Abuse From People

[Leigh 87]

Today I was verbally abused again.

 

In my 20's I had anorexia and I was too ill to study. I was a high school drop out because of my illness; I smoked pot too which didn't help. As a result of my set back in life, I have started college in my late 20's. I went back to school prior to this and scored above 90% in my college entrance score.

 

A few girls have made fun of me and abused me because I have had to get my life together a little later than most people.

 

Many girls have said I was very ugly and disgusting to look at to the point of sending ugly pictures of a sloth around on fb to other people, saying "it looks like Leigh 87"

 

A girl I met at beauty college, which I dropped out of as I am full time in college and I found out the beauty diploma cost 25 K and dropped it beauty therapy is bellow poverty wages, doesn't allow for full time work and was not worth racking up 25 K worth of debt. Every day at that college I would drop her home after wards. She would call me once or twice a week to do her favours, such as driving her to her boyfriends, which was an hour there and back for me, and 30 dollars worth of fuel. I am on student benefits and couldn't afford it but I didn't anyway because I enjoy doing good deeds for people. After a while I told her I couldn't afford 30 - 50 dollars a week in petrol for her, and could she please ask her parents to take her OR catch public transport. She complained that she had to catch 4 buses in order to see him. When I repeatedly said no to her, she started to abuse me. She called me ugly, fat, and said I am a nobody because I am late 20's and I do not have a full time job. I blocked her and she tried to call me again via a different number. I will make a formal complaint to management if she harasses me further. They are Very strict with character requirements as they are the most prestigious beauty therapy college in my state.

 

This has happened to me before. My exes good female friend abused me when her bf tried to kiss me once. I did nothing wrong. This other girl who had the bf who hit on me, sent me very long abusive messages asking me to please kill myself.

 

She made fun of me for having anorexia and said that anorexia is no excuse for skipping college and not doing anything with my life.

 

She also said that I am very ugly and all the guys my ex knew made fun of me. She destroyed my phone that was left at her house and threatened to beat and kill me for being "too ugly" The thing is, I am treated like I am attractive by a high majority of men. Many men have told me that they find me very attractive. And not to my face, to other people. I NEVER have problem finding men who think I am gorgeous. I am not an offensive looking woman. My nose is a little crooked but it is actually fine and delicate, it is not a big nose. I do not see why my nose alone would make me offensive to look at, to the point where girls abuse me? LASTLY: I was attacked again after my tour of Europe and Russia, the people on tour sent around an ugly picture of a sloth and said it looked like me. I have NO Idea why they did that. Whenever A new guy joined the tour, they would talk to me because they said " I was the most attractive since the other women were very plain or unappealing (HIS words). And no the guy did not know anyone when they gravitated to me, no one told them I was easy. They came and sat with me when they first jointed before talking to others. And no I don't dress slutty.

 

I have perfect teeth and skin, huge eyes and full lips. I am not a model look alike although a few female photographers have asked me to model in the past when I was a skinny teen, LOLZ. I KNOW a LOT of late teens get asked to model so I KNOW I am NOTHING SPECIAL, but I mustn't be offensive looking either.

 

I am NOT all that, but I... totally do not see why this many people think I am terribly offensive?

 

No one around me can see it either, they are truly baffled.

 

 

 

 

 

Why do people make fun of me for having anorexia and being a late college student because of it?

 

For the life of me, it seems very disgusting.

 

I feel so sorry for these people, deep inside they are not as loving or kind as a girl like me, and I believe truly nice people who do not gossip and bitch are happier people with more inner peace.

Edited April 25, 2014 by Leigh 87

[Haydn]

I understand you.

[todreaminblue]

people tend to mock people they just dont understand

 

people tend to mock people who stand out for whatever reason

 

 

people tend to mock and ridicule when they themselves have been ridiculed or abused (you are studying psychology ) arent you leigh? classic 101 the abuse cycle abused become abusers........i would say nah not all the time you can stop the cycle

 

people will tend to mock to go with the flow so they dont get mocked themselves peer pressure ......these people sympathise with the abused but dotn have strength to stand

 

 

some people just want to create drama because they are bored or dissatisfied with their life;.......

