TXGuy Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I just don't get labels and judgments passed on due to ones past, when I do not act promiscuous in the slightest now, and I was not promiscuous for 8 years of dating and yet only was for one year out of 8 years? I just don't really understand how people can assume a person is a certain way due to ... well, something they once did. I agree. I don't see why men who have been convicted of beating their (now ex) wife should have that held against them by women they are currently dating. Especially if it happened years ago. /sarcasm 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Quiet Storm, You can't lump in being promiscuous with being unfaithful. They aren't even in the same hemisphere. NO relation to one another. AT all. True, but people will judge you for it just the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I'm tired of repeating myself over and over again (not to you, but to this forum) Look...you're going to get judged by a lot of things in your lifetime. Things you do...things you don't even do. You can't live your life worried about how others are going to see you. As long as you aren't hurting anyone else, what you do is your own business and anyone who judges you on that can go fly a kite (nice way of saying what I really mean). I agree, but if you ARE a person that cares about being judged, you should consider that before you do things. You shouldn't do things that people commonly judge others for, and then act all surprised when you are judged for them. If you don't care how others view you, then none of this matters, because you don't care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Why on earth do I need to convince myself anything? I don't think badly of myself. I don't think I am a skank. You are crazy if you think I believe these things about myself:lmao: Uh....what I MEANT was, other people will view you however it is most convenient for THEM. In other words, if they choose to view you through a one-dimensional lens, it's their loss. It was meant to be supportive. Oh well.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Not exactly. Read her last few paragraphs...there's definitely a "tone" of casual sex is BAD and you WILL be judged on it and it's your fault (and parents) if you do. I don't think casual sex is bad, just that a lot of women are judged for it. And some women do end up regretting it, or settling for it when they really want more. There are also women who enjoy it and have no regrets. However, as a parent I feel I would be doing my daughter a disservice if I dont explain that others may judge her for having casual sex. It's my job to prepare her for the real world, not some fantasyland where everyone is fair and openminded. If she doesnt care what people think, then great, but at least she won't be naive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I don't care about the nude modeling or even casual sex but if somebody has shown the capability of being disloyal to a man how do I know she won't do the same to me. You can call it judgmental but I value my future and quality of life more than I value being PC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 To expand on my above post, I have told my 18 year old son its wrong to judge women for casual sex, especially if he has it himself. He's gotten some texts where friends use the terms Ho or slut, and I said that was disrespectful and unacceptable. But he's had few experiences where girls say want only a hookup, and get sad that he didnt want more. So women confuse him. So its not a good thing for every woman to do. But back on topic, cheating does gives us clues about a persons character, integrity, coping skills, how they handle conflict. People can change and mature, but some would rather not risk it. Nude pics is something she shouldve told him about. It should've been brought up early on, because the lie will become bigger than the deed. That's a long time to deceive someone you love. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 We need to stop making cheating about sex or sexuality. It's about honesty and integrity. Two entirely different things. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 GoreSP, We all have flaws... Just because we point out a flaw it doesn't mean we're somehow perfect... We're still incredibly flawed and those 'one or two bad choices' are still horrific things for a spouse to do. Anyone is capable of physical violence. Those who inflict harm on animals, inflict physical harm on other people, or have a history of violence are all predictors of future acts. Does that guarantee they'll always be violent? No. Do people look towards an individual's actions to learn about them anyways? You bet. What do you define as a history of violence? Someone who tortured a cat at 15 and felt horrible and never did it again? Someone who sacrifices a black every halloween? The issue here is that a mistake is being compared to compulsive bad behaviour… Also, you are confusing 'flaws' with 'bad decisions'. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Analogies are not comparisons. hum… yes they are… https://www.google.ca/#q=define+analogy Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I don't think casual sex is bad, just that a lot of women are judged for it. And some women do end up regretting it, or settling for it when they really want more. There are also women who enjoy it and have no regrets. However, as a parent I feel I would be doing my daughter a disservice if I dont explain that others may judge her for having casual sex. It's my job to prepare her for the real world, not some fantasyland where everyone is fair and openminded. If she doesnt care what people think, then great, but at least she won't be naive. But don't you see what you're doing? By telling your daughter that others might judge her on casual sex, you are automatically telling her it's "bad" whether you realize it or not. I have two daughters (7 and 9) so this is something that I've given a lot of thought. My take on it is that I'm going to teach them to love themselves...to respect themselves...and to do what they want to do because THEY want to and not because of any pressure or need to fit in. