One month post BU - Craving contact! [update]

[ahthepain]

Hi all,

 

I had another thread but it ran abit long and this is hopefully a more positive vide - Quick recap - My gf of three years broke up with me over night, very sudden, noone else, reason was she didn't want the hassle of a relationship at this time in her life (she is 22, I'm 24).

 

So I saw her twice since the BU - Both times to get some closure, which I honestly belive helped, however the second time we spent 6 hours chatting, walking and she even asked me to drive to our favourite place when we dated. I tried to hold her hand and she said "no! no". So from that I'm sure most of you (as did I) would assume she wanted to remane friends... she said we should go cycling together and all sorts. Well two days later I called her to fix something up and she said it was wierd and just doesn't want any contact, just space for a while.

 

I'm beginning to think she is bi-polar or something because she loved our time together only two days prior. I accepted her wishes and said I had really enjoyed the last 3 years and will remember them will fond memories and to take care of yourself.

 

We havn't spoken since then ... But it is literally killing me!!

 

I have followed all the advice on here and got rid of pictures, deleted her off FB ect, however today 1 month post BU and just over a week without talking at all it's really hit me. I drove by her place and I think she was home, her car was, not many lights on but you know. I'm 95% sure she isn't going to get with another guy, but I'm not sure if that's worse or not.

 

I actually asked her would she and she said "If I wanted to be in a relationship right now it would be with you, noone else".

 

Ok so here are my main problems that I need to address, any advice much appriciated -

 

1)We are in the same clan on a popular iphone game and i log on loads during the day to see if she has said anything. I'm not leaving the clan and when I asked her to she said she wasn't. I just am not leaving.

 

2)I still check her facebook and friends a few times a day to see new pictures or updates - Again no new guys or anything.

 

3)She plays a popular online game and I'm very very close to going on there as some random guy just to chat to her.

 

I miss her so much. I feel 10x better than I did right after the break up but still get these days where I feel the need to just be with her, even as a friend I would be happier right now, just talking to her.

[BC1980]

I remember your original thread. You're going to be a tough case, but you can move on if you wish. It's your decision.

 

Stop checking her Facebook.

 

Also, you need to stop with the internet game or iPhone game, whatever it is. It's like a drug if you can't stop checking it.

 

You say you won't leave your clan (an alliance in a game?), but you must. You can't handle it right now.

[KaliLove]

Give it up dude, she doesn't want you. Don't be a creepy stalker.

[iDrumKing]

We havn't spoken since then ... But it is literally killing me!!

 

No it's not...

 

You just keep subjecting yourself to the pain.

[Jiivy]

I echo the sentiments of the guys here already...As conflicting as this is, can you honestly say that your actions are in any way respectful towards her?

 

I know she broke you, took away your entire world as if on a whim. It's not OK, but it's a choice you have to honour. Ask yourself this -

Do I want her to be happy, to resolve her inner conflicts? Or do I just want her for my own needs?

[ahthepain]

Thank you all for the great comments.

 

She put up a new profile picture last night (all I can see since I have deleted her) and it hit me hard. It was just her posing with her hair how she knows I like it, doing the pose she knows I like. I did feel it was aimed at me (she never did that apart from to impress me before).

 

My question is - If I block her off facebook will it untag me in all her pictures? As nearly all of my pictures from the last three years were tagged with her. I will literally lose all my holiday pictures, evenings out with friends and everything if it does.

[elseaacych]

I don't know anything about facebook blocking, but what I can recommend for you is to go over to the Coping forum, and pour your heart out into the "Post Here Instead of Contacting Your Ex" thread.

 

I guarantee you, someone there will read it, and more likely give you a more thoughtful answer than your ex ever would. (Your ex will ignore you at best, say something unkind that will hurt your feelings at worst.)

 

Go out and do something, connect with platonic friends. Do friend things! Have fun! Forget your ex, they broke you! Go fix yourself by having fun!

[martaldn]

 

My question is - If I block her off facebook will it untag me in all her pictures? As nearly all of my pictures from the last three years were tagged with her. I will literally lose all my holiday pictures, evenings out with friends and everything if it does.

 

yes

once someone blocked you you are not longer sharing anything with this person.

 

let me asking you something. are you not actually thinking of using this excuse to contact her right? I mean because you want the pictures back ect ect.

[ahthepain]

Thanks guys.

Well I won't block her as I don't want to lose the last three years of my fb life.

 

Why am I feeling so bad lately? I felt so much better a few days ago but yesterday and today

Feel absolutely horrendous. I can't stop thinking about her. Earlier this week I was finding I wasn't thinking ofbher anywhere near as much as I had been. Then boom this!

 

All I think about is she is sitting at home doing nothing or going on nights out. I need to stop thinking of her. It's destroying me inside.

 

I wish I could block her on fb. I think I need to be more disciplined and stick to 30days of pure no contact. Especially never looking at her fb. That's the hard part.

[ahthepain]

Update :

 

She is in a new relationship with someone she met a week ago ...

 

She said two weeks ago when we met up last before she asked for some time with NC - "The thought of being in a relationship makes me feel sick, if I was going to be in one it would be with you".

 

This raged me. I mean how could she lie to me like that? Well anyway I demanded my stuff back and went over this evening with a friends mother who is actually a relate counciller as it happens.

 

I wanted to ask her all the questions that I was either to afraid and my friends Mum said let her talk and just listen, so I did.

 

I cried again and asked for another chance to which she of course said no but I had to be 100% sure I guess. I know you will all have a go at me for this. I miss her as she was my best friend but she isn't the person I loved. The person I loved wouldn't put me through this much hurt. She is so cold. She didn't even blink as I sat crying my eyes out. I kind of needed to see this.

 

She said her world is just gray. So she has some form of depression. She even said the new boyfriend is just some hassle free fun and he's great but it doesn't matter if he or she ends it (poor guy). She was obviously lonely and just rebounded.

 

So here I am a month on and I know that I have no option but to move on. So blocking her off facebook. No contact. She won't think about me at all, so I need to tell myself why think about her. I did before out of hope but that hope is all gone and I deserve better. I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. So I say this now with high hopes that by the end of May I will feel 1000x better and have accepted that she wasn't the right girl for me and that although she is pretty I will find better.

 

I hope so.

[iDrumKing]

Update :

 

She is in a new relationship with someone she met a week ago ...

 

She said two weeks ago when we met up last before she asked for some time with NC - "The thought of being in a relationship makes me feel sick, if I was going to be in one it would be with you".

 

This raged me. I mean how could she lie to me like that?

 

1. She didn't just "MEET" this new guy. You can't be that naive to think that...

 

2. Dude you have no right to be upset... She's your EX. She doesn't have to be honest with you about anything going on in her life. The truth hurts.

[Elle1975]

Thanks guys.

Well I won't block her as I don't want to lose the last three years of my fb life.

 

Why am I feeling so bad lately? I felt so much better a few days ago but yesterday and today

Feel absolutely horrendous. I can't stop thinking about her. Earlier this week I was finding I wasn't thinking ofbher anywhere near as much as I had been. Then boom this!

 

All I think about is she is sitting at home doing nothing or going on nights out. I need to stop thinking of her. It's destroying me inside.

 

I wish I could block her on fb. I think I need to be more disciplined and stick to 30days of pure no contact. Especially never looking at her fb. That's the hard part.

 

You can download the pictures that you want to keep and put them in a folder. Just right click on them.

 

If you check her fb and keep her on it, then it's not NC.

[redbaron005]

Yea I agree she didn't just meet this guy. And I'll be honest the 2-3 month mark was the hardest for me, so prepare for that possibility.

[Sasukie]

Ah, we meet again.

[BC1980]

Update :

 

She is in a new relationship with someone she met a week ago ...

 

She said two weeks ago when we met up last before she asked for some time with NC - "The thought of being in a relationship makes me feel sick, if I was going to be in one it would be with you".