 

 

some people think they are just joking around and dont have an effect on others they dont mean to cause pain....they think the person can handle it........this is not their fault they dont understand that the person doesnt find it funny........but you can tell them if you think this may be the case for some of them.....tell them they are hurting you ask them is that what they want if they say yes ask why........if they are truly not meaning to hurt you they stop and they say sorry

 

 

i feel for you leigh.......you might think am just saying that...i am not....i know how it feels....it is common for schools or used to be that they would tell you toughen up grow a pair or i have heard this before dont be a sook ro you are beign dramatic.....ok then ...moving on.....they have a 100 per cent no bullying policy in most schools now....still happens but harsher consequences which is cool......they are not right in what they say abotu you they have n right to say that...and you have the right to feel safe wherever you are...luv ya leigh you are a beautiful woman dont doubt it, doesnt matter that guys like you ...you start liking you......because there i sno other leigh but you so rock it....debxoxoxoxo

[Anela]

I know how it feels, too.

[Taramere]

It's horrible, and there's no excuse for it. That said, if this keeps happening to you in different situations then I think you're going to have to rethink your responses in an effort to stop this from continually happening. I say this not in an "it's your fault" way. It's not your fault, and to blame you would take responsibility away from the bullies.

 

However, what I'd say is that most people probably encounter bullying in some shape and form, and I think most people have some sort of response they revert to that will make the bullies back off when enough's enough. For me, when I was at school I was what you could call mildly bullied by a couple of girls in 4th and 5th year (a large proportion of my friends left in the last couple of years, leaving just me and my "bestie" who, bless her, wasn't much use in situations like that). I would largely ignore it, but then when they crossed a line for me I would confront them.

 

That means staring people in the face, making eye contact and having a little bit of fire in you that actually wants a fight. All the things people normally avoid doing in order to avoid confrontation. Bullies need to see that you can and will handle confrontation with them. Whether in teenage years or in adulthood, I've consistently found that whenever that fire ignites in my belly and I make eye contact with the person who's giving me a hard time, they will back off - but you have to combine that sense of "I'm more than ready to fight you" with emotional control.

 

If somebody has decided to bully you, trying to appeal to their kinder instincts won't work. Not in the longer term. You've got to let them see that picking on you might well result in them getting burned - even if they're stronger than you, have more back up etc. Why don't you think about training in a martial art? It might sound like a silly idea when the bullying you're facing is psychological rather than physical - but emanating a sense of physical confidence (together with the mental discipline it would instill) is as important in fending off psychological bullying as it is in fending off the physical.

 

One more thing. The general sense in your post is of women giving you a hard time, and men being nice to you. You've given at least one example of a guy comparing you favourably to other women (being insulting to them while flattering to you). Treat that with a certain amount of caution. When you're being targeted by bullies, it can attract other predatory types whose intentions aren't necessarily as honourable as you might think. In short, it's vital to learn to fight your own battles. You'll get more respect from everybody that way.

Edited April 25, 2014 by Taramere

[Leigh 87]

I never ask for the bullying.

 

One guy tried to kiss me when he had a girlfriend and he was best friends with my ex.

 

It happened on two or 3 occasions. I never lead them on, I am a friendly person to everyone.

 

They are delusional if they think a girl with a short skirt being nice to them wants sex. They are adults and should think like adults.

 

I don't think that every guy that is nice to me wants me. Come on now.

 

And I am a NORMAL, non offensive looking woman, it is LUDACRIS that they make such a big deal about me being ugly.

 

NO normal person would fine me "offensive" looking. If I am so offensive why do I always have a guy who wants to date me? I must not be offensive looking with an hour glass figure and curves.

 

I do not have crooked yellow teeth or many pimples, nothing about me screams " OMG offensive to look at"

 

I am not deformed and I actually have nice features. Last time I checked, a slightly crooked nose was not grounds for " omg she is so ugly"

Edited April 25, 2014 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

I know how it feels, too.

 

 

 

Thanks.

 

The thing is, I have decent friends of a high quality. Decent people who are genuinely kind, also find me to be a good person who they want to associate with.

 

The people who bully me are, frankly, trailer trash. You know, they way in which they speak, the amount of the C work they utter when they are WOMEN and should speak in a more dignified manner.

 

I mean, if we don't like someone we act like adults and keep to ourselves, we don't go around to people in the office to bitch about a person simply because we do not like them.

 

The people who do it to me are never high quality people. They wouldn't fit in with a much of academics, their vocabs and array of swear words = an even more limited vocab since most of theirs is comprised of HEAVY swearing.

 

The girl who made a big deal of my looks was 3 years younger than me and looked like FOURTY, no joke, due to smoking.