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 hum… yes they are… https://www.google.ca/#q=define+analogy Hand is to glove as foot is to shoe is not saying hands and feet are the same. Its just a method of relating things for easy understanding. Besides, I didn't think a joke would be so important to split hairs over. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Is there anyone here who has NEVER had any kind of casual sex? Someone who only had sex within the confines of a mutually agreed to, exclusive relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Is there anyone here who has NEVER had any kind of casual sex? Someone who only had sex within the confines of a mutually agreed to, exclusive relationship? Me. 10char Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 The old adage leopards don't change their spots....... the christian way is to be forgiving of pasts but any past that is less than ideal is going to raise flags.....if someone were to go for employment and had a criminal history and that was on record and disclosed, would that person get a job over someone who had an exemplary record that involved no criminal history...i think we know the answer. even if you have paid for your crimes or paid for a past that was most likely personally hurtful and a learning experience.....people find it hard to believe in leopards can change their spots...... its a risk and some guys a gals arent willing to take a risk with love like some employers are not willing to take a chance with people they have to trust in their establishment.....that is their choice and totally understandable we all have consequences of past mistakes...some times they happen straight away sometimes they happen later in life....we all pay......this is one way that a less than stellar past is paid for ...with distrust from others....i do believe a past that is not ideal, needs to be disclosed out of honesty and respect for the person you wish to be involved with they have a right to know even if they are unaccepting of the fact.....even if they turn their back on you ....it is the best for both in the long run..... you cant force someone to see change....and there are people who would believe in that change that is who you need to eb with adn around.....people who don't judge a past without knowing the whys and how comes....it isnt right to bemoan consequences of a past.....or you really didnt learn anything...cant blame another for your past actions that includes non acceptance of a past......deb Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Hand is to glove as foot is to shoe is not saying hands and feet are the same. Its just a method of relating things for easy understanding. Besides, I didn't think a joke would be so important to split hairs over. Oh right. The joke was totally clear in writing. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Oh right. The joke was totally clear in writing. The smiley face ! Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 But don't you see what you're doing? By telling your daughter that others might judge her on casual sex, you are automatically telling her it's "bad" whether you realize it or not. I have two daughters (7 and 9) so this is something that I've given a lot of thought. My take on it is that I'm going to teach them to love themselves...to respect themselves...and to do what they want to do because THEY want to and not because of any pressure or need to fit in. You can teach them to love themselves, while simultaneously teaching them that there are judgemental people. It's just preparing them and making them smarter. My kids are mixed and know some people are racist. Telling them that by no means says its bad to be mixed. It's just preparing them for life, imo. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 By the way, both my parents were against casual sex and I knew it wasn't something they would be proud of. I am similar to my parents...... As for my friends... I'm I unsure how how their parents acted towards that issue. I know the former cheater has a mum who is against cheating ....my they are a "propper" and conservative family. The thing is, after cheating she landed a rich bf who was head over heels about her.. taking her overseas. She is set for life financially. My friend has never dealt with a guy who wasn't into her. Never had a reaction. yet I have never cheated and we'll. ... The rich, nice guy who wanted to look aafter and spoiled I had little.feelings for so I left him for a poor guy who I was in love with. PLUS I had to deal.with liars who pretended to be super into me to get sex. I do find it sortof aannoying that that she cheated and gets the most ideal relationship thrown at her feat. She cheated on her ex for her current. She gets showered with gifts and money and adoration. ... and cheats. I never cheat and i get a bunch of guys who lose interest or lie a outlliking me to begin with. i am with a wonder guy now but i do feel a little annoyed how she gets showered with expensive gifts fresh out of ccheating. I think she is a good person but she has had much better luck than many faithful woman who had never cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 By the way, both my parents were against casual sex and I knew it wasn't something they would be proud of. I am similar to my parents...... As for my friends... I'm I unsure how how their parents acted towards that issue. I know the former cheater has a mum who is against cheating ....my they are a "propper" and conservative family. The thing is, after cheating she landed a rich bf who was head over heels about her.. taking her overseas. She is set for life financially. My friend has never dealt with a guy who wasn't into her. Never had a reaction. yet I have never cheated and we'll. ... The rich, nice guy who wanted to look aafter and spoiled I had little.feelings for so I left him for a poor guy who I was in love with. PLUS I had to deal.with liars who pretended to be super into me to get sex. I do find it sortof aannoying that that she cheated and gets the most ideal relationship thrown at her feat. She cheated on her ex for her current. She gets showered with gifts and money and adoration. ... and cheats. I never cheat and i get a bunch of guys who lose interest or lie a outlliking me to begin with. i am with a wonder guy now but i do feel a little annoyed how she gets showered with expensive gifts fresh out of ccheating. I think she is a good person but