Emilia Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Wow. So a person does drugs, let them bc I am.nobody to decide. Cool. Yes. That is correct. He is an adult. YOU don't get a say. Yeah because you are bored and want to humiliate someone. Nope. We all know what we are talking about (the fact that we have the same views should be a clue). You don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samantha0111 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 What's wrong in sacrificing yourself? There's everything wrong with it because that is a clear indication that you do not have any value in yourself. And sacrificing yourself for a man that doesn't give a shytt about you? What would you tell your daughter if today she came to you and said she wants to sacrifice herself for a man that doesn't care about her? Would you tell her, "Yes honey, die if you have to if that saves a man that probably won't even flinch if he saw you breathing your last breath." I gave you straight answers: 1) I said you cannot change someone if they don't want to change. It only happens when they recognize they need change and then want to change. 2) You asked if he loved you. I said we cannot tell as only he has that answer. 3) You asked how to help him. See #1. If he can change so much at the extent of abandoning his daughter under the influence of this woman then maybe he can change for the better if he stays with better people. And I didnt ask if he loved me. I askex if he loved her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samantha0111 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Yes. That is correct. He is an adult. YOU don't get a say. Nope. We all know what we are talking about (the fact that we have the same views should be a clue). You don't. So if your 20 year old daughter would do drugs, you wont say anything since shes an adult. Even if she overdoses, no worries because shes an adult. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 DID I ASK IF ITS MY CONCERN OR NOT? NO. Then why are you answering the same thing? If you have nothing helpful to say, ignore the thread thinking I am.naive and silly. Put aside whether it is your concern or not. Again, you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped. Even a drug addict has to want to go to rehab because they want to change, because if you force a drug addict to be rehabilitated, chances are he will go back to doing drugs because he isn't ready for change. Change happens only when one is READY. Same with this guy. He is having the time of his life. He is CHOOSING TO live the life that he wants to live with this woman. He is CHOOSING to alienate his family and his daughter. There is nothing you can do about that until HE IS READY to change that. And if he is patterned to be a womanizer, a cheater, a liar, someone that isn't a good person, there is nothing much you can do to break those character traits because those are deep-rooted issues that he has to most likely seek professional help with and it will take years of effort and commitment in therapy to change him. Open your mind and listen. Take in the advice. Stop throwing a tantrum and lashing out because you want what you want and just can't get anyone to get on board with you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 DID I ASK IF ITS MY CONCERN OR NOT? NO. Then why are you answering the same thing? If you have nothing helpful to say, ignore the thread thinking I am.naive and silly. Hey, I've changed my position. I want you to go for this. Give him everything you have. Make him see how much you love him, and how wrong this other trifling tramp-ass bitch is for him. He won't admit it, or show it, but he DOES love you. It's all just a matter of him realizing that you two belong together. Once he feels the power of your love, it will change his whole perspective on life. It will be magical. He just needs to see how much you truly love him. Just show him. Show him every chance you get. It's just a matter of time. True love like the kind you two share cannot be denied. He just needs to wake up, and needs you to wake him up, for him to open himself up to that love and see how wrong his current situation is. Go for it!!! Keep us posted! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 So if your 20 year old daughter would do drugs, you wont say anything since shes an adult. Even if she overdoses, no worries because shes an adult. If it was my 20 year-old daughter (not a 36 year-old man who was not related to me) I would drive her to the nearest good reliable drug clinic, mortgage my house if I had to to pay for it and make sure she didn't come out until she was clean. I would also beat the shlt out of her druggie mates even if that meant going to prison. What is your plan with this 36 year-old guy? Beg? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 If he can change so much at the extent of abandoning his daughter under the influence of this woman then maybe he can change for the better if he stays with better people. And I didnt ask if he loved me. I askex if he loved her. Again, change happens when he WANTS it to happen. Not when YOU want it to happen. Typo: We don't know if he loves HER. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samantha0111 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 I do have a relationship with him. He is my best friend and I know him for 5 years. You guys didnt even understand my thread. I clearly asked about him and her. I know his family for 5 years and his ex and I are also friends. So dont preach that I have no relationship with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 You shouldn't have a 'relationship' with someone whose character is as bad as this guy's. What's your family background OP? Are your parents divorced? Do you have addicts in the family? Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I do have a relationship with him. He is my best friend and I know him for 5 years. You guys didnt even understand my thread. I clearly asked about him and her. I know his family for 5 years and his ex and I are also friends. So dont preach that I have no relationship with him. You said you are in love with him. Is he in love with you? Let me answer that for you....no, he is not. Doubt he really even cares about you. Ipso facto, it's ridiculous for you to have even a tiny fraction of a thread of emotional investment in him. You are setting yourself up for failure and pain. Playing with this guy IS a zero-sum game. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I do have a relationship with him. He is my best friend and I know him for 5 years. You guys didnt even understand my thread. I clearly asked about him and her. I know his family for 5 years and his ex and I are also friends. So dont preach that I have no relationship with him. He's not your best friend. How does a man that alienates his own child have the values and qualities of what a best friend entails. He's a man that you are inlove with and you're romanticizing your feelings for him and putting him on a pedestal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author samantha0111 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 You shouldn't have a 'relationship' with someone whose character is as bad as this guy's. What's your family background OP? Are your parents divorced? Do you have addicts in the family? My dad is in Income Tax. My parents are not diivorced and nobody is an addict in my family. I have no control over my feelings for him. I mentioned in my thread that ever since I heard he has stopped looking after his child, I gave up on him. I maintained my stand till 5 months somehow distracting myself but it didnt work. I didnt choose to have feelings for him. If I had full control over my feelings, I would have never even looked at him . Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I do have a relationship with him. He is my best friend and I know him for 5 years. You guys didnt even understand my thread. I clearly asked about him and her. I know his family for 5 years and his ex and I are also friends. So dont preach that I have no relationship with him. So talk to him about your concerns. Arrange an intervention if you think his family is on board. I don't think he's likely to listen but those are your only options. You can't will someone to share your point of view, no matter how sensible you think it is. And getting angry at strangers online who are simply trying to share their perspectives of the situation is silly. Not to mention that it should show you how futile it is to try to change someone's mind. If you, who are not drunk or high on drugs, can't listen to the sensible advice being dispensed here, what are the odds that this guy, in his drink/drug/sex-infused haze, is going to listen to YOU? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 My dad is in Income Tax. My parents are not diivorced and nobody is an addict in my family. I have no control over my feelings for him. I mentioned in my thread that ever since I heard he has stopped looking after his child, I gave up on him. I maintained my stand till 5 months somehow distracting myself but it didnt work. I didnt choose to have feelings for him. If I had full control over my feelings, I would have never even looked at him . I'm trying to work out why you are hooked on such a loser. What were your previous boyfriends like? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 what are you people? Why are you still answering the post? Do you like to bully or judge people for entertainment because you are bored? I said if you cant give straight answers, dont answer it. What were you expecting us to tell you? We're not going to tell you to go to his house & start ordering him around. At 24 years old, not even a college graduate, why do you think you have a better idea about how this man -- a decade older than you are -- should live his life? You already know he's a bad guy. Maybe he's not worth saving. Maybe his 6 year old & his EXW are better off without him. Have you ever considered those possibilies? Who made you Lord High Commander over somebody else's decisions? At best if you have a close relationship you can tell him you are worried about him & you think his life would be more fulfililng if he drank less, avoided bad influences & reconnected with his child to be a stablizing influence in her life. He probably won't listen & if I were him, I'd simply cut contact with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author samantha0111 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 I'm trying to work out why you are hooked on such a loser. What were your previous boyfriends like? Why do you think he is a loser? If you say he loves this woman and is loyal.to her then how is he a loser? Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Why do you think he is a loser? If you say he loves this woman and is loyal.to her then how is he a loser? Because he's a drunk and druggie who has abandoned his daughter, according to YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Why do you think he is a loser? If you say he loves this woman and is loyal.to her then how is he a loser? "He is not a good person. He lies, is a player, has no feelings for his family and is hardcore womaniser. He flirts and sleeps with any pretty woman." your words 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author samantha0111 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 "He is not a good person. He lies, is a player, has no feelings for his family and is hardcore womaniser. He flirts and sleeps with any pretty woman." your words Those are my words but in your opinion he has clearly liked and changed for this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Why do you think he is a loser? If you say he loves this woman and is loyal.to her then how is he a loser? He is not a good person. He lies, is a player, has no feelings for his family and is hardcore womaniser. He flirts and sleeps with any pretty woman. Along with alienating and not caring for his child. I would say all that falls into the loser bucket. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Those are my words but in your opinion he has clearly liked and changed for this woman. And his behavior is still of the loser kind eventhough he is with this woman. He's changed for the worse, not for the better. Head to desk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Those are my words but in your opinion he has clearly liked and changed for this woman. People fundamentally don't change. They show different sides of themselves and go through phases but if someone behaves like he has been, he will always do so. He will never turn into a good, caring, loving man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samantha0111 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Along with alienating and not caring for his child. I would say all that falls into the loser bucket. If he is such a loser than why is the other woman so excited over him? Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 If he is such a loser than why is the other woman so excited over him? If he's NOT a loser, then what are you worried about? :rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 If he is such a loser than why is the other woman so excited over him? Because they both complement one another. Two toxic and unhealthy people that feed off each other. She's just as damaged as he is. That's why. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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