 

Like....... at least be a super model yourself if you are going to preach to me about how OFFENSIVE I look:lmao::lmao:

[regine_phalange]

1) You don't look like a sloth, your face is lovely

2) Even if you did, sloths are cute

3) These people resemble maggots

4) The best thing you can tell them is "no life, huh?" and walk away. If they bully you again, you can say "still no life?" And just keep on saying the "no life" thing, it will truly annoy them after a point, and they will stop.

[Philosoraptor]

The real issue here is that you'd let these people affect you in any way. I was a subject of bullying throughout my childhood. I hit about 17 and decided that these people didn't matter anyways so why let the fact that someone didn't like me change how I feel?

 

Your self esteem is the issue and because they know it affects you they will keep making you a target. You'd be surprised on how much not giving a crap about what they say takes all their fire and power away.

[Leigh 87]

The real issue here is that you'd let these people affect you in any way. I was a subject of bullying throughout my childhood. I hit about 17 and decided that these people didn't matter anyways so why let the fact that someone didn't like me change how I feel?

 

Your self esteem is the issue and because they know it affects you they will keep making you a target. You'd be surprised on how much not giving a crap about what they say takes all their fire and power away.

 

 

 

But I don't think I am ugly and I don't think I am lowly for having anorexia and being set back in my studies because of it.

 

I think I awesome for going back to school and getting kick ass grades and going to college instead of just waiting tables for life.

 

I honestly just do not understand why some humans are so vile.

 

Bare in mind, I am the woman in the office who is baffled/sees no sense in talking about other people when they are.. not in your presence?

 

Unless it is good news about them of course.

 

I know about the wars and the mass killings of children in Syria and parts of Africa, so obviously many people the world over, are fckued.

 

If anything I feel very sorry for these bullies, they are lowly people in my eyes and I feel very superior to them.

 

It is very hurtful to get abuse hurled at you about the way that you look, trust me, I don't have to believe these people in order to be indifferent. It is hurtful.

 

It is also hurtful to do the right thing, and TELL all people involved when some creep tries to kiss me (and he has a GF), only to get abused.

[Leigh 87]

1) You don't look like a sloth, your face is lovely

2) Even if you did, sloths are cute

3) These people resemble maggots

4) The best thing you can tell them is "no life, huh?" and walk away. If they bully you again, you can say "still no life?" And just keep on saying the "no life" thing, it will truly annoy them after a point, and they will stop.

 

 

 

 

Thanks:o

 

I know I am the average gal but I find it TOTALLY bizarre that these grown woman would resort to calling me "ugly and disgusting"

 

I mean good God, here I was doing this acquaintance favours, spending 30 dollars twice a week driving her to her boyfriends, and when I say NO she abused me?

 

This thread came about because I am really amazed at how low and disgusting people are.

 

I am truly shocked. I really have not said one mean thing to this girl. She was not a friend, she is a person I did favours for because I enjoy doing good deeds.

[iris219]

Leigh, I want to make it clear that I'm not excusing the awful behavior of those people, but I do think you need to think about why these girls were so mean to you.

 

While it's not your fault, remember that people don't like to be reminded of all your awesome physical features all the time (like you do on LS) and that might be a reason why these girls became so mean and scornful. This has nothing to do with what you actually look like.

 

Since this has happened to you many times, you need to look at what behavior of yours might be allowing this to happen. It might be something as simple as not standing up for yourself, misreading people and thinking they are nice and your friends when they really aren't, or misreading social cues and not realizing people are getting irritated with you.

 

I have never had an issue like you've described with another woman. Not even close. And I don't think it's because I'm just lucky either.

[amaysngrace]

Don't do good deeds for users. Life is give and take. It's almost as if you do nice things to win people over.

 

You need better people-picker skills. Or at least practice restraint. People who are nearly strangers should not know that you were anorexic. That's something you're suppose to share with people you trust, not people you barely know who may or may not use it against you.

 

Point is if you don't know them well enough to know if they will respect your feelings don't share that or any part of yourself with anyone that you are not sure about.

 

Lots of people are dicks so be careful who you give personal information to. Some people will care but many will not.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I want to make it clear that I'm not excusing the awful behavior of those people, but I do think you need to think about why these girls were so mean to you.

 

While it's not your fault, remember that people don't like to be reminded of all your awesome physical features all the time (like you do on LS) and that might be a reason why these girls became so mean and scornful. This has nothing to do with what you actually look like.

 

Since this has happened to you many times, you need to look at what behavior of yours might be allowing this to happen. It might be something as simple as not standing up for yourself, misreading people and thinking they are nice and your friends when they really aren't, or misreading social cues and not realizing people are getting irritated with you.