she has had much better luck than many faithful woman who had never cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 I'm so sorry guys my smart phone doesn't let write in paragraphs or spell correctly lolz Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 I'm tired of repeating myself over and over again (not to you, but to this forum) Look...you're going to get judged by a lot of things in your lifetime. Things you do...things you don't even do. You can't live your life worried about how others are going to see you. As long as you aren't hurting anyone else, what you do is your own business and anyone who judges you on that can go fly a kite (nice way of saying what I really mean). I love this post so much I want to marry it and have its children!! :love: Anyway, I know I'm always going to be judged by some people regarding my sexual history. I mean... I'm quite proud of it, to be honest, but it does have lots of notches on the bedpost! The thing is... mentalities change! It takes time, but they do change. And, believe it or not, one person can make the difference!!! So that is what I do. Sure, I know I'll be judged. But I'll try to explain to people that having slept around does not make me a bad person or a bad girlfriend!! I have never cheated! My high sexual partner count, if anything, means I won't be curious about sleeping with someone else! Let be honest here... I've slept with all kinds of dick there is! Big, small, hairy, bald, thick, thin... you name it, I've probably seen it up close and personal! So if I choose YOU, then you can bet I'm choosing YOU! Or when people tell me I must be damaged/have self esteem issues/whatever because I slept around... Er... NO! I don't. I'm actually quite grounded and know myself pretty well. I do have some baggage, just like everyone, but it comes from having been hurt by BOYFRIENDS. Not by the guys I slept with in between boyfriends! So this is *MY* goal! To try and change the mentalities of people in regards to this particular subject. No, people who sleep around are not bad people. We're also not cheaters (necessarily, that is! I'm sure some are. But not all!) and we're not damaged (again, some might be. But it is definitely not a good rule of thumb!) My past will definitely show a pattern of behaviour though! It goes like this: Boyfriend - casual sex - boyfriend - casual sex - boyfriend- casual sex, and so on and so on. So you can be ABSOLUTELY sure that when a relationship ends, I will carry on having casual sex! It doesn't prove that I'll cheat or even leave a bf for someone else. Neither of those things have EVER happened to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leigh 87 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 I love this post so much I want to marry it and have its children!! :love: Anyway, I know I'm always going to be judged by some people regarding my sexual history. I mean... I'm quite proud of it, to be honest, but it does have lots of notches on the bedpost! The thing is... mentalities change! It takes time, but they do change. And, believe it or not, one person can make the difference!!! So that is what I do. Sure, I know I'll be judged. But I'll try to explain to people that having slept around does not make me a bad person or a bad girlfriend!! I have never cheated! My high sexual partner count, if anything, means I won't be curious about sleeping with someone else! Let be honest here... I've slept with all kinds of dick there is! Big, small, hairy, bald, thick, thin... you name it, I've probably seen it up close and personal! So if I choose YOU, then you can bet I'm choosing YOU! Or when people tell me I must be damaged/have self esteem issues/whatever because I slept around... Er... NO! I don't. I'm actually quite grounded and know myself pretty well. I do have some baggage, just like everyone, but it comes from having been hurt by BOYFRIENDS. Not by the guys I slept with in between boyfriends! So this is *MY* goal! To try and change the mentalities of people in regards to this particular subject. No, people who sleep around are not bad people. We're also not cheaters (necessarily, that is! I'm sure some are. But not all!) and we're not damaged (again, some might be. But it is definitely not a good rule of thumb!) My past will definitely show a pattern of behaviour though! It goes like this: Boyfriend - casual sex - boyfriend - casual sex - boyfriend- casual sex, and so on and so on. So you can be ABSOLUTELY sure that when a relationship ends, I will carry on having casual sex! It doesn't prove that I'll cheat or even leave a bf for someone else. Neither of those things have EVER happened to me. Thanks so much for sharing. Yes I only had casual sex after I found out my ex cheated on me hundreds of times and HE was the one who left ME in the end (thank god though glad he did). Well ahem, the thing is, I didn't really gain much experience from the causal ahem, encounters. I was not into it at all, so enjoyed the thrill of seduction and then when it came down to it, frankly, I didn't want to se their penis, lolz! I was like... " so this is it..... can we get this over with, I want a snack". People were very judgmental as I was on a tour bus and they all ASSUMED that I was a skank, when in reality, I had actually had a MUCH CLEANER past then the VAST majority of them; I had never had casual sex before in my adult life, I had never had a FWB, I only had a history of LONGGGGG relationships and NO SEX inbetween relationships. That is what irkes me. They ASSUMED I was ALWAYS just a skank. When I had never been that way before and I was never that way after the tour, and I never will sleep around again because I know I hate it with ever fibre of my being, although I don't judge others for enjoying it. I just don't. One girl had the nerve to come up to me and ask me if I had any self respect. I told her " well, unlike you who at age 35 and has NEVER Had a relationship, I have had 5 years worth of monogamy and never once cheated. Maybe you should get to know a person before assuming who they are as a person?" When in my mind, I am a loving and sweet girl who is completely devoted. People assume things that are not actually true. I mean, how one acts at a given time is no indicator of their past; given I was a very innocent and clean individual. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts