Hurt by her sexual past

[Cpt]

This is bull*****...because the guys I know who sleep around the most hardly are master keys. They simply have low standards and sleep with almost any woman willing to give it up. The master key type of guy is a rarity, and usually dudes with high numbers sleep with easy women or drop standards in order to get sex when they want.

 

If I was a woman, I wouldnt find that appealing...and from what Ive seen, a lot of women dont find men with low standards attractive. Ive seen a girls face turn when she finds out about certain women a guy had slept with in the past.

 

I wouldnt sleep with plenty of the women Ive seen my more promiscuous male friends sleep with.

 

[suladas]

Same here. I think it's best if the guy and I have similar backgrounds. I'm turned on by selectivity, turned off by promiscuity. Always have been.

 

Same here. A really high number like that at that age? Instant deal breaker.

 

 

In some cases if it was long enough in the past I could overlook some, but not that amount at that age.

 

But being a hypocrite when your number is higher just makes no sense.

[Noproblem]

You can't really build a relationship if you think something is off.

 

small issues, turn into big issues, once you and her are exclusive couples or married

 

So, I would let her go and that's it.

 

 

 

 

Note to other girls: stop being honest, liars get the good stuff, honesty get you no where....!

the op will probably end up with a girl with a much higher number except she hide it well.

[BlueIris]

I still think some men have a problem subconsciously with women who don't view them as special or more important.

 

Pretty sure that's it.

 

I will admit, though, I dumped someone I'd been seeing for over a year shortly after one of his friends asked me what I was doing with him since he was such a s**t. BF and I had been long distance so I didn't know his rep and activities in day to day life. But he was 60, not in his 20's where I'd give some leeway for puppy-like exuberance, if you will, for either gender. But in general, I avoid men who sleep around and do one night stands.

 

Another thing to think about is STD testing, especially herpes. With their sex histories, OP and his GF should have full 10 panel testing which include herpes and hepatitis, since the standard STD tests don't include those. So lots (LOTS!) of folks are blissfully unaware that they carry herpes and are spreading it. Especially important for her since women are more likely to get it from men than men are from women, 6 times more vulnerable to it by some studies. Careful ladies!

Edited April 25, 2014 by BlueIris

[oldshirt]

I disagree. It is not hard wired, it is a byproduct of religion.

 

Religions adopted it as part of their moral codes to control women's sexuality so that men could have some confidence that the children they were raising were actually theirs.

 

It was hardwired into people's DNA before that so there for religious teachings of chastity, monogamy etc are byproducts of hardwiring.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yeah, and cave woman me has zero desire to mate with the cave man who has visited dozens of other women's caves. I'm biologically wired to prefer the man who is devoted and will bring all the best meat and resources to me and our offspring, not spread it around the village.

[Phantom888]

Yeah, and cave woman me has zero desire to mate with the cave man who has visited dozens of other women's caves. I'm biologically wired to prefer the man who is devoted and will bring all the best meat and resources to me and our offspring, not spread it around the village.

 

Amen to that. I'm glad my fiancee has that exact view. We both have relatively low numbers (low-teens), so we are experienced enough to know what we want, without being extreme. We are both 39.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Most men can never handle the truth about a women's sexual history even if they've been more promiscuous. It's ridiculous and they don't deserve the truth.

 

Ladies, unless you've only been with a few men, lie. If they've got BS double standards..shove BS right back at them.

[suladas]

Most men can never handle the truth about a women's sexual history even if they've been more promiscuous. It's ridiculous and they don't deserve the truth.

 

Ladies, unless you've only been with a few men, lie. If they've got BS double standards..shove BS right back at them.

 

Lying to start a relationship, great idea!

 

If anything, the best thing to do is not answer directly with a number like "i'm with you now" etc. Lying is a bad idea. If I was told a number by a girl, and even years later it turned out she was lying, it would be see ya later. I'd rather not know the number at all then lying about it.

 

And some guys do have really low numbers, so expecting a women with a similar history is perfectly acceptable.

 

The number isn't everything, but a lot of it. I just could never value a women who would go home with a different guy from the bar every week or any kind of random hook ups. A girl who's slept with 8 guys, but most if not all were somewhat relationship type would be less of a issue then a girl who's slept with 4 guys but all were ONS.

 

But 25 people at 22? She must spread her legs for anyone who wants in At that rate she could easily hit 100 by age 30 :sick:

Edited April 25, 2014 by suladas

[Poppygoodwill]

I agree with the person that said what you're feeling says everything about you, and not much about her.

 

If you have a problem with how she's lived her life, then don't date her. Simple as that. But DO NOT continue to go out with her and somehow punish or shame her for something you can't handle. She has made her choices and if you don't like it, then cut her loose to find someone who will love her *for who she is*.

[dragon_fly_7]

And some guys do have really low numbers, so expecting a women with a similar history is perfectly acceptable.

That would be a very fair reason but it's hard to tell if that man's intentions are real when asking a woman her number of sexual partners and if he actually holds the same value of being a relationship-minded person too or if he's another one of those men with the sex double standards who just values a woman's low number and has the nerves to call out his female counterpart damaged goods and uses names.

 

I've only been with my then bf (now ex bf) and well I'm 27 but if I were going out on the 1st or 2nd date and and right away a man is asking how many men I've slept with and keeps insisting, I'm going to assume right away he doesn't hold my same value towards sex and is yet another promiscuous male hypocrite.

 

If he only values that in a woman but not himself, he's not worth even seconds of my time. To me someone's sexual past is a general behavior indicator that has no gender. I also wouldn't see a man that slept with 25 people at the age of 22 as bf nor potential husband material.

Edited April 25, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[seekingpeaceinlove]

That's my point. My issue is with men who have slept around and expect a woman to be a virgin.

 

Lying to start a relationship, great idea!

 

If anything, the best thing to do is not answer directly with a number like "i'm with you now" etc. Lying is a bad idea. If I was told a number by a girl, and even years later it turned out she was lying, it would be see ya later. I'd rather not know the number at all then lying about it.

 

And some guys do have really low numbers, so expecting a women with a similar history is perfectly acceptable.

 

The number isn't everything, but a lot of it. I just could never value a women who would go home with a different guy from the bar every week or any kind of random hook ups. A girl who's slept with 8 guys, but most if not all were somewhat relationship type would be less of a issue then a girl who's slept with 4 guys but all were ONS.

 

But 25 people at 22? She must spread her legs for anyone who wants in At that rate she could easily hit 100 by age 30 :sick:

[GoreSP]

Alright. I'm all for having 'values' and choosing partners based on compatibility and stuff...

But if her past hurts you, I'm sorry but you got a a problem...

[kaylan]

Or maybe she's hot, she gets hit on left and right, she loves having sex, and goes home with a hot stud whenever she wants.

Thats still quite a leg spreadin'. =P

 

Let em have each other.

[kaylan]

Yeah, and cave woman me has zero desire to mate with the cave man who has visited dozens of other women's caves. I'm biologically wired to prefer the man who is devoted and will bring all the best meat and resources to me and our offspring, not spread it around the village.

Surely I bring a gal the best meat

[Smilecharmer]

What happened to valuing someone based on who they are, not who they were? The number of past sexual partners aren't indicative of someone's character now if they have settled down and are loyal and good to you. Being a virgin until my wedding night makes me no more valuable or good than someone who had double digits...to think otherwise is to be sanctimonious and self serving. Vanity, judgment and pride are way less attractive to me than youthful promiscuity.

[Phantom888]

But seriously, no man would really want to settle down with a virgin because she may not have enough experience to be decent in bed. Also, virgins will always wonder if there is anything better out there. My best friend was a virgin till he married, and so was his wife. I have to assume they wonder what is it like to have sex with different people.

[dragon_fly_7]

What happened to valuing someone based on who they are, not who they were? The number of past sexual partners aren't indicative of someone's character now if they have settled down and are loyal and good to you. Being a virgin until my wedding night makes me no more valuable or good than someone who had double digits...to think otherwise is to be sanctimonious and self serving. Vanity, judgment and pride are way less attractive to me than youthful promiscuity.

I would simply not feel compatible with a man that slept with 50+ women. I don't to be with someone that doesn't treat sex the way I do. After all, not all of us would be satisfy with just someone we love and like their company. There has to be also main compatibilities too. This to me is the same thing as not wanting to date a heavy smoker nor party animal because that's not me.

[kaylan]

See, it's the attitude such as this that makes me smh.

 

It's fine to have your preferences, but your post just reeks of a judgmental tone.

 

"Let them have each other" like they're a couple of disease infested whores who should just stick together so they don't spread whatever they have to the rest of the population.

Like deserves like.

 

Someones knickers are in a twist.

[bubbaganoosh]

Look at it this way. She's practicing for her honeymoon. Wants to make it right for the big night and please her future husband.

 

See? Clear as milk!

[Ruby Slippers]

Or maybe she's hot, she gets hit on left and right, she loves having sex, and goes home with a hot stud whenever she wants.

Please. I could have had sex with 10 hot guys just tonight. But that would have been GROSS.

[ThaWholigan]

Sometimes I read these threads and think that I really am a captain Saveaho because I'm constantly surprised at how little I care about numbers.

 

25 is nothing compared to the first girl I slept with! If you've had more than her and still it turns you off then that's a bit of a pickle. I wouldn't continue with this girl as you might hold it against her. Find someone who was less liberal about sex if it makes your bacon sizzle. And hope they don't hold your own sexual past against you!

[verydazednconfused]

You can always break up if that's really bothering you OP. I broke up for that reason too but I think my situation isn't similiar to yours. I was the virgin bf lied to for 3 years about her past. My choice was taken away from me.

Edited April 26, 2014 by verydazednconfused

[paigej91]

I can't help but laugh at how offended everyone on here is by this question. If it's a deal breaker, so be it. It's your decision, not anyone else's. You just have to weigh how much you want to give it a real shot with this girl versus your concern about her past either: a) being a trust issue for you and/or b) making you feel uneasy about your experience level.

[dragon_fly_7]

I can't help but laugh at how offended everyone on here is by this question.

The reason why many are now offended by this (even women with a very low past) is because it's the typical ''Though I've had my great share of women and my number exceeds 25, omg she slept with 25 men, she's damaged goods, where are the nearly virginal women'' guys with madonna/whore complex. They want all the fun but nope, they still expect a woman with a high moral compass to accept them, even with all his past baggages or issues. Many don't like that only a woman is expected to be the decent, sexually conservative and respectable person while it's ok for a man to be either a wild party-animal or messed-up individual with issues but that woman is somehow magically suppose to accept him just like that because that's how things are.

 

verydazednconfused however is a different breed, different case

 

But yes, don't think there is a point anymore. They will always be promiscuous men expecting only virgins or women of very low experience. If they want all the fun for themselves until their late 20's (until playing the fields for endless years get boring one day and they start getting older) and think sleeping around is only a masculine behavior, when it has no gender ok fine with them.

Edited April 27, 2014 by dragon_fly_7