 

I have never had an issue like you've described with another woman. Not even close. And I don't think it's because I'm just lucky either.[/quote

]

 

 

 

But I do not think I am all that, I just have things I like about myself, I know I am nothing special to most people.

 

I NEVER tell people this in my real life.

 

I also do not consider people my friends very readily.

 

I know when someone being nice to me is merely a 'person I know'

 

I only consider my friends, my good friends I have known for years and become close to and regularly see and speak with and who tell me their darkest secrets.

 

So yeah I don't loosely think people are my friends, it is actually a pet hate of mine; when my boyfriend says " I had a good friend there" when I KNOW he has only met the person once or twice.. it irritates me.

[Leigh 87]

Don't do good deeds for users. Life is give and take. It's almost as if you do nice things to win people over.

 

You need better people-picker skills. Or at least practice restraint. People who are nearly strangers should not know that you were anorexic. That's something you're suppose to share with people you trust, not people you barely know who may or may not use it against you.

 

Point is if you don't know them well enough to know if they will respect your feelings don't share that or any part of yourself with anyone that you are not sure about.

 

Lots of people are dicks so be careful who you give personal information to. Some people will care but many will not.

 

 

I am not ashamed or reserved about my past illness

 

I am open about it so people know I had a real set back as to WHY I am so old and have only just started college, ya know? People need to know the person who is posting advice.

 

I also have fantastic friends thanks, I have few but solid good friends who would never be awful to me.

 

This girl was NEVER my friend, I never considered her a friend, I only ever viewed her as a person I knew of.

 

I like to do good deeds which is why I gave her lifts, as I was studying college largely online and needed to get outa my flat anyways.

 

But ya, I pick wonderful people in my life and I know very well when I don't click or when a person is not genuine.

 

I do have a solid and genuine lot of friends over a span of years. I have picked very awesome individuals to have as friends.

[Iguanna]

In my opinion it's the parent's fault when kids and later teenagers and adults make fun of people. Yesterday I was in a cafeteria near a park and kids were playing football and there was a little girl like 9 years old and she was a little bit fatter than the usual skinny kids, and a boy called her fat. I'm wondering, what are this kid's parents' behavior to teach him to call people fat? Do they maybe act like this themselves to other people as well? In my age I know that I can't care for people who mock others, but how can you pass this "wisdom" to a kid? I'm sorry for all people who get abused.

[Leigh 87]

I never liked this young girl as a person, I just felt really good doing nice things for people.

 

I was not trying to win her approval, I did not like or respect her on a personal level, she was trashy and not a very good person.

 

Still though, I have always genuinely enjoyed doing nice things for people, it is not to make people like me as I already have enough friends and am not in need or more.

 

This thread is about how stunned I am that people can utter such vulgar things in their depth of swearing AND the fact they pick such puerile.... Ludacris things, such as my looks and the fact I am 30 with no jobs, SURELY people who are cultures and well read know of people who start college later, it is a fairly common phenomena. Intelligent people know that people suffer from set backs in life and not all people who go back to college later in life are losers. Any idiot should know this.

 

I basically think people lack depth of character, intelligence and are worthless. It makes me wonder how THEY enjoy life when they are obviously lacking humility and anything good that is going for them.

 

I don't believe certain people have the power to be truly happy because they are crappy people.

 

True joy in my opinion, comes from being a truly kind, giving and NON bitchy individual.

[amaysngrace]

I never liked this young girl as a person, I just felt really good doing nice things for people.

 

I was not trying to win her approval, I did not like or respect her on a personal level, she was trashy and not a very good person.

 

Still though, I have always genuinely enjoyed doing nice things for people, it is not to make people like me as I already have enough friends and am not in need or more.

 

This thread is about how stunned I am that people can utter such vulgar things in their depth of swearing AND the fact they pick such puerile.... Ludacris things, such as my looks and the fact I am 30 with no jobs, SURELY people who are cultures and well read know of people who start college later, it is a fairly common phenomena. Intelligent people know that people suffer from set backs in life and not all people who go back to college later in life are losers. Any idiot should know this.

 

I basically think people lack depth of character, intelligence and are worthless. It makes me wonder how THEY enjoy life when they are obviously lacking humility and anything good that is going for them.

 

I don't believe certain people have the power to be truly happy because they are crappy people.

 

True joy in my opinion, comes from being a truly kind, giving and NON bitchy individual.