 

This raged me. I mean how could she lie to me like that? Well anyway I demanded my stuff back and went over this evening with a friends mother who is actually a relate counciller as it happens.

 

I wanted to ask her all the questions that I was either to afraid and my friends Mum said let her talk and just listen, so I did.

 

I cried again and asked for another chance to which she of course said no but I had to be 100% sure I guess. I know you will all have a go at me for this. I miss her as she was my best friend but she isn't the person I loved. The person I loved wouldn't put me through this much hurt. She is so cold. She didn't even blink as I sat crying my eyes out. I kind of needed to see this.

 

She said her world is just gray. So she has some form of depression. She even said the new boyfriend is just some hassle free fun and he's great but it doesn't matter if he or she ends it (poor guy). She was obviously lonely and just rebounded.

 

So here I am a month on and I know that I have no option but to move on. So blocking her off facebook. No contact. She won't think about me at all, so I need to tell myself why think about her. I did before out of hope but that hope is all gone and I deserve better. I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. So I say this now with high hopes that by the end of May I will feel 1000x better and have accepted that she wasn't the right girl for me and that although she is pretty I will find better.

 

I hope so.

 

That's why you don't poor your heart out to your ex. I learned the hard way too when I went to get the last of my things. Made a fool of myself and couldn't stop crying. That was about 2 weeks post breakup. I know how bad it is, but you have to stay NC. It's for your own good.

[ahthepain]

Thank you all for the comments.

 

She did honestly just meet him. Only added him on facebook a few days ago.

 

It hurts because she doesn't care about me at all. This is a girl who up until the day she dumped me said she loved me with all her heart, obviously she wasn't feeling that strongly but there must have still been something there. I can't get over the fact she was so emotionally cold.

 

I think if I make it through a month I'll be well on my way. The next few weeks are going to be very hard but I shall try my best to stick to no contact and move on with my life. Up until now I've always followed her small breadcrumbs and thought she might still be interested but I know 100% she isn't, so I have no choice right?

 

Why would I want to be with someone so cruel to me? Answer is I don't think I do but I miss the friendship. Losing my best friend.

[nutcheesy]

Im going through the exact same thing. She said she loved me even after break up. Trust me, go NC with her. She will contact you, but still she wouldnt want you back. She'll just continue to string you along.. dont fall for that.

[ahthepain]

Thanks again all.

 

Update : So I havn't made contact in two days and it hurts so bad even a month on, because she is with another guy. I didn't think it would hurt me this much her being with someone else but the thought of him and her! Angers me.

 

I know they went out last night for a mutual friends party and I couldn't sleep at all last night because I had the craving to check her facebook to see if she has updated her profile pik with him in it or just pictures of them together.

 

I havn't looked yet, some how I've managed to stop myself.

 

Two outcomes if I do look -

 

1) She hasn't updated her profile pik but obvoiusly there will be piks of them together.

 

2) She has updated it to both of them.

 

Well either one is going to hit me and upset me, but I just can't stop thinking about checking her page!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

thanks again all.

 

Update : So i havn't made contact in two days and it hurts so bad even a month on, because she is with another guy. I didn't think it would hurt me this much her being with someone else but the thought of him and her! Angers me.

 

I know they went out last night for a mutual friends party and i couldn't sleep at all last night because i had the craving to check her facebook to see if she has updated her profile pik with him in it or just pictures of them together.

 

I havn't looked yet, some how i've managed to stop myself.

 

Two outcomes if i do look -

 

1) she hasn't updated her profile pik but obvoiusly there will be piks of them together.

 

2) she has updated it to both of them.

 

Well either one is going to hit me and upset me, but i just can't stop thinking about checking her page!

 

block her!!!!

[ahthepain]

I will but that won't help in the long run because I just use mutual friends to keep me updated and stuff. I've still not checked which is massive for me.

 

Maybe I would be better seeing then trying to just move on instead of spending every second thinking about has she changed it to with him or not.

 

Wow this hurts soo bad.

