Fiancé not wearing her ring to work?

[marcjb]

My fiancé (34, and I'm 31) has an intern job student teaching for 1st graders. Before then, she was a nanny. She tells me that she doesn't wear her ring because the kids are touchy-feely with her.

 

Also, the ring is a family heir loom which used to be her mother's. It has been the the family for a while and I can understand that she may want to be extra careful with it.

 

She was also still going to classes at school and claims that she doesn't want to wear it when she goes to class because she takes the train and is worried she might get mugged. She did wear it to one of her last classes where I was able to drive her then and pick her up. She made this guy friend that was in some of her classes before (he's 40), who I have met, but he was not in that last class. There was a poetry reading which she invited me to that day, and there were just all women in this particular class that time. They are also both working as interns at the same school now.

 

For the most part, she basically only wears it when we go out on dates together. More recently, there was a night that all of the interns went out for drinks after work, I was invited too. One of her female co-workers actually asked her "oh, is that the ring", she explained to her it wasn't because she doesn't wear it to work, and seems like she wasn't trying to extend a conversation about it with her. I don't think this guy co-worker friend heard the brief conversation, and then I got to thinking.. this guy friend did not even congratulate us on the engagement, so I'm not even sure she told him.

 

My fiancé has told me that her and the guy friend used to study together before class sometimes, and now with this internship that they will sometimes walk to the train together after work. The school they teach at is actually in-between two stops. She takes the opposite stop when she decides to go the gym after work, but insists in not switching routes when she isn't going to the gym or to cause any undue tension with her co-worker / friend / whatever by always not walking with him or something and for him to then maybe cause tension while they are at work.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

Edited April 24, 2014 by marcjb

[Poppyolive]

Im not sure what you are asking here?

 

If you are worried she may be cheating.. Ring or no ring she'd probably do it anyway, if she is cheating. From what I read I don't think she is.

 

The ring is special to her, I work with kids and I'm careful about jewelery pieces I wear. My kids are touch feely too, as soon as I start work I'm being fleeced, they want to see my earrings, rings, Wallet , bag, my lunch....so i have to be careful about what I actually have on me at work. So I get that she doesn't wear it to work. On the train maybe it is such a valued piece that she's afraid to wear it out. I'm the same way, I have jewelry from my friend and sister that both have passed. I only wear it on special occasions.

 

You could always get a fake/copy made for her to wear daily...keeping the real thing for date nights etc....

[marcjb]

Thanks. I'm basically just wondering if I'm being irrational or looking too deep into it. I don't think it helps that the guy friend didn't congratulate us when we went for drinks but the female co-worker did. This makes me feel like she didn't even tell him, and is only telling women.

[hard2c]

The prototype of sexual reproduction is female and male friendship. Read the book more that just friends! Dude she's banging him!

[marcjb]

I don't understand why she would have invited me go out with the interns for the drink though if that was the case? I believe her that she hasn't cheated on me physically, but I'm worried about some kind of emotional affair that she is keeping from me possibly.

[FitChick]

Invite yourself to the next interns night out and make a point of having a conversation with this guy where you casually talk about planning the wedding, asking if he's ever been married?

[clia]

I think it's a huge red flag that she doesn't wear her ring.

 

If she's afraid of getting mugged on the train, tell her to turn the diamond toward the inside of her hand while she is on the train so that it appears she is only wearing a plain band. That's what I do.

[d0nnivain]

When we 1st got engaged, I would often forget my e-ring in the morning. Until then I had never worn a daily ring. I was also terrified of losing it because I'd never owned such an expensive piece of jewelry. As I wore it more, then I got a rash on my finger because I wasn't used to drying my hands after washing with the ring & the soap irritated my skin so then I didn't want to wear it because my finger hurt. Over time it became part of me & now I feel naked without it.

 

 

My SIL had a similar experience when she got engaged. Her e-ring was also a family heirloom which made her even more scared to wear it. She & her husband compromised. They bought a small, plain CZ ring that she wears every day because it's replaceable. She only wears the real one for special occasions.

 

 

I agree with turning the ring around while commuting or being in unfamiliar places.

[hard2c]

Bro at my age almost all my aunts and grandma are in the nursing home, no guys comes to visit them or goes out for drinks with them. Here's the funny thing back in the day my grandma was a stunner she had a stalker (true story) a chiropractor plus many men over the years. Mom says that it was a source of conflict between her dad and mom. Now not even males her age want to see her, last week I was in there visiting her one of old ladies told me that she had been cowgirl queen and she showed me her pics. Wow!!! Was she a stunner looked like Anne Hathaway she claimed that a guy even committed suicide because of her, my grandma says that its the truth. Today nobody visits her or goes out with her for a coffee.

