) were down right rude. Upon disembarking, a man sitting in our aisle helped everyone in the aisle get their luggage from the overhead compartment... except me. Sadly, it made me realise that unattractive, or obese, people must be subjected to this type of treatment regularly.

[xxoo]

Look beneath the surface. Are skills, abilities, and hard work also present that can justify the success?

 

If so, why assume beauty is the main reason?

[topaMAXX]

sorry should have been clearer with my question.

 

I mean in that sense of feeling like the things you get (opportunities, jobs, partners etc) you got because of how you look, rather than because you genuinely deserved them- like you wouldn't have done well if it weren't for your good looks.

 

I was wondering if anyone in that boat felt as if their validation was 'false' because of it.

 

Not talking about myself.

 

Well, you don't have to be extremely attractive to get things for your looks.

 

I have a nice smile, natural charm, and intelligence. I've pretty much gotten everything I've wanted in life and I'm generally pretty persuasive. I've never been turned down for a job after interviewing, I get random girls to buy me drinks when I'm out, etc.

 

That's not to say that I'm really attractive. I'm not. I just use what I have.

[tbf]

It can be a double-edged blade.

[kodakgirl]

I don't know about "really attractive" but I know I come across as really cute, which is kind of a looks-demeanor-personality thing, and that does have an impact on how I'm treated I think. I don't really have a comparison but people seem to be especially nice to me. They warm to me right away. People I see often but never really talk to beyond "hello" and maybe "how are you," like regular cashiers at the grocery store and pizza place, brighten up to see me. My Starbucks baristas gave me a nickname. The same thing when I was the one behind the till and working retail-- even people who'd waited in line a while who were feeling kind of grouchy warmed up as I did their transaction. Whenever I've needed help in any context everyone's always been really helpful, often ready to go out of their way. In my whole life I've had very few instances of anyone being rude to me or unhelpful (there will always be some, but I seem to sway the people who could go either way). I'm often genuinely surprised that other people have different experiences. And it isn't my natural social ability-- I'm really shy! Something else is winning people over.

 

A lot of it I think is just being a really really nice person who genuinely appreciates people, but I do think having a young cute face and dimpled smile gets people more inclined to see that super niceness. I honestly don't know how attractive I am, personality-aside, so I especially don't know what impact that has. People (especially men) remember my face really easily (like, a year after we had a two-minute interaction :S ) and I get looked at a lot, sometimes literally turning heads, even without make-up. But I rarely get approached or flirted with. So I'm attractive to some degree, but what degree I genuinely don't know.

 

So I may or may not count for your question, haha. But even though I'm almost universally liked I've never felt treated unfairly well. I've been very successful in my academic career, but it's because I work really hard and am pretty smart and get really good grades. People are really nice to me and go out of their way, but I'm really nice to them and go even more out of my way when the roles are reversed. If tomorrow I somehow found out objectively I'm in the top 1% of looks (I'm sure I'm not! but hypothetically) and I could get all I get without giving as much back... I'd still do it, and so I'd still feel it was fair.

[jonsnuh]

My mom. Probably the most attractive person I know. She's like a human magnet with her kindness and there's a non-judgemental air about her.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Imagine for example a really attractive woman (not speaking from personal experience) sitting alone...and just wanting some peace and quiet. And then she has these guys that she would never be interested in trying to chat her up and generally annoying her...some get rude when rejected. Or imagine a 55 year old boss sleazing on to you...or women hating you for no reason.

 

I once had a really attractive friend...let me tell you that it's not all a bed of roses. Sometimes you want to know that you got the job because of your abilities and not because the boss secretly wants to sleep with you.

[learning_slowly]

However some of them appear to like that. I went out with a girl who would get chatted up wherever we went. The first time this happened she said "You didn't try and stop them? Did it not make you jealous?"

 

It was as if she was used to being defended. I told her I didn't need to be jealous. I assumed she wanted to be with me and if not, then I'm sure she'd let me know.

 

After that, the attempts were swiftly dealt with by her.

[Shepp]

I once had a really attractive friend...let me tell you that it's not all a bed of roses. Sometimes you want to know that you got the job because of your abilities and not because the boss secretly wants to sleep with you.

Yeah, my girlfriend quit a job for that exact reason - it happens!

 

(...she slapped him though so I'm thinking he wont try the same trick twice, haha)

 

 

It can be mildly annoying - some waiter hit on her the other day when we were sitting in a restaurant with my family and I'd literally just gone to move the car!! that was like dude come on now!!