Rafaela Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Hi Everyone, I couldn't figure out by myself the kind of partner I engage myself with. feel free to judge. I am 25 (Studying/Working) my boyfriend is 32 recently promoted and moving to different city (5hs driving -1h flight) we have been together for almost a year "serious about each other" we have been spending a lot of time together at his place (cooking together, cleaning, going shopping, dinning out, I was there for him when he was going through work problems and I lent him money whenever he needed it.) He suggested to do long distance and give it 6 more month before he decides to take our relationship to the next level in which I was fine with it. But recently he has been really selfish and wants everything to go his way only. he doesn't look sad leaving me behind, he is actually excited about work more than anything else. he is moving this week so I was helping him to pack his stuff as we were deciding that I would travel with him to his new place for a week then I ll come back afterward since his birthday is falling during the days we ll be there. so I was planning secretly a surprise party with his sister and brother but I canceled it all yesterday after I did my calculation and realized that I cannot afford the trip for now and I promised him that I will be coming the next following week to stay with him. he got really mad at me and accused me of being fishy and making no sense and what's more important that spending the birthday with him. At first I was embarrassed to tell him about my financial situation so I said "it's because of workload" he kept giving me attitude and cold shoulder then he said "ok, fine I will go out clubbing on my birthday". which he knows this clubbing thing bothers me. he gave me no choice so I had to be honest and I explained my financial situation plus the surprise I was planning to do. note (that I never discussed with him money thing as he never asked before). I was really sweating while saying it out of embarrassment and I am sure he sensed it because I only act that way when I am uncomfortable. Unfortunately he didn't appreciate anything or showed any understanding. Note: that he was planning to stay 3 more days so I can go with him but now that he knows that I can't, he will be leaving tomorrow. After all he played a movie, I was sitting there pretending like I am watching while analysing his reaction and regretting the fact I poured my heart out to him when in return I didn't receive any comforting feedback. What do you think? and what would you if you are in my place? Also I was planning to text him today expressing my disappointment feeling but I am looking for the right words to say it to someone who doesn't take decisions by heart and leaving in few hours. I have a feeling that we won't survive in long distance with his attitude. so it might be my last words Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 He is complaining while he is the one that moved away? Are you serious about your relationship when you choose to move away? Those are the questions you need to be asking. Until then, it will all come from you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rafaela Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 He is complaining while he is the one that moved away? Are you serious about your relationship when you choose to move away? Those are the questions you need to be asking. Until then, it will all come from you. Good luck. I know, I did accuse him of selfishness when he decided to take that offer but he said it will be good for his resume and he will go for a year and half and come back and if he likes to city I may need to move. which I am okey with both ways but I don't see any seriousness here and I guess any man in his place will rather take care of the trip expenses for both of us than giving me hard time and putting me down. but since he is not doing that I guess it shows lack of responsibility .. not sure if I am wrong or old fashioned but this is how I see things not sure how men deal with such a situation Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Why didn't you feel comfortable telling him about your financial situation? If you guys are getting serious, and you've been together nearly a year, this seems like the sort of thing you should be able to discuss. I'm not sure why you felt you had to hide it. Honestly, that seems worrisome, particularly since you said you've lent him money in the past. Is he generally down on you about finances? There's always more to every story but from what you've said here he sounds kind of jerky. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 he kept giving me attitude and cold shoulder then he said "ok, fine I will go out clubbing on my birthday". which he knows this clubbing thing bothers me. What do you mean by this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rafaela Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 Why didn't you feel comfortable telling him about your financial situation? If you guys are getting serious, and you've been together nearly a year, this seems like the sort of thing you should be able to discuss. I'm not sure why you felt you had to hide it. Honestly, that seems worrisome, particularly since you said you've lent him money in the past. Is he generally down on you about finances? There's always more to every story but from what you've said here he sounds kind of jerky. Actually I admit it that it's not a good habit that I developed years ago even when my parents used to ask me whither I need any money I say " I am okey" not out of pride but I don't like to be another weight on others. when he asked for money I didn't mind since I am not the one who's asking. even though he makes much more money than me. I live on my own I pay my own school and bills while he has a stable job in banking field. he tried to bring up this topic couple weeks ago when he was talking about his expectations in marriage and he said that if we make it through I should know that he want us to have one banking account to control the house expenses ..ect. i find it kind of awkward because i always buy his groceries when i am over his place since i like to cook and never asked him for a single dollar. but now when i am having issues to pay for flight ticket he is making me feel guilty and accusing me of hiding stuff from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rafaela Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 What do you mean by this? he wanted to tell me that if i cannot celebrate the birthday with him, he will have to go out clubbing by himself in his new city. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 he tried to bring up this topic couple weeks ago when he was talking about his expectations in marriage and he said that if we make it through I should know that he want us to have one banking account to control the house expenses ..ect. i find it kind of awkward because i always buy his groceries when i am over his place since i like to cook and never asked him for a single dollar. but now when i am having issues to pay for flight ticket he is making me feel guilty and accusing me of hiding stuff from him. He sounds controlling and not particularly nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 he wanted to tell me that if i cannot celebrate the birthday with him, he will have to go out clubbing by himself in his new city. but why does that bother you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rafaela Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 but why does that bother you? he is not responsible when he drinks, he starts flirting with other girls and dancing with them. i am younger than him but still i don't act that way. he did stop clubbing when we got serious but by telling me that means he is no longer serious or since i am not coming with him he will do whatever he wants on his birthday. basically sometimes he feels in need to make me jealous. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 he is not responsible when he drinks, he starts flirting with other girls and dancing with them. i am younger than him but still i don't act that way. he did stop clubbing when we got serious but by telling me that means he is no longer serious or since i am not coming with him he will do whatever he wants on his birthday. basically sometimes he feels in need to make me jealous. This guy moves to a different city to take a step back from your relationship. He isn't particularly kind and he is controlling. He doesn't have much understanding for your circumstances. You don't trust him. Do you see where I'm going with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rafaela Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 This guy moves to a different city to take a step back from your relationship. He isn't particularly kind and he is controlling. He doesn't have much understanding for your circumstances. You don't trust him. Do you see where I'm going with this? I do see it, was just waiting for a confirmation to make sure I am not wrong thanks alot 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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