One month post BU - Craving contact! [update]

[ahthepain]

I did go Kali but with my ex so I don't think I could face it alone with out.

 

I'm not a troll and have found all the advice here very helpful.

 

I have taken so much onboard and have made alot of changes. For example I have done NC and along with that used alot of the advice from you guys.

 

Someone has added me on fb and chats with me and that helps alot.

 

My mind is still all over the place. It's been 3 months however and I still feel awful!!!!!

[sooshi]

Why don't you give it a try, going to therapy on your own? You don't need her to go there with you. You don't need her in your life. You don't even like her! You've created this delusion that you need her in order to be happy, and that you love her, and you believe so deeply in this delusion that you keep making excuses to stay in it.

 

Stop making excuses. You need the kind of help that is beyond the scope of LS.

[KaliLove]

I did go Kali but with my ex so I don't think I could face it alone with out.

 

I'm not a troll and have found all the advice here very helpful.

 

I have taken so much onboard and have made alot of changes. For example I have done NC and along with that used alot of the advice from you guys.

 

Someone has added me on fb and chats with me and that helps alot.

 

My mind is still all over the place. It's been 3 months however and I still feel awful!!!!!

 

Excuses excuses.

 

If you're not willing to put any work into getting better than you're beyond anyone's help on LS. You seem to think you're just going to magically wake up and not miss your ex one day. Life doesn't work this way.

 

EVERYONE here who is trying to help you has gone through EXACTLY what you're going through right now. Your story is not different or special in any way. The difference is that we're all actually trying to improve ourselves and you're not. Get off your lazy entitled ass and fix yourself. No one is going to do it for you.

 

You have most definitely NOT been in NC. Stalking her online and driving by her house is not NC.

 

Get help. Go to therapy. Go to Gamblers Anonymous. Stop whining and crying about it and DO SOMETHING!

 

You even got Sooshi mad..that is NOT easy to do, as she's one of the kindest people I've ever spoken to. That is an accomplishment..and not a good one.

[ahthepain]

Update : I went roudn to see her, couldn't stop myself. She now wouldn't even let me in just let me stand at the doorway. Her bf turned up and he looked terrified.

 

I persuaded him to go for an hour walk with me and I chatted to him, getting to know him.

 

He is the complete opposite to me. I mean complete opposite. His personality is so serious, no joking nothing. His looks are the opposite. Career and views on life are the opposite.

 

Anyway they have been together for 6 weeks and known each other for 6 weeks and she says she loves him and asked him to move in lol. That kind of hit me.

 

So I have some stuff to drop off and she said leave it on her doorstep and she won't even see me now. Oh well.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Update : I went roudn to see her, couldn't stop myself. She now wouldn't even let me in just let me stand at the doorway. Her bf turned up and he looked terrified.

 

I persuaded him to go for an hour walk with me and I chatted to him, getting to know him.

 

He is the complete opposite to me. I mean complete opposite. His personality is so serious, no joking nothing. His looks are the opposite. Career and views on life are the opposite.

 

Anyway they have been together for 6 weeks and known each other for 6 weeks and she says she loves him and asked him to move in lol. That kind of hit me.

 

So I have some stuff to drop off and she said leave it on her doorstep and she won't even see me now. Oh well.

 

Sadly, you continue to look awful. You have lost ALL respect in her eyes. We warned you this would happen, so I'm not shocked it happened.

 

This is good. Maybe you can realize its FINALLY over. No more wasting money, crashing cars, wank sessions, etc. FULLY moving on.

[BC1980]

Update : I went roudn to see her, couldn't stop myself. She now wouldn't even let me in just let me stand at the doorway. Her bf turned up and he looked terrified.

 

I persuaded him to go for an hour walk with me and I chatted to him, getting to know him.

 

He is the complete opposite to me. I mean complete opposite. His personality is so serious, no joking nothing. His looks are the opposite. Career and views on life are the opposite.

 

Anyway they have been together for 6 weeks and known each other for 6 weeks and she says she loves him and asked him to move in lol. That kind of hit me.

 

So I have some stuff to drop off and she said leave it on her doorstep and she won't even see me now. Oh well.

 

You don't take any advice offered, so what do you expect? People have spent time recommending all sorts of things, and you don't do any of it. It's hard to feel sorry for you at this point.

[April Moon]

Update : I went roudn to see her, couldn't stop myself. She now wouldn't even let me in just let me stand at the doorway. Her bf turned up and he looked terrified.

 

I persuaded him to go for an hour walk with me and I chatted to him, getting to know him.

 

He is the complete opposite to me. I mean complete opposite. His personality is so serious, no joking nothing. His looks are the opposite. Career and views on life are the opposite.

 

Anyway they have been together for 6 weeks and known each other for 6 weeks and she says she loves him and asked him to move in lol. That kind of hit me.

 

So I have some stuff to drop off and she said leave it on her doorstep and she won't even see me now. Oh well.

 

 

I'm sorry but this sounds insane!! If I were her, I would be so creeped out.

[Simon Phoenix]

Shocking that you made the worst possible move. Honestly, it's hard to want to help you when you don't want to help yourself. This is page 14 and you are still doing unbelievably stupid things. It's one thing if you did this creepy "pop-in" on page 1 or 2, but page 14 after several months? Awful.

[sooshi]

I'm sorry, ahthe pain, but you really do need to seek professional help.

 

If I were in this girl's position, I'd be giving you a warning to stop the stalking/harassment, and if you didn't live up to the warning, I'd be filing a restraining order against you.

 

And don't think for a moment that just because she hasn't done this, that she wants to be with you.

 

Your behaviour is creepy, and it's harassment. Please stop. It's not doing anyone any good. Please seek help. I know you've been feeling lonely and unattractive, but this is not the way to get better. It doesn't sound like you want to get better though -- and this is were any further support for you becomes removed. But I hope I'm wrong. I hope you do want to get better.

 

If you do want to get better, please stop making excuses. And stop doing things that involve her in any way. Please seek therapy -- and again, please, no excuses.

[ahthepain]

I guess my mind has been all over the place.

 

Well today was our last meeting. I went over to drop off the last of her stuff and her bf and two friends were there. It was awkward we were all just chatting outside then just my ex and I went over to my car to have a chat. I said that I'll miss her but respect her wish to not be friends. She wouldn't give me a goodbye hug which annoyed the hell out of me but oh well.

 

So no more reasons to go round. Funny thing is he is soo boring. She won't stay with him.

 

She still sleeps in the t shirt I gave her with my scent on though. Why?

 

I gave her a letter I wrote as my will when we were together which said how I felt when I was with her.

 

I know I have handled this horribly but everyones situation is different and I have actually only seen her a handful of times in 3 months, so I certainly gave her the space she wanted.

 

She may well come back to me, but I will now move on for myself.

 

I'll keep you all posted with my progress.