The Yo-Yo effect

[Renots]

Hello all, this is my first post here. If I had a Facebook the relationship status should read "it's complicated...auuughhh" lol. Maybe I can get some help/insight here. I'll try and keep it as short as possible but be forewarned for a short essay.

 

Met this girl 2 years ago. We were both servers at the same place and didn't talk much for a bit. Then things slowly progressed and I finally worked up the courage to ask her out on a date. She said yes and we had a great time. Things were good, neither of us pushed sex, had out special times either going out or staying in watching movies (we both really enjoy those blood & gore horrors *score*)and for 3 months we were "dating". Then suddenly she went 180 on me. (Around the same time as finals week, I've come to realize...the girl doesn't handle stress well) Then one night she stopped things saying that it was too much and she has commitment issues. Bummer, but fine.

 

Then 2 weeks later she started contacting me again. Said she's stupid and misses me. So, I took things slow but started hanging out with her again. Month later we threw the label "boyfriend/girlfriend". I was a happy happy dude. She seemed just as happy. We had sex, hung out, texted all the time, still saw each other at work, saw our movies, etc. things were great then 6 months later (finals week...hmm) she started acting funky again. Getting really distant. Then it happened, came over and broke things off. Said she'd like to still be friends, blah blah. I had a rough few weeks, still had to serve with her at work which sucked, but I regrouped, went through all the internal phases of a breakup, but pushed threw. We slowly got comfortable around each other at work. Then strangely for a week she was really cold to me. Not in a rude way but as a I can't look at you and rather not talk to you way. I got annoyed but shrugged it off, whatever her deal was it was her issue. After that strange week I got a text "do you think we've become friends?" Confused and taken off guard I didn't reply. The next day I pulled her aside and asked what she meant and told her sorry you just caught me off guard with you question. She said she caught herself off guard texting that. We talked for a bit and she admitted feeling stupid about her issues and apologized for the last week. She was upset thinking I had moved on due to some rumor at work I went on a few dates. I hadn't but interesting to know she was jealous. I stayed neutral all conversation and don't remember most of it because my nerves were up high. Driving home I felt like I should go back. She kinda poured her heart out. The next day I texted her, seeing if she'd meet up with me real quick. We met up and I told her I wasn't here to try and get her back or force anything between us. But I missed her too and said I hoped whatever I said the day prior didn't kill any chance of us in the future if I came about. We left and I felt better, at least she knows how I feel. She gave me a big, lingering hug and said she missed my hugs.

For the past few months since then we've gone out and seen and few movies, she's come over and hung out at my house, watched a few innings of baseball with me even though she's a football fan, she still grabs my arm at work and wants to take breaks together, but this is where it stops

 

I'm not sure what we're doing. Mixed signals are flying and I'm confused. The way she looks at me, the compliments are given "you're so cute" "you're the best ever" "I like you", but that's it. There's days where she's in a bad mood and I'm not important, but alright, whatever. I don't know if I should kiss her or not or make any further advancement. I personally want a woman around to cuddle, kiss, go to my bedroom. The physical stuff outside of the emotional. I like having her around and don't need sex everyday or and make out session, but sometimes I do. This is my rock and hard place (no pun intended ok). If I don't do anything with her but go out and find someone else to fool around with, will I screw up a future with her? Does it matter? I can't tell if I'm just too worried to screw what we have now up by pushing physicality too fast. One night I kissed her on the temple not thinking about it, past hug habit. Nothing was said after about it.

 

I'm not the guy who gets obsessed with a girl. All past I'd get over it quick and move on. I can't from this one. She's everything I want from a woman; strong, independent, low maintenance, smart, funny, beautiful. I'm twitterpated.

 

If you listen to the song Hell On The Heart by Eric Church...explains a lot.

[Trep]

She doesn't want to be with you but doesn't want anyone else to have you either. That's just selfish.

 

Best to go No Contact (even get a new job if possible) and start moving on with your life, because all you're doing right now is tormenting yourself.

[Elle1975]

Love shouldn't be hard and full of headaches. I understand that couples go through rough patches, but that's something else. I would indeed look for another job, and get away from the headaches.