 

Your post contradicts itself on so many levels.

[Leigh 87]

all my friends are decent, they don't talk about people behind their back, they have positive things to waste their breath on. I never tell people they are losers for not having a job/ being at college at an old age. It has also never occurred to me and MY friends to trash talk another person based on what she looked like.

 

It is THESE bullies that have the issues, there was absolutely nothing I say or did that would make a nice, quality person call me ugly and make fun of me for being an old college student.

 

These people have the issues for making fun of the way I look when I am a normal looking girl.

 

They are delusional for thinking I am hideously ugly, as I am offensive, plain to a lot sure, but just not hideous either.

 

I cant believe people think I did anything to warrant these people making fun of the way that I look, destroying my property and making fun of me for having anorexia.

 

Any IDIOT knows that only people who are low as scum even for such things, NO decent person would.

[Leigh 87]

Your post contradicts itself on so many levels.

 

 

 

Look I know how I feel.

 

I do not care what this... lowlife thinks of me, I never did anything for her to gain her friendship; I HAVE FRIENDS. A lot of them, true friends I Have known for years now.

 

I know how I feel, stop telling me please.

 

I happen to enjoy doing good deeds. I do not limit them to people I feel are worthy or good. That is a huge mistake I made.

[Leigh 87]

and I truly believe that, short of having clinical depression, the happiest people in life are the truly nice, genuine people.

 

This is my honest opinion.

 

I think I am much happier than these people because I am so loving and kind to others. Where as they waste their energy calling people ugly.

 

This is what I truly believe. Truly nice people feel true happiness. In my opinion, the happiness these bullies feel is hollow.

 

These are just beliefs of mine.

[Leigh 87]

In my opinion it's the parent's fault when kids and later teenagers and adults make fun of people. Yesterday I was in a cafeteria near a park and kids were playing football and there was a little girl like 9 years old and she was a little bit fatter than the usual skinny kids, and a boy called her fat. I'm wondering, what are this kid's parents' behavior to teach him to call people fat? Do they maybe act like this themselves to other people as well? In my age I know that I can't care for people who mock others, but how can you pass this "wisdom" to a kid? I'm sorry for all people who get abused.

 

 

 

 

My parents are educated, quality parents.

 

They told me to NEVER call another child fat. I even remember the exact day and how it happened...

 

My dad sat me down and said " Leigh, NEVER call another child fat, it is the meanest thing you can do, okay? NEVER do it"

 

There was a fat child in the park. He must have wanted to teach me something.

 

My parents are also way more generous and kind than most people, they don't bully or needlessly gossip, that is why I believe I am a kind hearted person.

 

This girl I did the favours for, after a while I got the sh*ts. She would text me and be like " there is no food in the house, parents are at work, I am hungry lol"

 

I said " sorry but there is something seriously wrong of your parents to never drive you places and not have food in the house WTF is wrong with them?"

[Philosoraptor]

Look I know how I feel.

 

I do not care what this... lowlife thinks of me, I never did anything for her to gain her friendship; I HAVE FRIENDS. A lot of them, true friends I Have known for years now.

 

I know how I feel, stop telling me please.

 

I happen to enjoy doing good deeds. I do not limit them to people I feel are worthy or good. That is a huge mistake I made.

The thing is you do care. You've made that clear by both the initiation of this thread and how strong and emotional your denial is.

 

No one is saying you're not a good person, but in my time here reading your posts I've seen someone who puts too much emphasis on external validation. Someone truly confident in themselves will not have a second thought about someone saying something negative about them.

 

No one is telling you how you feel though, they are telling you what you exude. Which is someone heavily emotional when it comes to external validation. It shows through your many posts on this matter and your need to emotionally deny while talking yourself up as superior to these so called "hollow" people.

[Leigh 87]

The thing is you do care. You've made that clear by both the initiation of this thread and how strong and emotional your denial is.

 

No one is saying you're not a good person, but in my time here reading your posts I've seen someone who puts too much emphasis on external validation. Someone truly confident in themselves will not have a second thought about someone saying something negative about them.

 

No one is telling you how you feel though, they are telling you what you exude. Which is someone heavily emotional when it comes to external validation. It shows through your many posts on this matter and your need to emotionally deny while talking yourself up as superior to these so called "hollow" people.

 

 

 

 

I really do think I am superior though to these bullies. I am so much better.

[amaysngrace]

I really do think I am superior though to these bullies. I am so much better.

 

If that were true then why does what they say bother you?