Friends with ex before reconciliation ?

[Mary Oak]

Do you think you must establish a friendship with an ex before you can reconcile, if the breakup was long ago. ( couple of years)

[STM206]

I would say yes.

 

At least start off slow, dating, etc. I think if you throw yourself into it again it's going to backfire.

[Mary Oak]

The thing is, in my situation, I have feelings for her and I do not want to be her friend. If she ever decided to contact me, I don't want to be friends. So I guess I am asking how would you know where you stood? I mean, I see logically that you would have to start a conversation as friendly, but how do you know if that will lead to more? I doubt someone will come back after a long break up and proclaim their live unless they know something about you, even if it is just because they don't want to hurt you again. Do you supposed you have to go through a stage where you just talk as friends? I think I would need to know the intention upfront. But that may pressure them and slam the door, thinking you are needy and unstable. It is confusing to me. I think if she ever approached me, I would ask why? And tell her I won't be only friends.

[justletgo07]

I think it will be hard to reconcile if, years later, you are taking such a hardline, black-and-white, dating or nothing stance.

 

If you're serious about reconciling, and given the time that has passed, I think you would have to approach this as you would a new person. Is this the attitude you would take with a new person? My guess is no. If you can't get past your history and treat it as a new relationship, I don't see how this could go very far.

[Elle1975]

I wouldn't want to be just friends no. My ex was able to ask me out once, I don't see why he wouldn't be able to me ask out again. That is if he somewhat realized that he's in love with me and what a fool he was.

 

If you go out a few times, and nothing happens, then out she goes.