 

It's a lovely day outside normally we would go and spend the day together in the lovely weather.

[FredJones80]

Maybe I would be better seeing then trying to just move on instead of spending every second thinking about has she changed it to with him or not.

 

I just closed my social media and messaging services down. What I don't know doesn't hurt me.

 

You can't un-see what you've seen, so best not to see in the first place.

 

If she is with someone new, I hope it turns out terrible, heck it took me a lot to put up with her downsides, lets see someone else that tolerant. Meh.. people don't know what they've got until its gone.

Edited April 28, 2014 by FredJones80

[ahthepain]

Ok Update :

 

I checked! And no new pictures or anything at all.

 

She has never said sorry. I drove over and woke her up at 3pm ... She answered the door and I asked if we could go for a walk and a chat and she said sure.

 

You will all hate me for this - My friends have been telling me to post sex videos I took online. - I have around 10 and without going into much detail half are of her performing sex acts on myself and the half of us having a taboo time. I havn't been able to get any reaction out of her, she shows no emotion towards me. It frustrated me so much.

 

So I said I was going to post these and she was like Ok. I told her it would ruin her entire life as I can legally post them and her details and she said "go do it" basically. She knew I wouldn't I think, but then at the end of the walk I said that I was only saying it to get a reaction and she said she hates me and never wants to see me again ... anyway I said lets talk inside.

 

Three hours later and crying again ffs!! She's giving me loads of hugs letting me kiss her neck (she has a new bf) and I'm saying all i want is to be friends. I'm not sure if I do, BUT if I atleast know that she wants it then I go all no contact it gives me some power.

 

So that was it. At the end she said she still wasn't sure about being friends she had no idea where her head was. But guys something came out of this for the first time she said she was sorry. It meant to much.

 

She also admitted the sex with her new bf wasn't as good as she previously said. She made it clear agian there was zero chance of us getting back together atleast within the next few years. So now I have to try my best to move on again! But to hear her say sorry has helped and to know that I can text her whenever or call and she will answer is a big bonus.

[elseaacych]

Okay, so do you still want to be friends with her? Do you want to do NC right for you? If the answers are respectively no and yes, and you don't want to see what she's up to. Block her on facebook.

 

BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY YOU DON'T. My one month of healing turned into a depressive spiral of three months, and I went from square two to square negative fifty. I had to work my way up from square negative fifty, and I feel like I am only marginally better off than I was during and after the break up. I'm like at square two. This has taken 6 months. And this is because I've seen my ex doing stupid **** on facebook.

 

You want to do NC right?

 

BLOCK HER!!! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.

[ahthepain]

I really want to block her but the last three years nearly all of my pictures she has tagged me in so I will lose them. Also she has kept all of our pictures and albums from the last three years on her facebook - of us together, holidays ect and I don't want her to delete them which she may do if she finds out I have blocked her.

 

I still want to be able to have the freedom to call and text her if I need to (family situation, pet gets hurt and I need her emotional support, which she promised me she will give) I need that at the moment.

 

But I also know what you mean. If I'm not able to see what she's upto and new pictures of her with that guy then I can't get hurt as much.

 

I have a date lined up but I feel I will just constantly talk about my ex but that's another problem in itself.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I will but that won't help in the long run because I just use mutual friends to keep me updated and stuff. I've still not checked which is massive for me.

 

Maybe I would be better seeing then trying to just move on instead of spending every second thinking about has she changed it to with him or not.

 

Wow this hurts soo bad.

 

It's a lovely day outside normally we would go and spend the day together in the lovely weather.

 

THEN DONT ASK YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT HER!

 

It't not really rocket science man. Breakups suck, but you're just making it worse.

 

Wait....so you met her?!?!?! And did what you did? Well RIP ever getting back together with her (was incredibly slim anyways) or her ever respecting you. You messed that up big time. Getting emotional support from the girl who left you and doesnt want a relationship with you again??? I can't even fathom how clingy and desperate that sounds.

 

STOP CONTACTING HER!!!!

Edited April 28, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing