One month post BU - Craving contact! [update]

[KaliLove]

You know what? On Tuesday night, after work, I randomly decided to take myself out for sushi (and sake, hehehe). I ended up sitting at the sushi bar alone, and I started chatting with the guy next to me. We talked for about 30 minutes, and he invited me to go play trivia with him and his buddies at the bar next door, which I did. One of the buddies was cute..and now I have a date tomorrow night.

 

Going out by yourself can totally pay off!

[ahthepain]

Haha that's awesome Kali.

 

I have been on a date and we are meeting up again this weekend but the last thing I feel like at the moment is another relationship because I know I'm not ready for one.

 

I feel so dam lonely but I'm trapped because I don't want to be with anyone else yet.

[Elle1975]

You know what? On Tuesday night, after work, I randomly decided to take myself out for sushi (and sake, hehehe). I ended up sitting at the sushi bar alone, and I started chatting with the guy next to me. We talked for about 30 minutes, and he invited me to go play trivia with him and his buddies at the bar next door, which I did. One of the buddies was cute..and now I have a date tomorrow night.

 

Going out by yourself can totally pay off!

 

WHAT! I'm getting sushi. Like now. Talk to you later LS.

[KaliLove]

WHAT! I'm getting sushi. Like now. Talk to you later LS.

 

I know, right? I'm TOTALLY not making that up either. It was a gut instinct that made me go out for sushi that night. I just happened to fix my make up before I went in too.

 

I think I might be a little bit psychic, haha.

[JustC]

Edit:I really should have read all 6 pages before commenting, lol. Nevermind.

Edited May 9, 2014 by JustC

[jbelle6]

I hope by now you have blocked on facebook, not sure why you would want pics that will remind you of this, but if you do, save image is pretty easy.

 

Seems a lot of people on here can't seem to help themselves from taking peeks at that. I'm the opposite, if I saw a friend count change or comments on pics or anything it would drive me insane, within a half hour of the breakup he was blocked on there. I also have no problem not reading emails and texts.

I asked if he was in love with me still and he said he didn't know, that's all I needed to hear, we're worth more than that so I hope you do block.

[ahthepain]

Ok guys quick brief about my situation - Gf of 3 years broke up with me very suddenly and didn't want to be friends. The reason was she needed time, space and just didn't want to be in a relationship. Over the next few weeks I begged and pleaded but to no avail. She got with a guy she only met 3 days prior, on a mobile dating app and is currently in a full blown relationship with him (he is a big opposite of me).

 

Well 3 weeks ago I implemented complete No Contact and was doing great! Then yesterday I decided to check her FB off a mutual friends account - I had built up all the ideas of her and her new bf all over FB, her profile pik of them loving together ... but nothing. They weren't even tagged in anything together, zero pictures and she looked awful in her new profile picture. This made me think things weren't going anywhere near as well as I thought.

 

Thanks for reading up until now the next part contains graphic sexual content, but it needs to be said.

 

Today after 3 weeks of zero contact I was out near her house on my motorbike and saw her car was there so I rang her and she picked up straight away and sounded happy to hear me. I said my bikes battery was playing up and I needed to leave it to recharge for an hour so could I pop over and she said yeah that's fine. So I went over and she looked well. She actually seemed quite happy to see me.

 

So it started out as usual a catch up, me pretending I'd pretty much finally moved on and little tiny arguments about her new guy compared to me. Apparently he stays at hers 3/4 times a week and they have done loads together and gone to lots of gigs, mini holidays ect but why not on FB?

 

I told her I still loved her and miss her and we hugged. She let me kiss her cheek and suck on her neck.

 

Ok now this is the part that it gets weird at. She is 100% over me and she says never in a million years would she want to get back together. She put a new dress on to go for a walk with me and I was complimenting her on it. I knelt down and felt her bottom and breasts for a few minutes and she didn't stop me and seemed happy with it. I obviously was quite horny then and said "I can't leave like this" and she told me to jerk off in the bathroom, but I did lying on her bed while she watched. She sat next to me while I felt her and held her hand until I finished then she cleaned me up.

 

Now that's kinda crazy right? She is really into this new guy and doesn't love me at all but why let me do that. She is strong willed and she never does anything she doesn't want to. She never let me kiss her on the lips however.

 

So afterwards she loved chatting and said how she wanted to be friends now. before she didn't want any contact. I said I was going to buy her a house but not to get back together to show her how much I love her and she said I could do but she wouldn't know if it would make her love me until I did it. She isn't using me. Otherwise she would have just said yes buy me it and we can be together.

 

So what does all this mean? I feel I'm closing in on her, but I also feel that this is just a big game for me. I want what I can't have and if I can have her again 1) I'd get bored 2) I'd never feel safe.

 

Thanks for reading and mods a kind request could you not tag this to a previous post as it is a very different topic. Thank you.

[mtnbiker3000]

Sounds like she has no plans of leaving the new dude, AND has you at her beck and call for whatever SHE wants...

 

You ARE NOT closing in on her. She is in complete control and using you for her wants and needs.

 

She is NOT doing any of this for you. Go NC and have some dignity and self respect.

[pteromom]

She was in a situation where she could

- sleep with you (she didn't want to do that)

- just tell you to leave (adding to the guilt she already feels for leaving you for another guy)

- let you jerk off and be done with it.

 

She chose option 3.

 

And by doing so, she cheated on her bf.

 

So exactly WHY do you want her back? You need to move on. Forget being her friend. REALLY forget buying her a house. (????)

 

Just move on.

[ahthepain]

Cheers guys.

 

I was doing so well. Shouldn't have broken NC

 

How can I now leave this with 1) Dignity 2) Someone who she will remember in a positive light and may want to get back with in the future.

[mtnbiker3000]

Cheers guys.

 

I was doing so well. Shouldn't have broken NC

 

How can I now leave this with 1) Dignity 2) Someone who she will remember in a positive light and may want to get back with in the future.

 

You can't. But who cares? Trying to fix/rationalize what you have done will just make it worse. Leave it/her alone and go NC from here on out. Don't make the same mistakes next time. That's really all you can do.

[devilish innocent]

I don't think you can say she wasn't using you because of her reaction to your suggesting to buy her a house. Any halfway decent woman would have said no way should you even think of doing something so huge when you're not together. Instead, she left you with just enough hope that you might actually do it for her. Meanwhile, she's given herself an out that she doesn't have to actually be with you. She's taking advantage of your extreme generosity.

 

The best way to get your dignity back is just to avoid her from here on out. Know that you're too good for her games, and show her that you're not a pushover at the same time.

 

Don't worry about getting her back. In the long term, she will remember you and judge you on the three years you had together. Not the last interaction you had with her. So what you do now won't effect anything in that regard.

 

But odds are that she wants something different and won't change her mind. That just means there's something better in your future.

[KaliLove]

It was an ego trip for her. She likes being admired and she was flattered that you are so turned on by her. That's all it was. Listen to what she's telling you and go back to NC.

[tlegend]

Ouch, that was painful to read.

 

Just let it go, forget her, and get back to being YOU.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Cheers guys.

 

I was doing so well. Shouldn't have broken NC

 

How can I now leave this with 1) Dignity 2) Someone who she will remember in a positive light and may want to get back with in the future.

 

 

You can't. On either. You've screwed the pooch too much on this. We tried to warn you, but some just don't understand until you get smacked in the face several times.

 

She doesnt want to be with you. Stop tormenting yourself.

[nessaaa]

Shes in a fight with her new bf

[Elle1975]

Shes in a fight with her new bf

 

I'm not so sure about that one. She seems promiscuous at best. What a story though.. Kinda sad that she let you do that. You can look but you can't touch.

 

Walk away, and forgive yourself.

[Simon Phoenix]

So she got an ego boost and a thrill, but make you jerk off on the side? Yeah dude, that wasn't a good sign of anything positive in any way. Next time just jerk it at home on the internet. Nothing you can do about it now except not dig yourself a deeper hole.

[Mr.Pine]

she told me to jerk off in the bathroom.

 

This is what you do whenever the mood strikes to see her, email her, text her or phone her.

 

Kapish?

 

Go NC and stop being a fooking doormat. Damn. You are weak.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not so sure about that one. She seems promiscuous at best. What a story though.. Kinda sad that she let you do that. You can look but you can't touch.

 

Walk away, and forgive yourself.

 

Well, he got to touch, but he certainly didn't get to fully enjoy the results of his touching.

[KaliLove]

This is what you do whenever the mood strikes to see her, email her, text her or phone her.

 

Kapish?

 

Go NC and stop being a fooking doormat. Damn. You are weak.

 

You're still a grumpy guts but you make me laugh.

[Mr.Pine]

You're still a grumpy guts but you make me laugh.

 

Then my job is done.

 

Making the OP cry and the rest of us engage in a laugh or three.

[BC1980]

That was painful to read, but I'm certainly not surprised. You both need therapy.

[ahthepain]

Thanks again for the feedback guys.

 

I just want what I can't have. I'm so bored with my life and time at the moment this is the only thing that gives me the chase. I could go out and find another girl but I obviously do love this one and I will do everything in my power to have her back.

 

Yes she doesn't want to be with me but that makes her so much more desirable.

 

I could tell her bf about what happened and 95% of guys would dump someone over this but I can tell he probably wouldn't.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks again for the feedback guys.

 

I just want what I can't have. I'm so bored with my life and time at the moment this is the only thing that gives me the chase. I could go out and find another girl but I obviously do love this one and I will do everything in my power to have her back.

 

Yes she doesn't want to be with me but that makes her so much more desirable.

 

I could tell her bf about what happened and 95% of guys would dump someone over this but I can tell he probably wouldn't.

 

You'd be an idiot to do that, especially if you are looking for reconciliation. She'll blame you for sabotaging that relationship, and the odds of you recovering from that are remote. You don't have a good chance now, especially since she doesn't seem to respect you at all, but you tattling would put your odds of having any positive relationship with her at zero, not to mention putting you in a further spiral.

 

And stop the damn chase. Respect her wishes to not want to be with you and give her what she wants. Stop cheapening yourself and making yourself out of be a goon. This isn't the "thrill of the chase", this is you acting pathetic. Stop.