rsm Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 My wife of 5 1/2 years (dated 4 yrs before, 2 kids 5/3) and I have been going through a rough patch. She is unsure of us, because we had a few years (about 3) where I was distant, detached, unaffectionate. I have since changed and have been for about 4 months now. Her uncertainty is from not trusting that I will stay this way, added to that she has found new self confidence and is regretting not dating more (she was 17 when we started dating... i was 24.. i know) and is unsure of what she wants to do with her life. We have been talking about thing a lot and she tells me she loves me, that she wants us to work out and that she just needs time to get over the past and move forward and that she's not 100% about us. We have also entered counselling which she asked for and set up. Things are better than ever when we are together. We talk more, we laugh more and we really enjoy each other, we are also still having great sex too. She said she fells like we are moving forward but I still feel like it can come crashing down at any second. I have started to see a therapist to figure out why I was so detached for so long and have come across the fact that I am very insecure, which I have know but never spoke to my wife about it. I guess this insecurity came across as controlling and me just being a jerk. To add to all this I found out she has had a male friend for about 6 years that she used to work with. I confronted her about it and asked every question under the sun as far as what they discuss, how personal they get, if they make more plans to see each other, it there is any attraction etc, she says they are just friends, he's married. They would only speak about 1 or 2 times a year but recently started to talk more 1 or 2 times a week. They have only went to lunch 1 time this whole time. I am fairly sure they are just friend but I am highly uncomfortable with it (insecurity?) I just feel like I can't fully trust that if we work things out that we won't end up here again. I guess this whole experience has tainted my view of our marriage, my view was always that we would be together forever but now I feel like if this has happened once it will happen again. I guess I feel like she's just doing it to save my feeling and that she is really just figuring out a way to break it off. I have no evidence of this but its just me feeling this way. I would like any insight into this. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by rsm I guess I feel like she's just doing it to save my feeling and that she is really just figuring out a way to break it off. I have no evidence of this but its just me feeling this way. I would like any insight into this. Well, RSM, you intuition is probably quite accurate in this situation cause you know it best. Sounds to me like this boat may have already sailed. I'd start making contingency plans ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
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