Nervous/jealousy issues, ex-boyfriend

[frusciante]

Hi

 

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and a half, including a period of about 2 months where we broke up (I broke up with her).

 

We have always been very close and talkative about our feelings, and I feel we are very 'personal' as a couple. Unfortunately I would describe myself as someone who gets jealous easily, and my girlfriend has been diagnosed with anxiety, so I would say there are many more arguments between us than your average couple. However, we both feel this is something that's improving and is also negated by how close we are together, so despite the many hiccups we've had, we get on well.

 

My girlfriend is someone who just gets on better with guys than girls, and so at university most of her friends are male. This took some getting used to for me (as we're now in a long-distance relationship due to different universities), but I'm pretty much okay with it now. She has been accused (oddly enough by one of these friends) of being too flirtatious with them, but to my knowledge nothing has ever been acted on, so I'm not pushing the issue with her as I don't want to be too needy and accusing.

 

Recently she has started texting an ex of her's after bumping into him whilst shopping. I have been treating this the same as I had with any other male friends that she's had, in terms of trying not to get jealous and just trusting her to do the right thing, and subliminally hoping that it'll just die out.

 

However, they seem to be talking more and more - he has invited her to a house party at his later on this year, and they're going out later on this week, although she reassured me that it would be with a bunch of other friends too.

 

If I'm being totally honest I'm not okay with her being this active with her ex, but I'm unsure if this is something that I should just work on or whether I should ask her to stop talking to him.

 

I feel that she is being unfair to me, as towards the start of our relationship I had a friend that I chatted with and she asked me to stop talking to her. I complied because I wanted her to be happy, but I now feel that she's abusing this a bit seeing as I had no history with this girl (and I never had any intention of ever being anything more than friends) whereas she seems to think it's fine for her to be good friends with her ex.

 

Should I bring the issue up or just let it run its course and see where it goes?

 

Thanks

[harrybrown]

Try to bring this up in a calm discussion, hopefully face to face.

 

Remind her of how you stopped talking to the other girl.

 

How would she like it if the roles were reversed?

[frusciante]

I agree with both points, I have brought it up and she as good as agreed to stop seeing him, although she wasn't happy about it. She thought that me saying I wasn't happy about her being around him suggested I didn't trust her, but I just said that it would be tempting fate a little bit.

 

I agree it's a little strange about the getting on better with guys thing. At her uni she pretty much lives with all guys in her accommodation (not her fault obviously) so there's not much either of us can do about that.

 

I told her to put herself in my shoes and act how she feels she'd want me to act - hopefully this will resolve the issue. I reminded her how I'd had girls start chatting to me before that I had absolutely no history with and she wasn't too happy about that, so how would I feel regarding her ex?