going back to daughter and ex?

[Emilia]

If he is such a loser than why is the other woman so excited over him?

Because they are broken and they are attracted to broken people.

[samantha0111]

Because they both complement one another. Two toxic and unhealthy people that feed off each other. She's just as damaged as he is. That's why.

 

How is she damaged? What is she achieving by alienating him from friends and family and declaring on twitter that hes future husband/nephew in 6 months?

[Zahara]

How is she damaged? What is she achieving by alienating him from friends and family and declaring on twitter that hes future husband/nephew in 6 months?

 

Read what you wrote about her in your first post. I'm not going to repeat all the negative and unhealthy behaviors that you posted on there about her. You already said she is bad for him and ever since she has been with him, he's been heading downhill.

 

I don't think she is alienating him from his family and child. Even before he met her, he was not in his child's life in a healthy and involved manner. And if she is alienating him, it's a sign of control. He wants to be where he wants to be. And looking at the situation, I have a strong feeling that they both bond so well because they are very much alike and that is why he's lost in her world.

[samantha0111]

Read what you wrote about her in your first post. I'm not going to repeat all the negative and unhealthy behaviors that you posted on there about her. You already said she is bad for him and ever since she has been with him, he's been heading downhill.

 

I don't think she is alienating him from his family and child. Even before he met her, he was not in his child's life in a healthy and involved manner. And if she is alienating him, it's a sign of control. He wants to be where he wants to be. And looking at the situation, I have a strong feeling that they both bond so well because they are very much alike and that is why he's lost in her world.

 

How can he be lost in her world when he tries to show hes single in her absence and flirts with his female fans in front of her?

[Zahara]

How can he be lost in her world when he tries to show hes single in her absence and flirts with his female fans in front of her?

 

Lost in her world as in he's forgotten about his own family and is choosing to be in hers.

 

He does that because he is a patterned cheater and womanizer. They can still be in a relationship with a woman but womanize on the side. And if he does it infront of her, she may just not have an issue with it. She may flirt infont of him as well and he may not even care. In short, it's damaged and unhealthy behaviors exhibited on both sides.

 

I am going to be honest with you.

 

He does not love you. Even if he does, it's not love that is healthy, loving and empathetic. You are using this "help him get back to his family" as a last ditch effort to get him back into your life.

 

He's gone. He's choosing her. He's choosing that life. You need to let go and let him live it. He will change when he wants to change, no sooner, no later. You need to come to terms with that and accept that this is over and that you have to focus on moving on.

 

As I said, even if he wanted to change, years of therapy and even then there is no guarantee that he will be the man you hope for him to be. With that said, he is nowhere near that realization. Most times people start to want to change as they get much older and life isn't so forgiving anymore. And he's still young so for now, the world is his oyster.

[samantha0111]

My feelings are so bad that I just cannot accept any other guy as my boyfriend.

I never have any feelings for any of them. Even if hes really good looking.

 

I know I am destined for misery but I ccant stop this..

I am never able to get rid of him. He comes back to haunt me again.

 

I gave up on him. 5 months later hes back again.

[samantha0111]

Lost in her world as in he's forgotten about his own family and is choosing to be in hers.

 

He does that because he is a patterned cheater and womanizer. They can still be in a relationship with a woman but womanize on the side. And if he does it infront of her, she may just not have an issue with it. She may flirt infont of him as well and he may not even care. In short, it's damaged and unhealthy behaviors exhibited on both sides.

 

I am going to be honest with you.

 

He does not love you. Even if he does, it's not love that is healthy, loving and empathetic. You are using this "help him get back to his family" as a last ditch effort to get him back into your life.

 

He's gone. He's choosing her. He's choosing that life. You need to let go and let him live it. He will change when he wants to change, no sooner, no later. You need to come to terms with that and accept that this is over and that you have to focus on moving on.

 

As I said, even if he wanted to change, years of therapy and even then there is no guarantee that he will be the man you hope for him to be. With that said, he is nowhere near that realization. Most times people start to want to change as they get much older and life isn't so forgiving anymore. And he's still young so for now, the world is his oyster.

 

She doesnt say anything to him.but glares at other pretty women and selects ugly women to meet him.

[RonaldS]

My feelings are so bad that I just cannot accept any other guy as my boyfriend.

I never have any feelings for any of them. Even if hes really good looking.

 

I know I am destined for misery but I ccant stop this..

I am never able to get rid of him. He comes back to haunt me again.

 

I gave up on him. 5 months later hes back again.

 

In all seriousness, if this is the case, I would go talk to somebody about it. That's not at all healthy.

[Zahara]

My feelings are so bad that I just cannot accept any other guy as my boyfriend.

I never have any feelings for any of them. Even if hes really good looking.

 

I know I am destined for misery but I ccant stop this..

I am never able to get rid of him. He comes back to haunt me again.

 

I gave up on him. 5 months later hes back again.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. I know what it feels like to want someone so bad and know that you cannot have them. And when you are involved with someone that is unhealthy, it's much harder to detach and it is much harder to let go of those feelings.

 

You haven't invested enough time in healing from this. And the fact that you let him back in, it doesn't allow you to move on. All you keep doing is picking at the wound and reinfecting it over and over again. And because of that you will never be able to see the value in other men because you are blinded by your still ever brewing feelings for him. Those feelings can only be snuffed out if you spend time away from him with zero contact. And as I said with change, it applies to you as well. You have to want to change your situation.

 

And yes, of course he will come back. These type of men will always revisit their victims because they know they can use them. He will keep doing it and he will never let you move on because you are a benefit to him. He doesn't come back because of love, he comes back for the sake of an opportunity to use you.

[d0nnivain]

My feelings are so bad that I just cannot accept any other guy as my boyfriend.

I never have any feelings for any of them. Even if hes really good looking.

 

I know I am destined for misery but I ccant stop this..

I am never able to get rid of him. He comes back to haunt me again.

 

I gave up on him. 5 months later hes back again.

 

You are not destined for misery, Make a list of all the reasons you are better off without him. The fact that you care about this guy shows you have a big heart. Don't waste in on a guy who doesn't want it.

 

Get some therapy to find out why you keep holding on.

[samantha0111]

In all seriousness, if this is the case, I would go talk to somebody about it. That's not at all healthy.

 

What do you mean?

During these 5 months I distracted myself and I felt a bit better.

My friends tried introducing to new guys and 2 were really good looking and nice. But as time passed I could not accept any of their proposals.

 

And now since 3 days hes back and I am troubled again. I even tried meeting one of those guys but he didnt create any attraction.

 

I am.helpless. Why does he keep.coming back when I dont want him. Why.

[Zahara]

I am.helpless. Why does he keep.coming back when I dont want him. Why.

 

"And yes, of course he will come back. These type of men will always revisit their victims because they know they can use them. He will keep doing it and he will never let you move on because you are a benefit to him. He doesn't come back because of love, he comes back for the sake of an opportunity to use you."

 

He sounds like he has narcissistic traits. Read up on narcississm -- traits, patterns, etc. It may help you understand some of his behaviors.

[RonaldS]

What do you mean?

During these 5 months I distracted myself and I felt a bit better.

My friends tried introducing to new guys and 2 were really good looking and nice. But as time passed I could not accept any of their proposals.

 

And now since 3 days hes back and I am troubled again. I even tried meeting one of those guys but he didnt create any attraction.

 

I am.helpless. Why does he keep.coming back when I dont want him. Why.

 

I mean, if you can't control your feelings for somebody, just in a general sense, that's an issue. Now, when you can't control your feelings for a sh*tbag who doesn't give a crap about you, that's a serious issue.

 

And the only person who stands to be hurt by this farce is you.

[samantha0111]

I'm sorry you are hurting. I know what it feels like to want someone so bad and know that you cannot have them. And when you are involved with someone that is unhealthy, it's much harder to detach and it is much harder to let go of those feelings.

 

You haven't invested enough time in healing from this. And the fact that you let him back in, it doesn't allow you to move on. All you keep doing is picking at the wound and reinfecting it over and over again. And because of that you will never be able to see the value in other men because you are blinded by your still ever brewing feelings for him. Those feelings can only be snuffed out if you spend time away from him with zero contact. And as I said with change, it applies to you as well. You have to want to change your situation.

 

And yes, of course he will come back. These type of men will always revisit their victims because they know they can use them. He will keep doing it and he will never let you move on because you are a benefit to him. He doesn't come back because of love, he comes back for the sake of an opportunity to use you.

 

What do I do? Whenever I try to forget him, awful things like what if he dies, his distance from his child comes up.

 

It scares me .

[stillafool]

You have to give yourself time to get over him. They say however long the relationship is it takes half that time to get over them. In the meantime you need to stay as far away from him as possible. This includes not reading and spying on line to find out what he is up to. If he met this woman once and then again and is now buying her things, taking her and her kids on vacation and such he is obviously in love with her. People do not spend their time and money on people they don't love. I'm sorry you are hurting but I doubt he is going to come back to you so you have to find a way to move past this. The good news is you are only 24. Don't waste 1 minute more of your youth on this guy as I promise you that you will regret it later on.

[passion_flower]

What do I do? Whenever I try to forget him, awful things like what if he dies, his distance from his child comes up.

 

It scares me .

 

Ignore him, cut all contact.

 

Seriously, the damsel in distress thing is not attractive.

[samantha0111]

You have to give yourself time to get over him. They say however long the relationship is it takes half that time to get over them. In the meantime you need to stay as far away from him as possible. This includes not reading and spying on line to find out what he is up to. If he met this woman once and then again and is now buying her things, taking her and her kids on vacation and such he is obviously in love with her. People do not spend their time and money on people they don't love. I'm sorry you are hurting but I doubt he is going to come back to you so you have to find a way to move past this. The good news is you are only 24. Don't waste 1 minute more of your youth on this guy as I promise you that you will regret it later on.

 

But he will be destroyed? How can he love such a woman who hates his friends and his own blood?!!

[Zahara]

What do I do? Whenever I try to forget him, awful things like what if he dies, his distance from his child comes up.

 

It scares me .

 

First thing -- cut all contact from him, his family and his ex-wife. No stalking, no checking on him, no digging around about what he is doing. Cold turkey, you remove yourself from him.

 

It's normal that you care for him and want the best for him, but it's useless to keep holding on to that concept when he is a grown man and is choosing to live the life he wants. If he doesn't have love and care for his child, you cannot force him to feel that. If he dies, he dies. You can't stay by his side and wait for the moment to happen. It's silly.

 

If you can, sign yourself up for therapy. There is a reason why you said you would sacrifice yourself for someone that doesn't even love you. Instead of trying to save the world, you need to save yourself.

[Zahara]

But he will be destroyed? How can he love such a woman who hates his friends and his own blood?!!

 

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

 

This is his life. You cannot control him.

 

How can he love a woman that hates his friends and his own blood. HE doesn't even have love for his own child. Why don't you see that? This has nothing to do with her. HE IS CHOOSING TO ALIENATE HIS CHILD. He was not involved with his child even before he met her.

[samantha0111]

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

 

This is his life. You cannot control him.

 

How can he love a woman that hates his friends and his own blood. HE doesn't even have love for his own child. Why don't you see that? This has nothing to do with her. HE IS CHOOSING TO ALIENATE HIS CHILD. He was not involved with his child even before he met her.

 

Her family are being disrespectful towards his family and he has no care. They are using his name all over twitter but he has no care.

 

She is sleazy and tweets flirty and sexual innuedoes to him but hes OK with it. What is this?

 

I am so upset with all this.

[Zahara]

Her family are being disrespectful towards his family and he has no care. They are using his name all over twitter but he has no care.

 

She is sleazy and tweets flirty and sexual innuedoes to him but hes OK with it. What is this?

 

I am so upset with all this.

 

How do you know all this information?

[samantha0111]

How do you know all this information?

 

His fans tell all the information to his ex wife and she was discussing it with me.

[Zahara]

His fans tell all the information to his ex wife and she was discussing it with me.

 

You need to cut contact with her and his family and his "fans". No more contact because this will help you heal from this. You cannot be involved as you are emotionally affected.

 

The least you know about his life, the better you can carry on with yours.

[samantha0111]

You need to cut contact with her and his family and his "fans". No more contact because this will help you heal from this. You cannot be involved as you are emotionally affected.

 

The least you know about his life, the better you can carry on with yours.

 

How do I forget him when his thoughts and memories dont fade .

And my issues with men. I am.not able to accept anyone as my partner. The moment anyone tries to come close I am like 'dont touch me and stay away from me'

[Zahara]

How do I forget him when his thoughts and memories dont fade .

And my issues with men. I am.not able to accept anyone as my partner. The moment anyone tries to come close I am like 'dont touch me and stay away from me'

 

You will forget him if you put enough time and space between the two of you. And what you do with your time is important. Get involved with school. Start volunteering. Since you have concern and loving a child in need, you can sign up to at a children's shelter, a bigbrother bigsister organization. They have children there that need love, care and attention. Go out with your friends.Get involved in a meetup group or find a hobby and meet people of similar interests. Start doing things to fill your life.

 

You are not able to accept anyone as your partner FOR NOW because you are still emotional about him. All you see is him. All you want is him. In time, as you heal and as you move away from him, your heart will open again to the concept of love and companionship.

 

When I break up with someone, I don't want a man near me. When I am healed and happy with life again, I look forward to engaging with the opposite sex.

Edited April 23, 2014 by Zahara