Author ahthepain Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 It's just when we are together and I can talk to her I feel she is coming around. She changes completely. In all honesty she is incredibly easy to manipulate, hence why I think if I push abit now I have a chance of getting somewhere. I don't want to end it looking weak or despirate even though it's obvious I appear that way. So if she texts me asking more about the houses (i asked her to find a few and link them to me if she is interested) what should I do? How should I respond? Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 You're NOT craving contact from her, you just THINK you are. what you are craving is her doing a complete 180 and coming crawling back to you and admitting that dumping you was the biggest mistake she ever made. I can understand wanting THAT! but believe me you DON'T want her texting you with "hi, how are you?" or "good luck with your big test!" or "I saw A GREAT BOOK at the bookstore today! you HAVE to check it out" or ANYTHING which involves her contacting you without wanting you back. at first contact like that will get your hopes up and when you realise all she wanted to do was say "hi" and then disappear from your life again you will just be even MORE BUMMED OUT because she reignited old feelings by contacting you, and the fact that she doesnt want you back means she is doing fine without you. that will just depress you more. believe me, you DONT WANT that kind of contact/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 This ties in with my gambling. I lost $170,000 yesterday morning. That's why i decided to contact her. I feel sad when I have a loss so she was my comfort and she takes my mind off of the gambling just like the gambling does off of her. Well I've remortaged the house so I now have a big bank roll to win it back but that will take some time for me to get that money. So just my mind on her until that comes in. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Sounds like you are substituting one addiction (her) with another (gambling) which is really not healthy. there is no easy way to get over a break up. I was dumped by my ex in OCTOBER 2012, a year and a half ago, and it completely destroyed me! I havent even ATTEMPTED to meet anyone else since then, not had a single date, while I know she is doing just fine cos I saw her walking hand in hand with some guy in the city, in january. it broke my heart even more. EVERY DAY, EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY SINGLE DAY, I dream of getting the text from her "dumping you was a mistake, please take me back" and so far NOTHING. Not a peep from her. she is harsher than other dumpers because I thought she would AT LEAST TEXT ME ONCE to see that I had not killed myself but she has not. she has completely washed her hands of me. it hurts like hell, but what can you do? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 It's just when we are together and I can talk to her I feel she is coming around. She changes completely. In all honesty she is incredibly easy to manipulate, hence why I think if I push abit now I have a chance of getting somewhere. I don't want to end it looking weak or despirate even though it's obvious I appear that way. So if she texts me asking more about the houses (i asked her to find a few and link them to me if she is interested) what should I do? How should I respond? Your plan is to manipulate someone into loving you? Do you realize how absurd that sounds? And you don't respond. That's the point. Stop responding and being a dolt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Like attracts like, so it's a case of two damaged individuals coming together. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Pine Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 EVERY DAY, EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY SINGLE DAY, I dream of getting the text from her "dumping you was a mistake, please take me back" and so far NOTHING. Not a peep from her...it hurts like hell, but what can you do? Ordinary D, What can you do? You let go. It's not healthy and it is a solid waste of time. She is not coming back. And if she did, it will never be the same. You will always have that nagging feeling that she will dump you again if you ever did reconcile. And my friend, she will dump you again. You seem like a decent guy. You shouldn't have to pine for someone who obviously has moved on. Get out there and meet some new women. Doesn't matter if your heart is in it or not. Get out of your funk and into a new groove. Knock off that dating dust and get back in there. I'll help you make an online dating profile if you're afraid of real life rejection. Passive aggressive online rejection is much easier to stomach. I'm here for you, brah. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 I was thinking of having one day with her and trying everything in my power to get her back. And saying if that doesn't work I will move on and I will. I also have enough evidence to tell her current bf about what the hell happened and he will leave her? Maybe do that ruin both of our lives lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 I was thinking of having one day with her and trying everything in my power to get her back. And saying if that doesn't work I will move on and I will. I also have enough evidence to tell her current bf about what the hell happened and he will leave her? Maybe do that ruin both of our lives lol. Yeah, this sounds healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 I was thinking of having one day with her and trying power to get her back. And saying if that doesn't work I will move on and I will. I also have enough evidence to tell her current bf about what the hell happened anyone hwill leave her? Maybe do that ruin both of our lives lol. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!?!?!?!? ITS OVER!!!!! You've killed ANY chance of getting back with her. She does not want to be with you. You continued and made it so much worse. Your story made me feel so uneasy and weird.You keep contacting her, you'll be close to restraining order status. There have been 90000 signs that its over. Get it through your head: STOP CONTACTING HER!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!?!?!?!? ITS OVER!!!!! You've killed ANY chance of getting back with her. She does not want to be with you. You continued and made it so much worse. Your story made me feel so uneasy and weird.You keep contacting her, you'll be close to restraining order status. There have been 90000 signs that its over. Get it through your head: STOP CONTACTING HER!!!!!! I agree it is over, however she has actually gotten better around me. She started off not even wanting to be friends and when I saw her last she said she really wants to be friends now. She really enjoyed the time we spent together. I was trying to leave and she kept asking me to stay and chat together more. She doesn't want to get back with me 99.99% but she is certainly not going to get a restraining order. That's why she picked up straight away and invited me over?? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 I agree it is over, however she has actually gotten better around me. She started off not even wanting to be friends and when I saw her last she said she really wants to be friends now. She really enjoyed the time we spent together. I was trying to leave and she kept asking me to stay and chat together more. She doesn't want to get back with me 99.99% but she is certainly not going to get a restraining order. That's why she picked up straight away and invited me over?? You aren't dealing with an emotionally stable person. Do you honestly, truly think it is normal to do what you have been doing? Offering to buy her a house? Jerking off in front of her? Gambling away 170,000 dollars? Do you honestly think she is in any better emotional shape because she is actually entertaining you doing these things? Be honest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 I agree it is over, however she has actually gotten better around me. She started off not even wanting to be friends and when I saw her last she said she really wants to be friends now. She really enjoyed the time we spent together. I was trying to leave and she kept asking me to stay and chat together more. She doesn't want to get back with me 99.99% but she is certainly not going to get a restraining order. That's why she picked up straight away and invited me over?? Your denial is amazing. Why come on here if you dont take advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Natsume21 Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 ahthepain....I'm going to write a thread and then I'll post it on here. You of all people need to see this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted May 18, 2014 Author Share Posted May 18, 2014 Ok guys. I've thought long and hard about this tonight and I have two choices basically. 1) I spend a whole day with her and take her for dinner, to our fav places when we dated and try to woo her back to me, maybe with the promise of a house ect (she's about to lose her flat, job and everything and her new guy can't support her). 2) Cut all ties and move on because even if she came back it's not healthy. I know 2 is the right option so I just need your guys help on how to impliment it. I left it so that she was going to message me if she wants to look at houses so how do I reply? Something like "I've thought long and hard over the last few days and reconsidered. I'm now moving on, just as you have. Please don't contact me again". I can't just ignore her because she will then think I was lying but I don't really want to write an essay about how much it hurts to move on ect so what do you think? I also want to look strong and not needy or atleast leave her with that view. How can I write a text that leaves her thinking - "Oh **** he is actually moving on I blew my chance to have him and even though I don't love him anymore I will miss him" You see I want her to miss me and I want to feel like she won't just forget our times together and I want her in 6 months time to come back to me so I can tell her I've moved on or give her a second chance, but I know I must move on now. So any feedback about how to phrase the text is really welcomed. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 You've been asking the same questions and saying the same things since you joined this site. Are you ever actually going to listen to anyone? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Ok guys. I've thought long and hard about this tonight and I have two choices basically. 1) I spend a whole day with her and take her for dinner, to our fav places when we dated and try to woo her back to me, maybe with the promise of a house ect (she's about to lose her flat, job and everything and her new guy can't support her). 2) Cut all ties and move on because even if she came back it's not healthy. I know 2 is the right option so I just need your guys help on how to impliment it. I left it so that she was going to message me if she wants to look at houses so how do I reply? Something like "I've thought long and hard over the last few days and reconsidered. I'm now moving on, just as you have. Please don't contact me again". I can't just ignore her because she will then think I was lying but I don't really want to write an essay about how much it hurts to move on ect so what do you think? I also want to look strong and not needy or atleast leave her with that view. How can I write a text that leaves her thinking - "Oh **** he is actually moving on I blew my chance to have him and even though I don't love him anymore I will miss him" You see I want her to miss me and I want to feel like she won't just forget our times together and I want her in 6 months time to come back to me so I can tell her I've moved on or give her a second chance, but I know I must move on now. So any feedback about how to phrase the text is really welcomed. Dude, you've been on this site long enough. You know what NC is. That is the ONLY thing you can do. MOVE ON. Do not talk to her. Do NOT stalk her on social media. Do not drive by her place. Do not text her. NOTHING. You do NOT tell them you are going NC either because ALL you are doing is trying to manipulate her into having some insane realization that she messed up. THATS NOT THE PURPOSE OF IT! If you are doing it that way, again, you will crash and burn You cannot make someone feel ANYTHING they dont want to feel. Sadly, you already look incredibly needy. Messaging her anything, after already looking bad, will look SOOOO obvious. She clearly knows your intentions. Christ, you played with yourself on her bed for her amusement. She wants you to jump, you say how high. Do NOT send a text. Do NOT talk to her. You wont follow the advice since you have yet to do any of it, but almost everyone telling you this advice have seen (and a lot have done) everything you are saying. We know what we're saying. If you actually followed the advice in the first place, you'd be a LOT better than you are now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted May 18, 2014 Author Share Posted May 18, 2014 To be fair I did follow the advice and lasted a good 3 weeks. I don't think I can just ignore her when she asks about the house, so i'm not sure how to play it. I kind of didn't think it through at the time Link to post Share on other sites
Natsume21 Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Here bro, you should read this. My very own thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/477525-letter-all-dumpees#post5706439 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 To be fair I did follow the advice and lasted a good 3 weeks. I don't think I can just ignore her when she asks about the house, so i'm not sure how to play it. I kind of didn't think it through at the time Yeah, thinking doesn't really seem to be a strong point. You need to cut communication ASAP. No more excuses, no more stupidity, no more whacking off on her pillows as she watches. And for god sakes don't buy her a house. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 To be fair I did follow the advice and lasted a good 3 weeks. I don't think I can just ignore her when she asks about the house, so i'm not sure how to play it. I kind of didn't think it through at the time DONT TALK TO HER! It's very simple. IGNORE HER 1 Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 "I've thought long and hard over the last few days and reconsidered. I'm now moving on, just as you have. Please don't contact me again". As soon as you go back to doing no contact, it will send out this exact message. On the other hand, any response or communication you have with her completely negates that message. Link to post Share on other sites
Natsume21 Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Ah, I just have to ask. Are you seriously so hideous that you're willing to settle for some chick that doesn't want you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahthepain Posted May 18, 2014 Author Share Posted May 18, 2014 Ah, I just have to ask. Are you seriously so hideous that you're willing to settle for some chick that doesn't want you? Well she is very attractive and loved me for nearly 3 years so I guess I'm alright looking. I just want what I can't have!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Well she is very attractive and loved me for nearly 3 years so I guess I'm alright looking. I just want what I can't have!!!!! That's something a spoiled 5 year old brat says. Get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
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