 

Bro wake up do you think that om is with her for conversation? Do you think that she hangs out with him for his rare intelligence?

[marcjb]

Bro at my age almost all my aunts and grandma are in the nursing home, no guys comes to visit them or goes out for drinks with them. Here's the funny thing back in the day my grandma was a stunner she had a stalker (true story) a chiropractor plus many men over the years. Mom says that it was a source of conflict between her dad and mom. Now not even males her age want to see her, last week I was in there visiting her one of old ladies told me that she had been cowgirl queen and she showed me her pics. Wow!!! Was she a stunner looked like Anne Hathaway she claimed that a guy even committed suicide because of her, my grandma says that its the truth. Today nobody visits her or goes out with her for a coffee.

 

Bro wake up do you think that om is with her for conversation? Do you think that she hangs out with him for his rare intelligence?

The thing is that I have no proof and have to give her the benefit of the doubt since she did invite me to drinks where the other guy would be too.

[hard2c]

The thing is that I have no proof and have to give her the benefit of the doubt since she did invite me to drinks where the other guy would be too.

Here's a strategy how I nailed my xww, started with a leading question isn't normal to hug a guy friend to which she replied yes. Then I asked so did you hug him? Yes I did hug him. 2nd leading question. Do you grab arm when crossing a busy street or hold his hand at least? Yes. And isn't true that after doing all these things you kissed him on the mouth? Yes but just one time. 4th leading question every thing but sex right? Guess so. Final kicker here's 3 options 1. Admit it that you had sex. 2. No sex but a EA. 3. Pack your things and leave without any further inquiries.

 

Guess which on she admitted too, number 1.

[marcjb]

I have talked with her many times about things and she insists that she has never done anything with him and is not attracted to him. I do believe this like I said, but feel that there has been some kind of emotional affair. The guy is 40 or 41, and is balding with white hair in his beard. I don't think she likes beards either because I don't have one and none of her ex's had facial hair either. I mean generally this guy doesn't look like her type, e.g. me or her past relationships.

Edited April 24, 2014 by marcjb

[hard2c]

Bro I don't trust hot chicks because all that's important to them is money and getting pregnant. Start with non offensive leading questions, ending with three options.

 

Okay I'll help you with another example, I've been married four times they all cheated on me.

Married a gal and moved into a huge home with a pool but instead of exercising in it. She went down to the gym every day. In there she met meatball juice monkey who trained her for free every day. When I confronted her about it she got annoyed and said that they were just friends and that she thinks he's gay and muscle guys aren't for her.

 

Remember the pool he and few others were invited lounge around the pool and work on their tans and why not after all they're just friends. One day I came home and saw her lying on her stomach while he put sun screen on her with the bikini strap undone supposedly it was too prevent a bikini tan from forming.

 

So I started with non offensive leading questions. He applied it to the entire backside including the legs and butt. Yes. Front side as well, now she has looked herself in the bathroom as I talked through the door. Front side which includes the breasts, you do have it on your breasts. Finally the kicker. Here's what we're going to do. We signed a pre-nup so the house is mine. 1. We are going to the grocery store to get some empty boxes and your going pack your stuff and then your going home. 2. Call your mother. 3. Admit to sleeping with him and what's done is done and in the past. Xww2 admitted to the last number. Grill her with questions!

[marcjb]

hard2c, I can understand it with your situation, but again, I was invited to go out with her and the other interns. I don't think she would have invited me if she knew he was going to be there, or even the possibility of him being there if she physically cheated on me with him.

[JamesM]

Now human nature is that we listen to the negative advice. I think you will ignore those of us who say there is a better explanation that "she is cheating on you."

 

If my gf had cheated on me or my wife had, then yes, I would be inclined to believe that your gf is cheating. Our negative experiences color our opinions, just as our positive ones do.

 

And my wife has not worn her rings too because of work. They snag latex gloves. They scrape patients' bodies. They catch on wounds. Should I be concerned? She does work with some handsome doctors...and beautiful nurses too.

 

I am not.

 

Remember, all opinions given are based on information you have given. And admit it...yours is biased to the "she is cheating" angle. If I was thinking that way, then I would tell it the way I see it wit a little more info that way. The question is...if she were telling this, how would she "spin" it?

 

Is she cheating? I don't know. Could there be a totally logical explanation like the one she has given? Absolutely.

 

 

What it really comes down to is this: do you have trust issues with her? Or perhaps you have cold feet about the engagement? Do you trust HER enough to believe her, or do you question your own security in the relationship?

 

Ask yourself: why would she accept an engagement ring from you if she didn't want to marry you? Why would she cheat with someone and accept the ring? Do you think this whole alleged affair began after the engagement? Did she know him prior to you and prior to your engagement?

 

Why do the female co-workers know that she has a ring and yet the male coworker would not? Do you think the women would keep it from him if they saw him cozying up to her? Would they not tell him too? Why would he not hear that she is and be oblivious to it?

 

And if it is not physical, could it simply be a friendship from her side? Could it be a close friendship that is nothing more than that? Yes.

 

Could it be much more? Based on what you have said, I can't truthfully say either way.

 

What does my gut say? She is not cheating.

 

Back in the day when I first dated my wife, she had a male coworker that really liked her. He once awkwardly said hi to me but that was all. She liked him as a friend but he liked her for more. How did she treat the subject of me and our pending engagement/marriage? So as to avoid hurting his feelings, she would avoid the topic.

 

Perhaps this is how it is with your gf too. This guy likes her but she does not reciprocate the feelings. Yet to protect his feelings, she doesn't shove her relationship in his face. That doesn't mean the ring is kept at home because of him, but it would explain why she wouldn't talk loudly about you to him.

 

As for not congratulating you, he could have some interest in her making it awkward, or he could never have considered it.

 

The age difference is nothing. Less than ten years? What attracts her to him (even if as friends) is his smarts (yes, they can) and his listening/conversing skills. They have their college and work as a commonality. This creates a bond that is separate from marriage.

 

Should you be worried? Not really. Should you examine your relationship? Absolutely. If you cannot trust her and need to ask strangers for advice....and then begin believing the negative naysayers, then you should be asking: "Am I ready to marry this woman?"

[JamesM]

I've been married four times they all cheated on me.

 

I wouldn't trust any woman either anymore!

 

Me...married for over 20 years to the same woman. I trust most women...and especially my wife.

[marcjb]

Ask yourself: why would she accept an engagement ring from you if she didn't want to marry you? Why would she cheat with someone and accept the ring? Do you think this whole alleged affair began after the engagement? Did she know him prior to you and prior to your engagement?

She went back to school a year and a half after we started dating. I encouraged her to go to back to school for her graduate degree. Initially she told me that there were "no guys" in her classes. Then I guess she had some different classes and there were a couple guys in these classes. Then, she told me she became friends with one of them.

 

We were invited to a cookout of his last July. She just felt distant at the cookout because when we got there she was not by my side or holding my hand as we were walking from my car to meet him. She pretty much went to give him a hug all excited and he did know I was her boyfriend at the time. The food was inside the house and we didn't really go inside together to get food, it's like she was on her own. Everyone was sitting at the picnic table and she ended up sitting on the opposite side of the table, not with me. Also, the guy walked us back to my car and they hugged. I found it a little odd that he would walk us back to the car instead of just saying bye at the cookout.

Edited April 24, 2014 by marcjb

[hard2c]

Now human nature is that we listen to the negative advice. I think you will ignore those of us who say there is a better explanation that "she is cheating on you."

 

If my gf had cheated on me or my wife had, then yes, I would be inclined to believe that your gf is cheating. Our negative experiences color our opinions, just as our positive ones do.

 

And my wife has not worn her rings too because of work. They snag latex gloves. They scrape patients' bodies. They catch on wounds. Should I be concerned? She does work with some handsome doctors...and beautiful nurses too.

 

I am not.

 

Remember, all opinions given are based on information you have given. And admit it...yours is biased to the "she is cheating" angle. If I was thinking that way, then I would tell it the way I see it wit a little more info that way. The question is...if she were telling this, how would she "spin" it?

 

Is she cheating? I don't know. Could there be a totally logical explanation like the one she has given? Absolutely.

 

 

What it really comes down to is this: do you have trust issues with her? Or perhaps you have cold feet about the engagement? Do you trust HER enough to believe her, or do you question your own security in the relationship?

 

Ask yourself: why would she accept an engagement ring from you if she didn't want to marry you? Why would she cheat with someone and accept the ring? Do you think this whole alleged affair began after the engagement? Did she know him prior to you and prior to your engagement?

 

Why do the female co-workers know that she has a ring and yet the male coworker would not? Do you think the women would keep it from him if they saw him cozying up to her? Would they not tell him too? Why would he not hear that she is and be oblivious to it?

 

And if it is not physical, could it simply be a friendship from her side? Could it be a close friendship that is nothing more than that? Yes.

 

Could it be much more? Based on what you have said, I can't truthfully say either way.

 

What does my gut say? She is not cheating.

 

Back in the day when I first dated my wife, she had a male coworker that really liked her. He once awkwardly said hi to me but that was all. She liked him as a friend but he liked her for more. How did she treat the subject of me and our pending engagement/marriage? So as to avoid hurting his feelings, she would avoid the topic.

 

Perhaps this is how it is with your gf too. This guy likes her but she does not reciprocate the feelings. Yet to protect his feelings, she doesn't shove her relationship in his face. That doesn't mean the ring is kept at home because of him, but it would explain why she wouldn't talk loudly about you to him.

 

As for not congratulating you, he could have some interest in her making it awkward, or he could never have considered it.

 

The age difference is nothing. Less than ten years? What attracts her to him (even if as friends) is his smarts (yes, they can) and his listening/conversing skills. They have their college and work as a commonality. This creates a bond that is separate from marriage.

 

Should you be worried? Not really. Should you examine your relationship? Absolutely. If you cannot trust her and need to ask strangers for advice....and then begin believing the negative naysayers, then you should be asking: "Am I ready to marry this woman?"[/quote

 

I trust the man it's the devil inside that I don't trust.

[hard2c]

She went back to school a year and a half after we started dating. I encouraged her to go to back to school for her graduate degree. Initially she told me that there were "no guys" in her classes. Then I guess she had some different classes and there were a couple guys in these classes. Then, she told me she became friends with one of them.

 

We were invited to a cookout of his last July. She just felt distant at the cookout because when we got there she was not by my side or holding my hand as we were walking from my car to meet him. She pretty much went to give him a hug all excited and he did know I was her boyfriend at the time. The food was inside the house and we didn't really go inside together to get food, it's like she was on her own. Everyone was sitting at the picnic table and she ended up sitting on the opposite side of the table, not with me. Also, the guy walked us back to my car and they hugged. I found it a little odd that he would walk us back to the car instead of just saying bye at the cookout.

 

Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.

[Madman81]

I have talked with her many times about things and she insists that she has never done anything with him and is not attracted to him. I do believe this like I said, but feel that there has been some kind of emotional affair. The guy is 40 or 41, and is balding with white hair in his beard. I don't think she likes beards either because I don't have one and none of her ex's had facial hair either. I mean generally this guy doesn't look like her type, e.g. me or her past relationships.

If you still suspect something after discussing it with her many times, further discussions with her will be counter-productive. You need to stop asking her about it. Let the subject go quiet.

 

The idea is, if she's actually cheated physically and/or emotionally, to lull her into a false sense of security, so she lets her guard down and thinks you've dropped the matter. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, start checking her phone, email, Facebook, web history, etc. Keep track of her movements; keep a log if you need to. Right now, the only info you have is comprised of her assurances and your suspicions. You need something more solid. If you don't find anything, that's reassuring. And if you do, well.... 'nuff said.

[Tayla]

she is faithful and you are trying to find a way out of this commitment. Ignore HardC, he is bitter and using his personal experience to judge all mankind.

 

The ring is a valued gift just as she will be valued in your marriage. Treat her with the respect she deserves. Guys are prone to be absentminded about engagement announcements. the guy friend or associate may not care one way or the other as he values her as a person and not anything to be tampered with. How would you like it if someone judged you simply because you created a social faux pa , which happens sometimes without knowing it.

 

there can be millions of reasons yet until they suit your mindset it appears none will satisfy. Look for problems and they come looking right back at cha....

[hard2c]

Now human nature is that we listen to the negative advice. I think you will ignore those of us who say there is a better explanation that "she is cheating on you."

 

If my gf had cheated on me or my wife had, then yes, I would be inclined to believe that your gf is cheating. Our negative experiences color our opinions, just as our positive ones do.

 

And my wife has not worn her rings too because of work. They snag latex gloves. They scrape patients' bodies. They catch on wounds. Should I be concerned? She does work with some handsome doctors...and beautiful nurses too.

 

I am not.

 

Remember, all opinions given are based on information you have given. And admit it...yours is biased to the "she is cheating" angle. If I was thinking that way, then I would tell it the way I see it wit a little more info that way. The question is...if she were telling this, how would she "spin" it?

