melvingle Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 There is this girl whom I met at college in October and we have been very close friends ever since. We hung out a lot and really got to know each other very well. She would be the first one I would text if I was having a hard day or when I was ill. Recently we started hooking up and since they I have been pushing her away. I am just not sure how to make sense of my feelings - I really like her and I trust her and she is very beautiful. But I am just afraid that she is way out of my league: she is older (I am 22, she is 28), she had all these impressive ex-boyfriends, she is much more accomplished than me and I just feel like a loser. I know she really likes me and she told me that she wants to be with me, but I turned her down. Since then we haven't been talking (this was 2 weeks ago). What is more, I am struggling with anxiety and depression and feel like I need to get my **** together first before I can enter a relationship. Also, I had many bad relationships in the past and just terrible break-ups. Has anyone else felt this way? Am I confused or is this just a sign that I don't like her that much after all? How do you think should I proceed? Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Sounds to me that you are afraid you would lose her (if you felt she was out of your league) and so the anxiety that causes has made you act to make it happen. It relieves you of the uncertainty about her, but it sounds like you both really liked each other. My instinct says you should tell her about your fear of loss so at least she realises you haven't rejected her because you don't care any more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author melvingle Posted April 25, 2014 Author Share Posted April 25, 2014 I told her that I want us to be friends. And I told her about my bad break-ups, my depression and that she should find herself an amazing boyfriend. But she said that she doesn't want to be just friends, and told me to stay away from her because she is feeling rejected, so I haven't contacted her since then. Link to post Share on other sites
shinealight Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Yes i have felt this way bro, i liked someone so much it hurt. She has told you how she has felt, but seems to me you are afraid of telling her how you feel or just can't. She can wait for you and keep waiting for you but she will slip away and find someone else and you will regret not asking her out trust me. If you truly like her and want to be with her then ask her out before you do miss your'e chance like I would of done. But if you don't then be prepared for her to run off and be with someone else. You do not want to run down the line regretting your'e decision pal. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 The first thing you need to understand is nothing last forever, especially a relationship. But a relationship can be maintained for a very long time if both members are willing to put the time and effort into it. This girl likes you but you are afraid of losing her, therefore you don't want to get into a position of being vulnerable. This is not a good position to orient yourself into. You have to think positively, and enjoy each moment of a relationship until it ends, whether it be a breakup or death. You can't focus on the negative consequence of the end of the relationship, such as the pain of loss. My recommendation is for you to stop thinking so negatively, call the girl up, and have a relationship with her. Don't worry about the end, don't think about it, just focus on having a good relationship and enjoy the experiences you gain from being together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 I think you are right and that what you need to concentrate on now is maybe seeing a therapist and just talking it out and working on yourself. You have an important component to self-growth and that is self-awareness. You instinctively know you need to develop yourself and grow further. Since you have these anxieties, I think you'd greatly benefit from seeing someone for a little while. There's some anxiety drugs (you may not need them though) that can make you feel better right away. I know because they gave them to my sister when she was in the hospital. Work on yourself for awhile. Getting closer to this woman has you wanting to run. That may be some intimacy issues, but anyway the better you feel about yourself, the less of that there will be. Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I am struggling with anxiety and depression and feel like I need to get my **** together first before I can enter a relationship. Ping!!!! Hammer hits the nail. You pinpointed the issue right there. Congratulations on knowing yourself enough to realize you need some help. Yes you should get help first and put the intimacy with this girl to the side for the time being. You certainly don't want to ruin things with this girl. Put the brakes on. Remain friends. Get the help you need. Then in the future, if this girl is meant for you, it will work out. If not, you will still have a great friend and the potential for an awesome relationship with whoever the right girl is for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author melvingle Posted April 29, 2014 Author Share Posted April 29, 2014 Thank you all for your replies. But actually I have been thinking about getting back together with my ex. I mean... I dumped her twice and I wasn't too happy with the relationship, but I think I can appreciate her so much more now than before. And keep the other girl as a friend. I really don't know anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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