 

Is she cheating? I don't know. Could there be a totally logical explanation like the one she has given? Absolutely.

 

 

What it really comes down to is this: do you have trust issues with her? Or perhaps you have cold feet about the engagement? Do you trust HER enough to believe her, or do you question your own security in the relationship?

 

Ask yourself: why would she accept an engagement ring from you if she didn't want to marry you? Why would she cheat with someone and accept the ring? Do you think this whole alleged affair began after the engagement? Did she know him prior to you and prior to your engagement?

 

Why do the female co-workers know that she has a ring and yet the male coworker would not? Do you think the women would keep it from him if they saw him cozying up to her? Would they not tell him too? Why would he not hear that she is and be oblivious to it?

 

And if it is not physical, could it simply be a friendship from her side? Could it be a close friendship that is nothing more than that? Yes.

 

Could it be much more? Based on what you have said, I can't truthfully say either way.

 

What does my gut say? She is not cheating.

 

Back in the day when I first dated my wife, she had a male coworker that really liked her. He once awkwardly said hi to me but that was all. She liked him as a friend but he liked her for more. How did she treat the subject of me and our pending engagement/marriage? So as to avoid hurting his feelings, she would avoid the topic.

 

Perhaps this is how it is with your gf too. This guy likes her but she does not reciprocate the feelings. Yet to protect his feelings, she doesn't shove her relationship in his face. That doesn't mean the ring is kept at home because of him, but it would explain why she wouldn't talk loudly about you to him.

 

As for not congratulating you, he could have some interest in her making it awkward, or he could never have considered it.

 

The age difference is nothing. Less than ten years? What attracts her to him (even if as friends) is his smarts (yes, they can) and his listening/conversing skills. They have their college and work as a commonality. This creates a bond that is separate from marriage.

 

Should you be worried? Not really. Should you examine your relationship? Absolutely. If you cannot trust her and need to ask strangers for advice....and then begin believing the negative naysayers, then you should be asking: "Am I ready to marry this woman?"

 

if your so smug and certain that your wife never cheated with " Special friend" then why not ask her to take the lie detector. My spidy senses detect that you suspect something, isn't fair to say that their friendship was closer than most male to female friendships. It seems you want to believe that there's one relationship in life that's beyond betrayal a relationship that's beyond that kind of hurt. And there isn't. Isn't it true that the fear of being stabbed in the back so close home clouds judgment?

[marcjb]

If you still suspect something after discussing it with her many times, further discussions with her will be counter-productive. You need to stop asking her about it. Let the subject go quiet.

 

The idea is, if she's actually cheated physically and/or emotionally, to lull her into a false sense of security, so she lets her guard down and thinks you've dropped the matter. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, start checking her phone, email, Facebook, web history, etc. Keep track of her movements; keep a log if you need to. Right now, the only info you have is comprised of her assurances and your suspicions. You need something more solid. If you don't find anything, that's reassuring. And if you do, well.... 'nuff said.

 

She has always kept a password on her stuff even when we first met.

[hard2c]

she is faithful and you are trying to find a way out of this commitment. Ignore HardC, he is bitter and using his personal experience to judge all mankind.

 

The ring is a valued gift just as she will be valued in your marriage. Treat her with the respect she deserves. Guys are prone to be absentminded about engagement announcements. the guy friend or associate may not care one way or the other as he values her as a person and not anything to be tampered with. How would you like it if someone judged you simply because you created a social faux pa , which happens sometimes without knowing it.

 

there can be millions of reasons yet until they suit your mindset it appears none will satisfy. Look for problems and they come looking right back at cha....

 

well I think problem is that fools and love addicts are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.

[marcjb]

she is faithful and you are trying to find a way out of this commitment. Ignore HardC, he is bitter and using his personal experience to judge all mankind.

 

The ring is a valued gift just as she will be valued in your marriage. Treat her with the respect she deserves. Guys are prone to be absentminded about engagement announcements. the guy friend or associate may not care one way or the other as he values her as a person and not anything to be tampered with. How would you like it if someone judged you simply because you created a social faux pa , which happens sometimes without knowing it.

 

there can be millions of reasons yet until they suit your mindset it appears none will satisfy. Look for problems and they come looking right back at cha....

This is most definitely not true and actually sounds like a bitter response. I love this girl with all my heart. I'm not the one who made a new friend of the opposite sex. In fact, I don't just to be respectful to her and make sure she feel safe and secure with our relationship. If I wanted out I would be out and not play games.